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Is personal attendant an "honor" role?

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Re: Is personal attendant an "honor" role?

  • anniewalkerxanniewalkerx member
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    MagicInk said:

    littlepep said:




    HA I am that person that always has hand sani, a tide pen, etc in my purse too. I also keep a wine opener in there because there is nothing worse that having a bottle of wine that you can't open. 
    image
    Not being able to open a bottle of wine is not an option.

    College Tip*:

    Step one: Steak knife that cork
    Step two: Sweat, stare at the still unopened bottle of wine in fury
    Step three: more steak knifing
    Step Four: Wonder what the point of existence is as it's still not open
    Step Five: Additional murderous steak kniving
    Step Six: enjoy your wine, which is now full of delicious floating cork bits.


    *You should just buy a wine opener probably


    image
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    In a pinch, I use a screwdriver to open wine bottles.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    In my mind, asking someone to be your "personal attendant" is basically asking them to be your bitch. Not an honor in the least. I would rather attend a wedding as a guest (and be left out of the bridal party) than be someone's personal attendant.

    I'm no one's bitch.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    MagicInk said:

    MagicInk said:

    flbride2015 said:

    sjf2715 said:

    I agree with PPs. I was in the same spot - I have a close group of girlfriends but I am closer to a few than I am to all so I didn't ask everyone to be bridesmaids. I asked the others if they would like to get ready with us, hang out with us before the ceremony, asked them to appear in some formal pre- and post-ceremony photos, gave them a corsage, invited them to the rehearsal dinner, etc. but they had no title, no job, and everything was optional. They weren't 'required' to be in photos, or attend the RD or get hair and makeup done with us. They ended up participating in parts, but not all that they were invited to.

    My husband had a "grooms attendant" but that was more on his best man's wife than on him. She just likes to be 'involved' and basically followed the guys around with a lint roller and stain removing wipes. No one asked her to do this, she just did. It was very much so her perfectionist self - I thought it was adorable.

    Am I the only one who thinks this is not adorable and instead pretty weird? I'm not a jealous person but I'm not sure how I would feel about one of my FI friend's wives following them around all day; that doesn't seem strange?
    Because if a woman is near your FI....he might try to bang her? 

    Sounds like she's part of the group and they were fine with it. I assume grown ups can speak up and say "Dude, your wife needs to mosey" if they were bothered by her presence. But if they just like her tagging along and she likes tagging along, then I don't see the problem.
    I don't think it's weird from a jealousy perspective, but I do think it's odd that she'd want to follow them around with a lint roller and stain wipes. If she was just like having a beer with the guys while they get ready, I'd be like ah ok she just wants to chill with the guys. Cleaning up after them all day just seems ...overbearing? Idk the right word. 
    ***No Go on the boxes***



    It seems a little mothering. But it also sounds like she just had these things if they needed them. Not that at every time she was lint rolling them.

    I married one of those people. Wifey always has a lint roller, some kind of pain realiver, wet wipes, hand sanitizer, some bandaids, ect. in her purse. She doesn't follow people around and run a lint roller over them (cause that'd be weird) but if someone goes "Oh I really need X", she goes in her purse and gets it out. Type A always prepared type. 

    In contrast I have a deck of cards and silly puddy in my purse.


    I am a combination of both you AND your wife.  I have a backpack I carry everywhere.  Inside is a toiletries bag with lotion, hand sanitizer, wet-wipes, tweezers, etc.  In another bag are otc pain relievers, allergy meds, and bandaids.  In another bag are chargers for everything and an extra battery for my flashlight, and a flashlight.  AND I once saved a game of Cranium when the clay in the game was hard and rotting because I had a can of Play-Doh because I love the smell.
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    MagicInk said:

    littlepep said:




    HA I am that person that always has hand sani, a tide pen, etc in my purse too. I also keep a wine opener in there because there is nothing worse that having a bottle of wine that you can't open. 
    image
    Did you know that in a pinch, a screw and a hammer (with the claw end) works really well?

    ...not that I carry screws and a hammer in my purse, but. You know. Pushes eventually come to shoves and you gotta do what you gotta do.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    image
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    hellosweetie1015 said:

    MagicInk said:

    littlepep said:




    HA I am that person that always has hand sani, a tide pen, etc in my purse too. I also keep a wine opener in there because there is nothing worse that having a bottle of wine that you can't open. 
    image
    Did you know that in a pinch, a screw and a hammer (with the claw end) works really well?

    ...not that I carry screws and a hammer in my purse, but. You know. Pushes eventually come to shoves and you gotta do what you gotta do.
    My husband did that.  I have a swiss army pocket knife, but couldn't find it.  H got his screw gun and put two screws in the cork and managed to get it out that way.
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  • Knottie23368624Knottie23368624 member
    First Comment
    I have three "hostesses" for my upcoming wedding...I have seen a lot of posts on here about how it's not cool to do but when I included them in this role I guess I thought it was Normal because most weddings I've been to have had hostesses and ushers...we have both and it's just a way to include others to be a part of the festivities...get ready together, rehearsals, pictures, and such...I guess the only things they wouldn't be doing is standing up at the alter when I'm getting married but im not looking to have them do any crazy tasks for me...but I see both sides...
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    Knottie23368624 said:

    I have three "hostesses" for my upcoming wedding...I have seen a lot of posts on here about how it's not cool to do but when I included them in this role I guess I thought it was Normal because most weddings I've been to have had hostesses and ushers...we have both and it's just a way to include others to be a part of the festivities...get ready together, rehearsals, pictures, and such...I guess the only things they wouldn't be doing is standing up at the alter when I'm getting married but im not looking to have them do any crazy tasks for me...but I see both sides...




    Normal doesn't equal okay. The only hostess at your wedding should be you or your mom (or someone similar).
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    No, "personal attendant" or any other "role" involving "working" the wedding for free is not an "honor." It's insulting and even hurtful because it's indirectly telling the person you're asking to do this that you don't care enough about them to truly honor them. Being a guest is an honor.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Knottie23368624 said:

    I have three "hostesses" for my upcoming wedding...I have seen a lot of posts on here about how it's not cool to do but when I included them in this role I guess I thought it was Normal because most weddings I've been to have had hostesses and ushers...we have both and it's just a way to include others to be a part of the festivities...get ready together, rehearsals, pictures, and such...I guess the only things they wouldn't be doing is standing up at the alter when I'm getting married but im not looking to have them do any crazy tasks for me...but I see both sides...

    So basically these three "hostesses" just weren't good enough for hte BM title.  Since basically they are doing exactly what BMs do, except the main thing which is to stand up next to you on you wedding day.  You are basically telling these people "I love you, but just not enough to make you a BM."  Nice.

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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
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    Knottie23368624 said:

    I have three "hostesses" for my upcoming wedding...I have seen a lot of posts on here about how it's not cool to do but when I included them in this role I guess I thought it was Normal because most weddings I've been to have had hostesses and ushers...we have both and it's just a way to include others to be a part of the festivities...get ready together, rehearsals, pictures, and such...I guess the only things they wouldn't be doing is standing up at the alter when I'm getting married but im not looking to have them do any crazy tasks for me...but I see both sides...

    A hostess is what you are when you specifically invite people to an event you, yourself, are "hosting".  Not a b list title for "bitch for a day".

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  • kns1988kns1988 member
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    lolo883 said:

    I would not be honored by this.


    Nor was I honored to hand out programs.
    I would never ask an adult to hand out programs when a basket can do the job just as well, but we did have H's 10-year-old nephew hand out our programs. He was thrilled to be involved in the wedding, it gave him something to do while waiting for it to start, and we have a really adorable picture of him. Still, I think that's a job that a kid could do if they want to, but it's pretty pointless to ask an adult to do it as an "honor." 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Knottie23368624 said:

    I have three "hostesses" for my upcoming wedding...I have seen a lot of posts on here about how it's not cool to do but when I included them in this role I guess I thought it was Normal because most weddings I've been to have had hostesses and ushers...we have both and it's just a way to include others to be a part of the festivities...get ready together, rehearsals, pictures, and such...I guess the only things they wouldn't be doing is standing up at the alter when I'm getting married but im not looking to have them do any crazy tasks for me...but I see both sides...

    The hostess is the person who issues the invitations and receives the RSVPs. Unless these people did that, they were not hostesses. It sounds like they were just runner-up bridesmaids. 

    It's so sad that you've seen other people treat "friends" this way, and it somehow makes you think that this is anything other than a slap in the face. It's a shame you can't think for yourself and treat people better than that, especially people you call friends. 

    "Here is a bullshit job because you are not good enough to be a BM" is never ok. 
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