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Father Daughter Dance Etiquette?

charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, we're a few weeks out and seems like I have more and more questions about what the right thing to do is.

Here's the background; my Dad and I did not have the greatest relationship growing up. He was gone a lot, when he was home he was drinking a lot. He went to rehab a few years ago, and since then things have been a bit better between us. He is generously paying for the wedding and has been a real help on a lot planning things.

So my dilemma is we are doing a father-daughter dance (even though I don't love the idea), and all the songs he's picked have been super sappy, sentimental, daddy's little girl/angel/princess, giving my precious daughter away stuff. Makes me cringe. Also, feels really inauthentic to me. We just don't have that kind of relationship, and it feels super fake to me. He doesn't like any of my "less traditional" suggestions, and really wants one of his picks. So, do I suck it up and dance to what he wants? He is paying so definitely gets a say, but how much? I wasn't jazzed about a dance in the first place and the idea of one of these makes me cringe. Any suggestions?
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Re: Father Daughter Dance Etiquette?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No, I would not dance to those songs if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
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    AddieCake said:

    No, I would not dance to those songs if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

    I agree I wouldn't dance to a song that makes you uncomfortable. Is there a song that isn't as sappy but that you used to listen to together (I know he wasn't in your life much) that you could tell him reminds you of good times so that is why you want that song?
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  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
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    What "less traditional" picks have you suggested? What are his picks? Are they any that are similar in genre/artist/era that sound similar but have a different/less overt message, as a compromise?

    For example, if he suggested "Brown-eyed Girl" by Van Morrison to "Into the Mystic"?
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  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    Sioux1986 said:

    What "less traditional" picks have you suggested? What are his picks? Are they any that are similar in genre/artist/era that sound similar but have a different/less overt message, as a compromise?


    For example, if he suggested "Brown-eyed Girl" by Van Morrison to "Into the Mystic"?
    Agreed, I think it would be helpful to have some examples of what each of you picked and maybe you can find some common ground.  I have a similar relationship with my father, and we had the same issue - he wanted the sappy stuff and I just couldn't stomach it.  I started suggesting songs/artists that he likes in general and remind me of being a kid (classic 70s/80s) and we ended up with "Just The Way You Are" by Billy Joel.  Still a sweet song, but not sappy/overtly "daddy's little girl" and the words actually fit more with our relationship.


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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Thanks Everyone! So, his picks were "I loved her first", "Daddy's Angel", and "Today I Give My Daughter Away". Not my sentiments at all, and not to mention it makes me ragey to think about someone trying to "give me away".

    My suggestions were "Wildflowers" by Tom Petty, "Here for you" by Neil Young, "I wish you peace" by the Eagles, "I will walk with you" John Fogerty, Sam Cooke's "Nothing Can Change this love", "God Only knows" by the beach boys, Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" and James Taylor "How Sweet It Is".

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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
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    We used "Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel too.  It fit my dad and I well also having a less-than-classic father-daughter relationship.

    Another idea to consider would be to shorten the time it's just you and your dad dancing - maybe go a minute just you to but then have your DJ/MC ask others to join us on the dance floor.  It could be all dads/daughters or all parents/kids or even just a general everyone join Charlotte and Dad kind of thing.  Taking the spotlight off the two of you might make a sappy selection feel more comfortable.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    With all due respect, it sounds like your dad googled "father daughter dance" and picked the first 3 things that came up. Just tell him you want something less cliche.
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  • SP29SP29 member
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    OP, I think your picks are great and I wouldn't consider them "nontraditional".

    Another option may be to find an instrumental piece, either something meant to be instrumental or a popular song instrumental version. The Piano Guys do a lot of this (check them out on Youtube). 

    You could also try the, "But dad EVERYONE dances to those songs. I want to find something unique for us". 

    We did a father/daughter & mother/son dance to "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. Sappy, but non-specific. 
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
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    my dad had picked out some song and i listened to it and i didn't like it at all it was to old sounding for me  plus i had never heard the song at all and the singer was someone that was not known or well know sounded like elevator music. i went to my dj and i asked him if he could get me this song he said he would see if he could find it well he had a hard time finding the song and none of his databases had it so i had to tell my dad he didnt have it. 


    we ended up dancing to daddy's angel by t carter .


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  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
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    charlotte989875 said:

    Thanks again everyone, this has been really helpful. I took a bunch of the suggestions and did a combo of "Everyone does these songs, let's find something a little more special to us. Remember how we used to listen to Billy Joel, Niel Young, and Bruce Springstein all the time? What about something from one of those guys?" It took a little convincing but he said he would pick between Billy Joel's "Just the way you are" (thanks for the suggestion JaxInBlue and frenchiekin!) Neil Young and Springstein. Here's hoping one of them sticks!

    Yay! I hope it works out!
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