Wedding Party

Unfriendly FSIL as a Bridesmaid?

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Re: Unfriendly FSIL as a Bridesmaid?

  • Alright people, I get your point. Good grief I was just giving an example of something.
  • @Knottie42669964 STOP TRYING TO DELETE THINGS. You cannot delete things once they are quoted.


    Now go and answer the questions in your guest list thread. We want to know.

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  • Alright people, I get your point. Good grief I was just giving an example of something.

    Right. An example to of a way to tun an uneasy relationship into a volatile one.

  • Actually where I am from literally every single wedding I have been to has a greeter/guest book attendant. Everyone has a different way of doing this and each family is different. I know a lot of adults who felt honored to be a greeter at weddings.
  • Actually where I am from literally every single wedding I have been to has a greeter/guest book attendant. Everyone has a different way of doing this and each family is different. I know a lot of adults who felt honored to be a greeter at weddings.



    Just  because it's common, doesn't mean it's not rude. If you want a greeter or guest book attendant, hire one. Don't give these "jobs" to people who are supposed to be your guests.

    Unless you want them to be in your wedding party or do a reading, all those other "jobs" should be nonexistent or be given to someone you pay.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • Actually where I am from literally every single wedding I have been to has a greeter/guest book attendant. Everyone has a different way of doing this and each family is different. I know a lot of adults who felt honored to be a greeter at weddings.

    Let me guess...the person who "gets" to be the greeter/guest book attendant is someone who COULD be in the wedding party but isn't quite good enough or well-liked so they're given this honored job of standing alone, not socializing with friends/family, and saying "Hello! Please sign Knottie#s and Fiance's guest book" to hundreds of people. Yea, that sounds awesome. I bet there are people lining up down the block to do that.

    Seriously, I don't understand why people think it's an honor to assign jobs. Treat guests like guests. Would you invite someone to a dinner party at your house and then say "hey can you please open the door when the doorbell rings and take people's coats?" No. You would not. Just because it's your super special princess day doesn't give you carte blanche to dole out crappy jobs and prevent guests from being guests. Hire someone or make a damn sign.
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  • Aside from the sidetracked guest book discussion, I agree with everyone (except that one about being in a locked room with a nemesis - anyone else remember that one episode of The Shield where only one of the gang members comes out alive?).

    It's true, the wedding it's all about you and your wedding. It's about you, your partner, and the people who will be celebrating your happiness with you. I'm planning my 2nd wedding now, and I learned the hard way that when a SIL doesn't like you, then there's nothing you can do. In fact, it's a competition of superiority with some of them. It's like they're losing their place as favorite, and try to undermine you. Don't you fall for that crap. You need to put the slamdown with your FI regarding this, because really his and his mom's relationship with his brother is a bigger breakdown than you and your SIL not getting along. His brother decided to marry that woman, and your FI and FMIL probably think of you as the bridge to bring the bro closer (because chances are, and I'm just assuming, that SIL isn' the most favorite person in the family). You need to tell you FI that you wouldn't force someone he hated to be his groomsman, and he needs to drop the notion that having someone who has NO respect for you (I mean really, I'll be surprised if she Doesn't show up in a white dress to your wedding) to be in your wedding party.

    I'm glad to see you're sticking by your polite spine, and are saying no. Keep doing that. This isn't, and never was, and issue between you and FSIL, she's probably been an issue before you ever came along. Some people are like that. (If anything, I learned that completely ignoring them and yet being polite and courteous with them and being engaging with others drives people like your SIL mad. It's a beautiful spectacle, it's also really hilarious that the less you care, the more stupid they look.) So stop caring about her, stop going out of your way for her, just stop even acknowledging her existence. Besides a polite "hello, how are you? I hope you've/your kids have been well? isn't this a beautiful day?" you don't engage. Even when you ask the above polite questions, don't engage in conversation or follow up questions, and don't ask open-ended questions.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2015
    Bleve0821 said:

    Thanks for the advice, guys. I do want to mention that my FI isn't blaming me for anything, he's just disappointed that he can't have the inclusive relationship he wants with his brother and SIL because of the tension between us.  I've told him repeatedly I'm quite happy to stay home and binge watch Drop Dead Diva while he hangs out with them, but he's adamant that we come as a unit.  I can't really argue with that, because it's a valid point, but at the same time it's ridiculous.  He hasn't made an effort to get to know her because of this stupid drama.  



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    I think you get my point. I wanted to reach through the computer and slap some sense into your FI.  He needs to man up and start having your back.  He needs to stop forcing you into uncomfortable situations.  He needs to stop trying to control your wedding party.  HE NEEDS TO PUT YOU FIRST!!!


    Everything else is

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    I am going to add a small ETA.  BF has a friend, a very close friend, he calls him brother and loves him like one.  I despise this friend, loathe him, can't fucking stand him.  BF knows this, understands why I do.  Guess what he never makes me do?! HANG OUT WITH HIM!  When said friend is in town, they get together without me, because BF treats my like a grown ass woman who can make her own damn decisions about she associates with.

  • Actually where I am from literally every single wedding I have been to has a greeter/guest book attendant. Everyone has a different way of doing this and each family is different. I know a lot of adults who felt honored to be a greeter at weddings.

    I've been this person. At 16, I HAD to (my mom made me) be the "guest book person" at my brother's wedding. Neither my brother nor his then-wife knew how bad I didn't want to do it. I begged my mom not not make me sit there like a loser all alone at that table. She said I'd hurt my brother's feelings if I didn't, and gave me some dumb line about how I was part of the wedding. She did offer to let me bring a guest (she paid for their wedding, and had a lot of input on the guest list). I had my best friend come and hang out with me as I did what I just knew was a made up job. 
  • Was your FI thinking that asking your FSIL to be in the wedding party would fix things between you? If so, that's a terrible idea. Weddings shouldn't be used to fix messed up relationships. 

    You should never, ever feel obligated to include someone in your wedding party who makes you uncomfortable. If it's that important to your FI, he can have her stand on his side.

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  • I would definitely NOT ask her to be in your wedding party. These girls should be the ones who you would call to give you a ride to the airport at 4 AM. Ask her to do a reading instead, or tell your fiance to include her on HIS side (she could wear a black dress to match with the groomsmen, who you would probably just want to call wedding attendants then).
  • KatWAG said:

    Actually where I am from literally every single wedding I have been to has a greeter/guest book attendant. Everyone has a different way of doing this and each family is different. I know a lot of adults who felt honored to be a greeter at weddings.




    To quote Sex and the City: (I tried/ failed to find a gif)

    "Sex and the City: The Chicken Dance (#2.7)" (1999)

    Carrie: I better find Big.
    Miranda: I'm coming with you.
    Carrie: Can you leave the guest book unattended?
    Miranda: It's a bullshit job Carrie, people know what to do with the guest book!

    Miranda: Guess what? The guest book person is also the put the gifts in the van person. Does anybody wanna help me or should I just go stand out in the street and wait for somebody else not to see me so I can end it?
    Carrie: I'll help you, what street do you wanna stand in?

    This is one of my favorite episodes! Absolutely hysterical!!!
    "He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Bronte
  • Actually where I am from literally every single wedding I have been to has a greeter/guest book attendant. Everyone has a different way of doing this and each family is different. I know a lot of adults who felt honored to be a greeter at weddings.

    I've been this person. At 16, I HAD to (my mom made me) be the "guest book person" at my brother's wedding. Neither my brother nor his then-wife knew how bad I didn't want to do it. I begged my mom not not make me sit there like a loser all alone at that table. She said I'd hurt my brother's feelings if I didn't, and gave me some dumb line about how I was part of the wedding. She did offer to let me bring a guest (she paid for their wedding, and had a lot of input on the guest list). I had my best friend come and hang out with me as I did what I just knew was a made up job. 
    I've been this person too. And I agree it sucks. I didn't want to do it. I felt like an idiot because most people know when they enter a wedding to sign book, go sit down where all the chairs are. I think my uncle did it because my sister was a flower girl, my mom was a bridesmaid and I was assigned the crappy task (with another person mind you) to help the guest book get signed. It was his way of making me feel "included", I would have rather sat in a seat like a normal person. 
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