Cash Bar

janycep · May 2015

Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?

redoryx · May 2015

Your guests should not have to open their wallets for anything at your wedding. This includes buying drinks. There are options other than open bar: consumption bar, limited bar (like beer and wine only), dry wedding, etc.

Host what you can afford. If you can't afford an open bar, look into an alternative but it is rude to guests to subsidize your wedding. Would you invite people over for a party and offer one bottle of wine to everyone and then after that start charging people if they want more to drink?

lyndausvi · May 2015

I think cash bars are tacky. There is no gray area for me, no excuse you can give to change my mind.

I feel like you should pay for what you can afford.

For some people is only water, soda and juices. That is completely fine.

Others include the above + wine and/or beer.

Other add all of the above + a signature drink

Still others add the above + well drinks

Others can afford all the above + top shelf.

The one thing in common all of the above options have is guests will never have to open their wallets.

There is middle ground between $500 and $2000. If only a handful of guests will be drinking why not just have a consumption bar?

flantastic · May 2015

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?

What you need is a consumption bar. You only pay for the drinks that people consume. A cash bar is, in fact, rude and tacky, although I appreciate that you tried to come up with an estimate to cover the actual anticipated drinking. Perhaps limiting an open bar to beer and wine only would also help.

If your venue refuses to do a consumption bar, I would move/threaten them with moving the event. Personally, I don't understand the bar as an afterthought - if I knew that I wouldn't be able to afford the open bar at a place, and they didn't have a consumption or affordable limited bar option, I wouldn't book with them. That's part of the deal of it being the right venue for you.

arrrghmatey · May 2015

Nope. Don't do a cash bar. What if you were the unfortunate guest who goes up to the bar and the person in front of you hit the $500 mark, and now you have to pay for your drink?

Do a consumption, especially if you don't believe many people will be drinking. Otherwise, host a dry wedding. Making your guests pay for any part of your wedding is a big no-no.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

Ditto PPs.

Your reception is meant as a "Thank You" to your guests for coming to celebrate your wedding ceremony. They must be fully hosted and should not pay for anything.

Your circumstances of being on a budget are not unique at all or a reason to charge your guests for anything at your reception.

Lynda covered it but you can certainly opt for alcohol options that do not violate etiquette yet do not cost as much as a full, premium open bar (wine only, beer/wine only, soft drinks and a signature cocktail only, etc.) or a consumption bar. Dry weddings are also totally fine.

banana468 · May 2015

Why is it OK for you to budget the alcohol this way but not anything else? I'd figure out what you can afford to host and go from there.

Because I'd hate to be the guest who is behind the guy who gets that last free drink.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1036615/cash-bars-everything-you-need-to-know-in-one-place#latest

MyNameIsNot · May 2015

Cash bars are always rude. If you can't figure out a way to host a limited bar (e.g. beer & wine only) have a dry wedding.

Millions of couples manage to host weddings without being rude every day, and most of them do it on a budget. Budget is no excuse to be rude.

climbingsingle · May 2015

It's rude. And tacky. You should host your guests properly, and they should not have to open their wallets for anything. Would you charge someone for a glass of wine if they were having dinner at your house?

Host just beer and wine. Or have a dry wedding.

lovegood90 · May 2015

You heard correctly. You're not the first person in the world to buy a house and be on a budget. At the end of the day, if you decide to host an event you need to bear all the costs of that event. If you are inviting guests to your event, no guest should ever have to open their wallet at an event you are hosting. Period.

janycep · May 2015

My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

MyNameIsNot · May 2015

My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

99% of that doesn't matter.

It's rude to ask people to pay for anything at your wedding. Period. This is not difficult. There are absolutely no circumstances in which it would be acceptable to ask guests to pay for anything at your wedding. Ever.

If you think only 20 people will be drinking, run a tab and pay for what they drink. It shouldn't cost $2,000 for 20 people to drink. If your venue charges so much for drinks that it will cost that much, then you can't afford to have alcohol at your wedding. In that case, have a dry wedding.

The bolded is a terrible attitude to have. If you don't care enough about them to host them correctly, it's you that shouldn't be inviting them in the first place. Trying to deflect the blame for your rude and selfish behavior onto guests is just childish.

arrrghmatey · May 2015

janycep said:
My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

All of the reasons you listed above regarding your budget are still no excuse to expect your guests to pay for any part of your wedding. Again, as PPs mentioned, many people have been able to properly host their guests while on a budget. If you host a dry wedding, and your guests are disappointed by the absence of alcohol, then they are the rude ones for being presumptuous.

Do a consumption bar. This means that you only pay for the alcohol that your guests drink.

TrixieJess · May 2015

janycep said:
My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

You are not the first and only bride to be on a budget. You should be spending 60% of your budget on food and beverages. You have been given many good suggestions on how you can cut your costs and still provide an open bar. You can have a dry wedding too. We are.

It is rude to not be a good host to your guests. Do you expect people to pay you to drink at your house when you invite them over for dinner? Your reception is to THANK people for coming to your wedding.You are being rude and petulant.

Jen4948 · May 2015

If you don't want to pay for alcohol at your wedding, just don't offer it. Period. Regardless of what is "done" in anyone's circle, no one has a right to expect alcohol to be served at a wedding.

But trying to save yourself money by making your guests pay for drinks is rude and tacky. Period. There are no exceptions.

lovegood90 · May 2015

janycep said:
My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

Did you not read any of the responses? No one told you to spend 2,000. People repeatedly told you to do a consumption bar. Google what this means if you're still not getting it- you basically just run a tab and pay for drinks as they are ordered, instead of paying a specific amount per head.

To the bolded: no one is responsible for paying for your wedding but you and your Fi. You are not unique in this. Have the wedding you can afford. Just because you are on a budget doesn't mean you can get you guests to subsidize the cost, which is what a cash bar does.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

lovegood90 said:
My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

Did you not read any of the responses? No one told you to spend 2,000. People repeatedly told you to do a consumption bar. Google what this means if you're still not getting it- you basically just run a tab and pay for drinks as they are ordered, instead of paying a specific amount per head.

To the bolded: no one is responsible for paying for your wedding but you and your Fi. You are not unique in this. Have the wedding you can afford. Just because you are on a budget doesn't mean you can get you guests to subsidize the cost, which is what a cash bar does.

Quoting and bolding b/c OP should read this response over and over until it is understood.

Plenty of PPs gave great suggestions on how to minimize the alcohol budget, or suggested a dry wedding. Cash bars are rude. Again, etiquette is not something you can change because you don't agree with it. It exists as a standardized set of guidelines that can be applied universally in all circumstances (sky high budged OR shoestring budget, for example).

Cash bars are rude. You will not get advice otherwise no matter how many times you ask or try to rationalize b/c of your *special* circumstances.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

I gave you the link above. But since you didn't read it, I'm going to put this here for you.

Is it rude to have a cash bar? Yes.
Why? Because your wedding reception is a thank you gift to your guests for attending your wedding, and no one should be expected to pay for any part of their own thank you gift.
But, I can't afford to pay for all of my guests to drink! There is no rule that says you have to provide alcohol at your wedding reception. Yes, many people like to drink, but you are planning this thank you gift for your guests and you should plan what you can afford and host it graciously. If that means you serve a simple dinner and non-alcoholic beverages, that's okay. Just make sure that whatever youdo serve is not paid for by your guests.
But, if people want to drink, shouldn't I accommodate them and allow them to get a drink on their own dime? No. Firstly, your guests should not be so rude as to expect anything specific at your reception, other than a meal (if it is a mealtime) or some refreshment (if it is a non-mealtime), so while I understand your desire to make them happy, this is not something that should even come up. If you are hosting your reception properly, your guests should not need to supplement what is provided with anything additional. We all need to be able to act like adults and expect other adults to act like adults.
But, everyone I know had a cash bar! Why shouldn't I? It it's normal, it can't be rude! We almost all know at least one couple that has done this. You shouldn't because you know better and it's so avoidable. Just because something is common, does not mean it is not rude. Tradition or commonness is not a good reason to be rude.
Okay, how about we have an open bar for cocktail hour and then switch to a cash bar? Or continue hosting beer and wine but switch to cash for hard liquor? This isn't a good idea. You want to avoid cash bars, as we already know, and you also want to avoid changing what is available and confusing your guests/making them uncomfortable. You want to avoid this because, remember, you are hosting this party as a thank you gift to your guests. Their comfort should be of the utmost importance to you.
But, I had a last minute change of circumstances and now I can't afford to host what I originally planned - surely my guests will understand! It sucks when plans change - when someone has an unexpected medical bill, a death in the family, a major car repair, anything that can set you back financially is an unneeded stress, especially when you are in the home stretch of wedding preparations. But take heart - what your guests will definitely understand is if you opt not to serve alcohol at your wedding due to a last minute change in financial circumstances. And if a guest holds this against you, the guest is being rude, not you.
But, it's not my job to get my guests drunk! I don't even like drunk people! Then have a dry wedding. Having a cash bar will not keep people from getting drunk. Just stop by a regular bar sometime for confirmation. Having a cash bar for this reason is insulting to your guests and a very poor excuse.
But, if I can't afford to host an open bar all night and I am not comfortable having a dry wedding, what other options are there? Luckily, there are other options. How many of these are available to you depends on your venue, so consider this at the very beginning when you are researching venues. If you are locked into a venue and have a change in financial circumstances, do everything in your power to get your venue to adjust accordingly. The options available to you are: hosted beer and wine all night, open bar without top shelf liquor, limited bar with specific options (say, a couple of beers, a couple of wines, and a couple of signature drinks or specific liquors with mixers). Whatever you choose, make sure it works for your venue and make sure there is signage posted on the bar with the available drink options so that your guests do not have to guess what is available.
Like I said, I'm not forcing anyone to buy a drink - it's up to my guests whether they want to open their wallets at my wedding! I know you aren't forcing anyone to spend money, but the problem is that it really isn't fair to flash something nice in front of your guests at their thank you party that you aren't actually offering. It's somewhat of a tease. Also, in a way, you're inadvertently making it so that your richer guests with more expendable income will be able to potentially have a better time at your wedding than the others. You really should give all of your guests equal treatment which stops happening when certain features of your wedding cost money.
Okay, I hear you, but I still think my reasons are special/circumstances make it okay/you don't know anything about me/etc. Listen, no one here can stop you from doing as you please. We're not the wedding police. We're just here trying to give and receive the best advice possible so that we all have great weddings and our guests have a great time and leave happy. What you do it ultimately up to you. There's no reason to try to justify rude behavior - if you insist on having a cash bar, so be it. But consider the advice above - it was written by someone who has no reason to lie to you.

artbyallie · May 2015

If your venue is willing to let you put $500 toward drinks and then go cash, why on earth would they not let you just run a tab and pay the whole thing at the end of the night?

AddieCake · May 2015

You should charge people for sides with the main dish at the meal. Sides are extra, man! Money is too tight to be providing all that! They get meat. If they need something else, they can pay for it!

julieanne912 · May 2015

FI and I are paying for our own wedding. We also just bought a house, and then spent a lot of money after the fact adding things to the house as it's brand new. We also still have to do landscaping. So I totally feel you that life gets expensive.

But you know what? We're still not having a cash bar, straight up because I believe it's truly rude to expect people to pay for something at MY party that I'm hosting. Every wedding I've ever been to has had a cash bar, and I still am not having one. So, we're having beer and wine, along with iced tea, lemonade, water, and sodas.

There's lots of ways to save money at a wedding. We picked a venue that allows us to "DIY" it for pretty much everything (so saving a lot of money on food since we could pick the caterer, and on labor since we can set up ourselves). We're doing BBQ catering instead of plated dinner. We're keeping flowers and decor to a minimum. We're looking at doing the ceremony in the reception space while people are seated at the tables (WITH their beer and wine) instead of paying for a separate additional space for a 15 minute ceremony, even though the separate space would make for prettier pictures. We're doing mini desserts instead of a large cake. A friend volunteered to be our officiant. We're doing all the set up ourselves. Etc Etc Etc.

ohannabelle · May 2015

artbyallie said:
If your venue is willing to let you put $500 toward drinks and then go cash, why on earth would they not let you just run a tab and pay the whole thing at the end of the night?

Perfect logic. Absolutely reasonable.

The venue, I'm sure, doesn't care who pays the additional tab, as long as it's paid.

loveislouder · May 2015

MyNameIsNot said:
My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

99% of that doesn't matter.

It's rude to ask people to pay for anything at your wedding. Period. This is not difficult. There are absolutely no circumstances in which it would be acceptable to ask guests to pay for anything at your wedding. Ever.

If you think only 20 people will be drinking, run a tab and pay for what they drink. It shouldn't cost $2,000 for 20 people to drink. If your venue charges so much for drinks that it will cost that much, then you can't afford to have alcohol at your wedding. In that case, have a dry wedding.

The bolded is a terrible attitude to have. If you don't care enough about them to host them correctly, it's you that shouldn't be inviting them in the first place. Trying to deflect the blame for your rude and selfish behavior onto guests is just childish.

Are you putting "cash bar only" on your invitations? i would decline that in a second. If I got there, went to get a drink and saw it was a cash bar I'd probably eat the meal and leave... Probably with my gift.

geebee908 · May 2015

Am I missing something here? It seems you have a $500 budget for drinks. What can you host for the duration of your event for that amount of money? Open bar based on actual consumption, limited bar (beer and wine +/- signature drink), or non-alcoholic beverages only. This is what you need to figure out. No one is telling you to put out $2k for drinks.

huskypuppy14 · May 2015

I would just host beer and wine, because that will be less expensive. Is your venue a restaurant or an event space? If the venue won't remove the stuff you are not hosting, you can put a little sign on the bar. If it's at a restaurant you make up menus stating what you are hosting and have that at every place setting.

How many people are you inviting?

jacques27 · May 2015

janycep said:
My point is why should I spend 2000 more on alcohol for only 20 guests to drink? It is rude of me to spend that much for only that many guest to drink? And if I only offer juice and soda then how is that not rude to have no option for them to buy alcohol if they want it? It is not all of our guests who will be drink so I thought it would be absurd to spend that much more for only a select few to be drinking. And the alcohol wasn't the only thing budgeted. My dress was 75% off, I am putting my bouqets and centerpieces together, I am making my own favors, I am making my own invitations, and a friend is doing my hair. There will be my ipod playing music for me to walk down the aisle to instead of an organist since I couldn't afford one. Food is already 50 a person and to make it 100 to add alcohol in seems absurd, and this is the cheapest in my area. I also have a photographer in which we are only doing digital prints as I cannot afford to pay more for prints. My mother and father aren't paying for anything and this is coming out of our pockets. I work an entry level job and he is a factory work so I cannot see how it is rude to expect 2 people who live paycheck to paycheck to spend 2000 over budget for only a select few guests to drink however much they want. And if it is rude then people don't have to come to the wedding because then it is just one less mouth I have to feed.

It is not rude to not have alcohol available. You are perfectly within the bounds of etiquette to host only what you can afford (assuming you have enough for everybody and it's appropriate for the time of day - so not just cheese and crackers at dinner time). It is the responsibility of your guests to be gracious and accepting of what is offered to them. What is rude is hosting a party and then making your invited guests open their wallet at your party because you wanted to offer things you couldn't afford. Talk to your venue and see if they will work with you to offer alcohol within your budget - whether that be only offering beer and wine, or only a signature cocktail, or hosting the bar based on consumption (basically you run a tab and pay for only what is consumed at the end of the night) instead of paying per person. This doesn't have to be a zero sum game where you either have a full per person bar or nothing at all, but whatever the option is, it should be made available for the entire reception and be paid by you, not your guests.

Re: the highlighted
No one is forcing you to invite people if you only view them as burdensome mouths to feed instead of loved ones you want to witness your ceremony and then subsequently thank by hosting them properly.

Re: the bold
Your decision to marry in the presence of other people and throw a reception while living paycheck to paycheck is neither the fault nor the responsibility of the guests you choose to invite. Also, most people here have a budget. Lots of people here work entry-level jobs and/or live paycheck to paycheck. You are not that unique.

SP29 · May 2015

Oh man, oh man...

NO ONE told you to spend $2000 on the bar. Lots of posters gave you excellent options. A consumption bar sounds like it would suit you perfectly. Or, limit your open bar to wine and beer only. Or, have a dry wedding.

LOTS of people have hosted weddings without the help of their mother and father. This is no exception. No one else is required to pay for your wedding besides you and your fiance. This includes your guests subsidizing the bar.

If you are living paycheck to paycheck I would recommend changing your reception to a brunch, lunch, or cake and punch (at a non meal time). You can save yourself a lot of money and still properly host your guests.

A wedding is two people getting married. The only thing required is you, your fiance, an officiant, and a witness or two. If anyone is invited to the ceremony, they should be properly thanked with a reception (please note that reception does not automatically mean full dinner with dancing). However a wedding does not require a white dress, flowers, centerpieces/decor, dinner and dancing, or alcohol. No one here is telling you to spend more money. Everyone is telling you to host your guests properly. You need to find a way to properly host your guests within your budget (in which various posters have given you excellent ideas).

I also do not understand why people choose a venue, put down deposits and down payments and then realize they can't afford the bar... that is part of the venue.

levioosa · May 2015

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?

I didn't see the original post quoted, so JIC.

PPs have it covered.

MandyMost · May 2015

My wedding, in one of the most expensive cities in America, cost about $1700 for a limited bar (beer, wine, and 2 signature cocktails) for 150 people. We essentially did a consumption bar, but we purposefully picked a vendor that did the bar through a wholesale liquor vendor (i.e. we paid the price per bottle you'd pay at the liquor store, and then also paid for the bar tenders and glasses and garnishes, etc.). At literally every other venue we looked at open bar was going for around $55/person (over $8,000) , or consumption bar for like $8/drink (assume 3 drinks per person and that's $3,600).

We couldn't afford that. So we found a way we could host the a wedding we could afford. You should do the same. If you only have 20 people drinking, and they're each going to drink heavily (6 drinks?) then that's $960 if you assume $8/drink. (I have no idea what your prices are). Do what you can to come up with an extra 500-1000 dollars to have an open consumption bar.

You can easily forgo favors and centerpieces. How much are those costing you? How about any other extras? Do you really need a bouquet? Or other flowers? (if those were in your budget?). And get rid of anything extra like a photobooth, totally unnecessary, if you were planning stuff like that. Or transportation? Forgo the limo and drive yourselves or have a member of the bridal party drive, or whatever is easier and cheaper. In essence, find the money.

emmiejayne · May 2015

See,I mentioned to a couple of our friends and family about how we're having a dry wedding. They were absolutely horrified and have decided to BYOB. Bad etiquette on their part, from what I can gather, but nothing much we can do about that!

Cash Bar

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