Etiquette

Invite time vs ceremony start

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Re: Invite time vs ceremony start

  • Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

  • edited April 2015
    redoryx said:

    banana468 said:

    tcnoble said:

    We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.

    Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.
    Not sure how having a buffer in place as a possible plan B has people sitting there for an hour after they get there but okay. Thanks for the opinion. Are you seriously telling me that when you build schedules for anything you don't build in contingency plans for elements out of your control? You just expect everything to run exactly on schedule and everything else be damned with no wiggle room at all? I have contigency plans in place because it's a smart thing to do. Does it mean we will use it? No. Does it mean I have a back up plan? Yes. Does it mean my guests will be left stranded? No. If things get delayed, there are contigencies for that as well (there's not just a time one). I'd expect this kind of push back for a buffer over 30 minutes, but 15? Give me a break.
    Planning to start 15 minutes late is rude.   It's one thing to have a contingency plan in case of rain but you shouldn't plan to start an event late.

    Guests will show up early.   They may start to arrive 30 minutes before the beginning of the event (or more).   So if you plan to start 15-30 minutes after the scheduled time on the invitation then you have guests left waiting for nearly an hour. 
    Again, we do not plan to start late but we have a 15 minute buffer plan in place should we have to use it. I am fully aware that guests will show up early and they will be properly entertained from the time they arrive to the time that the ceremony starts. Which is planned for 6pm with a buffer of 6:15 but may actually start at (the horrors) 6:01.
    Honestly? If a wedding is supposed to start at 6 pm and I'm still waiting at 6:10, I'm going to think somebody left somebody else at the altar. 

    charcoalandblush
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member

    Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.

    PrettyGirlLostthespeshulestsnowflakeplainjane0415
  • Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    Ditto.

    When do you/your SO/whomever decide to use that contingency plan? When someone looks around and thinks hmm it looks like some people might be running late - let's delay by 15 minutes because we built it in to our plan!!

    No.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Maggie0829PrettyGirlLostnovella1186plainjane0415
  • tcnoble said:

    Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    Ditto.

    When do you/your SO/whomever decide to use that contingency plan? When someone looks around and thinks hmm it looks like some people might be running late - let's delay by 15 minutes because we built it in to our plan!!

    No.



    When do we decide? When we see that a good amount of the guests that are supposed to be there aren't. It's not just for one or two people.

    And yes, the contigency will stay in place. Regardless of what this forum thinks. I have it there as a backup plan. That's all.

  • Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    WHAT???? Now I'm supposed to be at the venue well ahead of time??? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS. Yeah, got that covered. Anything else you want to try and surprise me with?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member

    tcnoble said:

    Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    Ditto.

    When do you/your SO/whomever decide to use that contingency plan? When someone looks around and thinks hmm it looks like some people might be running late - let's delay by 15 minutes because we built it in to our plan!!

    No.



    When do we decide? When we see that a good amount of the guests that are supposed to be there aren't. It's not just for one or two people.

    And yes, the contigency will stay in place. Regardless of what this forum thinks. I have it there as a backup plan. That's all.

    So you will have no problem being rude to those guests who are on time.  Gotcha.  If you do use your buffer time planning you are being rude to your guests who are already present.  And if you do decide to go ahead with it, at least make an announcement to your guests that you are wasting their time because it is more important that more people are there to ooh and ahh over you then to actually start on time.

    novella1186
  • My coordinator tried to get me to do this too and I said absolutely not. 

    Yes. Me too. She asked what time the invitation said and what time I wanted to actually start, suggesting I wait 15 minutes after the invitation time. I told her no, the invitation said 5:30, I want to start between 5:30 - 5:35. She pointed out people might have trouble parking, etc, and I told her we had already indicated to people (with the invitations) to expect increased demand for parking and extra traffic due to a graduation being held earlier the same day. Also about half of our RSVPs are local and know the situation in the area. (To be clear, there is ample on-street parking and a nearby lot, but there is the potential of people having to walk up to a block to get into the chapel from their parking spot). 
    image
  • tcnoble said:

    Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    Ditto.

    When do you/your SO/whomever decide to use that contingency plan? When someone looks around and thinks hmm it looks like some people might be running late - let's delay by 15 minutes because we built it in to our plan!!

    No.



    When do we decide? When we see that a good amount of the guests that are supposed to be there aren't. It's not just for one or two people.

    And yes, the contigency will stay in place. Regardless of what this forum thinks. I have it there as a backup plan. That's all.

    So you will have no problem being rude to those guests who are on time.  Gotcha.  If you do use your buffer time planning you are being rude to your guests who are already present.  And if you do decide to go ahead with it, at least make an announcement to your guests that you are wasting their time because it is more important that more people are there to ooh and ahh over you then to actually start on time.



    Yup. You found me out, I'm planning a wedding to be rude to my guests. That was my evil plan all along. My contigency plan isn't really a contigency, it's my actual plan. Muahahahahahahahaha. It's going to be so much fun executing my plan of rudeness. Can't wait.

    Good grief. Get over yourself.

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
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    This discussion is interesting. I'm understanding both sides and both points, but I'm thinking that things aren't as rigid as we'd like to think. Should guests plan their travel time and traffic and whatnot? Of course. But it's not always that easy. Other shit happens. Should I leave two hours before my hair appointment 20 minutes away because there might be a car accident?

    I'm wondering your opinions on this. My brother's wedding was at an orchard in the middle of nowhere. An hour and a half from where most of us live and a half hour from the hotel block. They had shuttles from the hotel block to the venue and back (the route included an interstate). Sometime that afternoon, a can of paint had fallen off the back of a truck and the interstate was down to one lane (from five). Both shuttles and 3/4 of the guests were not there at the scheduled start time. Literally probably less than 1/4 of the guests were there and most of those people had been there all day (grandmas and close family - taking pictures and shit). They waited until the shuttles arrived for the ceremony. The venue informed the few guests that were there and made drinks available inside. Was this wrong of them? Should they have started on time for the three people who made it there or waited for the other 150 people?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    huskypuppy14
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    tcnoble said:

    This discussion is interesting. I'm understanding both sides and both points, but I'm thinking that things aren't as rigid as we'd like to think. Should guests plan their travel time and traffic and whatnot? Of course. But it's not always that easy. Other shit happens. Should I leave two hours before my hair appointment 20 minutes away because there might be a car accident?


    I'm wondering your opinions on this. My brother's wedding was at an orchard in the middle of nowhere. An hour and a half from where most of us live and a half hour from the hotel block. They had shuttles from the hotel block to the venue and back (the route included an interstate). Sometime that afternoon, a can of paint had fallen off the back of a truck and the interstate was down to one lane (from five). Both shuttles and 3/4 of the guests were not there at the scheduled start time. Literally probably less than 1/4 of the guests were there and most of those people had been there all day (grandmas and close family - taking pictures and shit). They waited until the shuttles arrived for the ceremony. The venue informed the few guests that were there and made drinks available inside. Was this wrong of them? Should they have started on time for the three people who made it there or waited for the other 150 people?
    I feel like there are always situations like this that prove to be the exception to the rule. The fact the venue announced it, made drinks available, etc. is, IMO, different than a bride and groom purposely planning to start late.
    This.

    There is a big difference when it is known that 3/4 of the guests are stuck on a shuttle on the highway versus 10 or so guests are running late so lets start the ceremony late to give them time to get here.

    tcnoblePrettyGirlLostnovella1186plainjane0415
  • tcnoble said:

    Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    Ditto.

    When do you/your SO/whomever decide to use that contingency plan? When someone looks around and thinks hmm it looks like some people might be running late - let's delay by 15 minutes because we built it in to our plan!!

    No.



    When do we decide? When we see that a good amount of the guests that are supposed to be there aren't. It's not just for one or two people.

    And yes, the contigency will stay in place. Regardless of what this forum thinks. I have it there as a backup plan. That's all.

    So you will have no problem being rude to those guests who are on time.  Gotcha.  If you do use your buffer time planning you are being rude to your guests who are already present.  And if you do decide to go ahead with it, at least make an announcement to your guests that you are wasting their time because it is more important that more people are there to ooh and ahh over you then to actually start on time.



    Yup. You found me out, I'm planning a wedding to be rude to my guests. That was my evil plan all along. My contigency plan isn't really a contigency, it's my actual plan. Muahahahahahahahaha. It's going to be so much fun executing my plan of rudeness. Can't wait.

    Good grief. Get over yourself.

    This whole post makes you kind of look crazy.

    Your contingency plan, if used, would be rude to your guests.  Period.



    Okie dokie. It's supposed to make me look crazy... it's called over exaggeration.

    For the last time, I have a contigency plan. It will more than likely not be used. If it is, there are plans in place to make sure our guests are comfortable for the interim. The militancy here is postively mind blowing. How does anyone here handle any kind of deviation from the perfect plan because the only thing I'm hearing is "if it doesn't happen at the exact scheduled moment you're rude!". How does anyone function with such rigidity?

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited April 2015
    tcnoble said:

    This discussion is interesting. I'm understanding both sides and both points, but I'm thinking that things aren't as rigid as we'd like to think. Should guests plan their travel time and traffic and whatnot? Of course. But it's not always that easy. Other shit happens. Should I leave two hours before my hair appointment 20 minutes away because there might be a car accident?


    I'm wondering your opinions on this. My brother's wedding was at an orchard in the middle of nowhere. An hour and a half from where most of us live and a half hour from the hotel block. They had shuttles from the hotel block to the venue and back (the route included an interstate). Sometime that afternoon, a can of paint had fallen off the back of a truck and the interstate was down to one lane (from five). Both shuttles and 3/4 of the guests were not there at the scheduled start time. Literally probably less than 1/4 of the guests were there and most of those people had been there all day (grandmas and close family - taking pictures and shit). They waited until the shuttles arrived for the ceremony. The venue informed the few guests that were there and made drinks available inside. Was this wrong of them? Should they have started on time for the three people who made it there or waited for the other 150 people?
    I feel like there are always situations like this that prove to be the exception to the rule. The fact the venue announced it, made drinks available, etc. is, IMO, different than a bride and groom purposely planning to start late.
    Oh I agree. And that was kind of my point. I think jumping all over @notdoingitbythebook is a little extreme - she said several times that she wasn't planning on starting late but that she had a backup plan JIC of something like what happened to my brother. Sure it isn't what anyone wants to happen but why is so wrong of her to have a plan B?

    ETA: This post was directed at everyone, in general, not just you, @tcnoble.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    tcnoble[Deleted User]
  • edited April 2015

    tcnoble said:

    Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    Ditto.

    When do you/your SO/whomever decide to use that contingency plan? When someone looks around and thinks hmm it looks like some people might be running late - let's delay by 15 minutes because we built it in to our plan!!

    No.



    When do we decide? When we see that a good amount of the guests that are supposed to be there aren't. It's not just for one or two people.

    And yes, the contigency will stay in place. Regardless of what this forum thinks. I have it there as a backup plan. That's all.

    So you will have no problem being rude to those guests who are on time.  Gotcha.  If you do use your buffer time planning you are being rude to your guests who are already present.  And if you do decide to go ahead with it, at least make an announcement to your guests that you are wasting their time because it is more important that more people are there to ooh and ahh over you then to actually start on time.



    Yup. You found me out, I'm planning a wedding to be rude to my guests. That was my evil plan all along. My contigency plan isn't really a contigency, it's my actual plan. Muahahahahahahahaha. It's going to be so much fun executing my plan of rudeness. Can't wait.

    Good grief. Get over yourself.

    This whole post makes you kind of look crazy.

    Your contingency plan, if used, would be rude to your guests.  Period.



    Okie dokie. It's supposed to make me look crazy... it's called over exaggeration.

    For the last time, I have a contigency plan. It will more than likely not be used. If it is, there are plans in place to make sure our guests are comfortable for the interim. The militancy here is postively mind blowing. How does anyone here handle any kind of deviation from the perfect plan because the only thing I'm hearing is "if it doesn't happen at the exact scheduled moment you're rude!". How does anyone function with such rigidity?

    If you hate our "militant thinking" then why are you even here?

    And sorry, but when I am hosting an event where people are invited and they expect X, Y and Z to happen at certain times because it has been noted in the invite I sent them 2 months earlier, then yes, I tend to stick to the plan because to deviate from it for my own personal benefit (ie: waiting on a few guests to get to the ceremony) would be rude to the rest of my guests in attendance.

    Yes, exceptions do happen, such as in ShesSoColds example.  But those kind of things cannot be planned for and a last minute decision needs to be made.  Plus loads of apologies are needed




    Who said there would be no apologies if things started late? And why is the example given by @ShesSoCold okay with her example but my having a contigency plan if something like that happens bad? You cannot plan for specific issues like this but you can do "if there's a problem with the highway and most people have not arrived, we'll delay 15 minutes and pass around drinks while we delay"? Because that's exactly what my plan is. I highly doubt that I will use it but there is a chance that something will happen delaying a whole group of people, no matter how much they plan or we plan to prevent it. So explain to me the difference. Because now rather than being irritated and amused by the roiling opinion of my contingency plan, I'm actually curious what the issue is.

    As for why I'm here, I'm no longer sure. I used to think this place would be a great wedding resource. Unfortunately it hasn't turned out to be that, though I did get a good idea today on how many programs to print. So I guess one good idea from here is better than none. Oh and it's kind of fun sometimes to watch people lose their minds over ridiculous things.

    [Deleted User]
  • This discussion is interesting. I'm understanding both sides and both points, but I'm thinking that things aren't as rigid as we'd like to think. Should guests plan their travel time and traffic and whatnot? Of course. But it's not always that easy. Other shit happens. Should I leave two hours before my hair appointment 20 minutes away because there might be a car accident?


    I'm wondering your opinions on this. My brother's wedding was at an orchard in the middle of nowhere. An hour and a half from where most of us live and a half hour from the hotel block. They had shuttles from the hotel block to the venue and back (the route included an interstate). Sometime that afternoon, a can of paint had fallen off the back of a truck and the interstate was down to one lane (from five). Both shuttles and 3/4 of the guests were not there at the scheduled start time. Literally probably less than 1/4 of the guests were there and most of those people had been there all day (grandmas and close family - taking pictures and shit). They waited until the shuttles arrived for the ceremony. The venue informed the few guests that were there and made drinks available inside. Was this wrong of them? Should they have started on time for the three people who made it there or waited for the other 150 people?
    The first bolded: THIS was an unforeseeable event that I'm sure no one planned for nor had "buffer time" built into the program.

    The second bolded: Your brother properly hosted the guests that were there and it was explained to them what was going on.

    Third bolded: They could have had the ceremony with the people just there but chose to accommodate for the unforeseen. 

    The above is not an instance that was planned for but the venue and your brother rolled with it. There was no deception about the time of the ceremony start, there was a slight delay because something happened. What the above poster is suggesting is to build a "Buffer time" into her day and tell people that the "Buffer time" is the right time when it isn't and she is going to make her guests who choose to come early sit around and wonder what the hell is going on.
    tcnoblePrettyGirlLost
  • When I worked as a church organist, I was very upfront with the couple that I would charge an extra fee if the ceremony started more than 15 minutes late.  There were only three weddings, over the years I worked, that met that rule.  One was so late that some of the guests went home in disgust.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Thinking "we'll start 15 minutes late if we feel like we have to because not enough guests are there yet" is not a contingency plan. 



    Dreamergirl8812plainjane0415
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    japlanet said:

    So in another thread it seemed that people were frowning on having a built in buffer time - i.e. invite time 4pm, ceremony planned to start 4:10/4:15.  Is this bad etiquette? I thought it was pretty standard to avoid latecomers, especially if the venue is a bit out of the way/ tricky to find.  Thoughts?

    Yes, it's horrible etiquette. It's horribly rude to everyone who can manage to be on time for things.

    To be blunt, fuck latecomers. If they are late and they miss part or all of your ceremony, too damn bad for them.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    plainjane0415
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited April 2015

    This discussion is interesting. I'm understanding both sides and both points, but I'm thinking that things aren't as rigid as we'd like to think. Should guests plan their travel time and traffic and whatnot? Of course. But it's not always that easy. Other shit happens. Should I leave two hours before my hair appointment 20 minutes away because there might be a car accident?


    I'm wondering your opinions on this. My brother's wedding was at an orchard in the middle of nowhere. An hour and a half from where most of us live and a half hour from the hotel block. They had shuttles from the hotel block to the venue and back (the route included an interstate). Sometime that afternoon, a can of paint had fallen off the back of a truck and the interstate was down to one lane (from five). Both shuttles and 3/4 of the guests were not there at the scheduled start time. Literally probably less than 1/4 of the guests were there and most of those people had been there all day (grandmas and close family - taking pictures and shit). They waited until the shuttles arrived for the ceremony. The venue informed the few guests that were there and made drinks available inside. Was this wrong of them? Should they have started on time for the three people who made it there or waited for the other 150 people?
    I agree, things happen. It's not fair to say you must start on time, no matter what.

     My parents went to my cousin's wedding on a Friday. My dad had to work that day, he left work early, went home showered and my parents drove to the wedding. My parents are always early to weddings. Well, there was a major accident that had traffic stopped for 45 minutes. My parents thought they missed the ceremony. Since most of the wedding was coming from the same direction, the bride and groom waited. 

    Like Maggie said above, these are situations you can't plan for. But it's rude to plan to start late.

    ETA: And I don't know about you guys, but it's extremely rare for a doctors appointment to start exactly on time.
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    plainjane0415
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member

    tcnoble said:

    Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm.  Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.


    If people are late then oh well.  But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic.  You start when your invite says it is going to start.  I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late.  At that point you are wasting my time.  If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.



    WHAT??? I'll still be married if some of my guests miss the ceremony??? I had no idea. Thank you so much for telling me this little factoid.

    Look. I am not a fan of being kept waiting for anything either... remember that whole "I plan to start on time" statement I keep making? Yeah, I'm planning that because I PLAN TO START ON TIME. However, because I am not an asshole, I also know that shit happens and I have built my day that if we did need to start late we could. Not that we would...but that WE COULD and still accomplish the entire event. It's called planning for any and all events. How many more times do I have to say that the 15 minutes late is a contigency plan before you stop yelling at me for starting late (when I don't plan to)?


     

    But what we are trying to get across to you is that a start time buffer IS NOT NECESSARY.  Because as long as you and your SO and your officiant are at your location (and you should be there well ahead of time) then you can start on time.  So your oh so amazing buffer planning is pointless.
    Ditto.

    When do you/your SO/whomever decide to use that contingency plan? When someone looks around and thinks hmm it looks like some people might be running late - let's delay by 15 minutes because we built it in to our plan!!

    No.



    When do we decide? When we see that a good amount of the guests that are supposed to be there aren't. It's not just for one or two people.

    And yes, the contigency will stay in place. Regardless of what this forum thinks. I have it there as a backup plan. That's all.

    So you will have no problem being rude to those guests who are on time.  Gotcha.  If you do use your buffer time planning you are being rude to your guests who are already present.  And if you do decide to go ahead with it, at least make an announcement to your guests that you are wasting their time because it is more important that more people are there to ooh and ahh over you then to actually start on time.



    Yup. You found me out, I'm planning a wedding to be rude to my guests. That was my evil plan all along. My contigency plan isn't really a contigency, it's my actual plan. Muahahahahahahahaha. It's going to be so much fun executing my plan of rudeness. Can't wait.

    Good grief. Get over yourself.


    Is the point of everything you post to validate every single rude idea that is posed here on TK?  I'm beginning to think so.
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    tcnoblemrsdee15Heffalumpthespeshulestsnowflake
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I went to a few weddings in St Thomas that started 1-2 HOURS late.  It was well known they would start late.  There weddings were not the tourist weddings, but the locals.

    I'm a "if I'm on time I'm late" kind-of a person.   I stopped going to the ceremonies and only went to the reception.  That was after someone at the ceremony called to tell us to go to the reception.

    I have no problem being the person who only skips the ceremony.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I'd like to add my two cents here.  I went to a wedding where the start time was an hour later than stated on the invitation.  It was an outdoor ceremony in August and everyone was sitting out in the sun.  I was sweating in my dress and heels and my husband looked like he just came from a workout in his suit. The groom was my cousin and his wife is a massive bitch...so everyone in our family was already annoyed.... I know I should not hold grudges but I judged....I still judge on every single thing that couple does...LOL  wah wah wah i'm a bitch
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member

    I'd like to add my two cents here.  I went to a wedding where the start time was an hour later than stated on the invitation.  It was an outdoor ceremony in August and everyone was sitting out in the sun.  I was sweating in my dress and heels and my husband looked like he just came from a workout in his suit. The groom was my cousin and his wife is a massive bitch...so everyone in our family was already annoyed.... I know I should not hold grudges but I judged....I still judge on every single thing that couple does...LOL  wah wah wah i'm a bitch


    Yea that was not cool of them to do.
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