Chit Chat

NWR/unpopular opinion: FB announcement vent (TW)

I need to get this off my chest... 


If there is anything that makes me ragey and annoys me a ton is people who blabber on and on about money and relationship problems all over facebook when they have 4 kids and they announce they are pregnant with yet another child.

Children are a blessing but having more kids than you can afford in a rollercoaster relationship (from her fb posts) is kind of insane. If you struggle for money and depend on all possible government aids and you don't work for pay (I consider SAHM work) and your husband can't support the 5 of you plus himself and he has money spending problems, I think you should be more concious of birth control. 

Thank you for letting me vent


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Re: NWR/unpopular opinion: FB announcement vent (TW)

  • I used to be friends with this woman years ago. We're still friends on FB. Her and her H had money troubles before they ever had kids. They always struggled to pay their bills. Then they had 5 kids. She's now constantly complaining about having no money for anything and saying that her kids are all rotten. I'm sure her life is hard, but what did you think was going to happen when you had 5 kids? At one point, she had all of them living in one bedroom. 
  • Yeah, it is hard not to roll your eyes when you see that kind of stuff....
    image
  • @climbingwife exactly that! (To person who complains) You constantly complain that you have no money for basic things and stuff like that and you continue being careless about birth control. Yes family is stronger than money but your kids deserve a decent life too. Me and my mom had struggles when I was growing up but I never needed anything. 



  • @sarahufl it really does bother me and I need to learn to deal with this because I will likely see it in my practice a lot but idk my sense of reason and instinct twitch when people are so selfish about something so delicate and serious. 


  • @loveislouder in my case its sad that most of the people on fb are this way, and they are years older than me! When me and FI fight last thing on my mind is going to vent on fb in public! 


  • JaniV123 said:

    @loveislouder in my case its sad that most of the people on fb are this way, and they are years older than me! When me and FI fight last thing on my mind is going to vent on fb in public! 

    That's exactly it. It's very immature and now the whole world knows your business. No thank you.
  • larrygaga said:

    If you think about it, the poor population are generally uneducated. It's easy for us to say "Just do X and you'll have no problem in life" but it's never that simple. Just by not having kids doesn't mean they will have money. It doesn't work like that. Their minimum wage jobs still aren't going to support them. Unless they go into thousands of dollars into debt to get a college degree, they will be stuck in the lifestyle they have. 


    Why not try to have a happy family you see on TV? Why not try to have something in your life to be proud of, and try to have people in your life that love you? It's not that they don't realize the repercussions. They grew up poor, their parents grew up poor, their kids will be growing up poor as well. Most of them don't know any other way.

    Poor people are mostly uneducated, but you guys know that education does not make you smart, and you aren't stupid if you don't have a college degree. We all know you basically need a degree to have a supportive job. No, your one weird cousin/friend that worked his way to the stop right after high is the exception, not the rule. 

    How about instead of blame, we try to find some way to understand? 

    Personal story: I grew up poorer than dirt. We are talking trailer park, heat and electric getting shut off and eating a meal a day because we just didn't have enough food. My parents had 5 kids collectively. My father very recently told me that his girls running up to him and hugging him after work was the only reason he even bothered to wake up in the morning. My sisters and I are the only people who have ever really loved my mom. Her family sucked and she never really had a lot of friends that were true friends. I would never change a thing about my life. I suffered, but look at me now! I'll brag. While I was still in college, I worked in a housing commission. There was a woman who was about to lose her apartment because she couldn't even pay subsidized. Everyone thought she was a creepy free loading foreigner at work. I fought and fought for her to keep her apartment, to get her free living instead of subsidized. She had no one, no english and she was mentally ill. In addition, she was about 75 years old. They were going to kick her out of her apartment and put her on the streets. In a homeless shelterless town on the border of michigan and canada. The shelter closes in the winter because there is no funding for the poor. In february. I was able to get her free housing just in time, and she didn't have to go out and freeze to death. Why did I even care? Because I knew that I could easily be in that position, any of us could be. Because that could have been me if my parents didn't come home from work. That could have been me if my dad didn't love me like he does. 

    You can't get rid of poor. You can't fix the problem. The problem is bigger than all of us. All  you can do is stand up for someone in your life. Small things matter, like being kind. 

    However, airing your dirty laundry on facebook is gross. I won't debate with any of you about what I said, I don't have it in me. I just hope ya'll take a think about it all. 
    You'll hear no debate from me. This was beautifully put.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • esstee33 said:

    larrygaga said:

    If you think about it, the poor population are generally uneducated. It's easy for us to say "Just do X and you'll have no problem in life" but it's never that simple. Just by not having kids doesn't mean they will have money. It doesn't work like that. Their minimum wage jobs still aren't going to support them. Unless they go into thousands of dollars into debt to get a college degree, they will be stuck in the lifestyle they have. 


    Why not try to have a happy family you see on TV? Why not try to have something in your life to be proud of, and try to have people in your life that love you? It's not that they don't realize the repercussions. They grew up poor, their parents grew up poor, their kids will be growing up poor as well. Most of them don't know any other way.

    Poor people are mostly uneducated, but you guys know that education does not make you smart, and you aren't stupid if you don't have a college degree. We all know you basically need a degree to have a supportive job. No, your one weird cousin/friend that worked his way to the stop right after high is the exception, not the rule. 

    How about instead of blame, we try to find some way to understand? 

    Personal story: I grew up poorer than dirt. We are talking trailer park, heat and electric getting shut off and eating a meal a day because we just didn't have enough food. My parents had 5 kids collectively. My father very recently told me that his girls running up to him and hugging him after work was the only reason he even bothered to wake up in the morning. My sisters and I are the only people who have ever really loved my mom. Her family sucked and she never really had a lot of friends that were true friends. I would never change a thing about my life. I suffered, but look at me now! I'll brag. While I was still in college, I worked in a housing commission. There was a woman who was about to lose her apartment because she couldn't even pay subsidized. Everyone thought she was a creepy free loading foreigner at work. I fought and fought for her to keep her apartment, to get her free living instead of subsidized. She had no one, no english and she was mentally ill. In addition, she was about 75 years old. They were going to kick her out of her apartment and put her on the streets. In a homeless shelterless town on the border of michigan and canada. The shelter closes in the winter because there is no funding for the poor. In february. I was able to get her free housing just in time, and she didn't have to go out and freeze to death. Why did I even care? Because I knew that I could easily be in that position, any of us could be. Because that could have been me if my parents didn't come home from work. That could have been me if my dad didn't love me like he does. 

    You can't get rid of poor. You can't fix the problem. The problem is bigger than all of us. All  you can do is stand up for someone in your life. Small things matter, like being kind. 

    However, airing your dirty laundry on facebook is gross. I won't debate with any of you about what I said, I don't have it in me. I just hope ya'll take a think about it all. 
    THANK YOU. 

    image
    Very well, articulated, larry. But I do have to say that sometimes these boards get hyper charged with people not wantin

    larrygaga said:

    If you think about it, the poor population are generally uneducated. It's easy for us to say "Just do X and you'll have no problem in life" but it's never that simple. Just by not having kids doesn't mean they will have money. It doesn't work like that. Their minimum wage jobs still aren't going to support them. Unless they go into thousands of dollars into debt to get a college degree, they will be stuck in the lifestyle they have. 


    Why not try to have a happy family you see on TV? Why not try to have something in your life to be proud of, and try to have people in your life that love you? It's not that they don't realize the repercussions. They grew up poor, their parents grew up poor, their kids will be growing up poor as well. Most of them don't know any other way.

    Poor people are mostly uneducated, but you guys know that education does not make you smart, and you aren't stupid if you don't have a college degree. We all know you basically need a degree to have a supportive job. No, your one weird cousin/friend that worked his way to the stop right after high is the exception, not the rule. 

    How about instead of blame, we try to find some way to understand? 

    Personal story: I grew up poorer than dirt. We are talking trailer park, heat and electric getting shut off and eating a meal a day because we just didn't have enough food. My parents had 5 kids collectively. My father very recently told me that his girls running up to him and hugging him after work was the only reason he even bothered to wake up in the morning. My sisters and I are the only people who have ever really loved my mom. Her family sucked and she never really had a lot of friends that were true friends. I would never change a thing about my life. I suffered, but look at me now! I'll brag. While I was still in college, I worked in a housing commission. There was a woman who was about to lose her apartment because she couldn't even pay subsidized. Everyone thought she was a creepy free loading foreigner at work. I fought and fought for her to keep her apartment, to get her free living instead of subsidized. She had no one, no english and she was mentally ill. In addition, she was about 75 years old. They were going to kick her out of her apartment and put her on the streets. In a homeless shelterless town on the border of michigan and canada. The shelter closes in the winter because there is no funding for the poor. In february. I was able to get her free housing just in time, and she didn't have to go out and freeze to death. Why did I even care? Because I knew that I could easily be in that position, any of us could be. Because that could have been me if my parents didn't come home from work. That could have been me if my dad didn't love me like he does. 

    You can't get rid of poor. You can't fix the problem. The problem is bigger than all of us. All  you can do is stand up for someone in your life. Small things matter, like being kind. 

    However, airing your dirty laundry on facebook is gross. I won't debate with any of you about what I said, I don't have it in me. I just hope ya'll take a think about it all. 
    You'll hear no debate from me. This was beautifully put.
    What KatieinBkln said.
    image
  • sarahufl said:



    Very well, articulated, larry. But I do have to say that sometimes these boards get hyper charged with people not wantin

    Huhwut? I'm guessing this was an oops-did-not-mean-to-hit-post-yet moment?
  • sarahufl said:



    Very well, articulated, larry. But I do have to say that sometimes these boards get hyper charged with people not wantin

    Huhwut? I'm guessing this was an oops-did-not-mean-to-hit-post-yet moment?
    oops, not sure what happened there. What I was going to say is that sometimes airing your dirty laundry on FB is annoying, and that's it. It isn't always a big social commentary on poverty. But @larrygaga said it better than I could.
    image
  • I think that people love to air their dirty laundry on FB because they love the attention. It's funny, they say the human brain isn't fully developed until you reach 25. I think of the things I used to post in my early 20's and what I (rarely) post now, and it is night and day almost. Although I was never one to really air dirty laundry and stuff. It's definitely gross.

    As for your friend, Gaga phrased it beautifully. I also think that part of the problem is that not only are poor people generally uneducated, but they may not be able to afford contraception. I think there needs to be more awareness about free contraceptive options for those that cannot afford it. Condoms are pretty pricey! And I think they are the cheapest contraceptive there is (besides the old pull out method).

     At one point in NYC, a lot of bars/clubs had free condoms out, as a way to promote safe sex. I don't think they do that anymore, but even if they do, there isn't any awareness about it. I think more of an effort needs to be made to have people go to these communities to raise awareness and help educate people. One of my BM's is actually in the public health field, and she used to have to go to communities and help raise awareness about AIDS/HIV issues. I'm not saying that's the only solution, obviously it isn't, but it's one of many I think.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • Could it be thought, perhaps, that those brought up and living in poor, uneducated households have families (maybe larger ones) because at least they know, hey, I am in control of how these children will shape the future? Perhaps they have more children because of the thinking, "at least I did something right"? This is an honest question I have.

    I am definitely a "privileged white woman", but there was a time after my parents divorced where my mom was without a job and we almost lost our house. She never made it apparent to us though, the struggles she had to go through. She made things an adventure, including going to the "new supermarket just for us" which was the local food pantry. Today, I am grateful to know and understand what it's like to grow up without cable and getting half used shoes for Christmas one year.

    I agree with larry, however, that airing dirty laundry gets an eyeroll from me typically. 


    imageimage



  • Could it be thought, perhaps, that those brought up and living in poor, uneducated households have families (maybe larger ones) because at least they know, hey, I am in control of how these children will shape the future? Perhaps they have more children because of the thinking, "at least I did something right"? This is an honest question I have.


    I am definitely a "privileged white woman", but there was a time after my parents divorced where my mom was without a job and we almost lost our house. She never made it apparent to us though, the struggles she had to go through. She made things an adventure, including going to the "new supermarket just for us" which was the local food pantry. Today, I am grateful to know and understand what it's like to grow up without cable and getting half used shoes for Christmas one year.

    I agree with larry, however, that airing dirty laundry gets an eyeroll from me typically. 
    Can we please stop using "privileged white woman" as an insult or a way of demonstrating that some people are incapable of understanding others? (I know you aren't in this case, but it comes up here All. The. Time. as some way of demonstrating that some people are lesser than others because they haven't had the same struggles.

    Just because you have food on the table at night doesn't mean that you are somehow less of a person.
    image

  • sarahufl said:

    Could it be thought, perhaps, that those brought up and living in poor, uneducated households have families (maybe larger ones) because at least they know, hey, I am in control of how these children will shape the future? Perhaps they have more children because of the thinking, "at least I did something right"? This is an honest question I have.

    I am definitely a "privileged white woman", but there was a time after my parents divorced where my mom was without a job and we almost lost our house. She never made it apparent to us though, the struggles she had to go through. She made things an adventure, including going to the "new supermarket just for us" which was the local food pantry. Today, I am grateful to know and understand what it's like to grow up without cable and getting half used shoes for Christmas one year.

    I agree with larry, however, that airing dirty laundry gets an eyeroll from me typically. 


    Can we please stop using "privileged white woman" as an insult or a 
     
    way of demonstrating that some people are incapable of understanding others? (I know you aren't in this case, but it comes up here All. The. Time. as some way of demonstrating that some people are lesser than others because they haven't had the same struggles.

    Just because you have food on the table at night doesn't mean that you are somehow less of a person.
    image

    This has literally never happened. 


    you called my comment white privilege once.   I'm pretty sure it wasn't meant as a compliment.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:


    sarahufl said:

    Could it be thought, perhaps, that those brought up and living in poor, uneducated households have families (maybe larger ones) because at least they know, hey, I am in control of how these children will shape the future? Perhaps they have more children because of the thinking, "at least I did something right"? This is an honest question I have.

    I am definitely a "privileged white woman", but there was a time after my parents divorced where my mom was without a job and we almost lost our house. She never made it apparent to us though, the struggles she had to go through. She made things an adventure, including going to the "new supermarket just for us" which was the local food pantry. Today, I am grateful to know and understand what it's like to grow up without cable and getting half used shoes for Christmas one year.

    I agree with larry, however, that airing dirty laundry gets an eyeroll from me typically. 


    Can we please stop using "privileged white woman" as an insult or a 
     
    way of demonstrating that some people are incapable of understanding others? (I know you aren't in this case, but it comes up here All. The. Time. as some way of demonstrating that some people are lesser than others because they haven't had the same struggles.

    Just because you have food on the table at night doesn't mean that you are somehow less of a person.
    image

    This has literally never happened. 


    you called my comment white privilege once.   I'm pretty sure it wasn't meant as a compliment.

    And that indicated that you were some sort of lesser human? Naw, girl.
  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    sarahufl said:

    Could it be thought, perhaps, that those brought up and living in poor, uneducated households have families (maybe larger ones) because at least they know, hey, I am in control of how these children will shape the future? Perhaps they have more children because of the thinking, "at least I did something right"? This is an honest question I have.


    I am definitely a "privileged white woman", but there was a time after my parents divorced where my mom was without a job and we almost lost our house. She never made it apparent to us though, the struggles she had to go through. She made things an adventure, including going to the "new supermarket just for us" which was the local food pantry. Today, I am grateful to know and understand what it's like to grow up without cable and getting half used shoes for Christmas one year.

    I agree with larry, however, that airing dirty laundry gets an eyeroll from me typically. 
    Can we please stop using "privileged white woman" as an insult or a way of demonstrating that some people are incapable of understanding others? (I know you aren't in this case, but it comes up here All. The. Time. as some way of demonstrating that some people are lesser than others because they haven't had the same struggles.

    Just because you have food on the table at night doesn't mean that you are somehow less of a person.
    Sometimes though, its an easy way for me to say: I do not understand these things others speak of, because I really haven't had the same struggles. I don't think it makes me/others lesser, just different. 

    ETA: Magic Ink took the words out of my mouth, thank you @MagicInk for taking my thoughts and putting them to eloquently written words.



    imageimage



  • sarahufl said:

    Could it be thought, perhaps, that those brought up and living in poor, uneducated households have families (maybe larger ones) because at least they know, hey, I am in control of how these children will shape the future? Perhaps they have more children because of the thinking, "at least I did something right"? This is an honest question I have.


    I am definitely a "privileged white woman", but there was a time after my parents divorced where my mom was without a job and we almost lost our house. She never made it apparent to us though, the struggles she had to go through. She made things an adventure, including going to the "new supermarket just for us" which was the local food pantry. Today, I am grateful to know and understand what it's like to grow up without cable and getting half used shoes for Christmas one year.

    I agree with larry, however, that airing dirty laundry gets an eyeroll from me typically. 
    Can we please stop using "privileged white woman" as an insult or a way of demonstrating that some people are incapable of understanding others? (I know you aren't in this case, but it comes up here All. The. Time. as some way of demonstrating that some people are lesser than others because they haven't had the same struggles.

    Just because you have food on the table at night doesn't mean that you are somehow less of a person.
    Sometimes though, its an easy way for me to say: I do not understand these things others speak of, because I really haven't had the same struggles. I don't think it makes me/others lesser, just different. 

    No, it makes you really open minded and not ignorant.

    image
    image
  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    Hello, there, privileged white woman speaking. Being privileged does not make you a bad person, and no one has ever said that on these boards. Not once, ever.

    Not recognizing your privilege and saying ignorant shit as a result? Still doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but I will sure as hell point it out. Because it is shitty.
  • sarahufl said:

    Could it be thought, perhaps, that those brought up and living in poor, uneducated households have families (maybe larger ones) because at least they know, hey, I am in control of how these children will shape the future? Perhaps they have more children because of the thinking, "at least I did something right"? This is an honest question I have.


    I am definitely a "privileged white woman", but there was a time after my parents divorced where my mom was without a job and we almost lost our house. She never made it apparent to us though, the struggles she had to go through. She made things an adventure, including going to the "new supermarket just for us" which was the local food pantry. Today, I am grateful to know and understand what it's like to grow up without cable and getting half used shoes for Christmas one year.

    I agree with larry, however, that airing dirty laundry gets an eyeroll from me typically. 
    Can we please stop using "privileged white woman" as an insult or a way of demonstrating that some people are incapable of understanding others? (I know you aren't in this case, but it comes up here All. The. Time. as some way of demonstrating that some people are lesser than others because they haven't had the same struggles.

    Just because you have food on the table at night doesn't mean that you are somehow less of a person.
    Sometimes though, its an easy way for me to say: I do not understand these things others speak of, because I really haven't had the same struggles. I don't think it makes me/others lesser, just different. 

    Oh, this isn't an attack on you at all. Just a thought. I generally feel the same way, but it isn't always perceived as such on these boards (a place where people really just know a snippet about you).
    image
  • Hello, there, privileged white woman speaking. Being privileged does not make you a bad person, and no one has ever said that on these boards. Not once, ever.


    Not recognizing your privilege and saying ignorant shit as a result? Still doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but I will sure as hell point it out. Because it is shitty.
    What makes you a bad person in this situation is not recognizing  your mistake and attempting to change it. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

  • edited May 2015

    Hello, there, privileged white woman speaking. Being privileged does not make you a bad person, and no one has ever said that on these boards. No once, ever.


    Not recognizing your privilege and saying ignorant shit as a result? Still doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but I will sure as hell point it out. Because it is shitty.
    Quoted and enlarged for truth. 

    No one said being privileged is a bad thing. But when you don't recognize and make shitty comments, be prepared to be called out. 
  • larrygaga said:

    Hello, there, privileged white woman speaking. Being privileged does not make you a bad person, and no one has ever said that on these boards. Not once, ever.


    Not recognizing your privilege and saying ignorant shit as a result? Still doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but I will sure as hell point it out. Because it is shitty.
    What makes you a bad person in this situation is not recognizing  your mistake and attempting to change it. 
    And instead, whining about the fact that it was pointed out to you? Mmhmm.
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