Will you contribute to your kids' weddings?

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

Obviously n/a if you're not having kids.

DH and I are starting to set up financial accounts for our kids college and such. So we talked about whether we'd pay for their weddings. If an emergency came along where we needed to swipe money from one of the "kid accounts", the wedding would obviously be the first to go (versus college). We asked ourselves the following questions and came up with the following answers:

Would we contribute? Yes, probably.

How much? Depends. Probably close to $50-60K/each (like, in 2040 terms)

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? Probably. We'll probably have certain people we want invited. And we'll want them to properly host (chairs, etc.)

So what about y'all?

sarawifenow · April 2015

Would we contribute? Fuck no! Haha just kidding! I think we will.

How much? I'm thinking probably 10k each

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? Nope.

Will we attach strings? Just that I want to go with my daughter to shop for her dress and/or with my son when he tries on his tux. I get all mushy about that stuff.

emmaaa · April 2015

Would we contribute? I would like to think we will. We want three kids so it would be a set amount for each.

How much? Probably 15K each (or less, our wedding was only 12K, current times though)

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? I would love to if we had all boys! Haha, kidding. No. We would give the couple the money to go towards their wedding.

Will we attach strings? No. We would give them the money to go towards their wedding and/or honeymoon and how they spend it is up to them. EXCEPT, etiquette issues and hosting.

classicalandedgy · April 2015

Hmm. I never really thought of this. We have an IRA account for our seven year old son with about $70,000 in it, but it's for school. If for some reason we didn't need to help pay for college, we'd probably give him some for a new house or something like that, not sure about a wedding though. I guess we have to think on that more.

luckya23 · April 2015

I can't imagine we would have that kind of extra money, and I think weddings are a low priority. If we didn't have our parents' guest lists, we wouldn't have much of one either, so I doubt I would give much toward a child's wedding.

littlepep · April 2015

I think it will depend. If we're in a financial situation to help (which hopefully we are!) I think we will. Again, how much will depend.

We'll definitely do a college fund. That's priority one.

lyndausvi · April 2015

We do not have kids, but if we did, yes we would.

How much and what would have depended on our financial position at the time.

Strings? Well my own parents gifted us a receptions. They did NOT gift us the MONEY for the reception. No, the receptions was the gift. So like any host throwing a party (i.e. BM's throwing a shower) we would have a lot of say on items. Like my parents were would not be complete assholes. Colors, who is in the BM? Fuck no. Location, food, bar. Yes. We would take their wishes into consideration, but I'm not going to have a cash bar because they are demanding a Ritz wedding. I'm going to put myself into debt for them either. I'm sure we could work together to have a nicely hosted event that fits not only fits our

ashley8918 · April 2015

Would we contribute? Maybe? Probably, I guess, depending on our current financial situation. It's not something we would actively set money aside for, like college. College is important. Expensive weddings are not.

How much? Whatever we could afford to give.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? Maybe?

Will we attach strings? If "don't be a rude dick" counts as strings, yes.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

Would we contribute? Yes, probably.

How much? Depends on our financial position and the price of things in the future.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? Most likely, no. I would hope to take after my parents and pretty much be all "whatever you want as long as you are hosting everyone correctly and you aren't going completely crazy like spending $10K on a dove release." As long as my kid runs costs by me just so that I know what is being spent on what, then I am good.

doeydo · April 2015

If I changed my mind and had kids:

Would we contribute? No.

How much? Zero.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? No.

I am not a rich person nor will I ever likely be one. I would much rather save money for them in an RESP than for a wedding.

littlepep · April 2015

ashley8918 said:
Would we contribute? Maybe? Probably, I guess, depending on our current financial situation. It's not something we would actively set money aside for, like college. College is important. Expensive weddings are not.
How much? Whatever we could afford to give.
Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? Maybe?
Will we attach strings? If "don't be a rude dick" counts as strings, yes.

The only strings worth attaching. Don't be a rude dick.

l9i · April 2015

Would we contribute? Yes, if we could.

How much? Depends on a lot of factors I think. If I had to pick a number I'd say around 10k.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? Probably. As when I got married, if my parents were fronting the cash they wanted to be involved. They paid for the reception venue and food so naturally they wanted to be involved in the selection of the location and food.

banana468 · April 2015

If we can I think we will do what is within our means. We were lucky enough that our parents gifted us with the reception and other vendors (I think we took care of deposits and invitations and favors) and the ILs also threw the RD. I think we'd like to be able to sit with our children and within reason tell them what we could and could not do.

Similarly, I think we'll do the same for college but I don't think we can make completely blanket statements. DH and I both attended the in state university and the cost to attend has more than doubled in the 13 years that we have been out. DOUBLED. That's crazy.

BUT, I do want to do what we can to help further the lives of our kids. I just don't think we can say now in our mid-30s what we'll be able to do since everything is going up except our salaries.

chibiyui · April 2015

Would we contribute? Most likely, college funding comes first.

How much? Depends on how much we can comfortably give. Probably 10k and up

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? A few strings. None of this cash bar shit at a wedding I'm helping to fund.

amelisha · April 2015

Would we contribute? Sort of. Our plan is to put away as close to $50K as we could for each child (assuming two, which would be how many we'd want if we do decide to have kids) never mention it to them until adulthood, and then tell them at the appropriate time that we would like to gift them with a down payment on a house/lump payment on the mortgage as a wedding gift, but that we would be willing to let them use part of it on a wedding if they think it's necessary. I'd really, really prefer our hypothetical kids to use that money on something other than a wedding, but I think as long as they want to make responsible financial choices with it (which they better, as FI's kids...) we'd give part of it, no strings attached, for wedding expenses. But we'd definitely be pushing the house and not the wedding, especially if real estate is still as pricey here then.

Casadena · April 2015

Would we contribute? Absolutely

How much? Depends on when/where they're married, what they want to do (i.e. some couples insist on paying themselves), what our financial situation is.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? I don't know. I think it depends on our financial situation, and although it's not fair I guess, I always assumed if we had girls we'd cover it and if we had boys, we'd help out with certain things if needed.

Will we attach strings? I'd like to say absolutely not, but honestly probably yes. Especially when it comes to proper hosting etiquette and guest list. Maybe location. Not specific venue, or "you have to get married in a church" but more "if I'm paying, you're not having a destination wedding" sort of thing.

hellohkb · April 2015

Would we contribute? If we can, we will. Most likely yes.

How much? I would rather gift a thing (like the reception, flowers) than just say, "hey, here's $10,000! Do whatever you want with it!"

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? Probably not.

Will we attach strings? No, but you better not have a gap, a chairless ceremony, cash bar, or any other etiquette no-no that will embarrass the shit out of me and make me wonder how bad of a job I did at raising you.

levioosa · April 2015

Would we contribute? Possibly, but if it comes to college vs. a wedding, those funds are going to college.

How much? Depends. Maybe the equivalent of $10-15K today.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? I might have a few requests on food and a few friends invited, but my absolute musts would be proper hosting and adhering to etiquette. Babychild, don't think you're taking my money and then having a wedding with a gap, no chairs, and a honeyfund.

Jells2dot0 · April 2015

I'm a SMOB as I type. A very young one at that

H has two daughters. He plans on contributing to both weddings in the form of one lump sum that can be used for anything they want, whether it's a wedding, house, etc. He does not want to get into specifics with them, especially because he and his ex do not get along at all. He'd rather avoid having to plan out the details and just hand over the money and let the daughters figure it out themselves.

I have no idea what he plans on giving them, but I do know that neither one of us believe in larger, expensive weddings after our experiences with our first marriages. We spent a lot on our own wedding, but I paid for 99% of it myself and most of the cost was trip itself and not the actual wedding part of it. I personally do not plan on contributing financially to either of their weddings, but I would most certainly assist in planning if asked.

stefuhknee · April 2015

Would we contribute? If we are in a financial position where we can contribute then absolutely.

How much? Again depends on finances but we may offer to pay for specific vendors or their honeymoon.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? Probably not as I'm not even sure what those traditions entail.

Will we attach strings: No strings attached unless their plans are absolutely ridiculous.

charcoalandblush · April 2015

Would we contribute? Definitely, as long as we could afford it.

How much? Depends on how much money and how many kids we have, but I would guess something in the range of $15,000-$30,000

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No. I don't even know what those things are.

Will we attach strings? We'll probably have a small invite list (<15 people), plus the "don't be assholes" rule. Also we will only fund one wedding per child.

thisismynickname2 · April 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

Would we contribute? If we are financially stable, and also depending on the age of the kid at the time of the wedding (22 and not independent yes, 32 and independent, maybe give less)
How much? Honestly depends on the what the vision is, how the couple planned to pay for their vision originally, and what they're capable of paying. Gap analysis.
Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.
Will we attach strings? Not likely. We got no-strings gifts from our parents and it was so appreciated. Actually, the only string with the in-laws money was a specific number of guests, and that wasn't an issue at all. I wouldn't control my kid's taste in food or cake or whatever. I would never control the dress my future-daughter would wear.

l9i · April 2015

I ditto the saving lump sum point. DH and I have begun talking about this as we've talked about starting a family within the next year. We've thought about the idea of saving up X per child for when they are older. Most likely that money would be used for college. However, perhaps not all would be used and the rest could be used for a wedding or to help them with a down payment on a house. Perhaps your child doesn't want a fancy wedding or wants a profession in which traditional college isn't required... who knows!

We have toyed around with this concept and I really like it. My preference in my child using it would be college first and then used responsibly for what each child may need.

plainjane0415 · April 2015

Would we contribute? I would like to think so, yes.

How much? Probably no more than $20k but that depends on our financial situation at the time.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? As long as etiquette is being followed, I really wouldn't care how they spent my money.

themuffinman16 · April 2015

I think I would pay for something, like my daughter's dress, (Maybe the band or dj for a son), part of the reception, and any additional guest I might want there. However, I would much rather pay for my child's education, and as expensive as higher education is becoming, I am sure my husband and I won't have the opportunity to pay for their education and the full expense of their wedding, and save up for our retirement.

There will be strings, all of the guests will be properly hosted. Other than that, it is their wedding, they should pick whatever flowers, colors, venue, invitations, attire, music, cake that they want.

princessofgenovia · April 2015

Would we contribute? If we have kids, probably.

How much? Depends on our financial situation at the time. Somewhere between 10K-20K I'm guessing.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No way, no how.

Will we attach strings? I barley want to plan my wedding. Let alone my hypothetical child's wedding. Assuming of course they're following etiquette, I don't see any reason to attach strings.

ElcaB · April 2015

We haven't discussed it together, but I know we'll be contributing somehow. As far as how much we'll contribute , I don't know for certain, but I don't expect it to be more than $2,000 per child.

There will absolutely be no strings attached. My father gave us a "wedding allowance" to use however we wanted. Most of it ended up going toward the venue, but it could have gone toward a honeymoon, apparel, savings, etc. if we wanted it to.

jenna8984 · April 2015

I will likely do what my father did. Offer 10k and say that it is theirs to do with what they chose. That could be spend all on the wedding, or spend half on the wedding/ half on the honeymoon, or elope and put it all in their pocket. Doesn't matter to me as long as they show gratitude for it.

flbride2015 · April 2015

Would we contribute?

That depends. I believe that as a parent, before I can contribute to college, a wedding, or any other expense like that for my kids, I need to make sure my finances are in order first. So, for example, my emergency savings need to be at the right level, I need to be on track for retirement, etc. I can't help them if I'm not financially in the right place to begin with.

Assuming those things are set, money would go to college first. If that's all taken care of and I'm financially able to contribute, then yes, I would.

How much? Depends on my finances. We have a small budget for our wedding, not because we can't afford a more expensive wedding but because we think that money could better be used for traveling or a down payment on a house. I would hope to teach my child to value money the same way (not that spending on a wedding isn't valuing your money, it's just different strokes for different folks).

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No.

Will we attach strings? Yes. I wouldn't care about the venue or decorations, but the food and booze better be good, there better be plenty of it, and no guest should have to open their wallet.

AlexisA01 · April 2015

Would we contribute? Yes!

How much? I will give them 30,000-60,000

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No

Will we attach strings? Yes: Full open bar! I want guest to have premium options and I will tell them a full open bar is the only thing I would ask for.

kvruns · April 2015

Would we contribute? I would assume so

How much? Too many factors to consider. I know my parents gave me less than they would have had I gotten married 10 years earlier (32 vs 22) because my financial circumstances are different and theirs are too.

Would we do traditional "bride's parents" or "groom's parents" things? No

Will we attach strings? No strings. Reiterate common courtesy things so guests are comfortable but if my kid is adult enough to get married he/she is adult enough to spend the $$ however he/she sees fit

Will you contribute to your kids' weddings?

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