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WWTKD: So on the radio this morning...

classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
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in Chit Chat

There was a caller that called in about her BF of five years.  Apparently, he told her that if she ever wanted to get married to him, that she had to agree to an open marriage, she was stunned by this and didn't know what to do and obviously turned to the court of public opinion. 

From what I could gather they have been in a monogamous relationship these past five years, at least as far as she knows and he wants to get engaged but only if she agrees to his stipulation.... 

Personally, I think she should run far and fast.  Not necessarily about the open marriage stuff, it works for some, but because of his out of the blue demand that if you want to get married you have to agree to this and well I'd have some serious doubts about his fidelity up to this point.  It sounds like there is a fundamental breakdown of communication here and I would never go into a marriage that way personally.

 

So WWTKD...

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Re: WWTKD: So on the radio this morning...

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    classicalandedgy said:

    There was a caller that called in about her BF of five years.  Apparently, he told her that if she ever wanted to get married to him, that she had to agree to an open marriage, she was stunned by this and didn't know what to do and obviously turned to the court of public opinion. 

    From what I could gather they have been in a monogamous relationship these past five years, at least as far as she knows and he wants to get engaged but only if she agrees to his stipulation.... 

    Personally, I think she should run far and fast.  Not necessarily about the open marriage stuff, it works for some, but because of his out of the blue demand that if you want to get married you have to agree to this and well I'd have some serious doubts about his fidelity up to this point.  It sounds like there is a fundamental breakdown of communication here and I would never go into a marriage that way personally.

     

    So WWTKD...

    Yep. This isn't a couple discussing leaving the toilet seat up or whether to move closer to her parents versus the better school district. This is/should be a dealbreaker. 
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    I've talked before about my ex. He did a lot of shady things, but one that is relevant to this thread was after being on/off for several years, he called me up one day and said "life is short," and he wanted to be with me, exclusively. It made me so happy I cried. I thought it was like a fairy tale.

    Just a couple days later, he pulls the rug out from under me and reveals that what he meant was I would be exclusive to him, but he was free to pursue encounters with other women. But at that point, I felt so special and chosen and so scared of losing him that I agreed.

    People will justify all kinds of things they aren't comfortable with because they're scared of being rejected or alone. Having gone through what I've gone through I would absolutely not be okay with someone changing the game like that. He doesn't sound like he actually wants to get married and he's going to some pretty gross lengths to make that clear.
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  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
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    flutteringinfl said:

    I've talked before about my ex. He did a lot of shady things, but one that is relevant to this thread was after being on/off for several years, he called me up one day and said "life is short," and he wanted to be with me, exclusively. It made me so happy I cried. I thought it was like a fairy tale.


    Just a couple days later, he pulls the rug out from under me and reveals that what he meant was I would be exclusive to him, but he was free to pursue encounters with other women. But at that point, I felt so special and chosen and so scared of losing him that I agreed.

    People will justify all kinds of things they aren't comfortable with because they're scared of being rejected or alone. Having gone through what I've gone through I would absolutely not be okay with someone changing the game like that. He doesn't sound like he actually wants to get married and he's going to some pretty gross lengths to make that clear.

    Exactly!  It wasn't discussed but in my mind I kept thinking that this "open" marriage would be a one way street proposition.

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  • littlepeplittlepep member
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    This guy sounds like a jerk honestly. He is making demands without discussing anything with her first? NOPE. An open relationship is something that BOTH parties have to agree on. Otherwise, that's called cheating. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    I couldn't agree to that. 

    And even if I was super excited about an open marriage, I wouldn't like his approach. Especially if it's never been a thing in their relationship. If it had, I could see it more. 

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    lolo883 said:

    I'd be so far gone, not asking anyone else's opinion. That's the kind of thing you either know you're up for or you're not, and should have been discussed AT THE BEGINNING. No way. Bye.

    This. If that's the kind of relationship he wants, I would be PISSED that he wasn't up-front with me about it 5 years ago when we first started dating. I know open marriages work well for some people, but I could never have that sort of relationship, and I'd be gone. Long gone. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    littlepep said:

    This guy sounds like a jerk honestly. He is making demands without discussing anything with her first? NOPE. An open relationship is something that BOTH parties have to agree on. Otherwise, that's called cheating. 

    I agree with this. Chick needs to run, and run away quickly. I'm sure there's someone much better suited to her out there somewhere. 
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    So what did the court of public opinion tell her?
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    Yeahhhhhh, no. Even if I WAS interested in pursuing this sort of relationship, the ultimatum would be my cue to mosey.
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  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
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    flutteringinfl said:

    So what did the court of public opinion tell her?


    Run... run away...

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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
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    Cause for immediate break up.
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    classicalandedgy said:

    flutteringinfl said:

    So what did the court of public opinion tell her?


    Run... run away...
    Good! Let's hope she does.
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  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
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    novella1186 said:

    lolo883 said:

    I'd be so far gone, not asking anyone else's opinion. That's the kind of thing you either know you're up for or you're not, and should have been discussed AT THE BEGINNING. No way. Bye.

    This. If that's the kind of relationship he wants, I would be PISSED that he wasn't up-front with me about it 5 years ago when we first started dating. I know open marriages work well for some people, but I could never have that sort of relationship, and I'd be gone. Long gone. 

    Honestly, I felt so badly for her she was crying and everything.  Me, I think if my BF of five years came out of the blue and told me that, I would be rage-y and there would be no further discussion besides fuck you I'm out of here. 

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    edited April 2015
    classicalandedgy said:

     

    novella1186 said:

    lolo883 said:

    I'd be so far gone, not asking anyone else's opinion. That's the kind of thing you either know you're up for or you're not, and should have been discussed AT THE BEGINNING. No way. Bye.

    This. If that's the kind of relationship he wants, I would be PISSED that he wasn't up-front with me about it 5 years ago when we first started dating. I know open marriages work well for some people, but I could never have that sort of relationship, and I'd be gone. Long gone. 

    Honestly, I felt so badly for her she was crying and everything.  Me, I think if my BF of five years came out of the blue and told me that, I would be rage-y and there would be no further discussion besides fuck you I'm out of here. 
    ugh that would be a sad thing to hear :( Poor lady. I just hope she runs away, and gets over the hurt now. Because if she stays, there will be many many years of hurt ahead of her. 
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  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
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    I kind of hated the way the radio personality phrased it too, when she opened up the phone lines... She was basically like so "ladies would you agree to an open marriage just to get the ring."  I was like WTF, a marriage is not about a fucking ring...  This is so much part of what is wrong with the world, this superficiality thinking a ring is what is important, and also trivializing this poor girls feelings.

     

    But then again, if you go on the radio to get relationship advice.  I guess this is what happens.   

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  • esstee33esstee33 member
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    edited July 2015
    Oh hell no. Not only do I not do ultimatums, I'd also never have an open marriage again. 
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
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    I think sometimes radio stations make up stories and have their own staff call in a topic, to get their listens riled up.  
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    classicalandedgy said:

    I kind of hated the way the radio personality phrased it too, when she opened up the phone lines... She was basically like so "ladies would you agree to an open marriage just to get the ring."  I was like WTF, a marriage is not about a fucking ring...  This is so much part of what is wrong with the world, this superficiality thinking a ring is what is important, and also trivializing this poor girls feelings.

    But then again, if you go on the radio to get relationship advice.  I guess this is what happens.   

    Wut?
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    KatWAG said:

    I think sometimes radio stations make up stories and have their own staff call in a topic, to get their listens riled up.  

    Yeah, but shit like this does happen. See my story above. I'm certain that if we got married, the same "rules" would have applied.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
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    flutteringinfl said:

    KatWAG said:

    I think sometimes radio stations make up stories and have their own staff call in a topic, to get their listens riled up.  

    Yeah, but shit like this does happen. See my story above. I'm certain that if we got married, the same "rules" would have applied.
    I understand that situation like this do happen. But I think more often than not, these type of stories are planted by the radio stations to get higher ratings.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Nope.   I have friends in an open marriage but they entered into it with a lot of discussion - not an ultimatum.

    And there's no way this would work for me.   DH is mine!  
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  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
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    KatWAG said:

    flutteringinfl said:

    KatWAG said:

    I think sometimes radio stations make up stories and have their own staff call in a topic, to get their listens riled up.  

    Yeah, but shit like this does happen. See my story above. I'm certain that if we got married, the same "rules" would have applied.
    I understand that situation like this do happen. But I think more often than not, these type of stories are planted by the radio stations to get higher ratings.
    Unfortunately, I think this particular situation was real, she was so distraught.  I too do think sometimes it's a set up too.  There just can't be this many people that are willing to go on the local radio station and air their business!

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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    flutteringinfl said:

    KatWAG said:

    I think sometimes radio stations make up stories and have their own staff call in a topic, to get their listens riled up.  

    Yeah, but shit like this does happen. See my story above. I'm certain that if we got married, the same "rules" would have applied.
    I understand that situation like this do happen. But I think more often than not, these type of stories are planted by the radio stations to get higher ratings.
    They are.

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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
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    edited April 2015
    Ultimatums do not make for a good marriage.
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  • kvrunskvruns member
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    ashley8918 said:

    flutteringinfl said:


    I understand that situation like this do happen. But I think more often than not, these type of stories are planted by the radio stations to get higher ratings.
    They are.



    That article mentions War of the Roses - I totally thought that was a bit that the local station used to do (I don't listen to them anymore, maybe they still do it) and not a national segment on lots of stations.  I never understood why someone would agree to have that taped and aired.  now I know! 
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
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    classicalandedgy said:

    KatWAG said:

    flutteringinfl said:

    KatWAG said:

    I think sometimes radio stations make up stories and have their own staff call in a topic, to get their listens riled up.  

    Yeah, but shit like this does happen. See my story above. I'm certain that if we got married, the same "rules" would have applied.
    I understand that situation like this do happen. But I think more often than not, these type of stories are planted by the radio stations to get higher ratings.
    Unfortunately, I think this particular situation was real, she was so distraught.  I too do think sometimes it's a set up too.  There just can't be this many people that are willing to go on the local radio station and air their business!
    Or she is a good actor.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    classicalandedgy said:

    flutteringinfl said:

    KatWAG said:

    I think sometimes radio stations make up stories and have their own staff call in a topic, to get their listens riled up.  

    Yeah, but shit like this does happen. See my story above. I'm certain that if we got married, the same "rules" would have applied.
    I understand that situation like this do happen. But I think more often than not, these type of stories are planted by the radio stations to get higher ratings.
    Unfortunately, I think this particular situation was real, she was so distraught.  I too do think sometimes it's a set up too.  There just can't be this many people that are willing to go on the local radio station and air their business!


    I sincerely doubt it. Literally almost every single one of these scenarios are made up.

    My sister interned at a radio station in Chicago for a while, and one of her jobs was to be one of the "callers". 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015
    .
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
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    pinkrevenge said:

    If she's not into open relationships then yes, she needs to run. And as she's running she needs to say "So for the last five years you didn't bring up that you expected this WHY???"

    Because dude, all of the fuck no to that. Imagine not talking about shit like kids or religion or some other incredibly important factor for five fucking years. Who does that?

    I legit do not understand how people don't talk about this kind of stuff, but some don't. THAT is the kind of stuff you need to be aligned on before you get married. Who does the dishes is the kind of shit that can be sorted out later. Religion? Kids? Money? Not so much. 
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