Not inviting bridesmaids boyfriend?

KatWAG · April 2015

Knottie49459352 said:
I wasn't saying length is the only factor. But if they didn't just start dating then maybe I could handle his disrespect better, I'm not sure though. her boyfriend doesn't have respect for me. If I invite them over for say dinner, we will smoke in my house (cigarettes and pot) even though i have said many times not to. He is extremely disrespectful that's just one situation.

They didn't "just start dating." They have been together for SIX months. People have met, started dating, got engaged and been married in under six months.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

KatWAG said:

Knottie49459352 said:
I wasn't saying length is the only factor. But if they didn't just start dating then maybe I could handle his disrespect better, I'm not sure though. her boyfriend doesn't have respect for me. If I invite them over for say dinner, we will smoke in my house (cigarettes and pot) even though i have said many times not to. He is extremely disrespectful that's just one situation.
They didn't "just start dating." They have been together for SIX months. People have met, started dating, got engaged and been married in under six months.

My parents were married two months after meeting. Thirty nine years later...

littlepep · April 2015

He sounds like he pretty unpleasant. We have some friends who SOs are also unpleasant. That's not an excuse to not invite him.

You don't get to judge how serious she is with him though. It's her relationship. You don't have to like him, but you have to invite him.

LD1970 · April 2015

adk19 said:

KatWAG said:

Knottie49459352 said:
I wasn't saying length is the only factor. But if they didn't just start dating then maybe I could handle his disrespect better, I'm not sure though. her boyfriend doesn't have respect for me. If I invite them over for say dinner, we will smoke in my house (cigarettes and pot) even though i have said many times not to. He is extremely disrespectful that's just one situation.
They didn't "just start dating." They have been together for SIX months. People have met, started dating, got engaged and been married in under six months.
My parents were married two months after meeting. Thirty nine years later...

Yup, mine were married 5 months after their first date. They're at 46 years now.

And if anyone acted like this in MY house (which isn't possible, because no one would dare) he'd be out on his ass & neither one of them would be invited back. And neither one of them, if she was still with him, might be invited to my wedding if it was that bad. Because if I invited HER, I'd have to invite HIM, and if I couldn't handle having HIM there, I couldn't invite HER either.

THAT was your solution. Invite neither. But you've already asked her to be a bridesmaid, which means she's invited, which means he's invited too. Deal.

VulgarGirl · April 2015

scribe95 said:
You control your house. If he lights up you tell him to go outside or leave. What is so hard about that?

You can't be a martyr if you stand up for yourself.

MyNameIsNot · April 2015

Knottie49459352 said:
She just ignores it because "thats him & she doesn't want to change him". 7 months ago she got out of a 4 year relationship & he's just this bad boy she's dating.

Clearly, you have no respect for this "friend" and enjoy judging her and her relationship.

Is this just what you do for entertainment, or is there some other reason that she is invited to your wedding? Because it's pretty obvious that it isn't because you care about her.

huskypuppy14 · April 2015

saric83 said:
Then stop inviting him over to your house, but that is definitely NOT an acceptable reason to not invite him.

We absolutely loathed my SIL (now ex-SIL ), and she was without a doubt, the rudest person I've ever met, and everyone in the entire family hated her very much. Did we still suck it up and invite her? Of course.

Ditto (except for the ex-SIL part

)

MollyandD · April 2015

Whether your friend and her boyfriend one day get married, or they break up tomorrow, really is beside the point. They are together right now and are a social unit. Invite both or invite neither.

lovesclimbing · April 2015

Knottie49459352 said:
I kind of understand, except my FI and I have been together 5 years and her & her boyfriend less than 6 months. Our relationships aren't comparable.

So how would you judge the significance of mine and my sisters' relationships:

I dated my husband for six months, was engaged for six months, and have now been married for two and a half years.

My older sister dated her husband for four years, they were engaged for one year, and they have now been married for just under a year.

My younger sister dated her husband for two years, they were engaged for six months, they have now been married for a year and half, and she is six months pregnant.

As for the weed and cigarettes in the house - yes, that is a terrible of him if you've asked him not to, but you need to enforce it. If someone tried to smoke in my house, I would tell them not to and if they continued, they would cease being my friend and I would kick them out.

speakeasy14 · April 2015

PP's have covered everything, but going to add a personal note:

I was a bridesmaid for a girl who had the same thought process as you regarding others' relationships. She decided that if she didn't know or like a person's significant other, they were not allowed to bring them. My best friend and I were specifically told we could not bring our boyfriend's. This was the beginning of our falling out as it opened a door to other "rules" she had for us. We are no longer friends with that girl.

Judging your friend's relationship tells her that you do not care about your friendship or her.

Not inviting bridesmaids boyfriend?

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