DW under $10k?

[Deleted User] · May 2015

I'm becoming very overwhelmed by the cost of everything related to a wedding and have been contemplating eloping as I'm sure every couple does at some point or another. I have a huge family but only want to invite a small number (DW would weed out a large number), I hate the idea of having to choose every minute detail (DW at an all inclusive resort would narrow down my options for me). An all inclusive resort would also bundle up all wedding related costs and give me that flat "you can get married for XX dollars!" without having to freak out about forgetting hidden costs. Easy way out? Sure. But with how hard life in general has been the last few months, FH and I deserve a bit of ease!

My question for the wise Knotties is this: have you had a DW, and if so, were you able to keep your costs under 10k? And also, any suggestions for a quiet, beautiful location?

JennyColada · May 2015

We never really thought we'd keep the costs below $10k, whether we had a DW or not. We were more interested in having things how we wanted than in keeping costs low.

That being said, VERY often during my planning did I answer vendor questions with "whatever you think is best". I had basically no opinion on linens, chair style, or even décor. I had a rough idea of what type of flowers that I wanted and what colors, but I was very open and even told my florist "when you go shopping for flowers, if you find a different flower that looks nice in a similar color and it's a good price then feel free to go for it! I'm trusting your artistic experience here!"

DH and I were very laid back, and in some ways I do think it made it harder on the vendors (since they were a little more worried about us not giving as much direction), but in some ways it made it easier since we let them have more creative control to do fun stuff!

You just have to figure out what's right for you and your style. For me and DH, we just wanted to have a good time and hired people that we knew would help us do that, but we definitely paid for that service!

Jells2dot0 · May 2015

We eloped- ran off and got married in Australia without telling anyone. It was obviously a planned elopment as we had to book things in advance. The wedding part of our trip was under $10K, but with the travel costs added in, it was more like $30K. So, it's doable if you choose something closer to home, choose less expensive resorts (the resorts where we stayed were over $1K/night) and keep your guest list very small.

That being said:

-If you are paying for your wedding and you only want a small guest list go ahead and only invite those people. Sure, people may be hurt about it, but there is nothing wrong with wanting a small wedding. If someone asks, just tell them that you are having a very small, immediate family and very close friends only wedding and you wished you had been able to include everyone and hope they are understanding of your decision to have a small wedding.

-Make sure the small guest list you do want to invite will be able to attend a DW. It's very costly for people to travel for DWs and people have a lot of reasons why they can't travel (work, health, finances, etc) so be sure everyone you want there can actually be there.

-As someone who planned both a large traditional wedding and a smaller DW, I can honestly say that planning a DW wasn't completely stress free. If you want completely control of the details, then a DW certainly isn't for you. Plus, the wedding packages that most resorts offer have lots of options and customizations beyond the standard. So, be prepared to have to pick a lot of things even if the standard seems okay at first. It was not that stressful for me because it was only the two of us at our wedding, but even with the two of us, I had to fill out multiple pages of preferences and send pictures and hope that the wedding coordinator got it right. I had to find a photographer outside of my wedding package and then pay for their transport. Just make sure the package includes everything you need because, at the end of the day, most do not.

-You have to be willing to trust the wedding coordinator and the resort because you can't be there to help push things along. In the end, my wedding was fucking amazing but I had a few moments during the planning where I wish the coordinator had been easily reachable.Tropical destinations really do run on "island time" and your responses won't be immediate. It's a different way of approaching things than we are used to the US (assuming you are from the US!)

I think you need to take a step back and take a breath. Planning a wedding is only as stressful as you make it. I planned my first wedding while I was in the process of starting a new job out of college, getting set up in a new state, and working 60+ hours/week with a lot of travel. I planned my wedding in Australia while working more than full time at my job, traveling for work, and living in a different state than my now-H. I had a lot going on both times and made it work.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

Thanks to both of you! I think I'm so afraid of regretting a decision or thinking "I wish I would have done that!" that it's sort of paralyzing me in terms of the planning... Really wishing my uber-supportive FI would be less "anything you want, honey!" and more "well, this is what I envisioned"...

ShesSoCold · May 2015

I planned a DW for about $10,000 total (including travel for us) in Montana. I think we were planning on about 35 guests. We'd chosen a really nice menu and top shelf bar at a fairly expensive ski resort. We definitely could have done it for less.

When you ask about quiet and beautiful, are you thinking beaches? Forests and lakes? Mountains? There are a shmillion options.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

envisioning a beach where random people can't stop and watch. My FI is from LA so he's used to beaches and misses the ocean (kind of far from Chicago...). We would have tops 20 guests if we decide on a DW.

Your wedding sounds like it was amazing! Something like that, but in a warmer climate, would be perfect. We don't have a set date yet either so we are flexible in terms of on/off season planning.

WinstonsGirl · May 2015

Our DW was nowhere near $10 000. But that was our choice too. However, my good friend got married in Cuba for about $6000. I believe they had 11 guests. So yes, it can be done. But all the advice that PP's gave is what I'm saying too.

jacques27 · May 2015

jgrace8611 said:
Thanks to both of you! I think I'm so afraid of regretting a decision or thinking "I wish I would have done that!" that it's sort of paralyzing me in terms of the planning... Really wishing my uber-supportive FI would be less "anything you want, honey!" and more "well, this is what I envisioned"...

Out of curiosity, have you told him that?

In my experience with super-agreeable and supportive people who don't want to make waves and are perfectly content with just going with whatever and want to make sure other people are happy - they need to be told when it's time to step up and have an opinion. They usually have one, they just need a little more prodding to express it. As in the recent conversation I had:

Me: What do want to do for your birthday?
Them: Whatever is fine with me.
Me: Well, I was thinking of either X or Y.
Them: Whatever one you want to do is fine with me.
Me: It's really important to me that it's something you really want. I know you will be perfectly happy and very grateful for whatever I plan, but I want it to be something you want. How do you really picture this day?
Them: Well, I guess I really want Z. (Which was nowhere near what I had been thinking with X and Y.)

Have a talk with him. Say "I know you just want me to be happy and are fine with whatever I pick, but there are so many options and I don't know what way to go and it's stressing me out. I really want this to be OUR day and would like your input. When you think about our wedding day, how do you see it?"

Jells2dot0 · May 2015

jgrace8611 said:
envisioning a beach where random people can't stop and watch. My FI is from LA so he's used to beaches and misses the ocean (kind of far from Chicago...). We would have tops 20 guests if we decide on a DW.
Your wedding sounds like it was amazing! Something like that, but in a warmer climate, would be perfect. We don't have a set date yet either so we are flexible in terms of on/off season planning.

We wanted to this, too, but unfortunately, the more reasonably costing tropical DWs for both you and your guests are at larger AI resorts that have multiple weddings per day. The only one I can think of that may work is getting married on Tower Isle at Couples Tower Isle in Jamaica. In order to get what we wanted, we chose an island in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef that takes a helicopter and boat transfer to get to once you reach Gladstone, Queensland. The resort only has 6 rooms, so it was easy for the staff of 2 to tell the other 6 guests on the island that we wanted a private ceremony. You could also book out a resort (not cheap, obviously.)

RezIpsa · May 2015

What about a cruise wedding? You can still get married on a beach, and short cruises are about the same price as any other AI resort. The packages are all inclusive, but you can tailor them if you want.

CJandRyan · May 2015

Our destination wedding will be less than $5,000 but we are keeping it very simple. We're getting married along the Chesapeake Bay in Virginia and staying at a bed and breakfast that's allowing us use their back yard for the ceremony at no extra charge. We're just having dinner and drinks at a local restaurant after the ceremony with the 10 family members who will be in attendance.

JennyColada · May 2015

I actually thought it was kind of cool that random strangers hung out and watched out wedding. I mean, granted, it was only like 6 people scattered around, so it wasn't a big deal and I didn't really notice them much. But I thought it was really touching (not to mention complimentary that our wedding was beautiful and touching enough for total strangers to want to watch it and to cry!).

saric83 · May 2015

We got married at Beach Palace in Cancun, and while we didn't have a private beach ceremony (no such thing in that whole strip really), but we were married on the rooftop of the hotel with glass walls and beautiful views of the beach, ocean and lagoon since privacy was the most important thing to me.

Ours was over $10K, but we had 40 people and definitely could have made it happen for under that amount with a smaller group.

Skippy0827 · May 2015

We are getting married in Las Vegas, we live in Florida. We invited everyone but told them we understood if they could not make it out. As our wedding gift, a number of those people are throwing us a "Celebration" when we get home for everyone. We have about 10 people including FH and I that are going. After the ceremony, pictures, dress, flights hotels, tux, and all that Jazz.. it has come to be about $6500. We ARE taking everyone who is coming out for a nice meal afterwards. We are getting married outdoors at a Gazebo n a Terrace Down Town with the Strip lit up behind us.. I planned for about $8500 so we came out on top.

Good Luck to you

XrebeccaX · May 2015

I have friends that got married at the Couples Tower Isle in Jamaica (mentioned above) and they were very happy with everything. I believe they spent around $3k including their travel but don't quote me on that. They wanted a private ceremony, NO guests, and that is what they got!

[Deleted User] · May 2015

RezIpsa said:
What about a cruise wedding? You can still get married on a beach, and short cruises are about the same price as any other AI resort. The packages are all inclusive, but you can tailor them if you want.

FI gets sea sick :-( no cruise for us, but it was considered before his admission!

Thank you EVERYONE for the suggestions. Visiting some local venues this weekend and comparing to the info we got from Beach Bums.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Look at sandpetalweddings.com. They have wedding packages (all inclusive) in Sarasota, Florida which you can keep it under or close to 10k.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

A friend of mine "eloped" in the carribean and for around $5,000 they had a beautiful beach side ceremony, a romantic dinner for two, and then had the rest of the week at the resort for their honeymoon. But it was just the two of them. They had no guests to host. The reason I said "elope" was because we all knew it was happening. They had a casual get together to celebrate when they got back with friends.

Truly the only way to find out if you can pull it off for you budget is to contact resorts you are interested in, finding out what's included and how much it costs to host a meal for your guests. Once you know the prices, then get prices for rooms & flight & then talk to your VIPS and see if they are able to make it.

ashmo1 · July 2015

I'm not sure if you will have made a choice yet, but what about finding somewhere with a roof-top venue?

We were concerned about the same thing; we loved the idea of a small wedding on the beach, but hated the thought that it would be so public. We ended up deciding to go with the El Dorado Maroma resort in the Riviera Maya and are expecting around 30 guests.

Our wedding will cost more than the $10,000 budget you're hoping for but we've done a lot of extras that could be trimmed and I would imagine there are also other AI resorts in your price-range.

Knottie82768108 · October 2015

Not sure if you have already made your decision but I'm currently planning our DW at the hard rock punta cana and we are definitely under 10k. We went through destinationweddings.com and instead of picking the different packages that the resort put together we picked pieces of each and customized.

We are expecting about 35 guests and the more rooms you book you get free stuff like 10 rooms your cocktail hour is free that's $650 right there

With our travel and room and the wedding/reception we are at 8200 , but we decided to pay for our mothers and grandmothers rooms and travel so that bumped us up to about 16k ...

Best of luck with everything!

Knottie1445937012 · November 2015

^Wow really? I was weary of trying them because they say I have to put $50 down, and I have already started planning (on my own, not with them directly) with another company.

CMGragain · November 2015

jgrace8611 said:

I'm becoming very overwhelmed by the cost of everything related to a wedding and have been contemplating eloping as I'm sure every couple does at some point or another. I have a huge family but only want to invite a small number (DW would weed out a large number), I hate the idea of having to choose every minute detail (DW at an all inclusive resort would narrow down my options for me). An all inclusive resort would also bundle up all wedding related costs and give me that flat "you can get married for XX dollars!" without having to freak out about forgetting hidden costs. Easy way out? Sure. But with how hard life in general has been the last few months, FH and I deserve a bit of ease!
My question for the wise Knotties is this: have you had a DW, and if so, were you able to keep your costs under 10k? And also, any suggestions for a quiet, beautiful location?

Why do you want to have a destination wedding when you can be married locally so much more cheaply?
You are not obligated to invite everyone in your family, whether the wedding is local, or far away.
Many country clubs can arrange a most-inclusive wedding for you. Daytime weddings are cheaper than night time ones. A formal brunch is much cheaper than a formal dinner. You have to deal with your clothes, flowers, and getting the license and officiant. Small wedding parties cost less and are easier to manage.

softkittywarmkitty · January 2016

jgrace8611 said:
Thanks to both of you! I think I'm so afraid of regretting a decision or thinking "I wish I would have done that!" that it's sort of paralyzing me in terms of the planning... Really wishing my uber-supportive FI would be less "anything you want, honey!" and more "well, this is what I envisioned"...

I could have written this post. I feel exactly the same.

drmariner · March 2016

I see the original post date is a while ago but for other folks who are reading the responses I thought it worth mentioning that the dollar is really strong right now which might make certain international destinations more affordable. Not sure if this applies to big resorts but my wedding planner in Colombia just planned a wedding for an American couple for <$5000. A year ago that same wedding would have been $7500. Just something to keep in mind.

DW under $10k?

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