Invited to 2 showers for the same person

plainjane0415 · April 2015

A thread over on the etiquette board sparked my thoughts on this one, and I wanted to see what you all thought. If you were invited to 2 bridal showers for the same person, would you buy them 2 gifts? or just 1?

Years ago, (prior to TK) I was invited to 2 bridal showers for the same person. She had 2 showers, one for her dad's side of the family, and one for her mom's side, and I was invited to both. Looking back, I ended up buying 2 gifts, one for each shower. Had I been lurking on TK then, I think I would have only maybe went to 1 shower and gave 1 gift.

What would you do/have done in a situation like this?

Maggie0829 · April 2015

I would buy her one gift and only go to one shower.

emmaaa · April 2015

I would probably only go to one of the showers....unless I was in the WP. And even then I would only buy one gift.

novella1186 · April 2015

If I wasn't a BM for this person, I would majorly side-eye the gift-grabbiness of being invited to 2 showers. Stuff like this really annoys me, and since I hate showers anyway, I might just not go to either. Or I'd choose just 1 to go to, and buy 1 gift.

If I was a BM and could make it to both showers, I would get 2 smaller gifts rather than 1 big one so that I could take a gift to each shower.

climbingsingle · April 2015

I would have gone to one shower and bought her one gift.

plainjane0415 · April 2015

I wasn't in the WP, so now looking back, knowing what I know now, that was a really weird situation.

But, I didn't think anything about it because prior to coming to TK, I was one of those, it's her day, it's her shower, let's do whatever she wants.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

If you attend both, you should give a gift at each.

I would accept only one invitation and buy one gift.

themuffinman16 · April 2015

I would just attend one, and bring one gift. I wish I could throw a second shower for my FSIL, but her wedding is quickly approaching, and my aunts, my sisters, my step-mom and I were all ready invited to her family's shower. If I were to somehow get a shower together, the only people I'd be able to invite would be my step-mother's friends. There would only be four people to attend this shower, if they all could make it. I know they want to be included, but for the numbers, how close it is to the wedding, and not to double up on inviting guests, it just isn't going to happen.

littlepep · April 2015

Yeah the only people I'd say it's ok to invite to multiple showers would be the bridal party. But I even told my BMs I'm sending you an invite but you don't have to come.

I would only go to one shower. Two is super gift-grabby.

larrygaga · April 2015

emmaaa said:
I would probably only go to one of the showers....unless I was in the WP. And even then I would only buy one gift.

This!

kvruns · April 2015

1 shower, 1 gift. Or if I had to be at both for some reason I'd probably do 2 smaller gifts.

ShellD13 · April 2015

This can be a tough situation. While on the surface it appears gift grabby the OP mentioned that one shower was for the Bride's mothers side of the family and one was the Bride's fathers side of the family. Granted anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding BUT if there was a particularly messy divorce between Mom and Dad, etc - I can see trying to minimize the drama by keeping the branches of the family as far apart as possible for as long as possible. The other possibility is that members of one side or the other couldn't travel very far so the families planned two showers (1) that was convenient to their side without inconveniencing the rest of the shower attendees/wedding guests.

If I'd been invited to both, I'd have only purchased one gift.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · April 2015

I was a bridesmaid invited to 2 showers and I gave 1 gift, but I had to pay for a lot of 1 shower so that's why. If I could go to both, I would. I still would only give 1 gift. I like showers though.

photokitty · April 2015

emmaaa said:
I would probably only go to one of the showers....unless I was in the WP. And even then I would only buy one gift.

This.

In my circle the WP, moms and grandmas are invited to all showers. Same thing to baby showers - moms, sisters and grandmas are invited to any and all baby showers.

They are not expected to bring a gift to each.

lovegood90 · April 2015

Definitely would have gone to one shower, bought her one gift, and side-eyed her a bit too.

lc07 · April 2015

I wouldn't side eye. I would think my friend was giving me two dates to choose from when deciding what to attend. I'd most likely pick one and do one gift. Or if I attended both I'd do two smaller gifts.

MairePoppy · April 2015

novella1186 said:

If I wasn't a BM for this person, I would majorly side-eye the gift-grabbiness of being invited to 2 showers. Stuff like this really annoys me, and since I hate showers anyway, I might just not go to either. Or I'd choose just 1 to go to, and buy 1 gift.

If I was a BM and could make it to both showers, I would get 2 smaller gifts rather than 1 big one so that I could take a gift to each shower.

Eh, I would assume there was a miscommunication between the two hosts. Unless this is an immediate family member, I would choose one shower to attend and bring one gift. If for some reason I feel compelled to attend both showers, I'd bring a gift off the registry for one and a small token gift to the other.

novella1186 · April 2015

MairePoppy said:

novella1186 said:

If I wasn't a BM for this person, I would majorly side-eye the gift-grabbiness of being invited to 2 showers. Stuff like this really annoys me, and since I hate showers anyway, I might just not go to either. Or I'd choose just 1 to go to, and buy 1 gift.

If I was a BM and could make it to both showers, I would get 2 smaller gifts rather than 1 big one so that I could take a gift to each shower.

Eh, I would assume there was a miscommunication between the two hosts. Unless this is an immediate family member, I would choose one shower to attend and bring one gift. If for some reason I feel compelled to attend both showers, I'd bring a gift off the registry for one and a small token gift to the other.

---------------etf box-----------------------------------------------

I guess it depends on the person. I have a "friend" who recently got married and did a lot of rude, gift-grabby things. (Like invited people to the shower who were not invited to the wedding, threw a huge PPD to which she wore a wedding gown and had another gift registry, etc).

Also got an invitation to a "shower" recently that specifically asked me to mail cash to the MOG and there was no actual shower to attend. Just a cash grab. And this is for a couple who went on and on to me about how much guests are gonna have to spend for drinks at their cash bar. Ugh.

If it's someone who I know to be gift-grabby in general, I'm gonna side-eye that shit; they won't get the benefit of the doubt from me.

anjemon · April 2015

themuffinman16 said:
I would just attend one, and bring one gift. I wish I could throw a second shower for my FSIL, but her wedding is quickly approaching, and my aunts, my sisters, my step-mom and I were all ready invited to her family's shower. If I were to somehow get a shower together, the only people I'd be able to invite would be my step-mother's friends. There would only be four people to attend this shower, if they all could make it. I know they want to be included, but for the numbers, how close it is to the wedding, and not to double up on inviting guests, it just isn't going to happen.

Slightly off topic, but we ended up doing a bridal tea for my FIL's side of the family. Most of my FIL's family wouldn't travel to our city for a shower (and they didn't ask me to go to them) so we did a really small get together at this tea shop. It was fun and it's not a gift giving event so maybe you could invite some of the double guests. Just a thought because I really enjoyed mine and the novelty of having a tea party.

MairePoppy · April 2015

@novella1186 - yep, all the cases you sited are rude and greedy. I would be gifting those brides crocheted toilet lid covers with matching toilet paper role covers.
http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=JN.qxR67TLT0lH/51Zrzeif5g&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0&r=0

thisismynickname2 · April 2015

One shower, one gift.

I'm a BM and the bride had two showers; one thrown by her mother for their side of the family and one thrown by the groom's mother for that side of the family. She gave her bridesmaids both dates and said we could pick which one to be "invited to."

So I only even technically was invited to the one thrown by her mom. (Woo hoo!)

However, two of the BMs are married to the groom's brothers and I know they were technically invited to, and attended, both- because they're family. They are probably the only two that did double duty.

Invited to 2 showers for the same person

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