Girl or Woman?

bizzy592 · May 2015

One coworker (male, 30 y/o) just referred to another (female, 36 y/o) as a girl. I felt a little huffy for her, but then heard her refer to herself as a girl.

So, I'm curious. Do you all identify as girls or women (or anything else)? If you think of yourself as a woman, was that a transition you were conscious of? Is it age, or life milestones that cemented your adult-ness?

FWIW - I'm 30, and started thinking of myself as a woman around 27. Partly related to age, but also maturity, independence, and level of responsibility.

labro · May 2015

My friends and I switch between girls, women, ladies pretty much interchangeably when referring to each other or other people. I think it depends on our mood/the conversation. I think I more often think of myself as an adult versus a woman when it comes to terms of feeling mature/responsible/independent.

KatWAG · May 2015

A lady.

ashley8918 · May 2015

I would never refer to an adult as a girl. Unless it was in a joking "Heyyyyyyyy, girlllll!" sort of way.

doeydo · May 2015

I say girl, woman, female, lady, etc.

lyndausvi · May 2015

labro said:
My friends and I switch between girls, women, ladies pretty much interchangeably when referring to each other or other people. I think it depends on our mood/the conversation. I think I more often think of myself as an adult versus a woman when it comes to terms of feeling mature/responsible/independent.

This.

At work though I pretty much stick to woman. I feel it's pretty unprofessional to call females "girls" at work. I feel the same way about calling men "boys" at work too.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

I think I use everything interchangeably depending on the context and conversation. I definitely refer to myself as a "girl" still. I am 24, so that might have something to do with it. When I am referring to females in a professional capacity, I almost always call them women, though.

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

The only time we use "girls" at work is when we are all going out to lunch etc. My supervisor is big into getting the toes done and there is one man on our team, he never did the pedi thing but we always say "the girls are going for pedis".. I'm a very small woman and I look young so most people who don't know me refer to me as a "girl", doesn't bother me at all, just an arbitrary title referring to someone of the female persuasion in my mind I guess.

peachy13 · May 2015

Inneresting. When I go home and tell FI about my day at work, I might refer to either a "girl I work with" or a "lady I work with." I think I usually refer to co-workers as girls if they're near my age or position at work. Ladies are for my co-workers older than me and/or my superior (both go hand in hand in my office, pretty much).

But if I imagine one of my co-workers going home and referring to me, I think I hope that I'm a girl they work with rather than a woman they work with. Not sure why.

huskypuppy14 · May 2015

I think around 18 people should call women women, and men men in professional or educational areas. For example, in high school it's the boy's or girl's swim team. In college, it's the men or women's swim team.

I don't refer adult woman as girls, usually. I think the discrepancy might come with the word "guy" which is kind of an in between of boy and man. There isn't really a word that is equivalent for a female, so I think girl is used, because it flows if you say "Hey guys and girls".

But I call everyone "guys" so what do I know.

ETA: What you say in social situations is different. But a man should not be calling a female co worker "girl". It's not appropriate.

beachyone15 · May 2015

I'm more inclined to use woman at work/professionally, and girls in a more casual setting. Like "I went out today for lunch with the women at work", or "I'm going to have dinner with the girls" (my friends).

redheadbride15 · May 2015

I'm 37 and I've been referring to myself as a woman since my early 20s, at least. But my FI just can't seem to refer to any female of our generation, especially not me, as a woman. He insists that I will be "his red-haired girl" until I'm an elderly little woman. It really annoyed me for a while until I decided it was not a battle worth fighting, and now I find it a little endearing.

KatieinBkln · May 2015

This is one of those things where people within a group can call each other/themselves something that outsiders cannot. I sometimes call myself/my friends "girls" (although I'm trying to get out of the habit). But a man, particularly one at work? No, he cannot. Regardless of how he hears me refer to myself.

This is similar to That White Dude acting all affronted that he's not "allowed" to use the N-word even though he just totally heard a black guy say it tho! (Clearly I don't think being called a girl is anywhere NEAR as offensive as use of the n-word, just an example of how the norms for appropriate usage are parallel).

ETA: this is not always a battle I'm going to pick, though. If an old man calls my friends and me "girls" at his little cafe or whatever, I'm not going to make a stink. But I'll certainly tell my friend to stop referring to the women he dates as "girls" or "chicks."

littlemushroom · May 2015

I use girl, woman, lady, gal, etc pretty interchangeably when talking about females, although I almost never use "woman". Of course, I almost never use "man" when talking about an adult male either. They are boys, guys, etc. My friends and I are mid 30s and we all use the same terms. Yesterday, we were discussing how the boys are having a game night tonight and the girls are going out to dinner.

There has only been one time I can remember where I used the term boy or girl as anything other than a generic word for a male or female human. I was in college discussing with a professor a classmate that rubbed me the wrong way whenever it came to class material. Discussing anything else, he was fine. But discussing course work of any kind left me wanting to punch him in the face. I said something like, "Don't get me wrong, I like the boy but..." My professor laughed, said it was really telling how I felt about him with my word choice, said she agreed with me, and we moved on. I think my tone probably helped show my intent more than the word choice, however.

madamerwin · May 2015

I have never really thought about this... I don't really care if people refer to me as a girl, a lady, or a woman. I usually use girl for people who appear to be younger than me - not a conscious decision, just what I seem to do. And I use lady or woman when referring to coworkers who are not my age ("The lady I work with"). My friends are always girls or ladies. For some reason, I just don't love the word "woman"... It feels awkward to me. And I call most males guys or dudes when referring to them in the third person. I would never call a grown man a boy though, that seems really weird.

bizzy592 · May 2015

tfmrserwin said:
I would never call a grown man a boy though, that seems really weird.

I guess this is what bothers me about using 'girl' to refer to a grown woman.

sarawifenow · May 2015

This is exactly where my mind went with this:

ashley8918 · May 2015

bizzy592 said:

tfmrserwin said:
I would never call a grown man a boy though, that seems really weird.
I guess this is what bothers me about using 'girl' to refer to a grown woman.

Exactly. Why the double standard?

madamerwin · May 2015

bizzy592 said:

tfmrserwin said:
I would never call a grown man a boy though, that seems really weird.
I guess this is what bothers me about using 'girl' to refer to a grown woman.

Yeah, it's a little contradictory. I guess it's because I personally don't refer to myself as a woman that the term "girl" doesn't bother me. Though I do only use "girl" in casual conversations with people I know. I pretty much use "lady" for most women and "guy" for most men.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

Why should gender OR age dictate how you address someone at work?? If I was referring to a person or group of people at work for professional reasons, I wouldn't use either - I'd call them by name(s) or by title(s). And I would expect my colleagues to do the same. Don't ask to send a status sheet to "the LATAM girl," either use my name or "the LATAM lead." You're not setting up a meeting with "the OC ladies" it's "the OC team" or the "analytics managers." One of my old direct reports used to address emails to me and a director as "hey ladies" and I found it extremely unprofessional.

If it's about/among friends though, I don't care. My old group of work friends had a recurring lunch titled "bitches who brunch" but it wasn't a professional thing. If my friends say "hey girls" (or "hey guys," for that matter) or set up a girls' night or a ladies' lunch it's perfectly fine by me, because they're my friends.

lyndausvi · May 2015

tfmrserwin said:
I have never really thought about this... I don't really care if people refer to me as a girl, a lady, or a woman. I usually use girl for people who appear to be younger than me - not a conscious decision, just what I seem to do. And I use lady or woman when referring to coworkers who are not my age ("The lady I work with"). My friends are always girls or ladies. For some reason, I just don't love the word "woman"... It feels awkward to me. And I call most males guys or dudes when referring to them in the third person. I would never call a grown man a boy though, that seems really weird.

Just the other day I mentioned that DH and his boys were over. DH is in his 40's. His boys ranged in age from mid-50's to late 20's.

On a thread over the weekend I called DH a "silly boy".

I have no problem calling grown men "boys" or grown women "girls" in casual situations.

I just don't think the term "girl" or "boy" as any place at work unless you work with kids and you are referring to them specifically. Not a co-worker.

madamerwin · May 2015

lyndausvi said: tfmrserwin said:I have never really thought about this... I don't really care if people refer to me as a girl, a lady, or a woman. I usually use girl for people who appear to be younger than me - not a conscious decision, just what I seem to do. And I use lady or woman when referring to coworkers who are not my age ("The lady I work with"). My friends are always girls or ladies. For some reason, I just don't love the word "woman"... It feels awkward to me. And I call most males guys or dudes when referring to them in the third person. I would never call a grown man a boy though, that seems really weird.

Just the other day I mentioned that DH and his boys were over. DH is in his 40's. His boys ranged in age from mid-50's to late 20's.
On a thread over the weekend I called DH a "silly boy".
I have no problem calling grown men "boys" or grown women "girls" in casual situations.
I just don't think the term "girl" or "boy" as any place at work unless you work with kids and you are referring to them specifically. Not a co-worker.
------BOXES-----

I wouldn't refer to anyone as a boy or girl at work - but when talking about coworkers with FI, I do use lady and girl, and guy, in most cases. Most often it's in the context of "This lady I work with" or "The girls I sit next to." I agree it would be weird to use them talking to coworkers. But at home, talking with friends or FI? Meh. I use them interchangeably.

lacqueredlover · May 2015

Depends on the situation. For example my blog tagline is "Just a girl living in New York and loving her nail polish." I'm almost 30 years old but don't really feel like an adult most of the time so I dont' mind referring to myself as a girl. My group of friends refer to ourselves as "the girls" most of the times too.

In a work environment I wouldn't call someone a girl just because I don't think it's professional but if I have a relationship with someone outside of work and we do, it's fine. My coworker and I are good friends, she's 36 and we have "girls dates" on our lunch break.

lurkergirl · May 2015

KatieinBkln said:
This is one of those things where people within a group can call each other/themselves something that outsiders cannot. I sometimes call myself/my friends "girls" (although I'm trying to get out of the habit). But a man, particularly one at work? No, he cannot. Regardless of how he hears me refer to myself.

This is similar to That White Dude acting all affronted that he's not "allowed" to use the N-word even though he just totally heard a black guy say it tho! (Clearly I don't think being called a girl is anywhere NEAR as offensive as use of the n-word, just an example of how the norms for appropriate usage are parallel).

ETA: this is not always a battle I'm going to pick, though. If an old man calls my friends and me "girls" at his little cafe or whatever, I'm not going to make a stink. But I'll certainly tell my friend to stop referring to the women he dates as "girls" or "chicks."

I always say chicks! Is that a word we aren't using anymore? I'm not easily offended and admittedly sometimes don't realize when things I think are meaningless are actually offensive to others.

To be clear, I don't say that at work, but I do in any other situation.

hellosweetie1015 · May 2015

sarawifenow said:
This is exactly where my mind went with this:

Yep.

To be helpful: I tend to refer to singular individuals by name in conversation. If for some reason I am unable to (i.e. I don't know the name of the individual) and it's a professional situation, I use lady / gentleman. If there is a large group of females (i.e. the Clerk's office in the Courthouse is almost entirely female), it's "ladies". Large group of males (a meeting George had with some big city lawyers was entirely male, for example) gets "gentlemen". Mixed group? "Ladies and gentlemen". ETA Or people. I use people a loooooooot.

In a more lax situation, "dude(s)" and "girl(s)" get used a lot, but again - if I know a person's name, I would rather use it.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

I make a concerted effort to use equal terms. Like man/woman, boy/girl, etc. And obviously age appropriate.

What I don't like is mixing terms. Like adult male = man but adult female = girl. That rubs me the wrong way.

I do think setting makes a difference. For example, I call my female friends "girlfriends" but my male friends "guy friends" (versus boyfriends). And I say things like "I'm going out with the girls tonight" even though I'm not going out with 13 year olds - I'm going out with 25-35 year old women.

jacques27 · May 2015

I'm trying to break myself of the habit of using girls. I'm pretty good about professional use or referring to women I am not close to, but still use it a lot with close friends or casual social groups. Guys doesn't bother me (in reference to men or women) because the vernacular where I live (and grew up) treats the word guys as gender neutral.

I have a coworker who says "Hi, girls" when he sees me walking with female coworkers and it makes me want to punch him every time. It's not even that I want to instead be referred to as women; I'd be fine with guys. But when you use girls in a situation where you would not use boys for a group of men, it degrades women.

dolewhipper · May 2015

At work we have a standard for what we call guests: Madam, Sir, Young ladies, Young gentlemen. This is what we have to call our guests, unless the children are dressed up, which then we pull the Disney card and call them princess/prince/pirate/princess pirate (my favorites).

With friends, we're the girls. H will say, are you hanging out with the girls today? Anyone who is considered an adult ends up being called a lady because that's what I'm used to at work. It's not uncommon to use "guys" as gender neutral.

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

Generally I use "women/men" at work and "girls/ladies/guys" casually.

However, sometimes the word comes depending on how I see the person presenting themselves. There are a lot of young women at my office- 22-25. Thanks to conversations I've heard in the breakroom, I feel like they're "girls." I'll tell DH things like, "You wouldn't believe what I heard these girls talking about today." It's a signal of immaturity. But, females who have always presented themselves very professionally I would refer to as women. Same with the younger men; if they're really casual and joking around they're "guys at work" but some of the older males in leadership positions are definitely "men" to me.

My friends and I address each other as "ladies" and have "girls night" so to me, the lines are drawn by what's fun and casual versus what's professional.

Not saying right or wrong, just saying that's how it's worked out for me.

photokitty · May 2015

ashley8918 said:

bizzy592 said:

tfmrserwin said:
I would never call a grown man a boy though, that seems really weird.
I guess this is what bothers me about using 'girl' to refer to a grown woman.
Exactly. Why the double standard?

I use female, woman, girl and lady interchangeably, dependent on the situation and context. I also use boy to describe men - so it's not a double standard. I always refer to my grown brothers as "the boys" and if DH is out with his male friends - he's out with the boys.

To me it boils down to context. If someone is using the term girl to suggest they are young and inexperienced as an insult, then I would be pissed. If someone uses it to identify my sex - then I could care less. But then I'm in camp "ladies - NBD" too.

ETA - for my it's guys and gals. Never guys and girls. Or just a gender neutral guys for both.

littlepep · May 2015

I think at work it's unprofessional. That said, I often say girls or boys when referring to my friends. We have a weekly girls night. We've always just called girls night. I think it would sound weird to say women's night. And ladies night just make me think of a bar special.

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