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RSVP Ettiquete

Knottie65544907Knottie65544907 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I asked one of my bm the other day if she was coming to my bridal shower and she was like, "No I didn't rsvp." At first I thought she was just being rude but then I started thinking that maybe some people think that not rsvping means no. I was always told that an rsvp was technically only supposed to be for a no. So I'm wondering if other people think a non response is a no as well? If people don't rsvp to my wedding do I assume they're a yes or a no?! I was going to assume yes but now I'm not sure!
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Re: RSVP Ettiquete

  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    RSVP means répondez s'il vous plaît, or please respond, and people should always RSvP regardless of their attendance. 

    If people don't respond yes or no, you don't assume anything. That's why you should build a buffer of time in between when you require RSVPs back and when your venue needs final numbers so you can track down any missing responses.

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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Also, if you haven't been RSVP-ing all these years but have been showing up at functions and events I'd change that behavior quick. People use RSVPs for head counts and such and it's important to let them know if you're planning on attending.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    For my SIL's baby shower, my MIL specifically had me put on the invitation "send regrets only."
    I thought this was incredibly weird but apparently her mindset was "assume everyone is coming and that we have food enough for all of them unless we hear otherwise."
    She preferred over-preparing to tracking down an exact headcount.

    A request for an RSVP means respond either way.

    But if you ask for regrets then I guess that means we'll assume you're coming if we don't hear from you.

    However I've never heard of a hostess asking for an RSVP and the guest assuming she knows she's coming if she doesn't say anything.
    And if you get guests that don't RSVP, you follow up with them so you get a firm count. You'd hate to not have enough food or to end up paying for food no one is going to eat.
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    aurianna mentioned, some people do ask for regrets only not RVSPs. Whenever I'm hosting a shower, I put regrets only. I'd rather just get a handful of no emails and over-prepare than have a bunch of yes emails in my inbox. 
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    If an invitation says "regrets only" then you should only respond if you aren't attending. If it just says RSVP, you should always respond whether you will attend or not.

    If you don't receive a RSVP by the deadline from someone you've invited to your wedding, you should not make assumptions and contact them to confirm whether they plan to attend.
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  • jcoons23jcoons23 member
    First Comment
    I believe she meant attending
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Unfortunately, a lot of people are as misinformed as your friend. As a guest, you should always RSVP one way or the other unless specifically directed by the host. 

    As a host, you have to deal with people who are misinformed, like your friend. That means either tracking down the guests that don't RSVP, or over-preparing and being ready for the people who don't RSVP. 
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  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    aurianna said:

    For my SIL's baby shower, my MIL specifically had me put on the invitation "send regrets only."
    I thought this was incredibly weird but apparently her mindset was "assume everyone is coming and that we have food enough for all of them unless we hear otherwise."
    She preferred over-preparing to tracking down an exact headcount.

    A request for an RSVP means respond either way.

    But if you ask for regrets then I guess that means we'll assume you're coming if we don't hear from you.

    However I've never heard of a hostess asking for an RSVP and the guest assuming she knows she's coming if she doesn't say anything.
    And if you get guests that don't RSVP, you follow up with them so you get a firm count. You'd hate to not have enough food or to end up paying for food no one is going to eat.

    Yes, this. And what pp have said about replying to invitations. I always follow-up with invitations because I have friends who feel that a non response is equal to a no.
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