Invite Wording question

d&bbride2015 · April 2015

I'm so lost on how to word our invites and I'm sure these are dumb questions but I swear everywhere I look I get something different so I figured I'd ask you ladies for advice. Thanks in advance

I need some advice with wording on our wedding invites. My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. So does that mean we state on the invite that both he and i are the hosts? OR do we put our parents names as the hosts? My fiancé lost his father recently and wants to put his and his moms name on the invite as hosts. if we would put his parents then we would of course put my parents too.

AND

we are having our ceremony and reception in two different locations. Do we put both of these on the actual invite or do we use a detail card for the reception info? when it comes the reception are we to state that cocktail hour starts at 5:30pm and the reception at 6:30pm or would we just put 5:30pm as a start time?

Jen4948 · April 2015

Well, the invitation wording is not supposed to convey who's paying, because that's none of the guests' business. The invitation isn't a playbill in which all financial contributors are recognized.

Who are the point persons of the wedding? That is, the persons issuing the invitations, receiving the responses, greeting the guests, and making the arrangements that ensure that their needs are attended to. Those persons should be listed on the invitation as the hosts. The only other persons who should be listed are the honorees-the bride and groom. If the bride and groom are also the only hosts, then the invitation is worded so as not to list any hosts:

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Name
and
Groom's Name
on Day, Date
at Time
Venue Name
Street Address
City, State/Country

If your ceremony is at a house of worship, use "honor of your presence" rather than "pleasure of your company."

CMGragain · April 2015

The pleasure of your company is requested (honour of your presence)
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

BrinkyDink16 · April 2015

We are paying for the wedding mostly by ourselves. My father has pledged a large sum that we can do with what we choose but we're thinking of that as a back up fund. We asked if he wanted his name on the invitations and he said "Why, am I the one getting married?" We are also have two separate locations and start times. This is what we came up with.

on October 31, 2015
FirstName LastName
&
FirstName MiddleName LastName Suffix
Demand Your Presence for their ...
Halloween Horror Wedding
Location, City, State
Time
Frightful Festivities to Follow
Location, City, State,
Time
Costumes Required
We are serious. You must wear a costume. If you don't, one will be provided for you.
RSVP by August 15, 2015 ... or else.
Obviously, ours is a little different, lol. But that's how we worded our names, locations, and start times.

CMGragain · April 2015

Knottie39994948 said:
We are paying for the wedding mostly by ourselves. My father has pledged a large sum that we can do with what we choose but we're thinking of that as a back up fund. We asked if he wanted his name on the invitations and he said "Why, am I the one getting married?" We are also have two separate locations and start times. This is what we came up with.

on October 31, 2015
FirstName LastName
&
FirstName MiddleName LastName Suffix
Demand Your Presence for their ...
Halloween Horror Wedding
Location, City, State
Time
Frightful Festivities to Follow
Location, City, State,
Time
Costumes Required
We are serious. You must wear a costume. If you don't, one will be provided for you.
RSVP by August 15, 2015 ... or else.
Obviously, ours is a little different, lol. But that's how we worded our names, locations, and start times.

Please tell me that this is a joke! It is incredibly rude.
Wear horror costumes to your wedding - fine!
Dress your wedding party in costumes - fine!
Decorate your venue like a horror movie set - fine!
Dictate what your guests will wear - WRONG!
Send a rude invitation demanding they attend - WRONG!

d&bbride2015 · April 2015

thank you ladies!!!

madamerwin · April 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:We are paying for the wedding mostly by ourselves. My father has pledged a large sum that we can do with what we choose but we're thinking of that as a back up fund. We asked if he wanted his name on the invitations and he said "Why, am I the one getting married?" We are also have two separate locations and start times. This is what we came up with.

on October 31, 2015
FirstName LastName
&
FirstName MiddleName LastName Suffix
Demand Your Presence for their ...
Halloween Horror Wedding
Location, City, State
Time
Frightful Festivities to Follow
Location, City, State,
Time
Costumes Required
We are serious. You must wear a costume. If you don't, one will be provided for you.
RSVP by August 15, 2015 ... or else.
Obviously, ours is a little different, lol. But that's how we worded our names, locations, and start times.

----GODDAMN BOXES-----

Just curious, why is your RSVP deadline 10 weeks before your wedding? You shouldn't even be sending invitations out until 10 weeks before...

redoryx · April 2015

tfmrserwin said:
BrinkyDink16 said:
We are paying for the wedding mostly by ourselves. My father has pledged a large sum that we can do with what we choose but we're thinking of that as a back up fund. We asked if he wanted his name on the invitations and he said "Why, am I the one getting married?" We are also have two separate locations and start times. This is what we came up with.

on October 31, 2015
FirstName LastName
&
FirstName MiddleName LastName Suffix
Demand Your Presence for their ...
Halloween Horror Wedding
Location, City, State
Time
Frightful Festivities to Follow
Location, City, State,
Time
Costumes Required
We are serious. You must wear a costume. If you don't, one will be provided for you.
RSVP by August 15, 2015 ... or else.
Obviously, ours is a little different, lol. But that's how we worded our names, locations, and start times.

----GODDAMN BOXES-----

Just curious, why is your RSVP deadline 10 weeks before your wedding? You shouldn't even be sending invitations out until 10 weeks before...

I'm guessing it's for her B-List. She mentioned she has one in another post and they'll be getting a different RSVP with a second return by date. So with this new information she's actually being rude to both the A List AND the B List.

madamerwin · April 2015

redoryx You're right. I see she has a B-List. This wedding sounds like a blast - nothing says "fun" like having to dress up in costumes for a wedding that you were only invited to because more important people declined.

ETA Words

MairePoppy · April 2015

redoryx said:

show previous quotes
tfmrserwin said:
BrinkyDink16 said:
We are paying for the wedding mostly by ourselves. My father has pledged a large sum that we can do with what we choose but we're thinking of that as a back up fund. We asked if he wanted his name on the invitations and he said "Why, am I the one getting married?" We are also have two separate locations and start times. This is what we came up with.

on October 31, 2015
FirstName LastName
&
FirstName MiddleName LastName Suffix
Demand Your Presence for their ...
Halloween Horror Wedding
Location, City, State
Time
Frightful Festivities to Follow
Location, City, State,
Time
Costumes Required
We are serious. You must wear a costume. If you don't, one will be provided for you.
RSVP by August 15, 2015 ... or else.
Obviously, ours is a little different, lol. But that's how we worded our names, locations, and start times.

----GODDAMN BOXES-----

Just curious, why is your RSVP deadline 10 weeks before your wedding? You shouldn't even be sending invitations out until 10 weeks before...

I'm guessing it's for her B-List. She mentioned she has one in another post and they'll be getting a different RSVP with a second return by date. So with this new information she's actually being rude to both the A List AND the B List.

That certainly sounds frightful and horrible. I have a feeling there's no point in explaining the correct etiquette in this situation.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

Wow guys, thanks for the feedback!

To answer your question, the RSVP deadline is 10 weeks prior to the wedding for a couple of reasons. First, since all of our centerpieces / table themes are different we need to know how many tables we'll need well in advance so we can gather the appropriate props. Second, it gives people plenty of time to get their costumes in order, which for devoted Halloween fans is about a 10 week process especially if they're building them or having them custom made.

The B-list invitation is it's own separate invitation with a different deadline of September 15th.

As far of the wording of the request for their presence, it's a joke! Yikes, lighten up!

banana468 · May 2015

This may be cute for a Halloween party but it's your wedding invitation. Instead it's chock full of things that are so against proper behavior that it needs to call proper behavior from a different time zone.

1) Nix the B list. It's rude to put some guests as a tier above others.

2) You shouldn't be sending invitations until the very end of August or early September. Your response date is far too early and its flat out rude to force guests to respond so early. With something like that, your guests will be irritated and it's a set up for further disappointment when plans continue to change. Figure out how to handle your invitations with a response date no earlier than October 1st.

3) Required costumes? No. Just no.

4) Gifts shouldn't be mentioned and registries should not be for gift cards.

5) You're making a lifetime commitment to someone here. It shouldn't be treated like a tongue in cheek event.

RezIpsa · May 2015

I actually love it when invitations are worded like this because it gives me clear warning that this is going to be a parade of rudeness and AW behavior. Makes declining a no brainer. Don't change a thing, @BrinkyDink16.

Out of morbid curiosity, why are you choosing to be so rude to your guests when it isn't necessary? A few tweaks and this could be a fun party.

MobKaz · May 2015

d&bbride2015 said:
I'm so lost on how to word our invites and I'm sure these are dumb questions but I swear everywhere I look I get something different so I figured I'd ask you ladies for advice. Thanks in advance

I need some advice with wording on our wedding invites. My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. So does that mean we state on the invite that both he and i are the hosts? OR do we put our parents names as the hosts? My fiancé lost his father recently and wants to put his and his moms name on the invite as hosts. if we would put his parents then we would of course put my parents too.

AND

we are having our ceremony and reception in two different locations. Do we put both of these on the actual invite or do we use a detail card for the reception info? when it comes the reception are we to state that cocktail hour starts at 5:30pm and the reception at 6:30pm or would we just put 5:30pm as a start time?

Please do NOT list your FI's late father on your invitation. Excuse the frankness, but someone deceased cannot possibly host an event. You can mention your FI's father on your programs if you have them.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

banana468 said:
This may be cute for a Halloween party but it's your wedding invitation. Instead it's chock full of things that are so against proper behavior that it needs to call proper behavior from a different time zone.

1) Nix the B list. It's rude to put some guests as a tier above others.

2) You shouldn't be sending invitations until the very end of August or early September. Your response date is far too early and its flat out rude to force guests to respond so early. With something like that, your guests will be irritated and it's a set up for further disappointment when plans continue to change. Figure out how to handle your invitations with a response date no earlier than October 1st.

3) Required costumes? No. Just no.

4) Gifts shouldn't be mentioned and registries should not be for gift cards.

5) You're making a lifetime commitment to someone here. It shouldn't be treated like a tongue in cheek event.

RezIpsa said:
I actually love it when invitations are worded like this because it gives me clear warning that this is going to be a parade of rudeness and AW behavior. Makes declining a no brainer. Don't change a thing, @BrinkyDink16.

Out of morbid curiosity, why are you choosing to be so rude to your guests when it isn't necessary? A few tweaks and this could be a fun party.

We absolutely are making a lifetime commitment to each other and we're doing it in a way that perfectly reflects our personalities, our interests, and the entire tone of our relationship. I like that you used the term "tongue in cheek" because there is so much of that type of humor spread throughout our ceremony and reception and it's great.

We're not being rude to our guests in the slightest. We're making the nature and tone of the day abundantly clear right from the get go. If anyone who receives an invitation is uncomfortable with what they see and don't want to attend then that's their choice and we respect that.

RezIpsa · May 2015

I'm sure your guests are well aware that B lists, requiring costumes, an extremely early RSVP date, demanding their presence, etc. are all rude. You are choosing to do those things because your wants come before being polite to your guests. There is absolutely no reason for any of them, and you could have the same party without being rude. You choose not to.

You can say you aren't being rude all you want. No one is fooled into thinking that is the truth, including your guests.

banana468 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
show previous quotes
This may be cute for a Halloween party but it's your wedding invitation. Instead it's chock full of things that are so against proper behavior that it needs to call proper behavior from a different time zone.

1) Nix the B list. It's rude to put some guests as a tier above others.

2) You shouldn't be sending invitations until the very end of August or early September. Your response date is far too early and its flat out rude to force guests to respond so early. With something like that, your guests will be irritated and it's a set up for further disappointment when plans continue to change. Figure out how to handle your invitations with a response date no earlier than October 1st.

3) Required costumes? No. Just no.

4) Gifts shouldn't be mentioned and registries should not be for gift cards.

5) You're making a lifetime commitment to someone here. It shouldn't be treated like a tongue in cheek event.

I actually love it when invitations are worded like this because it gives me clear warning that this is going to be a parade of rudeness and AW behavior. Makes declining a no brainer. Don't change a thing, @BrinkyDink16.

Out of morbid curiosity, why are you choosing to be so rude to your guests when it isn't necessary? A few tweaks and this could be a fun party.

We absolutely are making a lifetime commitment to each other and we're doing it in a way that perfectly reflects our personalities, our interests, and the entire tone of our relationship. I like that you used the term "tongue in cheek" because there is so much of that type of humor spread throughout our ceremony and reception and it's great.

We're not being rude to our guests in the slightest. We're making the nature and tone of the day abundantly clear right from the get go. If anyone who receives an invitation is uncomfortable with what they see and don't want to attend then that's their choice and we respect that.

You can think this all you want but that doesn't make it so. Let me break down the above - again:

1)B-Listing is rude. Period. It says, "We invited people we wanted to see more than you first but now that they declined we have room for you. Look! You're suddenly bumped into first class from coach! Isn't that great!?" Really. Do you want friends and family to feel like your wedding is akin to seating on a plane? That's the message it sends. And it feels rude because it IS rude.

2) Early invitations are rude. It's not fair to expect your guests to know their schedule so far in advance. Many people can't make plans that early simply because their employers don't schedule them that early. And frankly, it's all because of your own selfish choices that you're doing this. You want to make centerpieces and squeeze in extras then do that on your own time and on a schedule that makes sense. Don't balance your wedding planning timing on the backs of your guests who don't give two hoots about whether or not there is dry ice coming out of Castle Grayskull on their table.

3) Requiring attire of any kind is completely inappropriate. In this case, you are actually requiring your guests to potentially step out of their comfort zone and incur extra costs to be a guest at your wedding. The extra cost here should be on you and not your guests. If you want to hand out masks at the door then that's fine. Telling guests that they're forced to wear them is completely inappropriate and I guarantee you that at least some of your guests are judging you and rolling their eyes at this.

4) Again - mentioning gifts of any kind is rude. Registering for gift cards is rude.

And sure, if people don't like this then they can decline - but why are you creating an event that flies in the face of what's acceptable to ask of others?

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

banana468 said:

show previous quotes
BrinkyDink16 said:

You can think this all you want but that doesn't make it so. Let me break down the above - again:

1)B-Listing is rude. Period. It says, "We invited people we wanted to see more than you first but now that they declined we have room for you. Look! You're suddenly bumped into first class from coach! Isn't that great!?" Really. Do you want friends and family to feel like your wedding is akin to seating on a plane? That's the message it sends. And it feels rude because it IS rude.

2) Early invitations are rude. It's not fair to expect your guests to know their schedule so far in advance. Many people can't make plans that early simply because their employers don't schedule them that early. And frankly, it's all because of your own selfish choices that you're doing this. You want to make centerpieces and squeeze in extras then do that on your own time and on a schedule that makes sense. Don't balance your wedding planning timing on the backs of your guests who don't give two hoots about whether or not there is dry ice coming out of Castle Grayskull on their table.

3) Requiring attire of any kind is completely inappropriate. In this case, you are actually requiring your guests to potentially step out of their comfort zone and incur extra costs to be a guest at your wedding. The extra cost here should be on you and not your guests. If you want to hand out masks at the door then that's fine. Telling guests that they're forced to wear them is completely inappropriate and I guarantee you that at least some of your guests are judging you and rolling their eyes at this.

4) Again - mentioning gifts of any kind is rude. Registering for gift cards is rude.

And sure, if people don't like this then they can decline - but why are you creating an event that flies in the face of what's acceptable to ask of others?

1. I completely disagree with this. There are people on our A list that I don't want to invite but we have to because they are family. I'm hoping those people decline so that we can extend the invitation to the twelve or so people on our second list.

2. Early invitations are great because people can plan for it! We went to a wedding last May where we received the invitation in January and needed to respond by February. We loved it because we could immediately request the days we needed off of work and we didn't have any conflicts because they sent them so far in advance.

3. Requiring costumes at a Halloween party is not unusual and that's what our wedding is. A ceremony followed by a kick ass Halloween party.

4. How is registering for gift cards rude? We thought it was a great idea because our friends who are living paycheck to paycheck but want to give us something can pop by Sheetz on their way to the wedding, grab a $15 gift card, and not feel like it isn't good enough because it's what we wanted.

We are not asking anything of anyone that we wouldn't be happy to do ourselves. If, based on our invitation, any invitees are uncomfortable with the event then they don't have to attend. Simple as that.

JennyColada · May 2015

How entitled do you have to be to legitimately think "I'll do whatever I want and if someone has an issue with it then that's their problem!"? Gross. What a crappy way to see your friends and loved ones.

ShesSoCold · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

show previous quotes
banana468 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

You can think this all you want but that doesn't make it so. Let me break down the above - again:

1)B-Listing is rude. Period. It says, "We invited people we wanted to see more than you first but now that they declined we have room for you. Look! You're suddenly bumped into first class from coach! Isn't that great!?" Really. Do you want friends and family to feel like your wedding is akin to seating on a plane? That's the message it sends. And it feels rude because it IS rude.

2) Early invitations are rude. It's not fair to expect your guests to know their schedule so far in advance. Many people can't make plans that early simply because their employers don't schedule them that early. And frankly, it's all because of your own selfish choices that you're doing this. You want to make centerpieces and squeeze in extras then do that on your own time and on a schedule that makes sense. Don't balance your wedding planning timing on the backs of your guests who don't give two hoots about whether or not there is dry ice coming out of Castle Grayskull on their table.

3) Requiring attire of any kind is completely inappropriate. In this case, you are actually requiring your guests to potentially step out of their comfort zone and incur extra costs to be a guest at your wedding. The extra cost here should be on you and not your guests. If you want to hand out masks at the door then that's fine. Telling guests that they're forced to wear them is completely inappropriate and I guarantee you that at least some of your guests are judging you and rolling their eyes at this.

4) Again - mentioning gifts of any kind is rude. Registering for gift cards is rude.

And sure, if people don't like this then they can decline - but why are you creating an event that flies in the face of what's acceptable to ask of others?

1. I completely disagree with this. There are people on our A list that I don't want to invite but we have to because they are family. I'm hoping those people decline so that we can extend the invitation to the twelve or so people on our second list.

2. Early invitations are great because people can plan for it! We went to a wedding last May where we received the invitation in January and needed to respond by February. We loved it because we could immediately request the days we needed off of work and we didn't have any conflicts because they sent them so far in advance.

3. Requiring costumes at a Halloween party is not unusual and that's what our wedding is. A ceremony followed by a kick ass Halloween party.

4. How is registering for gift cards rude? We thought it was a great idea because our friends who are living paycheck to paycheck but want to give us something can pop by Sheetz on their way to the wedding, grab a $15 gift card, and not feel like it isn't good enough because it's what we wanted.

We are not asking anything of anyone that we wouldn't be happy to do ourselves. If, based on our invitation, any invitees are uncomfortable with the event then they don't have to attend. Simple as that.

STUCK IN THE BOX----------------

I really hope a guest of yours comes here to vent on your atrocious event. I NEED to hear about this trainwreck.

MyNameIsNot · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
show previous quotes
This may be cute for a Halloween party but it's your wedding invitation. Instead it's chock full of things that are so against proper behavior that it needs to call proper behavior from a different time zone.

1) Nix the B list. It's rude to put some guests as a tier above others.

2) You shouldn't be sending invitations until the very end of August or early September. Your response date is far too early and its flat out rude to force guests to respond so early. With something like that, your guests will be irritated and it's a set up for further disappointment when plans continue to change. Figure out how to handle your invitations with a response date no earlier than October 1st.

3) Required costumes? No. Just no.

4) Gifts shouldn't be mentioned and registries should not be for gift cards.

5) You're making a lifetime commitment to someone here. It shouldn't be treated like a tongue in cheek event.

I actually love it when invitations are worded like this because it gives me clear warning that this is going to be a parade of rudeness and AW behavior. Makes declining a no brainer. Don't change a thing, @BrinkyDink16.

Out of morbid curiosity, why are you choosing to be so rude to your guests when it isn't necessary? A few tweaks and this could be a fun party.

We absolutely are making a lifetime commitment to each other and we're doing it in a way that perfectly reflects our personalities, our interests, and the entire tone of our relationship. I like that you used the term "tongue in cheek" because there is so much of that type of humor spread throughout our ceremony and reception and it's great.

We're not being rude to our guests in the slightest. We're making the nature and tone of the day abundantly clear right from the get go. If anyone who receives an invitation is uncomfortable with what they see and don't want to attend then that's their choice and we respect that.

This perfectly reflects your personalities?

That's so sad. I would be mortified if "selfish and as rude as possible" reflected my personality. I'm embarrassed for you.

Jen4948 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

show previous quotes
banana468 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

You can think this all you want but that doesn't make it so. Let me break down the above - again:

1)B-Listing is rude. Period. It says, "We invited people we wanted to see more than you first but now that they declined we have room for you. Look! You're suddenly bumped into first class from coach! Isn't that great!?" Really. Do you want friends and family to feel like your wedding is akin to seating on a plane? That's the message it sends. And it feels rude because it IS rude.

2) Early invitations are rude. It's not fair to expect your guests to know their schedule so far in advance. Many people can't make plans that early simply because their employers don't schedule them that early. And frankly, it's all because of your own selfish choices that you're doing this. You want to make centerpieces and squeeze in extras then do that on your own time and on a schedule that makes sense. Don't balance your wedding planning timing on the backs of your guests who don't give two hoots about whether or not there is dry ice coming out of Castle Grayskull on their table.

3) Requiring attire of any kind is completely inappropriate. In this case, you are actually requiring your guests to potentially step out of their comfort zone and incur extra costs to be a guest at your wedding. The extra cost here should be on you and not your guests. If you want to hand out masks at the door then that's fine. Telling guests that they're forced to wear them is completely inappropriate and I guarantee you that at least some of your guests are judging you and rolling their eyes at this.

4) Again - mentioning gifts of any kind is rude. Registering for gift cards is rude.

And sure, if people don't like this then they can decline - but why are you creating an event that flies in the face of what's acceptable to ask of others?

1. I completely disagree with this. There are people on our A list that I don't want to invite but we have to because they are family. I'm hoping those people decline so that we can extend the invitation to the twelve or so people on our second list.

2. Early invitations are great because people can plan for it! We went to a wedding last May where we received the invitation in January and needed to respond by February. We loved it because we could immediately request the days we needed off of work and we didn't have any conflicts because they sent them so far in advance.

3. Requiring costumes at a Halloween party is not unusual and that's what our wedding is. A ceremony followed by a kick ass Halloween party.

4. How is registering for gift cards rude? We thought it was a great idea because our friends who are living paycheck to paycheck but want to give us something can pop by Sheetz on their way to the wedding, grab a $15 gift card, and not feel like it isn't good enough because it's what we wanted.

We are not asking anything of anyone that we wouldn't be happy to do ourselves. If, based on our invitation, any invitees are uncomfortable with the event then they don't have to attend. Simple as that.

The bolded is a sign of a lack of empathy for your guests. I'd be willing to bet that attendance will be very low because of it. Simple as that.

madamerwin · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
show previous quotes

BrinkyDink16 said:

You can think this all you want but that doesn't make it so. Let me break down the above - again:

1)B-Listing is rude. Period. It says, "We invited people we wanted to see more than you first but now that they declined we have room for you. Look! You're suddenly bumped into first class from coach! Isn't that great!?" Really. Do you want friends and family to feel like your wedding is akin to seating on a plane? That's the message it sends. And it feels rude because it IS rude.

2) Early invitations are rude. It's not fair to expect your guests to know their schedule so far in advance. Many people can't make plans that early simply because their employers don't schedule them that early. And frankly, it's all because of your own selfish choices that you're doing this. You want to make centerpieces and squeeze in extras then do that on your own time and on a schedule that makes sense. Don't balance your wedding planning timing on the backs of your guests who don't give two hoots about whether or not there is dry ice coming out of Castle Grayskull on their table.

3) Requiring attire of any kind is completely inappropriate. In this case, you are actually requiring your guests to potentially step out of their comfort zone and incur extra costs to be a guest at your wedding. The extra cost here should be on you and not your guests. If you want to hand out masks at the door then that's fine. Telling guests that they're forced to wear them is completely inappropriate and I guarantee you that at least some of your guests are judging you and rolling their eyes at this.

4) Again - mentioning gifts of any kind is rude. Registering for gift cards is rude.

And sure, if people don't like this then they can decline - but why are you creating an event that flies in the face of what's acceptable to ask of others?

1. I completely disagree with this. There are people on our A list that I don't want to invite but we have to because they are family. I'm hoping those people decline so that we can extend the invitation to the twelve or so people on our second list. Don't invite people to your wedding that you don't actually want there. Also, what happens when those on your A-List start talking at the reception about your early RSVP deadline? Don't you think those 12 second-class guests will realize they got their invites later than everyone else?

2. Early invitations are great because people can plan for it! We went to a wedding last May where we received the invitation in January and needed to respond by February. We loved it because we could immediately request the days we needed off of work and we didn't have any conflicts because they sent them so far in advance. THAT IS WHAT SAVE THE DATES ARE FOR! Plus your earlier argument about how it's sooo nice for guests since they have so much time to plan? They can start planning when they receive the invitations (which should be end of August) - they don't have to wait until the ridiculously early RSVP deadline to begin their planning. I also think you're overestimating how much most people care about Halloween.

3. Requiring costumes at a Halloween party is not unusual and that's what our wedding is. A ceremony followed by a kick ass Halloween party. Your wedding is a wedding, not a Halloween party. A dress code of any sort is rude. I don't always even dress up to go to a Halloween party, let alone a wedding.

4. How is registering for gift cards rude? We thought it was a great idea because our friends who are living paycheck to paycheck but want to give us something can pop by Sheetz on their way to the wedding, grab a $15 gift card, and not feel like it isn't good enough because it's what we wanted. It's registering for cash. It is never appropriate to mention gifts at all, since they are not required. But asking for cash is rude and tacky.

We are not asking anything of anyone that we wouldn't be happy to do ourselves. If, based on our invitation, any invitees are uncomfortable with the event then they don't have to attend. Simple as that. Just because you're happy to do it doesn't mean your guests will be. And don't start with "Well, my family and friends know us, and will be so happy to do what we ask!" Because they will be talking about it behind your back, even if they act happy to your face.

d&bbride2015 · May 2015

MobKaz said:

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d&bbride2015 said:
I'm so lost on how to word our invites and I'm sure these are dumb questions but I swear everywhere I look I get something different so I figured I'd ask you ladies for advice. Thanks in advance

I need some advice with wording on our wedding invites. My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. So does that mean we state on the invite that both he and i are the hosts? OR do we put our parents names as the hosts? My fiancé lost his father recently and wants to put his and his moms name on the invite as hosts. if we would put his parents then we would of course put my parents too.

AND

we are having our ceremony and reception in two different locations. Do we put both of these on the actual invite or do we use a detail card for the reception info? when it comes the reception are we to state that cocktail hour starts at 5:30pm and the reception at 6:30pm or would we just put 5:30pm as a start time?

Please do NOT list your FI's late father on your invitation. Excuse the frankness, but someone deceased cannot possibly host an event. You can mention your FI's father on your programs if you have them.

this is exactly how i feel too but I was kind of afraid of saying it to my fiancé. He just passed in January so it's still a very touchy subject. My fiancé then asked his mom if she would mind and I just sat there staring at him. Oh and i appreciate the frankness that is why I come here for advice. Thanks for your input

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

@MyNameIsNot Our wedding is fun and reflects our love of Halloween and watching horror movies together. Also, we never take anything too seriously and also don't worry about trying to conform to any expectations. We know who we are, we know what we want, and we're going for it with our wedding and our life in general.

@Jen4948 Actually, based on the quick responses we got when asking for addresses we're expecting about a 95% turn out. Our family and friends are incredibly excited and many of them already have their costumes planned out.

@tfmrserwin 1. I should hope there'll be more interesting things to talk about at our reception than what the RSVP deadline was! In any case, the people on the B-List already know they're on it so should the topic come up I'm sure they wouldn't think twice. 2. We're not sending STDs because they're an invention of the wedding industry designed to make couples spend more money. People managed to show up to weddings for hundreds of years with only being invited once, and I have faith that our guests don't need telling twice. I also have faith that I know my guests pretty well and I'm not underestimating anything. Halloween is HUGE in our area and within our families / friend circles specifically. 3. See! That's the crux of the issue! OUR wedding IS a Halloween party. A Halloween party at which we happen to get married! Two awesome events tied together. 4. Of course gifts aren't required, but that doesn't stop people from bringing them! No. So we figured why not be honest and tell them what we really want?

Also, how dare you presume that our friends and family would be so disrespectful as to discuss our wedding behind our back? You do not know us and you do not know them. Every single person I've spoken to about our wedding is excited for it, enjoys the fact that it's a unique event personal to us, and is already planning their costumes. I'm sure there are some distant relatives who won't get it, and they'll probably be the ones whose seats end up going to our B-listers.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

ShesSoCold said:

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BrinkyDink16 said:

banana468 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

STUCK IN THE BOX----------------

I really hope a guest of yours comes here to vent on your atrocious event. I NEED to hear about this trainwreck.

Haha! I sincerely hope they do too! Seems like a lot of people around this site need to see proof that there's more than one way to do things and individuality is not a crime

madamerwin · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:@MyNameIsNot Our wedding is fun and reflects our love of Halloween and watching horror movies together. Also, we never take anything too seriously and also don't worry about trying to conform to any expectations. We know who we are, we know what we want, and we're going for it with our wedding and our life in general.
@Jen4948 Actually, based on the quick responses we got when asking for addresses we're expecting about a 95% turn out. Our family and friends are incredibly excited and many of them already have their costumes planned out.
@tfmrserwin 1. I should hope there'll be more interesting things to talk about at our reception than what the RSVP deadline was! In any case, the people on the B-List already know they're on it so should the topic come up I'm sure they wouldn't think twice. 2. We're not sending STDs because they're an invention of the wedding industry designed to make couples spend more money. People managed to show up to weddings for hundreds of years with only being invited once, and I have faith that our guests don't need telling twice. I also have faith that I know my guests pretty well and I'm not underestimating anything. Halloween is HUGE in our area and within our families / friend circles specifically. 3. See! That's the crux of the issue! OUR wedding IS a Halloween party. A Halloween party at which we happen to get married! Two awesome events tied together. 4. Of course gifts aren't required, but that doesn't stop people from bringing them! No. So we figured why not be honest and tell them what we really want?
Also, how dare you presume that our friends and family would be so disrespectful as to discuss our wedding behind our back? You do not know us and you do not know them. Every single person I've spoken to about our wedding is excited for it, enjoys the fact that it's a unique event personal to us, and is already planning their costumes. I'm sure there are some distant relatives who won't get it, and they'll probably be the ones whose seats end up going to our B-listers.
-----BOXES-----

I dare say it because it happens. No one is going to flat out tell you they think you're going against etiquette, because they do love you and don't want to hurt your feelings. Do you really think that no one in your life would ever dare talk about you in a negative light behind your back? That's a delusional thought.

Example from my real life: I am attending the PPD of a very good friend next month. I side-eye the whole thing. She has been married for a year, but they are re-enacting the ceremony and doing the whole "wedding" thing. Many people don't know they are already married.

Have I told her I think what she is doing is kind of crappy? No. Because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Have others told me they think it's kind of crappy too? Yes, they have. But again, not to the bride.

And now before you come back and say that I'm a crappy person for talking poorly of my friend's etiquette breaches behind her back, I want you to really think about it: Have you never in your entire life said anything negative about someone when not in their presence? If you say you haven't, you are either a saint or a liar.

thespeshulestsnowflake · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
@MyNameIsNot Our wedding is fun and reflects our love of Halloween and watching horror movies together. Also, we never take anything too seriously and also don't worry about trying to conform to any expectations. We know who we are, we know what we want, and we're going for it with our wedding and our life in general.

@Jen4948 Actually, based on the quick responses we got when asking for addresses we're expecting about a 95% turn out. Our family and friends are incredibly excited and many of them already have their costumes planned out.

@tfmrserwin 1. I should hope there'll be more interesting things to talk about at our reception than what the RSVP deadline was! In any case, the people on the B-List already know they're on it so should the topic come up I'm sure they wouldn't think twice. 2. We're not sending STDs because they're an invention of the wedding industry designed to make couples spend more money. People managed to show up to weddings for hundreds of years with only being invited once, and I have faith that our guests don't need telling twice. I also have faith that I know my guests pretty well and I'm not underestimating anything. Halloween is HUGE in our area and within our families / friend circles specifically. 3. See! That's the crux of the issue! OUR wedding IS a Halloween party. A Halloween party at which we happen to get married! Two awesome events tied together. 4. Of course gifts aren't required, but that doesn't stop people from bringing them! No. So we figured why not be honest and tell them what we really want?

Also, how dare you presume that our friends and family would be so disrespectful as to discuss our wedding behind our back? You do not know us and you do not know them. Every single person I've spoken to about our wedding is excited for it, enjoys the fact that it's a unique event personal to us, and is already planning their costumes. I'm sure there are some distant relatives who won't get it, and they'll probably be the ones whose seats end up going to our B-listers.

Does the bolded include marriage?

Also, I have said many times but I have yet to get why people are willing to treat their "loved ones" like shit and expect they to sit there quietly since "they love us." They are your loved ones, why does your vision trump that?

Jen4948 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
@MyNameIsNot Our wedding is fun and reflects our love of Halloween and watching horror movies together. Also, we never take anything too seriously and also don't worry about trying to conform to any expectations. We know who we are, we know what we want, and we're going for it with our wedding and our life in general.

@Jen4948 Actually, based on the quick responses we got when asking for addresses we're expecting about a 95% turn out. Our family and friends are incredibly excited and many of them already have their costumes planned out.

@tfmrserwin 1. I should hope there'll be more interesting things to talk about at our reception than what the RSVP deadline was! In any case, the people on the B-List already know they're on it so should the topic come up I'm sure they wouldn't think twice. 2. We're not sending STDs because they're an invention of the wedding industry designed to make couples spend more money. People managed to show up to weddings for hundreds of years with only being invited once, and I have faith that our guests don't need telling twice. I also have faith that I know my guests pretty well and I'm not underestimating anything. Halloween is HUGE in our area and within our families / friend circles specifically. 3. See! That's the crux of the issue! OUR wedding IS a Halloween party. A Halloween party at which we happen to get married! Two awesome events tied together. 4. Of course gifts aren't required, but that doesn't stop people from bringing them! No. So we figured why not be honest and tell them what we really want?

Also, how dare you presume that our friends and family would be so disrespectful as to discuss our wedding behind our back? You do not know us and you do not know them. Every single person I've spoken to about our wedding is excited for it, enjoys the fact that it's a unique event personal to us, and is already planning their costumes. I'm sure there are some distant relatives who won't get it, and they'll probably be the ones whose seats end up going to our B-listers.

Stuck in box

Re: the bolded: Look, you asked strangers for advice about your extremely rude proposed treatment of your guests, so what else can you expect? You're not only not entitled to validation of your rudeness, but also, guess what? Everyone in the human race talks about weddings outside the presence of the couple getting married-and they are not complimentary when the couple treat their guests, who they expect to take the time, money, and energy out of their lives to make it to the wedding, give the couple a nice gift, and otherwise behave appropriately, like mere props for their "dream vision."

You need to grow up, stop assuming that all of your proposed guests are in love with your ideas because they love you, and start treating them and everyone else involved with your wedding and your life with respect. The sooner the better. Because otherwise, you're going to end up alienating them so badly that not only will you be getting married with none of them present, they will cut you out of their lives.

If you treat people badly, they don't love you, and they talk about it. It reflects badly on you.

MobKaz · May 2015

MyNameIsNot said:

show previous quotes
BrinkyDink16 said:
This may be cute for a Halloween party but it's your wedding invitation. Instead it's chock full of things that are so against proper behavior that it needs to call proper behavior from a different time zone.

1) Nix the B list. It's rude to put some guests as a tier above others.

2) You shouldn't be sending invitations until the very end of August or early September. Your response date is far too early and its flat out rude to force guests to respond so early. With something like that, your guests will be irritated and it's a set up for further disappointment when plans continue to change. Figure out how to handle your invitations with a response date no earlier than October 1st.

3) Required costumes? No. Just no.

4) Gifts shouldn't be mentioned and registries should not be for gift cards.

5) You're making a lifetime commitment to someone here. It shouldn't be treated like a tongue in cheek event.

show previous quotes
I actually love it when invitations are worded like this because it gives me clear warning that this is going to be a parade of rudeness and AW behavior. Makes declining a no brainer. Don't change a thing, @BrinkyDink16.

Out of morbid curiosity, why are you choosing to be so rude to your guests when it isn't necessary? A few tweaks and this could be a fun party.

We absolutely are making a lifetime commitment to each other and we're doing it in a way that perfectly reflects our personalities, our interests, and the entire tone of our relationship. I like that you used the term "tongue in cheek" because there is so much of that type of humor spread throughout our ceremony and reception and it's great.

We're not being rude to our guests in the slightest. We're making the nature and tone of the day abundantly clear right from the get go. If anyone who receives an invitation is uncomfortable with what they see and don't want to attend then that's their choice and we respect that.

This perfectly reflects your personalities?

That's so sad. I would be mortified if "selfish and as rude as possible" reflected my personality. I'm embarrassed for you.

Ohhhhhh.....I see the potential for a great Halloween costume to wear to your party. All I need is a wedding gown, the largest tiara I can find, and a sash that says, "Miss Entitled and Rude"!

MobKaz · May 2015

d&bbride2015 said:

show previous quotes
MobKaz said:

d&bbride2015 said:
I'm so lost on how to word our invites and I'm sure these are dumb questions but I swear everywhere I look I get something different so I figured I'd ask you ladies for advice. Thanks in advance

I need some advice with wording on our wedding invites. My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. So does that mean we state on the invite that both he and i are the hosts? OR do we put our parents names as the hosts? My fiancé lost his father recently and wants to put his and his moms name on the invite as hosts. if we would put his parents then we would of course put my parents too.

AND

we are having our ceremony and reception in two different locations. Do we put both of these on the actual invite or do we use a detail card for the reception info? when it comes the reception are we to state that cocktail hour starts at 5:30pm and the reception at 6:30pm or would we just put 5:30pm as a start time?

Please do NOT list your FI's late father on your invitation. Excuse the frankness, but someone deceased cannot possibly host an event. You can mention your FI's father on your programs if you have them.
this is exactly how i feel too but I was kind of afraid of saying it to my fiancé. He just passed in January so it's still a very touchy subject. My fiancé then asked his mom if she would mind and I just sat there staring at him. Oh and i appreciate the frankness that is why I come here for advice. Thanks for your input

Because the passing is so recent is another reason why it should not be done. It could upset many guests to see his name on the invitation.

Try to find a time to explain to your FI that you are not trying to dismiss or disrespect his father. There are many ways that FI's father can be included in more appropriate and subtle ways. As I said, he can be mentioned in the ceremony program. You could incorporate one of his favorite foods in your reception dinner, or a favorite drink at the bar. You could play a favorite upbeat song of his at the reception. Under no circumstances should a deceased person be listed on any invitation.

Invite Wording question

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