Cash Bar

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?

Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.

levioosa · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?

Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.

The bolded is exactly why it's rude. And we gave her plenty of options without being rude. There is no reason she can't just have a tab open instead of jumping from $500 to $2,000.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?
Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.

I am trying SO hard not to get frustrated by your posts.

NO ONE said OP was rude. EVERYONE said cash bars are rude, which is what she asked and several people provided many examples of WHY cash bars are rude (for the love of God, Goddess, ET, Freddie Kruger even) would you please just read the link on Cash Bars on. this. board?! I think @adk19 even posted the entire article b/c no one was reading the link.

Please stop with the terrible advice on the etiquette board. There has to be another forum, somewhere on the interwebz where you can just make up stuff, guess about what would be cool, and dole out suggestions that are based on nothing but your own whims...

Why would you suggest a cash bar after literally EVERYONE confirmed they are rude?

hellosweetie1015 · May 2015

OP, we're working with half your budget, and aside from the officiant / license, food and beverage is both my and my FI's top priority.

Because it's our top priority, I'm cutting anything and everything I can to ensure we are able to host it. Cash bar has not ever, ever crossed my mind.

I assure you, there is somewhere between cash and $2K. A dry wedding is fine, so long as sodas/tea/water are hosted. Just hosting a signature cocktail or two is fine. Hosting wine/beer only is fine. Hosting well drinks is fine. Hosting top shelf is fine.

Unlike all of the above options, cash bars are not fine.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

onefootinthebayou said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?
Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.
I am trying SO hard not to get frustrated by your posts.

NO ONE said OP was rude. EVERYONE said cash bars are rude, which is what she asked and several people provided many examples of WHY cash bars are rude (for the love of God, Goddess, ET, Freddie Kruger even) would you please just read the link on Cash Bars on. this. board?! I think @adk19 even posted the entire article b/c no one was reading the link.

Please stop with the terrible advice on the etiquette board. There has to be another forum, somewhere on the interwebz where you can just make up stuff, guess about what would be cool, and dole out suggestions that are based on nothing but your own whims...

Why would you suggest a cash bar after literally EVERYONE confirmed they are rude?

I would suggest it because it makes sense for the OPs budget and wedding. I'd also suggest it because I do not find it rude. The OP actually just asked for thoughts and I gave her my thoughts.

justsie · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?
Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.
I am trying SO hard not to get frustrated by your posts.

NO ONE said OP was rude. EVERYONE said cash bars are rude, which is what she asked and several people provided many examples of WHY cash bars are rude (for the love of God, Goddess, ET, Freddie Kruger even) would you please just read the link on Cash Bars on. this. board?! I think @adk19 even posted the entire article b/c no one was reading the link.

Please stop with the terrible advice on the etiquette board. There has to be another forum, somewhere on the interwebz where you can just make up stuff, guess about what would be cool, and dole out suggestions that are based on nothing but your own whims...

Why would you suggest a cash bar after literally EVERYONE confirmed they are rude?

I would suggest it because it makes sense for the OPs budget and wedding. I'd also suggest it because I do not find it rude. The OP actually just asked for thoughts and I gave her my thoughts.

You know whats kind of sad? OP got multiple people telling them that this would be considered rude, many people have personal experiences where they went to weddings and had to pay for a portion of the party meant to thank them for coming (often in cash bar form). Because the OP doesn't want to hear that their idea is rude, they will probably listen to the one person that says it is not over the dozen of people that say it is. Not only that, every bride on here has worked with a budget, AND gave suggestions for OP to properly host her guests and stay within their budget, yet you continue running around giving people poor advice based on your thoughts.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

onefootinthebayou said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?
Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.
I am trying SO hard not to get frustrated by your posts.

NO ONE said OP was rude. EVERYONE said cash bars are rude, which is what she asked and several people provided many examples of WHY cash bars are rude (for the love of God, Goddess, ET, Freddie Kruger even) would you please just read the link on Cash Bars on. this. board?! I think @adk19 even posted the entire article b/c no one was reading the link.

Please stop with the terrible advice on the etiquette board. There has to be another forum, somewhere on the interwebz where you can just make up stuff, guess about what would be cool, and dole out suggestions that are based on nothing but your own whims...

Why would you suggest a cash bar after literally EVERYONE confirmed they are rude?
I would suggest it because it makes sense for the OPs budget and wedding. I'd also suggest it because I do not find it rude. The OP actually just asked for thoughts and I gave her my thoughts.

So according to your logic, since you don't find it rude, yet the majority of people familiar to the rules of etiquette (also known as good manners if one's unfamiliar with the term) DO find it rude, it's ok to give OP this bad advice based only on the fact that you don't find it rude? Do you care about the comfort of her guests? Do you care if she offends friends & family by asking them to subsidize part of her wedding when there are several alternatives that have been outlined in great detail here that allow her to both meet her budget and host properly?

She did ask - and as I said, everyone is free to post as they wish - but don't expect to not be corrected if you give bad advice. People come here, myself included, to learn the ins & outs of hosting a wedding whether it's vendor advice, logistics, timing info, and especially, what is the proper etiquette involved in executing an event where you treat your guests properly. Etiquette is not subjective. It does not change based on opinion. Trying to use your opinion to dispense etiquette advice is so incredibly counter-intuitive. If etiquette rules were influenced by and subject to opinion why would rules of etiquette even exist? I'd be REAL interested to know if you can answer that coherently.

Just because you don't think something is rude doesn't mean it isn't. That's an incredibly limited and inward-facing mentality.

ohannabelle · May 2015

onefootinthebayou said:

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?
Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.

I am trying SO hard not to get frustrated by your posts.

NO ONE said OP was rude. EVERYONE said cash bars are rude, which is what she asked and several people provided many examples of WHY cash bars are rude (for the love of God, Goddess, ET, Freddie Kruger even) would you please just read the link on Cash Bars on. this. board?! I think @adk19 even posted the entire article b/c no one was reading the link.

Please stop with the terrible advice on the etiquette board. There has to be another forum, somewhere on the interwebz where you can just make up stuff, guess about what would be cool, and dole out suggestions that are based on nothing but your own whims...

Why would you suggest a cash bar after literally EVERYONE confirmed they are rude?

For the same reason Binkydink does and says everything she does. Because she's a troll, and can't resist the opportunity to start an argument, stir up shit, and wallow in the attention.

NowIAmSyp · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 you seem like a nice enough person- your posts always seem to have a positive beat to them- but the actual CONTENT of what you're posting is just wrong... especially since it's an Etiquette board...

You are all over here- might I suggest a rest from the Etiquette board? There are literally 20+ other boards here on the Knot where you can hang out and just chat (rather than espouse bad advice).

And bonus- you might actually grow to like us and learn from the things everyone posts

whovianstark · May 2015

soontobesyp said:
BrinkyDink16 you seem like a nice enough person- your posts always seem to have a positive beat to them- but the actual CONTENT of what you're posting is just wrong... especially since it's an Etiquette board...

You are all over here- might I suggest a rest from the Etiquette board? There are literally 20+ other boards here on the Knot where you can hang out and just chat (rather than espouse bad advice).

And bonus- you might actually grow to like us and learn from the things everyone posts

It's true! At first I thought it was hostile in here, but then I realized I was just being an ahole. If I had known about these boards earlier I could have avoided some stressful bridesmaid drama.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

whovianstark said:

soontobesyp said:
BrinkyDink16 you seem like a nice enough person- your posts always seem to have a positive beat to them- but the actual CONTENT of what you're posting is just wrong... especially since it's an Etiquette board...

You are all over here- might I suggest a rest from the Etiquette board? There are literally 20+ other boards here on the Knot where you can hang out and just chat (rather than espouse bad advice).

And bonus- you might actually grow to like us and learn from the things everyone posts
It's true! At first I thought it was hostile in here, but then I realized I was just being an ahole. If I had known about these boards earlier I could have avoided some stressful bridesmaid drama.

Lol me too!!

JoanE2012 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

onefootinthebayou said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?
Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.
I am trying SO hard not to get frustrated by your posts.

NO ONE said OP was rude. EVERYONE said cash bars are rude, which is what she asked and several people provided many examples of WHY cash bars are rude (for the love of God, Goddess, ET, Freddie Kruger even) would you please just read the link on Cash Bars on. this. board?! I think @adk19 even posted the entire article b/c no one was reading the link.

Please stop with the terrible advice on the etiquette board. There has to be another forum, somewhere on the interwebz where you can just make up stuff, guess about what would be cool, and dole out suggestions that are based on nothing but your own whims...

Why would you suggest a cash bar after literally EVERYONE confirmed they are rude?
I would suggest it because it makes sense for the OPs budget and wedding. I'd also suggest it because I do not find it rude. The OP actually just asked for thoughts and I gave her my thoughts.

This is the ETIQUETTE board. Take your bad advice elsewhere.

jenajjthr · May 2015

My H didn't think having a cash bar option was that bad of an idea...if we couldn't afford to host part of the bar than that shouldn't stop the guests from having the option of buying it they wanted it. He thought it was being nice for them to still have the option.

It wasn't until after I explained to him that anything they bought, brought down our cost of the party....they were in fact paying for part of our party, paying for our thank you to coming to see us get married did he begin to see the light. Thankfully I talked him out of it. We ended up being able to host an open bar due to declines, but were prepared to only host beer/wine/soda due to budget.

It's like having a party at your house, paying for the food, but then telling your guests, well if you want a drink you have to pay me $X. This way you recoup some of your cost for buying the food. Just rude rude rude.

APDSS22 · May 2015

OP, I was in a similar money situation when we got married. We couldn't afford much, our budget was similar and neither of us had our parents offer any money to help. DH was in grad school and I was working an entry-level job as a cashier at an arts and crafts retail store. I ended up getting a couple jumps of promotion during the planning process but it wasn't much in terms of money. We hosted beer and wine only because that was what we could afford to thank our guests for coming to witness our wedding.

If your venue doesn't allow a limited bar option, you could definitely convert to a consumption bar (where you have the venue run a tab and then pay off only what was consumed afterwards). You won't know up front how much you're spending, but it is almost always less than paying an upfront "per head" cost. Especially if you are not anticipating a large group of heavy drinkers. There should be some middle ground between cash and $2,000.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2015

SP29 said:
Oh man, oh man...

NO ONE told you to spend $2000 on the bar. Lots of posters gave you excellent options. A consumption bar sounds like it would suit you perfectly. Or, limit your open bar to wine and beer only. Or, have a dry wedding.

LOTS of people have hosted weddings without the help of their mother and father. This is no exception. No one else is required to pay for your wedding besides you and your fiance. This includes your guests subsidizing the bar.

If you are living paycheck to paycheck I would recommend changing your reception to a brunch, lunch, or cake and punch (at a non meal time). You can save yourself a lot of money and still properly host your guests.

A wedding is two people getting married. The only thing required is you, your fiance, an officiant, and a witness or two. If anyone is invited to the ceremony, they should be properly thanked with a reception (please note that reception does not automatically mean full dinner with dancing). However a wedding does not require a white dress, flowers, centerpieces/decor, dinner and dancing, or alcohol. No one here is telling you to spend more money. Everyone is telling you to host your guests properly. You need to find a way to properly host your guests within your budget (in which various posters have given you excellent ideas).

I also do not understand why people choose a venue, put down deposits and down payments and then realize they can't afford the bar... that is part of the venue.

I don't understand how people choose and book a venue and not realize that 60% of their budget should be the reception- which includes a bar package ><

lyndausvi · May 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:
Oh man, oh man...

NO ONE told you to spend $2000 on the bar. Lots of posters gave you excellent options. A consumption bar sounds like it would suit you perfectly. Or, limit your open bar to wine and beer only. Or, have a dry wedding.

LOTS of people have hosted weddings without the help of their mother and father. This is no exception. No one else is required to pay for your wedding besides you and your fiance. This includes your guests subsidizing the bar.

If you are living paycheck to paycheck I would recommend changing your reception to a brunch, lunch, or cake and punch (at a non meal time). You can save yourself a lot of money and still properly host your guests.

A wedding is two people getting married. The only thing required is you, your fiance, an officiant, and a witness or two. If anyone is invited to the ceremony, they should be properly thanked with a reception (please note that reception does not automatically mean full dinner with dancing). However a wedding does not require a white dress, flowers, centerpieces/decor, dinner and dancing, or alcohol. No one here is telling you to spend more money. Everyone is telling you to host your guests properly. You need to find a way to properly host your guests within your budget (in which various posters have given you excellent ideas).

I also do not understand why people choose a venue, put down deposits and down payments and then realize they can't afford the bar... that is part of the venue.

I don't understand how people choose and book a venue and not realize that 60% of their budget should be the reception- which includes a bar package ><

Add me to the list. It blows my mind this is not thought have when people book their venue.

I had a high budget, but still picked a place we could bring our own to keep the costs down.

banana468 · May 2015

lyndausvi said:

PrettyGirlLost said:
Oh man, oh man...

NO ONE told you to spend $2000 on the bar. Lots of posters gave you excellent options. A consumption bar sounds like it would suit you perfectly. Or, limit your open bar to wine and beer only. Or, have a dry wedding.

LOTS of people have hosted weddings without the help of their mother and father. This is no exception. No one else is required to pay for your wedding besides you and your fiance. This includes your guests subsidizing the bar.

If you are living paycheck to paycheck I would recommend changing your reception to a brunch, lunch, or cake and punch (at a non meal time). You can save yourself a lot of money and still properly host your guests.

A wedding is two people getting married. The only thing required is you, your fiance, an officiant, and a witness or two. If anyone is invited to the ceremony, they should be properly thanked with a reception (please note that reception does not automatically mean full dinner with dancing). However a wedding does not require a white dress, flowers, centerpieces/decor, dinner and dancing, or alcohol. No one here is telling you to spend more money. Everyone is telling you to host your guests properly. You need to find a way to properly host your guests within your budget (in which various posters have given you excellent ideas).

I also do not understand why people choose a venue, put down deposits and down payments and then realize they can't afford the bar... that is part of the venue.

I don't understand how people choose and book a venue and not realize that 60% of their budget should be the reception- which includes a bar package ><

Add me to the list. It blows my mind this is not thought have when people book their venue.

I had a high budget, but still picked a place we could bring our own to keep the costs down.

Add me to the list. I don't get it. Is it that people don't get what is needed in a reception or that people don't know how to budget? This is akin to telling me that you bought a house where you can afford the mortgage payment but nothing else.

JeeGooDowster · May 2015

Nothing wrong with having a dry wedding to limit costs...if people complain about it, then they are the ones being rude. Host what you can AFFORD.

This may be a bit snarky, but the Original Post kinda seems like a joke

julieanne912 · May 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

SP29 said:
Oh man, oh man...

NO ONE told you to spend $2000 on the bar. Lots of posters gave you excellent options. A consumption bar sounds like it would suit you perfectly. Or, limit your open bar to wine and beer only. Or, have a dry wedding.

LOTS of people have hosted weddings without the help of their mother and father. This is no exception. No one else is required to pay for your wedding besides you and your fiance. This includes your guests subsidizing the bar.

If you are living paycheck to paycheck I would recommend changing your reception to a brunch, lunch, or cake and punch (at a non meal time). You can save yourself a lot of money and still properly host your guests.

A wedding is two people getting married. The only thing required is you, your fiance, an officiant, and a witness or two. If anyone is invited to the ceremony, they should be properly thanked with a reception (please note that reception does not automatically mean full dinner with dancing). However a wedding does not require a white dress, flowers, centerpieces/decor, dinner and dancing, or alcohol. No one here is telling you to spend more money. Everyone is telling you to host your guests properly. You need to find a way to properly host your guests within your budget (in which various posters have given you excellent ideas).

I also do not understand why people choose a venue, put down deposits and down payments and then realize they can't afford the bar... that is part of the venue.
I don't understand how people choose and book a venue and not realize that 60% of their budget should be the reception- which includes a bar package ><

I don't get it either, along with not reading ALL of the rules of the venue in terms of catering and alcohol. Extra costs for those items shouldn't be a surprise later on down the road if you read the fine print first.

Knottie1431006189 · May 2015

I'll never understand why people host receptions that they can't afford. If you can't pay for an open/consumption/limited bar than you shouldn't have a bar at all.

One of my best friends from college had an open bar for cocktail hour and then it switched to cash. None of us would have ever said a word to her about it BUT (and I would never never say this in real life) it made me feel bad for her. She was having this huge party...but couldn't afford it. It was sad. I felt bad that they were even paying for my dinner (and cake!) because money was clearly an issue for them.

If you can't scrape up the extra $ to make sure your guests (key word: guests) don't have to pay for anything than you should absolutely not be having the type of reception you're planning. Go small, go dry, or go to city hall. Otherwise, people will feel bad for you because you're pretending to host a fancy party when you're clearly not in the position to do so.

lyndausvi · May 2015

Knottie1431006189 said:
I'll never understand why people host receptions that they can't afford. If you can't pay for an open/consumption/limited bar than you shouldn't have a bar at all.

One of my best friends from college had an open bar for cocktail hour and then it switched to cash. None of us would have ever said a word to her about it BUT (and I would never never say this in real life) it made me feel bad for her. She was having this huge party...but couldn't afford it. It was sad. I felt bad that they were even paying for my dinner (and cake!) because money was clearly an issue for them.

If you can't scrape up the extra $ to make sure your guests (key word: guests) don't have to pay for anything than you should absolutely not be having the type of reception you're planning. Go small, go dry, or go to city hall. Otherwise, people will feel bad for you because you're pretending to host a fancy party when you're clearly not in the position to do so.

Yep.

I've attend fire hall and backyard BBQ weddings there were properly hosted that I loved.

I've witnessed (through work) a poorly hosted wedding (cash bar among other things) at a luxury resort. Guests were not happy about the cash bar (they bitch at the staff). I kept thinking was if you just went down the street you could have had a fully hosted wedding, with good food and an open/partial open for less then this poorly hosted one.

banana468 · May 2015

I would much rather attend a backyard wedding with beer in a solo cup than one in a country club that requires me to pay.

Knottie1431006189 · May 2015

banana468 said:
I would much rather attend a backyard wedding with beer in a solo cup than one in a country club that requires me to pay.

Seriously! I would just never even think to charge people to attend a party that I asked them to come to. I'm not in college anymore - when I host (non-wedding) parties in my tiny apartment I take full responsibility for all refreshments. If a friend offers to bring cupcakes/sangria/whatever, great! But I wouldn't ask. If I want to host a party, then I actually.... host the party.

A backyard wedding, fully hosted, sounds awesome.

madamerwin · May 2015

You should charge people for sides with the main dish at the meal. Sides are extra, man! Money is too tight to be providing all that! They get meat. If they need something else, they can pay for it!

OR - better yet! The first 40 people through the buffet eat for free. After that, it's $10 for the main course, $5 per side.

BrinkyDink16 said:

janycep said:
Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?
Hell yes that's ridiculous! What if your guests don't end up consuming
an additional $2k worth of alcohol? This is why we stayed away from all
venues with "wedding packages" and just went for a reception hall
that's letting us do whatever we want. We're just stocking our bar
ourselves so we have our list and have been buying it based on what's on
sale each week. That way we know we won't go over budget and it's a
pretty simple "once it's gone it's gone!" situation.

I do find
the $500 open thing confusing though (and I apologize if you explained
it, I just skipped to the end because I got sick of reading about how
rude you are!) So basically, they keep tabs and once the $500 limit has
been reached they start charging? I would find that confusing as a
guest because if my first drink was free and then I had to pay for my
second I'd be like "huh?" So I would just find a way to make it really
clear to your guests what the situation is or maybe set a time. Like,
open cocktail hour, cash bar following dinner or something to that
effect.

Lurkers, please do the opposite of whatever @BrinkyDink says on the Etiquette board. Doing so almost guarantees you'll be hosting your guests properly.

SP29 · May 2015

Knottie1431006189 said:
I'll never understand why people host receptions that they can't afford. If you can't pay for an open/consumption/limited bar than you shouldn't have a bar at all.

One of my best friends from college had an open bar for cocktail hour and then it switched to cash. None of us would have ever said a word to her about it BUT (and I would never never say this in real life) it made me feel bad for her. She was having this huge party...but couldn't afford it. It was sad. I felt bad that they were even paying for my dinner (and cake!) because money was clearly an issue for them.

If you can't scrape up the extra $ to make sure your guests (key word: guests) don't have to pay for anything than you should absolutely not be having the type of reception you're planning. Go small, go dry, or go to city hall. Otherwise, people will feel bad for you because you're pretending to host a fancy party when you're clearly not in the position to do so.

I've never heard anyone say this before- and I think it's a great point.

Your friends and family are likely not going to say anything to your face, making you think, "this is totally a great idea", but people still have thoughts running through their head.

KatieinBkln · May 2015

Me and my fiancé have decided on a cash bar for our wedding. However, first we are offering a 500 tab at the bar and anything over that will be a cash bar. I have read many posts calling brides rude and tacky for offering a cash bar. I am not spending much on our wedding only about 6000 including everything. We just recently bought a house so money is tight. If we turned the bar into an open bar it would raise the cost of the reception almost 2000. The only guests that would truly be drinking would be our close friends. We thought it would be absurd to pay an additional 2000 for only a hand few of people to be drinking all night. Any thoughts on this?

LOLOLOLOLOL.

Oh, a few. Here and there.

Notably on a sticky in this very board.

becomingmcclain · May 2015

No. Please no. Just don't.

My budget is roughly $2500 for alcohol for 75 guests. We are doing a consumption bar. Once the $2500 has been spent we will close down the bar, ask the DJ to play the last song, and leave.

If we are having fun and don't want to leave, we will keep the bar open. Under no circumstanced will I allow my guests to pay for a drink at our reception. We are having it on the second story of a restaurant, so after our wedding is over they might choose to remain at the restaurant and continue to drink, but we will not be at the bar on the second floor. They can choose to leave the reception and move downstairs, but no drinks will be paid for by guests at our reception.

FutureMrsRigone · May 2015

I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

TrixieJess · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

Please stop offering advice on the Etiquette boards that go against Etiquette. Consider this the nice ask.

flantastic · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

People disapproving when you are rude as fuck to them is tacky? Okay.

Cash Bar

Re: Cash Bar

Choose Another Board

Search Boards