Pre-wedding Parties

Question on Bridal Showers

Hi ladies!

  So my wedding is in October and my Mom has graciously offered to host my bridal shower. On my side of the family there are approximately 21ish women - including my bridesmaids and friends. My grandmother thinks we need to extend an invitation to my FMIL as well but my Fi thinks she'll be uncomfortable since she doesn't know anyone but me - even my Mom. My mom has considered inviting his side, but my side of the family thinks it's too many people/too much for my Mom. I don't think my Mom can host an additional 20 people from my Fi's side of the family especially if it's at her house since we don't have the space. I don't need a shower at all and I'm very grateful for the one my Mom wants to host, but I don't want to start drama and neither does my Mom.

What do you ladies recommend? Were you worried about offending your Fi's side? What did you do? Thanks in advance!

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Re: Question on Bridal Showers

  • I always think it's a nice gesture to invite the mothers to bridal showers (no matter which side is throwing it). So I would invite her. If she doesn't want to come because she's uncomfortable, then she will decline. That way, she knows she's invited and can accept or decline.

    I would not invite his entire extended family. If your mom can afford to host 22 people, wonderful. Then that's how many you should invite. If his side wants to throw you a shower, they can offer to do so.
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    ElcaBJaniV123
  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would absolutely invite FMIL. She'll decide whether it'd be too uncomfortable herself and can RSVP accordingly. 
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  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    No matter what, I definitely think you should invite your FMIL, but if your mother cannot host the additional people from your FI's side she is not obligated to. If your FMIL gets questions from her relatives about a shower she can respond to them:

    "Yes blushingbride is having a bridal shower, however it's being hosted by her mother and for her side of the family" (or something slightly more eloquent then that).

     If those family members really were hoping to attend a shower for you, perhaps they will put one together for that side of them family. It is not uncommon for some brides to have multiple showers to host the different family circles. Just remember that while you are not obligated to invite them, you cannot ask them to host one. They have to come up with the idea and offer.

    Some of my FI's aunts were asking if I was having a bridal shower. My mum had graciously offered to host one, so I conferred with her on how many people she was willing to host. Once I had that number from her I came up with a guest list and was able to include FI's side of the family in the one shower, and gave that list to my mum. However if my mum had asked for a smaller party, I simply would have relayed that information to FI's side of them family and left the ball in their court for deciding if they wanted to throw a shower for their side.


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  • Definitely invite her if you have the room for one more. She can decline if she thinks it will be awkward. Otherwise it might be a good opportunity for her to get to know your family, or at least your mom. 
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  • edited April 2015
    My mom is hosting my shower and wanted to extended the invitation to my MIL and my Fi's family. She called up my MIL and invited her to the shower personally.  Then, she told MIL that she could afford to host 10 additional family members/friends of MIL's choice.   My MIL ended up offering to help co-host the shower so that she could invite additional family/friends.  

    I would definitely invite FMIL.  She might decline, but she might offer to help host too.   You never know until you extend the invitation. 

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The FMIL should always be invited to any shower that is planned.  Mothers and BMs are typically the only individuals who are allowed to overlap shower guest lists.

    And as with any invite, it is not a summons so if your FMIL does not want to attend then she can decline the invite.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Certainly you should invite her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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