Is this rude? Receiving line question

japlanet · May 2015

I'm not 100% sure what the etiquette is behind receiving lines so I'm not sure if my idea is rude.

Basically I am thinking of doing a 'receiving couch' where after the ceremony, during cocktail hour, instead of standing and doing a receiving line, we announce that we will be sitting on one of the couches in the lounge area and everyone is welcome to come by. (We are not doing photos during cocktails, and we don't plan on doing table visits due to the layout of the venue, so this would be our time to see/thank each of our guests).

On one hand, I can see it being rude to have our guests come to us while we sit on a couch and have a drink, but on the other, I don't really see how it is different than a receiving line where people line up to talk to you while you are standing. The alternative is for us to go around and greet all our guests during cocktail hour, but I feel like we would miss people and/or awkwardly break up people's socializing.

Thoughts?

banana468 · May 2015

I'm not a fan. You're supposed to go to your guests at the reception - not the other way around.

Pellegcm · May 2015

Can you just greet them at the entrance to wherever cocktail hour is? Or end of the aisle as they file out after you if there is no door or entrance? I feel like it's weird to be sitting on a couch like that. And not everyone will come up to you. The line makes it easier. You can still sit on a couch during cocktail hour if you like after you've done your receiving line.

Knottie48804623 · May 2015

I think I would find this rude. First of all, the point of a receiving line is to see every single person, so you stand somewhere where they can't really walk by without seeing you. You would miss alot of people this way, which would be fine if you were also doing table visits, but if you aren't then you will definitely miss people.

Secondly, to me, nothing screams "My comfort is more important than yours" than sitting while talking to guests that are expected to be standing. It seems like something a queen would do to receive her subjects, you know? You aren't royalty, and YOU are thanking THEM for coming, so the sitting at the couch thing would bother me.

jacques27 · May 2015

Not a fan.

The receiving line is to greet and thank your guests for celebrating with you as well as receive well wishes and congratulations from them. You don't have to have one, but then you should be going around to individually greet and thank everyone, not making them come to you. How a receiving line is different is you're generally stopping people from going where they are going anyway - either as they exit the ceremony site (because generally everyone has to exit it eventually if they want to get to the reception) or as they enter the reception site (because everyone has to go through those doors if they want to eat, drink, and party). Not everyone has to seek you out and pass by a couch, nor should they in order to be properly greeted and thanked. The onus is on you to properly greet and thank people, not on them.

ETA: Now, if you want to spend your cocktail hour hanging out on a couch drinking cocktails and mingling, that's perfectly fine, but that doesn't absolve you from needing to seek out and make sure every single person is properly greeted and thanked at some point - whether it be in a receiving line, at table visits, or individually. Hanging out on a couch and making it dependent on them coming to you isn't the end of your obligation.

themosthappy91 · May 2015

What exactly is the advantage to doing the couch idea? Honestly I think that as the host, the impetus is on you to make sure you seek our all of your guests. If you're worried about missing people do table visits rather than trying to catch everyone during cocktail hour.

julieanne912 · May 2015

I don't think I'd find it rude necessarily, but wouldn't that be awkward, sitting on a couch and looking up and staring at people trying to have a conversation? What if you want to give them a hug? That's a lot of getting up and down. Also I would imagine some people would linger too long if you're sitting down, they might try and sit next to you to chat?

I just guess I don't understand why you'd want to sit down for something that wouldn't take that long otherwise.

Viczaesar · May 2015

Yes, this is rude. As the host is is your responsibility to make sure that you greet each of your guests individually. You don't get to sit on your butt and expect them to come to you. It also sounds awkward as hell.

Jen4948 · May 2015

Not a fan. Yes, people do come up to you in a receiving line, but the line is placed at the entrance to the reception area and you're standing up as well, not sitting comfy while others have to stand on line waiting to get to speak to you. You might be the honoree, but you're not the Queen.

An acceptable alternative to a receiving line would be for you and your new spouse to go to each table to greet your guests. But whichever you choose, you sitting down comfortably is a no-no when your guests don't have that option.

AddieCake · May 2015

I don't like it.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

As a guest, I would consider this rude. It's almost like you're too good to put out the energy to come and speak to me. I have to seek you out with the purpose of getting a "thank you' from you for attending your wedding. If you hosted a party at your home, would you spend all evening sitting and one spot and expect guests to come to you? No, a good host mingles.

A receiving line isn't rude because it's usually done at the church as guest are leaving. The guests need to exit the church to leave and you are putting yourself at the exit. They don't have to come and find you.

lyndausvi · May 2015

Not a fan either.

japlanet · May 2015

Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?

zitiqueen · May 2015

japlanet said:
I'm not 100% sure what the etiquette is behind receiving lines so I'm not sure if my idea is rude.

Basically I am thinking of doing a 'receiving couch' where after the ceremony, during cocktail hour, instead of standing and doing a receiving line, we announce that we will be sitting on one of the couches in the lounge area and everyone is welcome to come by. (We are not doing photos during cocktails, and we don't plan on doing table visits due to the layout of the venue, so this would be our time to see/thank each of our guests).

On one hand, I can see it being rude to have our guests come to us while we sit on a couch and have a drink, but on the other, I don't really see how it is different than a receiving line where people line up to talk to you while you are standing. The alternative is for us to go around and greet all our guests during cocktail hour, but I feel like we would miss people and/or awkwardly break up people's socializing.

Thoughts?

Rude.

lovegood90 · May 2015

Sorry, this is rude. You're not royalty - it's YOUR responsibility as the hosts to go to your guests and personally thank THEM for taking the time and expense to celebrate you, not the other way around.

lovegood90 · May 2015

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?

I don't see at all how table visits would be awkward. Just wait until people have been served and go up to them. This doesn't have to be complicated.

Pellegcm · May 2015

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?

The exit to from your ceremony space is your aisle - even if people don't follow your party up the aisle, you can line up on the side somewhere, and people will get the hint. People won't mind that you're "between them and food." They came there FOR you. They want to see you, however briefly. The least you can do is give them a moment.

lyndausvi · May 2015

you are not required to have a receiving line. You are required to greet all of your guests. Receiving lines are one way to do that, but not the only way.

We ended up having a receiving line. didn't mean to, just kind of happened after the ceremony. It was also the bar line

We also did some table visits, greeted people on the dance floor and the bar.

We made a point of seeing everyone.

japlanet · May 2015

lovegood90 said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
I don't see at all how table visits would be awkward. Just wait until people have been served and go up to them. This doesn't have to be complicated.

Because the tables are 20 people long and we can't walk between them without blocking everyone else from serving the food or getting up to walk to the bathroom etc. Also we are doing a 5 course meal so there is no 'when everyone has been served' since there are 5 courses to be served.

japlanet · May 2015

Pellegcm said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
The exit to from your ceremony space is your aisle - even if people don't follow your party up the aisle, you can line up on the side somewhere, and people will get the hint. People won't mind that you're "between them and food." They came there FOR you. They want to see you, however briefly. The least you can do is give them a moment.

We don't have an aisle. The ceremony space is set up such that we will walk towards the guests as we enter (not from behind) so the chairs will be set up 'theatre' style without a traditional big aisle down the centre.

lovegood90 · May 2015

japlanet said:

lovegood90 said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
I don't see at all how table visits would be awkward. Just wait until people have been served and go up to them. This doesn't have to be complicated.
Because the tables are 20 people long and we can't walk between them without blocking everyone else from serving the food or getting up to walk to the bathroom etc. Also we are doing a 5 course meal so there is no 'when everyone has been served' since there are 5 courses to be served.

You're over thinking this still. Wait until everyone's been served one course, start visiting people. Then when it's time for wait staff to serve the next course, go back to your seats so you're not in their way. Then when the next course has been served, continue table visits to where you left off. Lather, rinse, repeat until everyone's been greeted.

Pellegcm · May 2015

japlanet said:

Pellegcm said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
The exit to from your ceremony space is your aisle - even if people don't follow your party up the aisle, you can line up on the side somewhere, and people will get the hint. People won't mind that you're "between them and food." They came there FOR you. They want to see you, however briefly. The least you can do is give them a moment.
We don't have an aisle. The ceremony space is set up such that we will walk towards the guests as we enter (not from behind) so the chairs will be set up 'theatre' style without a traditional big aisle down the centre.

Perfect - pick a side of the audience and set up a recieving line there. OR. Do table visits.

japlanet · May 2015

All right, thanks everyone. I guess I feel ok with a combination of a receiving line off to one side after the ceremony (which won't block people from the bar if they want to head there instead) and going around after the line to chat with people during the rest of the cocktail hour, and short/targeted table visits for anyone we missed.

Thanks for everybody's input!

jacques27 · May 2015

I guess I'm not sure why you're so concerned about blocking people on the way to the bar and not doing a formal receiving line. You said you're having three tables of 20 - so 60 people maximum? A receiving line will take you all of 10 minutes, if that. My friend had her wedding outdoors. There was no exit space really. She and her husband (along with their parents) just picked a spot between where they recessed and where the bar was, we all kinda just understood what direction we were intended to go and we formed a line on the way to the bar. She had about 160 people, I think and it took 15 minutes. It's really not that burdensome or difficult to figure out "Oh, this will be the receiving line, even though it's out in the open." It's not like you're depriving them of food or drink for hours on end.

AlexisA01 · May 2015

Please don't do it. It seems rude and awkward.

hyechica81 · May 2015

we did no receiving line because we needed to get photos done and we had an issue with the limo company and him rushing us telling us we needed to be done by this time etc., we did though during dinner visit each table and thanked everyone for coming. we had 116 guest so it took us like 30 minutes-40 minutes tops to thank everyone

bizzy592 · May 2015

scribe95 said:
No. So I have to lean down and hug you/kiss your ring? It just seems very awkward and a bit lazy.

This. It has a very 'kiss the ring' feel to it.

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

lovegood90 said:

lovegood90 said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
I don't see at all how table visits would be awkward. Just wait until people have been served and go up to them. This doesn't have to be complicated.
Because the tables are 20 people long and we can't walk between them without blocking everyone else from serving the food or getting up to walk to the bathroom etc. Also we are doing a 5 course meal so there is no 'when everyone has been served' since there are 5 courses to be served.

You're over thinking this still. Wait until everyone's been served one course, start visiting people. Then when it's time for wait staff to serve the next course, go back to your seats so you're not in their way. Then when the next course has been served, continue table visits to where you left off. Lather, rinse, repeat until everyone's been greeted.

OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but sounds like you're having 60 guests and you're attending your cocktail hour and everything's in one space.

This sounds exactly like my wedding!

During cocktail hour I was able to talk to a lot of people, actually. Then, we did exactly the bolded here. As the bride and groom we were served first (a pleasant surprise), so we ate and then talked to people as they were eating.

Plus, if for any reason you still missed people, you still have the rest of the reception to seek out people and have a conversation. With a small group, I did feel like I got quality time with quite a few people.

Jen4948 · May 2015

japlanet said:

lovegood90 said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
I don't see at all how table visits would be awkward. Just wait until people have been served and go up to them. This doesn't have to be complicated.
Because the tables are 20 people long and we can't walk between them without blocking everyone else from serving the food or getting up to walk to the bathroom etc. Also we are doing a 5 course meal so there is no 'when everyone has been served' since there are 5 courses to be served.

Just tell the staff not to serve while you are doing table visits. Then wait for them to serve the main course, and do table visits then.

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

Jen4948 said:

japlanet said:

lovegood90 said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
I don't see at all how table visits would be awkward. Just wait until people have been served and go up to them. This doesn't have to be complicated.
Because the tables are 20 people long and we can't walk between them without blocking everyone else from serving the food or getting up to walk to the bathroom etc. Also we are doing a 5 course meal so there is no 'when everyone has been served' since there are 5 courses to be served.
Just tell the staff not to serve while you are doing table visits. Then wait for them to serve the main course, and do table visits then.

Ooo, I wouldn't do that. People don't want to sit and starve. Just navigate around the wait staff.

flantastic · May 2015

lovegood90 said:

japlanet said:

lovegood90 said:

japlanet said:
Ok, I get why my original idea is not appropriate. There is no 'exit' to our ceremony space, it is one and the same (garden) as the space for the cocktail hour.

I don't like the idea of artificially lining up my guests for a receiving line, and I also don't want to stand between them and the food/drinks. Table visits don't work because our tables are three long harvest tables, and walking between them will be awkward and we will get in the way of our serving staff. Just visiting the ends of each table (20 people long) mean that we will miss most of the people in the middle of the tables.

Any other ideas how we can be sure to greet and thank each of our guests?
I don't see at all how table visits would be awkward. Just wait until people have been served and go up to them. This doesn't have to be complicated.
Because the tables are 20 people long and we can't walk between them without blocking everyone else from serving the food or getting up to walk to the bathroom etc. Also we are doing a 5 course meal so there is no 'when everyone has been served' since there are 5 courses to be served.
You're over thinking this still. Wait until everyone's been served one course, start visiting people. Then when it's time for wait staff to serve the next course, go back to your seats so you're not in their way. Then when the next course has been served, continue table visits to where you left off. Lather, rinse, repeat until everyone's been greeted.

Yep. We did table visits at round tables, and just made a point to make it to all the tables by the end of dinner. Served one course, made some trips, sat back down, repeat.

Is this rude? Receiving line question

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