How to convey to potential guests that our wedding will be... "underwhelming"?

CaitFins · April 2015

My FI and I are announcing our engagement after years of waiting for our wedding. However, our wedding is likely going to be very minimal, at least in comparison to my hopes of throwing an elaborate wedding for us and our families. My one dream that I really resist giving up is inviting "everyone" we have close ties to - it would be about 120 - 150 guests. We'll be inviting many people who live far away, we haven't seen in years, or only see once a year and speak about a paragraph to during that time - but I really care about them. My concern is that I don't want anyone to regret taking time out of their schedule during the holidays because our wedding didn't live up to their assumptions, or to buy an expensive gift and then be offended when they realize that we didn't spend very much at all on them as a guest, or otherwise feel negatively when they go, so I'd like to convey in some way to them that they should, well, essentially have low expectations, in comparison to other weddings, if they decide to come.

My thought was to make pages on our wedding website for "Ceremony" and "Reception" to include info about them, and on the "Reception" page, include this piece: "Following the wedding ceremony in the [ceremony location], a simple, two-hour reception will be held in the adjoining [area] to celebrate these happy nuptials with the bride and groom. Dancing, a variety of drinks, toasts, cutting of the cake, a bouquet toss, and other jubilant traditions can be expected to commemorate this joyous occasion together." And possibly write "Simple reception to follow," on the wedding invitation rather than "Reception to follow."

Does any of this or the wording seem tacky? [My vision for the wedding is formal, classy and elegant. I know, difficult with a low budget.] Do you think they still won't get it? Do you have any suggestions for how to convey it to our guests with certainty? Or should I just suck it up and only invite our immediate family and such and give them a more lavish celebration?

- I'm sorry if I'm being too wordy. This is my first post, and if you can tell, we haven't even announced the engagement yet and I am already majorly stressing over everything!

Viczaesar · April 2015

CaitFins said:
My FI and I are announcing our engagement after years of waiting for our wedding. However, our wedding is likely going to be very minimal, at least in comparison to my hopes of throwing an elaborate wedding for us and our families. My one dream that I really resist giving up is inviting "everyone" we have close ties to - it would be about 120 - 150 guests. We'll be inviting many people who live far away, we haven't seen in years, or only see once a year and speak about a paragraph to during that time - but I really care about them. My concern is that I don't want anyone to regret taking time out of their schedule during the holidays because our wedding didn't live up to their assumptions, or to buy an expensive gift and then be offended when they realize that we didn't spend very much at all on them as a guest, or otherwise feel negatively when they go, so I'd like to convey in some way to them that they should, well, essentially have low expectations, in comparison to other weddings, if they decide to come.

My thought was to make pages on our wedding website for "Ceremony" and "Reception" to include info about them, and on the "Reception" page, include this piece: "Following the wedding ceremony in the [ceremony location], a simple, two-hour reception will be held in the adjoining [area] to celebrate these happy nuptials with the bride and groom. Dancing, a variety of drinks, toasts, cutting of the cake, a bouquet toss, and other jubilant traditions can be expected to commemorate this joyous occasion together." And possibly write "Simple reception to follow," on the wedding invitation rather than "Reception to follow."

Does any of this or the wording seem tacky? [My vision for the wedding is formal, classy and elegant. I know, difficult with a low budget.] Do you think they still won't get it? Do you have any suggestions for how to convey it to our guests with certainty? Or should I just suck it up and only invite our immediate family and such and give them a more lavish celebration?

- I'm sorry if I'm being too wordy. This is my first post, and if you can tell, we haven't even announced the engagement yet and I am already majorly stressing over everything!

I think you're way overthinking this. As long as you're serving food and drink appropriate to the time of day, you're fine. What time is your wedding going to be?

CaitFins · April 2015

I really don't think we have the budget to spend much (if anything) on catering, and I'm concerned that with 100-150 guests, we might not even be able to do appetizers and make the other elements nice. So I was thinking the most appropriate time for our wedding would be 2 or 3pm. I feel like it's extreme not to serve food, especially with alcoholic drinks being served, and I'm wondering how to cope with that potentially being the case, or at least only having appetizers.

Viczaesar · April 2015

CaitFins said:
I really don't think we have the budget to spend much (if anything) on catering, and I'm concerned that with 100-150 guests, we might not even be able to do appetizers and make the other elements nice. So I was thinking the most appropriate time for our wedding would be 2 or 3pm. I feel like it's extreme not to serve food, especially with alcoholic drinks being served, and I'm wondering how to cope with that potentially being the case, or at least only having appetizers.

If you can't afford appetizers, how can you afford booze? If you're not doing appetizers, are you just planning on serving cake and alcohol and non-alcoholic drinks? For a 2 pm ceremony with reception immediately following that ends by 5 pm you're fine just serving cake and punch, so to speak, but I would be concerned about serving alcohol without any non-cake food. Even crackers and cheese and veggie plates and hummus would be better than just cake and shouldn't cost much.

ETA: I just reread your post and caught this:
"we might not even be able to do appetizers and make the other elements nice"
You need to prioritize food and drink for your guests over making other elements nice. If you can't afford to host them properly, you cannot afford to invite them. Treating your guests well - enough to eat and drink and enough places for everyone to sit - is much more important than decor or clothing or any other fringe elements of a wedding.

CaitFins · April 2015

If you can't afford appetizers, how can you afford booze? If you're not doing appetizers, are you just planning on serving cake and alcohol and non-alcoholic drinks? For a 2 pm ceremony with reception immediately following that ends by 5 pm you're fine just serving cake and punch, so to speak, but I would be concerned about serving alcohol without any non-cake food. Even crackers and cheese and veggie plates and hummus would be better than just cake and shouldn't cost much.

ETA: I just reread your post and caught this:
"we might not even be able to do appetizers and make the other elements nice"
You need to prioritize food and drink for your guests over making other elements nice. If you can't afford to host them properly, you cannot afford to invite them. Treating your guests well - enough to eat and drink and enough places for everyone to sit - is much more important than decor or clothing or any other fringe elements of a wedding.

As far as the alcoholic beverages, my fiance and FIL already make their own beer and wine - obscure I know, but they've already provided the beverages for their other son's wedding and it worked out well, so they have my stamp of approval. Personally, I would understand foregoing alcoholic beverages, but it is non-negotiable in my fiance's view!

Thank you for the advice on other kinds of food I can serve. I'm currently stumped on the food element, and the weddings I've been to and come across so far and read about in advice have all been catered as full meals by expensive vendors - extremely costly. I know of ways to take care of most of the other elements of the wedding with little cost, but food I have not yet.

It's all very much in the works at the moment, but the happiness (or unhappiness) of my guests was first on my list to consider, so that's why I have brought up this post prior to being certain of just about anything else. And to clarify, perhaps I should have said "We might not be able to have appetizers OR make the other elements nice with 100 - 150 guests," not to imply that I would choose to spend money that could go to catering on making the wedding "nice"-looking, but that I am concerned overall that I have too high of expectations with the guest count and it would affect every aspect of the wedding's quality. This is part of why I'm wondering if I need to "suck it up and invite only a small group." Thanks for your input! I am quite the young and in some ways quite ignorant bride-to-be.

LondonLisa · April 2015

CaitFins said:
show previous quotes
If you can't afford appetizers, how can you afford booze? If you're not doing appetizers, are you just planning on serving cake and alcohol and non-alcoholic drinks? For a 2 pm ceremony with reception immediately following that ends by 5 pm you're fine just serving cake and punch, so to speak, but I would be concerned about serving alcohol without any non-cake food. Even crackers and cheese and veggie plates and hummus would be better than just cake and shouldn't cost much.

ETA: I just reread your post and caught this:
"we might not even be able to do appetizers and make the other elements nice"
You need to prioritize food and drink for your guests over making other elements nice. If you can't afford to host them properly, you cannot afford to invite them. Treating your guests well - enough to eat and drink and enough places for everyone to sit - is much more important than decor or clothing or any other fringe elements of a wedding.

As far as the alcoholic beverages, my fiance and FIL already make their own beer and wine - obscure I know, but they've already provided the beverages for their other son's wedding and it worked out well, so they have my stamp of approval. Personally, I would understand foregoing alcoholic beverages, but it is non-negotiable in my fiance's view!

Thank you for the advice on other kinds of food I can serve. I'm currently stumped on the food element, and the weddings I've been to and come across so far and read about in advice have all been catered as full meals by expensive vendors - extremely costly. I know of ways to take care of most of the other elements of the wedding with little cost, but food I have not yet.

It's all very much in the works at the moment, but the happiness (or unhappiness) of my guests was first on my list to consider, so that's why I have brought up this post prior to being certain of just about anything else. And to clarify, perhaps I should have said "We might not be able to have appetizers OR make the other elements nice with 100 - 150 guests," not to imply that I would choose to spend money that could go to catering on making the wedding "nice"-looking, but that I am concerned overall that I have too high of expectations with the guest count and it would affect every aspect of the wedding's quality. This is part of why I'm wondering if I need to "suck it up and invite only a small group." Thanks for your input! I am quite the young and in some ways quite ignorant bride-to-be.

What is your budget- the posters on here are amazing at being able to work wonders with small budgets.

That being said, you really shouldn't do JUST alcohol.That is a recipe for disaster. Yes, the easiest way to control a budget is through the guest list, however, figure out how much you have to spend on refreshments, and divide it by your guest list. So even if you had $500 with 100 guests, that is $5 a guest, which is easily doable with fruit and veg platters, breads and dip, cheese, and even some sheet cakes.

If you do a 2pm wedding and end by 5, you do need some refreshments, but definitely not a full meal. Even if it is just crisps, nuts and fruit in bowls you need to serve SOMETHING. Hangry wedding guests are the worst.

There are plenty of options for "non-catered" weddings.

1.) Party trays from a grocery store (cheese, fruit, vegetables, maybe some sliced cold meats)

2.) You could do a cold buffet with more substantial snacks like cold chicken skewers, breads/dips, plenty of those other cold party foods that are premade and are fine to sit out for a few hours)

3.) Sandwich trays, even from subway, a grocery store or costco

4.) If you want a hot meal, order pizzas or pastas from a local Italian restaurant who can make it in bulk in trays and has the equipment to deliver it (often it isn't as expensive as full caterers, but they throw in set up for free).

Throw in some cake or tubs of cookies or chocolate brownies and that sounds like a great time. I would also make sure you had some lemonade/punch and cold water for the non-drinkers/ DDs. No need to do full bar/ non-alcoholic drink options, just something for them to drink. Hire some local university students or see if your venue has anyone who can refill the trays and get rid of rubbish.

Again, no need to say "simple" that sounds like a classic and lovely wedding to me.

novella1186 · April 2015

LondonLisa. There are plenty of inexpensive food options, and you definitely should serve some kind of food. A variety of different dips with breads, crackers, pitas, cheese, veggies, and fruit would be fine.

I've been to events where the food is just trays of things like deli wraps and whatnot from the local grocery store, and it was delicious. In fact, I love love love the party trays our grocery store here makes. Tastes really good, not expensive, and fun to snack on.

As for conveying that your event is casual, don't put all that nonsense on your website. It comes across about weird and unneccessary. The time of day, venue, and invitation are what will convey that your wedding is simple and casual.

For example, if someone's wedding is at 6pm at the country club's ballroom with fancy embossed invitations, I'm thinking full meal, top shelf liquor (maybe) and all the whole 9.

If the wedding is at 2pm in a community room on a simple invitiation, I'm thinking casual cake and punch reception, which is just as good.

littlepep · April 2015

novella1186 said:
LondonLisa. There are plenty of inexpensive food options, and you definitely should serve some kind of food. A variety of different dips with breads, crackers, pitas, cheese, veggies, and fruit would be fine.

I've been to events where the food is just trays of things like deli wraps and whatnot from the local grocery store, and it was delicious. In fact, I love love love the party trays our grocery store here makes. Tastes really good, not expensive, and fun to snack on.

As for conveying that your event is casual, don't put all that nonsense on your website. It comes across about weird and unneccessary. The time of day, venue, and invitation are what will convey that your wedding is simple and casual.

For example, if someone's wedding is at 6pm at the country club's ballroom with fancy embossed invitations, I'm thinking full meal, top shelf liquor (maybe) and all the whole 9.

If the wedding is at 2pm in a community room on a simple invitiation, I'm thinking casual cake and punch reception, which is just as good.

This. People will be able to tell that your reception is simple. based on the location/time. And LondonLisa has some great food suggestions. Even with a low budget you should be able to provide some food, which I definitely think you need to do if you are having alcohol.

The other thing to keep in mind is at this time of day MOST people will not be drinking heavily. Certainly some might, but I would think most people would only be having a drink a two, especially given the shorter reception time. That said, you still should have some kind of food.

novella1186 · April 2015

I also want to say that you mention you may not be able to afford food along with all the other "elements." I'm not sure what other elements you're referring to, but you should consider the comfort of your guests first. Having something to snack on is more important than fancy centerpeices or matching chair covers.

As a guest, I will enjoy myself far more, and remember your wedding in a fun, positive way if there were good snacks and something to drink (even if the drinks are just water and lemonade).

I will not remember or enjoy things like fancy flowers, big centerpeices, chair covers, etc etc etc.

I know you have the vision of a fancier, more elegant wedding, but I think the fun and enjoyment everyone has a wedding is far more important than the level of fanciness.

marie2785 · April 2015

Do you have a costco by you? Or a sams club/BJs/other warehouse store? If so, you can spend $500 and have all the appetizers you can dream of for 150 people. Their fruit trays, cheese trays, cakes, sandwich wraps, etc are VERY cheap. Plus if you or someone who is hosting the reception has access to an oven right before the reception, they have great mini-quiches and crab cakes.

amelisha · April 2015

These ladies have all given good advice, but I wanted to add that the easiest way to deal with this is to think about your priorities. These should be: comfortable place for everyone to sit for the ceremony and reception; adequate food and beverages for the time of day (you've been given lots of great advice on this part); and then all the more superficial details like decor, a dress, flowers, etc. Put your guests' comfort first, as the reception is a party you throw to thank them for witnessing your ceremony. No one will be upset if there are inexpensive centrepieces but they WILL be upset if they go over to the food table and there's nothing left but a couple carrot sticks and some cracker crumbs. And your second cousin might just be going for the free food anyway, so cutting the guest list to the people you're closest to is another great way to prioritize.

It's like planning any other party. You'd never throw a birthday party and only get enough cake for half your guests and you'd never throw a cocktail party without snacks for everyone you invite and you'd never throw a dinner party for ten with one bottle of wine, and the "rules" of good hosting don't change just because it's a wedding, you know?

It doesn't have to be "fancy" as long as you take care of everyone. Fancy/elegant/whatever isn't the important thing. I'd way rather go to a wedding in a community hall with a great iPhone playlist and tons of homemade cupcakes and plenty of domestic beer than a Pinterest-y mess at 10x the expense where they spent it all on favours and flowers and skimped on food or made everyone stand outside, you know?

All that said, if "elegant" is important to you and you're on a budget, then the easiest and best place to make cuts is at the guest list. It's obviously much less expensive to have an elegant wedding for 50 guests than it is for 200. Or you can wait and save up until you can have the wedding you're imagining for more people. That's a great option too.

aurianna · April 2015

It's sweet that you're concerned about not having a wedding fancy enough for people, but you don't have to worry about that.
The people that both care about you and are able to make it to your wedding will be happy to see you get married no matter how fancy your wedding is.

Also don't worry about what gifts people give. Anyone who chooses to give you a gift will likely be giving you what ever gift they want to give and can afford. Anyone who bases their gift on the grandness of the reception isn't doing it right.

As long as the following rules are followed, a wedding is always fun:
1. Every guest has a chair
2. There are no annoying gaps
3. No one is pressured into giving a gift (aka gifts aren't mentioned)
4. Everything offered is fully hosted (so no charging for the beer)
5. Everyone's significant other is invited
6. No one is told how to dress
7. Everyone is invited to all parts of the wedding
8. Food served is appropriate for the time of day

Then you're doing everything right! Nothing fancy is needed and you can throw a great wedding without it (one of my favorite weddings I ever went to was a dry, outdoor reception, with sandwiches, chips and cake eaten at picnic tables).

Ditto everyone else's suggestions about hitting up a costco type place for cheap apps.

To answer your main question, you can give your guests a head up on the type of the wedding straight from the invitation.

Don't do an invitation like this:
http://www.weddingsee.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/formal-wedding-invitations-great.jpg

Do do an invitation like these:
https://img1.etsystatic.com/013/0/6155599/il_340x270.439779529_cbbg.jpg

http://rlv.zcache.com/die_cut_vintage_black_damask_wedding_invitation-r9d3bcf0d56654772887bacb6d6b2319f_zknwj_1024.jpg?rlvnet=1

Other posters, would something like this be appropriate on the invite:
"Reception with Dancing & Refreshments to Follow"
Or is even that much needed?

[Deleted User] · April 2015

aurianna said:

Other posters, would something like this be appropriate on the invite:
"Reception with Dancing & Refreshments to Follow"
Or is even that much needed?

Nope. Just "reception to follow" if it's a the same location as the ceremony; separate reception card if it's at another location.

I got an invite to my cousin's wedding. I googled the reception location. It's a restaurant, one that I'd probably love for a casual date night if I lived in that city, the beer list looked good. I'm excited to see my baby cousin get married, excited to meet his fiancee, excited to hang out with other cousins for the weekend. A warning that it's not a big fancy to-do was not necessary. In fact, in our circle, this is the perfect kind of wedding for us.

aurianna · April 2015

Now, I've seen
Cake & Punch to follow
Cocktail reception to follow
Cocktails, dinner and dancing to follow
Dessert reception to follow

are all of those considered "rude" because they give too much info? (that seems counter intuitive to me).

I'd think that if the event isn't at a prime meal time, there does leave some question about what is going to be served, especially if the reception is at something generic like a church basement / park / etc. In that case it might actually be a courtesy to let the guests know what kind of fare they can expect.

I went to a 3pm wedding, and they did serve an early dinner after cocktail hour. if they hadn't mentioned dinner on the invite and just said "reception to follow", I might have made dinner plans figuring there wouldn't be a meal.

Alternatively knowing if it's a cake & punch reception vs one with apps vs heavy apps, it might change the kind and size of the lunch I have / dinner I might plan.

Not trying to be combative, but I'm really not understanding why something like that wouldn't be appropriate on the website at the very least.

MGP · April 2015

CaitFins said:
My one dream that I really resist giving up is inviting "everyone" we have close ties to - it would be about 120 - 150 guests. We'll be inviting many people who live far away, we haven't seen in years, or only see once a year and speak about a paragraph to during that time - but I really care about them.

You need to cut your guest list. Honestly if I took the time and expense to attend a wedding and was only hosted with apps and homebrew although it's proper hosting for an afternoon wedding I would still feel very shortchanged.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but wedding planning require tough choices.

whovianstark · April 2015

MGP said:

show previous quotes
CaitFins said:
My one dream that I really resist giving up is inviting "everyone" we have close ties to - it would be about 120 - 150 guests. We'll be inviting many people who live far away, we haven't seen in years, or only see once a year and speak about a paragraph to during that time - but I really care about them.
You need to cut your guest list. Honestly if I took the time and expense to attend a wedding and was only hosted with apps and homebrew although it's proper hosting for an afternoon wedding I would still feel very shortchanged.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but wedding planning require tough choices.

Honestly, I think this really depends. For example, I have a cousin who wants to plan a big wedding but she keeps talking about how tight finances are. So, I know in advance, if the wedding happens, it will probably be a cake and punch reception. It is a several hour drive for me, so I would have to decide if that is worth it to me or not. However, I would prefer to be invited to be given the choice.

MGP · April 2015

whovianstark said:

show previous quotes
MGP said:

CaitFins said:
My one dream that I really resist giving up is inviting "everyone" we have close ties to - it would be about 120 - 150 guests. We'll be inviting many people who live far away, we haven't seen in years, or only see once a year and speak about a paragraph to during that time - but I really care about them.
You need to cut your guest list. Honestly if I took the time and expense to attend a wedding and was only hosted with apps and homebrew although it's proper hosting for an afternoon wedding I would still feel very shortchanged.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but wedding planning require tough choices.
Honestly, I think this really depends. For example, I have a cousin who wants to plan a big wedding but she keeps talking about how tight finances are. So, I know in advance, if the wedding happens, it will probably be a cake and punch reception. It is a several hour drive for me, so I would have to decide if that is worth it to me or not. However, I would prefer to be invited to be given the choice.

True, and I know my response probably came through as bitchy, because I was recently not treated well at a wedding so honestly I am a little bitter.

Personally for me I would rather invite less guests and host them more, especially if they had to travel extensively. I understand that not everyone has that financial option though.

whovianstark · April 2015

MGP said:

show previous quotes
whovianstark said:

MGP said:

CaitFins said:
My one dream that I really resist giving up is inviting "everyone" we have close ties to - it would be about 120 - 150 guests. We'll be inviting many people who live far away, we haven't seen in years, or only see once a year and speak about a paragraph to during that time - but I really care about them.
You need to cut your guest list. Honestly if I took the time and expense to attend a wedding and was only hosted with apps and homebrew although it's proper hosting for an afternoon wedding I would still feel very shortchanged.

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but wedding planning require tough choices.
Honestly, I think this really depends. For example, I have a cousin who wants to plan a big wedding but she keeps talking about how tight finances are. So, I know in advance, if the wedding happens, it will probably be a cake and punch reception. It is a several hour drive for me, so I would have to decide if that is worth it to me or not. However, I would prefer to be invited to be given the choice.
True, and I know my response probably came through as bitchy, because I was recently not treated well at a wedding so honestly I am a little bitter.

Personally for me I would rather invite less guests and host them more, especially if they had to travel extensively. I understand that not everyone has that financial option though.

haha yeah that makes sense, I would be bitter too if I wasn't properly hosted. If it ends up being a cake and punch reception during dinner time I will probably just walk out. (You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry haha).

And yes, if the guest list could be trimmed a little so that the guest can be hosted better that would be ideal.

themosthappy91 · April 2015

Here's something to consider that I don't think anyone has explicitly said, though it's been alluded to: it's one thing to want to be able to invite your 150 nearest and dearest, and another thing to actually have your 150 nearest and dearest show up. So is this more about feeling the need to invite those people and make them feel included, or actually feeling really strongly about wanting to celebrate with them?

Both are valid approaches, but honestly I think if what you're really going for is getting the most people to show up you might want to try to go a middle route and maybe just invite 100 people but do more heavy appetizers or an affordable "buffet" option (like the pizza or pasta options a PP mentioned). I just know that personally I wouldn't travel a long distance during the holidays for a brief wedding with some party platters- not that there is ANYTHING at all wrong with that etiquette-wise if you follow PP's advice, it's just not going to be worth it to me personally to do that. So that's maybe something to consider.

CMGragain · April 2015

What is your budget? If you give us more information, we can help you plan a lovely wedding.

My daughter had a morning ceremony with a brunch buffet at a local country club. It was less than half what a dinner reception would have cost. Dancing is not necessary. The food was wonderful.

My own wedding featured a simple cake and punch reception in the church fellowship hall.

My sister was married in a park pavilion, and served picnic food and sheet cake afterwards. The kids all ran around the park and had a blast.

One of my nieces is facing the prospect of a $100,000+ wedding with her social climbing Dad in complete control. She is miserable about it, and might just elope.

You don't need to put on a big production show to have a beautiful wedding, and there is no reason your guests should expect you to spend more than you can afford.

I agree with the other Knotties. Booze should not be a feature of a daytime wedding, especially if there is not a meal being served!

CaitFins · April 2015

I've been reading all of your responses with eagerness! I am so thankful for all of your input, both the support and the constructive criticism and realism. I've been blown away by all of your help!

Since at least @LondonLisa and @CMGragain asked about our budget, at this point our budget is $3,000 at most. I know this is an extremely low budget for a wedding. We plan for the venue to be completely at a specific church that won't have a venue fee, although we are allotting for generous tips. Still, I know it's a stretch, and feel free to tell me blatantly the truth about how unrealistic I am being. Although I do expect to post a thread in "Budget Weddings" when we have a more firm idea of the budget, so we don't have to get too off track here! There is a possibility that family members will want to contribute, but I wouldn't plan for our wedding to go any more over that. If it were going to, we would (miserably) post-pone it another six months to save more money up.

Although I don't think it affects the etiquette much, to give an idea of why in the world we would even consider doing this, with the low budget, (or if more background is of interest,) my FI and I are comparatively young, but we have been dating for six years and planning to marry for four and a half. We've put off the wedding year after year for our relatives and for financial security, and we are now announcing the engagement to our families and would love to marry in/by January.

And again, thank you for all of your advice thus far! I am currently in the midst of trying to come to conclusions about it all and would look forward to any more input.

LondonLisa · April 2015

CaitFins said:
I've been reading all of your responses with eagerness! I am so thankful for all of your input, both the support and the constructive criticism and realism. I've been blown away by all of your help!

Since at least @LondonLisa and @CMGragain asked about our budget, at this point our budget is $3,000 at most. I know this is an extremely low budget for a wedding. We plan for the venue to be completely at a specific church that won't have a venue fee, although we are allotting for generous tips. Still, I know it's a stretch, and feel free to tell me blatantly the truth about how unrealistic I am being. Although I do expect to post a thread in "Budget Weddings" when we have a more firm idea of the budget, so we don't have to get too off track here! There is a possibility that family members will want to contribute, but I wouldn't plan for our wedding to go any more over that. If it were going to, we would (miserably) post-pone it another six months to save more money up.

Although I don't think it affects the etiquette much, to give an idea of why in the world we would even consider doing this, with the low budget, (or if more background is of interest,) my FI and I are comparatively young, but we have been dating for six years and planning to marry for four and a half. We've put off the wedding year after year for our relatives and for financial security, and we are now announcing the engagement to our families and would love to marry in/by January.

And again, thank you for all of your advice thus far! I am currently in the midst of trying to come to conclusions about it all and would look forward to any more input.

This is completely do-able. I agree- weddings needn't be expensive. Skip bridesmaids and you don't have to do gifts or bouquets.

Assuming your budget is $3000 for all of it and 150 guests and the beer/ wine is thrown in as you said previously, here is a sample budget:

$1000-1200 Food (Cold buffet, costco trays, fruit, dips, finger sandwiches etc)

$150 cakes (just get nice sheet cakes from a grocery store)

$100 Punch or Lemonade (add another $100 for coffee/tea and equipment hire)

$50-100x2 on staff for 3 hours to set up, refill trays, get rid of rubbish (see if you could get someone on Task Rabbit or a trusted local student). You also need a bartender if you are serving alcohol (again, task rabbit may be a good resource, or a local bartender who is interested in making some pocket money for 2 hours of work).

$150 Dress- many people on here have mentioned David's Bridal $99 sale. Also look at off the rack white prom dresses. Have your Fi wear a suit he already owns.

$100 invitations (look at vista print- they often have 30% off deals)

Music can be through a playlist on an your ipod attached to a speaker (free)

$ 100 Venue tips

$300 decorations (including flowers if you want them)

$150 plates, napkins, cups

$500 Photographer

Don't get sucked into the wedding industrial complex. In fact, what I have planned above is actually how most weddings were until very recently.

TrixieJess · April 2015

CaitFins said:
I've been reading all of your responses with eagerness! I am so thankful for all of your input, both the support and the constructive criticism and realism. I've been blown away by all of your help!

Since at least @LondonLisa and @CMGragain asked about our budget, at this point our budget is $3,000 at most. I know this is an extremely low budget for a wedding. We plan for the venue to be completely at a specific church that won't have a venue fee, although we are allotting for generous tips. Still, I know it's a stretch, and feel free to tell me blatantly the truth about how unrealistic I am being. Although I do expect to post a thread in "Budget Weddings" when we have a more firm idea of the budget, so we don't have to get too off track here! There is a possibility that family members will want to contribute, but I wouldn't plan for our wedding to go any more over that. If it were going to, we would (miserably) post-pone it another six months to save more money up.

Although I don't think it affects the etiquette much, to give an idea of why in the world we would even consider doing this, with the low budget, (or if more background is of interest,) my FI and I are comparatively young, but we have been dating for six years and planning to marry for four and a half. We've put off the wedding year after year for our relatives and for financial security, and we are now announcing the engagement to our families and would love to marry in/by January.

And again, thank you for all of your advice thus far! I am currently in the midst of trying to come to conclusions about it all and would look forward to any more input.

My budget is slightly more than yours. We are having a Sunday afternoon ceremony and reception for 35 people. More than half of our budget is food and drink related. Our officiant and license is $700. Our venue is cheaper because it is a City property and beautiful. I'm doing all the bouquets and flower arrangements (it's my forte). We are forgoing favours and my mom has offered to do all the calligraphy for the invitations and place cards.

ChemFanatic25 · April 2015

LondonLisa said:

show previous quotes
CaitFins said:
I've been reading all of your responses with eagerness! I am so thankful for all of your input, both the support and the constructive criticism and realism. I've been blown away by all of your help!

Since at least @LondonLisa and @CMGragain asked about our budget, at this point our budget is $3,000 at most. I know this is an extremely low budget for a wedding. We plan for the venue to be completely at a specific church that won't have a venue fee, although we are allotting for generous tips. Still, I know it's a stretch, and feel free to tell me blatantly the truth about how unrealistic I am being. Although I do expect to post a thread in "Budget Weddings" when we have a more firm idea of the budget, so we don't have to get too off track here! There is a possibility that family members will want to contribute, but I wouldn't plan for our wedding to go any more over that. If it were going to, we would (miserably) post-pone it another six months to save more money up.

Although I don't think it affects the etiquette much, to give an idea of why in the world we would even consider doing this, with the low budget, (or if more background is of interest,) my FI and I are comparatively young, but we have been dating for six years and planning to marry for four and a half. We've put off the wedding year after year for our relatives and for financial security, and we are now announcing the engagement to our families and would love to marry in/by January.

And again, thank you for all of your advice thus far! I am currently in the midst of trying to come to conclusions about it all and would look forward to any more input.
This is completely do-able. I agree- weddings needn't be expensive. Skip bridesmaids and you don't have to do gifts or bouquets.

Assuming your budget is $3000 for all of it and 150 guests and the beer/ wine is thrown in as you said previously, here is a sample budget:

$1000-1200 Food (Cold buffet, costco trays, fruit, dips, finger sandwiches etc)
$150 cakes (just get nice sheet cakes from a grocery store)
$100 Punch or Lemonade (add another $100 for coffee/tea and equipment hire)

$50-100x2 on staff for 3 hours to set up, refill trays, get rid of rubbish (see if you could get someone on Task Rabbit or a trusted local student). You also need a bartender if you are serving alcohol (again, task rabbit may be a good resource, or a local bartender who is interested in making some pocket money for 2 hours of work).

$150 Dress- many people on here have mentioned David's Bridal $99 sale. Also look at off the rack white prom dresses. Have your Fi wear a suit he already owns.

$100 invitations (look at vista print- they often have 30% off deals)

Music can be through a playlist on an your ipod attached to a speaker (free)

$ 100 Venue tips

$300 decorations (including flowers if you want them)

$150 plates, napkins, cups

$500 Photographer

Don't get sucked into the wedding industrial complex. In fact, what I have planned above is actually how most weddings were until very recently.

***Someone please correct me if I am doing something wrong. I don't want to violate TOS.***

So I don't know if I'm allowed to do this but I'm actually looking to get rid of my wedding dress. I purchased one when I was engaged to my ex and now it is taking up space in my closet and I don't want it. If you're around the same size as me, I'd be willing to send you the dress (if you like it). I'd just ask you pay for shipping costs. I can PM you pictures when I get out of work.

I've considered selling it but I already got the dress at a decent price and I feel since I've already accounted for the loss forever ago I am feel fine donating it.

Edit: It most definitely would help you save on costs.

novella1186 · April 2015

Just remember to account for "hidden costs" (because our wedding is 10 days away, and there are some costs we had not accounted for --or forgot about-- which are biting us in the ass right now)

Marriage license fee (varies by state and county)
Vendor tips (make sure you consider EVERY vendor)
Sales tax and fees (added about $500 to our catering bill)
Postage (we calculated the cost of postage for sending invites, but forgot about reply cards, thank you cards, etc which added another $100+ in stamps)
Rentals (our caterer told us glasses were included in the cost. They meant WATER glasses. To rent bar glasses is another $600. Table linens were also included, but to rent a certain shape or size has an extra rental fee. And so on)
Delivery fees
little accessories, like a breaking glass for the ceremony (Jewish ceremony), pens for the guest book, "tools" such as twine and floral wire, etc. None of these things are expensive on their own but all the tiny costs add up so fast

This was our fault for over-looking the details, but I just wanted to give you a heads up so hopefully extra little costs and whatnot don't sneak up on you.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

OP, I wanted to chime in that I have struggled with feelings of not throwing the vision of a wedding that I see in wedding magazines. When we first got engaged and started wedding planning, I began to panic because we, too, have a small wedding budget. Looking at our budget (it's around $4,000), I wondered how our guests would feel that we weren't providing an elaborate cocktail hour with signature drinks, steak for dinner and a 5 tier wedding cake with some sort of exotic icing.

But I took a step back and realized that type of wedding celebration with all the thrills and frills wasn't for us, and our guests, family and friends know that. I shifted my focus on making sure we could be good hosts, provide yummy food and even yummier cake at prices we could afford.

We're doing a 2pm ceremony with a heavy appetizer, cake and punch reception following the ceremony at a very lovely reception venue a block away. We are fortunate that a friend who caters is giving us our reception food at cost as a gift to us but I had already checked into our local Sam's Club and found it wouldn't be too costly after all.

Other PPs have given you great budget tips. I also want to add that I managed to negotiate with our reception venue telling them up front that we weren't planning on a fully catered dinner reception, not having a band perform and could be in and out of the space in X amount of time so they are giving us the space for half they normally charge. It's just a thought to pass along.

There's nothing wrong with a wedding that "goes all out" just as there is nothing wrong with a wedding you may feel is just "simple." As long as you properly host your loved ones as you celebrate the start of a new life together, that's all that matters.

badbnagdway · April 2015

As others have said, the priority must go to hosting your guests appropriately for the time of day. You are on the right track having a 2pm reception, that is an in-between meal time.

I also agree that providing food does not have to completely break the bank. Think outside the catering box. For example, our local BBQ places do catering for about $8 per person which includes ample fried chicken or BBQ, two sides and drinks. They also include paper products. We are having a fast casual place (Noodles & Co.) cater our rehearsal dinner and we get a ton for about $12 per person. Plus they are sending two staff people for set-up and clean-up for only $75. At the time of day your talking about I know Jimmy John's does big sandwich platters of small sandwiches, that would be a nice mid-afternoon snack for your wedding time.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

From a guest point of view, I would be like, what is a simple reception. What I want to know more is that if you aren't going to provide dinner that your invite says "followed by a cocktail reception" or "followed by a cake and punch reception" This gives me an idea of what to expect for food and I can plan accordingly. There is nothing wrong with a cake & punch reception or a cocktail reception, but as a guest, then I won't come starving thinking I'm getting a full dinner. I'll make sure to eat before I come, knowing I'm just getting snacks. If I know, I can come prepared and be a happy guest.

CMGragain · April 2015

Are you having your reception at the church, like I did? Usually there are "church ladies" who will help set up your reception and clean up afterwards. Talk to the church secretary. She will know who to contact. Sometimes there is a small fee that covers this.
Most Protestant churches do not allow alcohol.
I belonged to one church that had a member who would cater a dinner at the church for a VERY low price! Several brides were astonished.
Call the church secretary. Find out what is available. $3000 should not be a problem for a church wedding with reception at the church. Your biggest expense will be photography.

CMGragain · April 2015

Erikan73 said:
From a guest point of view, I would be like, what is a simple reception. What I want to know more is that if you aren't going to provide dinner that your invite says "followed by a cocktail reception" or "followed by a cake and punch reception" This gives me an idea of what to expect for food and I can plan accordingly. There is nothing wrong with a cake & punch reception or a cocktail reception, but as a guest, then I won't come starving thinking I'm getting a full dinner. I'll make sure to eat before I come, knowing I'm just getting snacks. If I know, I can come prepared and be a happy guest.

Sorry, but not proper. You should assume that a mid-afternoon wedding will have a light reception immediately following.

Viczaesar · April 2015

CMGragain said:
What is your budget? If you give us more information, we can help you plan a lovely wedding.

My daughter had a morning ceremony with a brunch buffet at a local country club. It was less than half what a dinner reception would have cost. Dancing is not necessary. The food was wonderful.

My own wedding featured a simple cake and punch reception in the church fellowship hall.

My sister was married in a park pavilion, and served picnic food and sheet cake afterwards. The kids all ran around the park and had a blast.

One of my nieces is facing the prospect of a $100,000+ wedding with her social climbing Dad in complete control. She is miserable about it, and might just elope.

You don't need to put on a big production show to have a beautiful wedding, and there is no reason your guests should expect you to spend more than you can afford.

I agree with the other Knotties. Booze should not be a feature of a daytime wedding, especially if there is not a meal being served!

I don't think any of the other Knotties said that. I certainly didn't. There is no problem with having booze at a daytime wedding. What I asked about was how she could afford booze but not food, and confirming that having alcohol with just cake is probably not a good idea. But it's still perfectly fine to serve alcohol at a daytime wedding, and you do not need to serve a full meal if you serve alcohol.

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