NWR/unpopular opinion: FB announcement vent (TW)

KatieinBkln · May 2015

Ok, ignore this if you don't like GIANT DORKS and wonkiness (I realize not everyone reads intersectionality theory in their free time like I do) but I think this article, which introduced the term "kyriarchy" to me, is the single most useful thing I've ever read about oppression and it helped me immensely to contextualize the kinds of conversations that America has been having lately about privilege and what it means:

http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/04/kyriarchy-101/

Summary: Essentially, we are all privileged. We are all oppressed. People are privileged and oppressed to various degrees, but because society favors and looks down on a multitude of different identities simultaneously, there is no physical way for a person to be 100% privileged or 100% oppressed. I've got white privilege, thin privilege, religious privilege. But I'm also oppressed in the way all women are in a patriarchal society. I don't get to ignore my privilege, but the fact that I have it doesn't mean that I am not affected by the patriarchy. One doesn't negate the other.

Anyway, the article is fascinating and I'll just leave it here in case anyone else is interested.

sarahufl · May 2015

ashley8918 said:

larrygaga said:

ashley8918 said:
Hello, there, privileged white woman speaking. Being privileged does not make you a bad person, and no one has ever said that on these boards. Not once, ever.

Not recognizing your privilege and saying ignorant shit as a result? Still doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but I will sure as hell point it out. Because it is shitty.
What makes you a bad person in this situation is not recognizing your mistake and attempting to change it.
And instead, whining about the fact that it was pointed out to you? Mmhmm.

As far as I can remember, your comments have only been directed at me once. I am just pointing it out that it comes up a lot. And discussions aren't always about privilege (which I won't deny that I have), but they always seem to end up there.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

I really don't get it when people do this - no matter what the topic. www.livejournal.com

I'm not saying FB has to be all unicorn farts and omg cute pics, but there's definitely a middle ground. It seems like people often fall at one end or the other - like things are so super duper awesome or tragedy has struck. This is probably why I'm barely ever on FB. Bah. Humbug.

ashley8918 · May 2015

sarahufl said:

As far as I can remember, your comments have only been directed at me once. I am just pointing it out that it comes up a lot. And discussions aren't always about privilege (which I won't deny that I have), but they always seem to end up there.

Yes, they often end up there, because someone almost always says some sort of incredibly ignorant and/or privileged thing. (i.e. "I just don't GET rioting" Of course you don't. You are privileged enough to have never faced a reality where people who looked like you were murdered by people who are supposed to be protectors, simply because they looked like you.)

Discussions evolve based on things that are posted. This is how things work.

julieanne912 · May 2015

Back to the OP a bit... I get the frustration. I used to be a member of a Facebook group where people in need could come post what they need, and others could offer help. You could also post things you had available for free (that's the main reason I was there for). I bought groceries for many families, which included visiting their homes. I too had a really hard time understanding why they'd continue to have kids when living where they were living and having such financial hardships, especially now when birth control is very readily available.

After getting to know some of the members in the group, it was very clear for some of them that their life was just a repeat cycle. They grew up in similar environments, and that's all they knew. Very little education, poor speaking skills, and no real life skills at all, other than knowing all the government benefits available to them, since that's what their parents taught them. A lot of them had super low self esteem, and having kids was the only way they felt love from someone else. Some women had been abused both as children and adults, and just really could not function normally due to their awful life. It's very sad.

I ended up leaving the group for lots of reasons, but being a member there really taught me a lot, but especially taught me a lot of compassion. I learned not to judge people by their cover, and you never really know someone's true story just based on what they decide to put out about themselves.

I also agree that if what this particular person is posting is annoying you, then unfriend them or make it so you don't see their posts.

ETA: Also a lot of these women would post on Facebook because they had nobody else to talk to, other than their children.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

sarahufl said:

ashley8918 said:

larrygaga said:

ashley8918 said:
Hello, there, privileged white woman speaking. Being privileged does not make you a bad person, and no one has ever said that on these boards. Not once, ever.

Not recognizing your privilege and saying ignorant shit as a result? Still doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but I will sure as hell point it out. Because it is shitty.
What makes you a bad person in this situation is not recognizing your mistake and attempting to change it.
And instead, whining about the fact that it was pointed out to you? Mmhmm.
As far as I can remember, your comments have only been directed at me once. I am just pointing it out that it comes up a lot. And discussions aren't always about privilege (which I won't deny that I have), but they always seem to end up there.

I mean... there are a lot of ignorant people on the internet. And I think among a self-selected group of mostly people planning/having planned big fancy parties, privilege is a bit more likely than other places. Yeah, we happen to have some people who will call out the bullshit when they see it. Doesn't mean anyone's attacking anyone else, just that the bullshit is common here.

Kahlyla · May 2015

@larrygaga, just curious if you're talking about the Soo? You don't have to answer, of course, I'm just from SSM, ON originally so your description stood out to me.

climbingsingle · May 2015

julieanne912 said:
Back to the OP a bit... I get the frustration. I used to be a member of a Facebook group where people in need could come post what they need, and others could offer help. You could also post things you had available for free (that's the main reason I was there for). I bought groceries for many families, which included visiting their homes. I too had a really hard time understanding why they'd continue to have kids when living where they were living and having such financial hardships, especially now when birth control is very readily available.
After getting to know some of the members in the group, it was very clear for some of them that their life was just a repeat cycle. They grew up in similar environments, and that's all they knew. Very little education, poor speaking skills, and no real life skills at all, other than knowing all the government benefits available to them, since that's what their parents taught them. A lot of them had super low self esteem, and having kids was the only way they felt love from someone else. Some women had been abused both as children and adults, and just really could not function normally due to their awful life. It's very sad.
I ended up leaving the group for lots of reasons, but being a member there really taught me a lot, but especially taught me a lot of compassion. I learned not to judge people by their cover, and you never really know someone's true story just based on what they decide to put out about themselves.
I also agree that if what this particular person is posting is annoying you, then unfriend them or make it so you don't see their posts.
ETA: Also a lot of these women would post on Facebook because they had nobody else to talk to, other than their children.

I think that's where the woman I know was coming from. I just bristle at her constantly posting at how awful her kids are. Yes, I don't have 5 kids, but I've struggled with money issues too. I could barely scrape by in my 20s. But I kept that shit to myself. And I certainly didn't try to blame others for my circumstances.

larrygaga · May 2015

Marquette! It's not truly on the border, but there's nothing but a lake in between the border and the city.

I do love the soo.

I am so used to defending how north I really am, and now I am going to get called out by a Canadian. LOL

Kahlyla · May 2015

larrygaga said:
Marquette! It's not truly on the border, but there's nothing but a lake in between the border and the city.

I do love the soo.

I am so used to defending how north I really am, and now I am going to get called out by a Canadian. LOL

Hehe, nah. the climate and a lot of the culture is pretty much the same after all (and both my birth parents are from Sault, Michigan so I feel an affinity there! Meaning I gladly celebrate two Thanksgivings every year, because turkey).

I'm actually on the east coast now and I really did not expect to have WORSE winters than I grew up with, but... yeah.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

larrygaga said:
Marquette! It's not truly on the border, but there's nothing but a lake in between the border and the city.

I do love the soo.

I am so used to defending how north I really am, and now I am going to get called out by a Canadian. LOL

Pssht do you even snowshoe?

larrygaga · May 2015

Kahlyla said:

larrygaga said:
Marquette! It's not truly on the border, but there's nothing but a lake in between the border and the city.

I do love the soo.

I am so used to defending how north I really am, and now I am going to get called out by a Canadian. LOL
Hehe, nah. the climate and a lot of the culture is pretty much the same after all (and both my birth parents are from Sault, Michigan so I feel an affinity there! Meaning I gladly celebrate two Thanksgivings every year, because turkey).

I'm actually on the east coast now and I really did not expect to have WORSE winters than I grew up with, but... yeah.

Homegirl!!! And two thanksgivings is not bad at all!!

The water makes the weather that much worse!!!

JaniV123 · May 2015

@larrygaga I agree 100% with what you said and I understand it very well.

I wasn't judging her as a person just it irks me and it was a vent in general.

As for her sex ed knowledge, she was part of a forum (which is how we met) where she was an advocate and she educated others on being safe and such.

I don't think she is on the extreme poverty level either. From what I know they have an ok living, she just complains a lot about things she wishes she could afford, of that her husband spent all their money with his friends, that they need help paying their bills at times, they go dumpster diving, etc.

It was mostly just a vent because I am sensitive about those things when it comes to having more kids than you can afford.

I do agree also that contraception might not be accessible to all as @pinkcow13 stated. And that is a whole other social issue that needs addressing.

julieanne912 · May 2015

climbingwife said:

julieanne912 said:
Back to the OP a bit... I get the frustration. I used to be a member of a Facebook group where people in need could come post what they need, and others could offer help. You could also post things you had available for free (that's the main reason I was there for). I bought groceries for many families, which included visiting their homes. I too had a really hard time understanding why they'd continue to have kids when living where they were living and having such financial hardships, especially now when birth control is very readily available.
After getting to know some of the members in the group, it was very clear for some of them that their life was just a repeat cycle. They grew up in similar environments, and that's all they knew. Very little education, poor speaking skills, and no real life skills at all, other than knowing all the government benefits available to them, since that's what their parents taught them. A lot of them had super low self esteem, and having kids was the only way they felt love from someone else. Some women had been abused both as children and adults, and just really could not function normally due to their awful life. It's very sad.
I ended up leaving the group for lots of reasons, but being a member there really taught me a lot, but especially taught me a lot of compassion. I learned not to judge people by their cover, and you never really know someone's true story just based on what they decide to put out about themselves.
I also agree that if what this particular person is posting is annoying you, then unfriend them or make it so you don't see their posts.
ETA: Also a lot of these women would post on Facebook because they had nobody else to talk to, other than their children.
I think that's where the woman I know was coming from. I just bristle at her constantly posting at how awful her kids are. Yes, I don't have 5 kids, but I've struggled with money issues too. I could barely scrape by in my 20s. But I kept that shit to myself. And I certainly didn't try to blame others for my circumstances.

I actually have a co-worker like this. She's the same age as me (32) and has 5 kids from 3 dads and lives in a 3 bedroom townhome with her mother, her sister, her sister's 2 kids, and 4 of her 5 kids (one is with his dad). Her husband (father of the 3 youngest) was murdered, which is very sad. But she's always here at work complaining about her kids, or her sister, or her mother (who watches her littlest kids for free). I just sit and listen but in my head it's like "good lord, you put yourself in this position with all these kids and other life decisions". The latest was her son's dad, the one who has her son, is asking for more child support and she's complaining about it. She currently gives him $200 a month. For a 14 year old boy.

What's extra annoying with her is, she's my counterpart, we have the same job title. Yet I take on about 3 x's as much work because I work way faster than her, and I have no at-home drama, I'm always here on time and work a full 8 hours (and then some if needed), but she's constantly late, taking time off during the day to tend to whatever, and when she's here, she spends a lot of time on the phone w/ their drama. UGHHHH

Sorry for the mini rant, today was a bad day with her LOL

huskypuppy14 · May 2015

julieanne912 said:

julieanne912 said:
Back to the OP a bit... I get the frustration. I used to be a member of a Facebook group where people in need could come post what they need, and others could offer help. You could also post things you had available for free (that's the main reason I was there for). I bought groceries for many families, which included visiting their homes. I too had a really hard time understanding why they'd continue to have kids when living where they were living and having such financial hardships, especially now when birth control is very readily available.
After getting to know some of the members in the group, it was very clear for some of them that their life was just a repeat cycle. They grew up in similar environments, and that's all they knew. Very little education, poor speaking skills, and no real life skills at all, other than knowing all the government benefits available to them, since that's what their parents taught them. A lot of them had super low self esteem, and having kids was the only way they felt love from someone else. Some women had been abused both as children and adults, and just really could not function normally due to their awful life. It's very sad.
I ended up leaving the group for lots of reasons, but being a member there really taught me a lot, but especially taught me a lot of compassion. I learned not to judge people by their cover, and you never really know someone's true story just based on what they decide to put out about themselves.
I also agree that if what this particular person is posting is annoying you, then unfriend them or make it so you don't see their posts.
ETA: Also a lot of these women would post on Facebook because they had nobody else to talk to, other than their children.
I think that's where the woman I know was coming from. I just bristle at her constantly posting at how awful her kids are. Yes, I don't have 5 kids, but I've struggled with money issues too. I could barely scrape by in my 20s. But I kept that shit to myself. And I certainly didn't try to blame others for my circumstances.

I actually have a co-worker like this. She's the same age as me (32) and has 5 kids from 3 dads and lives in a 3 bedroom townhome with her mother, her sister, her sister's 2 kids, and 4 of her 5 kids (one is with his dad). Her husband (father of the 3 youngest) was murdered, which is very sad. But she's always here at work complaining about her kids, or her sister, or her mother (who watches her littlest kids for free). I just sit and listen but in my head it's like "good lord, you put yourself in this position with all these kids and other life decisions". The latest was her son's dad, the one who has her son, is asking for more child support and she's complaining about it. She currently gives him $200 a month. For a 14 year old boy.

What's extra annoying with her is, she's my counterpart, we have the same job title. Yet I take on about 3 x's as much work because I work way faster than her, and I have no at-home drama, I'm always here on time and work a full 8 hours (and then some if needed), but she's constantly late, taking time off during the day to tend to whatever, and when she's here, she spends a lot of time on the phone w/ their drama. UGHHHH

Sorry for the mini rant, today was a bad day with her LOL

ITMFB__________________________________

It's her fault her husband was killed?

Honestly, you sound super judgey. I know it's annoying to do more work than other co workers, but you know what, that looks good for your reviews and promotions.

Good for you that you have no at home drama. Glad I didn't have a co worker like you when my husband was in the hospital.

FiancB · May 2015

Re: dirty laundry. I'm facebook friends with my ex's sister. Very nice girl. Had a baby at 17. Now she's 20, she just got married to a different guy, and is pregnant with #2. Last Saturday's update: "Sorry to be selfish but so far, mothers day weekend stinks" followed by "My expectations were too high. I thought that the weekend would be made special for me, or at least easier with less cleaning- but instead its been the opposite. I've just decided to make it special for myself. I baked myself a cake. Lol"

That's annoying. I suppose I should give her some sort of a pass as she's really young but dude, keep that shit up and I don't think you'll continue to be married for long. Note this was Saturday, not actually mother's day. Teen pregnancy is hard but she did have a ton of support from her wealthy parents. And I fully admit I'm a little more judgey than usual in this case because I'm sick of waiting til I'm ready to have kids and worried I'll have trouble TTC and then there's this girl who seems to not get how condoms work despite having all the resources in the world.

Speaking of white privilege, same girl shared an article that was specifically for giving makeup tips for black girls and she wanted to know where the white girl tips were. That's shitty white privilege- the second that a minority group gets the attention they should be getting all along but don't, you feel like they're getting special attention. Hence the waaaah all lives matter thing.

photokitty · May 2015

I have taken to only reading the notifications when my "starred" friends post status updates on FB. Otherwise I just scroll through a like photos so that people feel special.

I got sick of all the angsty posts of "I can't say why, but please pray for me" or "I'm so mad at you, I know you see this, if it's not you just ignore this, she knows who she is" or "sometimes you just have to look back, smile, throw that match and burn that bridge."

Seriously, I feel like I'm on suicide watch or a prayer line when I read some people's status updates. If it's that bad get off FB and talk to someone. A therapist would be best, but FB is not the place. And then the post is followed up with 6 or more people asking what's wrong? Are you OK? and the OP saying it's fine, I'm just upset. If you need help or want people to know your drama/problems then just be up front and say what they are.

If I didn't have to FB for work, I like to think I'd have given it up by now - probably not entirely true, but a nice idea

charcoalandblush · May 2015

I'm friends with my dad's ex-wife (my ex-step-mom I guess? it's weird calling her that... she's only like 9 years older than me) and she is totally like this with the airing all of her dirty laundry on Facebook all the time. She had two kids with her husband after my dad. They've since divorced, and probably once or twice a week she complains on Facebook about him being late to pick the kids up or coming up short on the child support or lying to her about this that and the other thing. She also recently got engaged to someone she had been dating for like 4 months, and then posted a super dramatic post about their breakup.

Seriously, you'd think she was 16 years old... the woman is 36 with two elementary school aged kids. I've blocked her from my newsfeed, but occasionally she still shows up (I think because a mutual friend comments/likes something).

Also my cousin who was a teen mom (now 20 with a 3 year old)... holy shit it's like she got stuck in high school. The drama that she creates in her life is just astounding. One week she's going to be a single mom for lyfe, the next week she's found "the one." She also always posts about how she's a recovering drug addict and how she started doing drugs at 14 and now her life is so hard she remembers why she started them, etc. Some actual posts from her:

"My relationship is g af [side note: no clue what that was supposed to mean... typo?] so the guys that keep texting me can stop I don't play. Time to keep grindin making life goals."

"the truth is...I hate people. I cannot deal with ignorance or bs. so if I talk to you on the reg, you good. and generally if someone messages me and I don't message back and they keep on and on and on, I will send one back and it is not pleasant. don't make me mean:)"

"I'll never understand how someone can say mean and hateful lies about you when you've done nothing to them. Oh well guess you lose some and win some, I'm still shining and doing great, stop the hate just appreciate"

sarahufl · May 2015

My cousin and his wife (also wildly irresponsible teen parents) used to tag each other in FB statuses and it drove me batty. Wife would be like "Damn, some people can't get their shit together to go to the grocery store" and TAG HER HUSBAND. Some days they would post 4 or 5 of these types of "vague" statuses about people being terrible or lazy or noncommittal and tag each other.

This went on for a couple months till I just decided to drop them both because I was sick of looking at it.

lovegood90 · May 2015

charcoalandblush said:
I'm friends with my dad's ex-wife (my ex-step-mom I guess? it's weird calling her that... she's only like 9 years older than me) and she is totally like this with the airing all of her dirty laundry on Facebook all the time. She had two kids with her husband after my dad. They've since divorced, and probably once or twice a week she complains on Facebook about him being late to pick the kids up or coming up short on the child support or lying to her about this that and the other thing. She also recently got engaged to someone she had been dating for like 4 months, and then posted a super dramatic post about their breakup.

Seriously, you'd think she was 16 years old... the woman is 36 with two elementary school aged kids. I've blocked her from my newsfeed, but occasionally she still shows up (I think because a mutual friend comments/likes something).

Also my cousin who was a teen mom (now 20 with a 3 year old)... holy shit it's like she got stuck in high school. The drama that she creates in her life is just astounding. One week she's going to be a single mom for lyfe, the next week she's found "the one." She also always posts about how she's a recovering drug addict and how she started doing drugs at 14 and now her life is so hard she remembers why she started them, etc. Some actual posts from her:

"My relationship is g af [side note: no clue what that was supposed to mean... typo?] so the guys that keep texting me can stop I don't play. Time to keep grindin making life goals."

"the truth is...I hate people. I cannot deal with ignorance or bs. so if I talk to you on the reg, you good. and generally if someone messages me and I don't message back and they keep on and on and on, I will send one back and it is not pleasant. don't make me mean:)"

"I'll never understand how someone can say mean and hateful lies about you when you've done nothing to them. Oh well guess you lose some and win some, I'm still shining and doing great, stop the hate just appreciate"

That rhyming though!

ashley8918 · May 2015

sarahufl said:
My cousin and his wife (also wildly irresponsible teen parents) used to tag each other in FB statuses and it drove me batty. Wife would be like "Damn, some people can't get their shit together to go to the grocery store" and TAG HER HUSBAND. Some days they would post 4 or 5 of these types of "vague" statuses about people being terrible or lazy or noncommittal and tag each other.

This went on for a couple months till I just decided to drop them both because I was sick of looking at it.

UGHHHHHH, NO. I have one of these friends. Like, don't you guys live together? And have phones?

JaniV123 · May 2015

@sarahuf wow that is f'ed up....

I had this friend talk about her "hubby" (father of her child they never married) and how geat he was and she was the luckiest girl in the world, how he basically worshiped the ground she walked on.

Well one day they had a fight and apparently broke up, she made a huuuuge status about how he was a good for nothing lazy asshole then he commented that she was a dirty lazy bitch and they had a huge 10-15 comment fight on fb.... talk about klassy...

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

charcoalandblush said:
I'm friends with my dad's ex-wife (my ex-step-mom I guess? it's weird calling her that... she's only like 9 years older than me) and she is totally like this with the airing all of her dirty laundry on Facebook all the time. She had two kids with her husband after my dad. They've since divorced, and probably once or twice a week she complains on Facebook about him being late to pick the kids up or coming up short on the child support or lying to her about this that and the other thing. She also recently got engaged to someone she had been dating for like 4 months, and then posted a super dramatic post about their breakup.

Seriously, you'd think she was 16 years old... the woman is 36 with two elementary school aged kids. I've blocked her from my newsfeed, but occasionally she still shows up (I think because a mutual friend comments/likes something).

Also my cousin who was a teen mom (now 20 with a 3 year old)... holy shit it's like she got stuck in high school. The drama that she creates in her life is just astounding. One week she's going to be a single mom for lyfe, the next week she's found "the one." She also always posts about how she's a recovering drug addict and how she started doing drugs at 14 and now her life is so hard she remembers why she started them, etc. Some actual posts from her:

"My relationship is g af [side note: no clue what that was supposed to mean... typo?] so the guys that keep texting me can stop I don't play. Time to keep grindin making life goals."

"the truth is...I hate people. I cannot deal with ignorance or bs. so if I talk to you on the reg, you good. and generally if someone messages me and I don't message back and they keep on and on and on, I will send one back and it is not pleasant. don't make me mean:)"

"I'll never understand how someone can say mean and hateful lies about you when you've done nothing to them. Oh well guess you lose some and win some, I'm still shining and doing great, stop the hate just appreciate"

I think you may be talking about a friend of mine, lol.

charcoalandblush · May 2015

lolo883 said:

charcoalandblush said:
I'm friends with my dad's ex-wife (my ex-step-mom I guess? it's weird calling her that... she's only like 9 years older than me) and she is totally like this with the airing all of her dirty laundry on Facebook all the time. She had two kids with her husband after my dad. They've since divorced, and probably once or twice a week she complains on Facebook about him being late to pick the kids up or coming up short on the child support or lying to her about this that and the other thing. She also recently got engaged to someone she had been dating for like 4 months, and then posted a super dramatic post about their breakup.

Seriously, you'd think she was 16 years old... the woman is 36 with two elementary school aged kids. I've blocked her from my newsfeed, but occasionally she still shows up (I think because a mutual friend comments/likes something).

Also my cousin who was a teen mom (now 20 with a 3 year old)... holy shit it's like she got stuck in high school. The drama that she creates in her life is just astounding. One week she's going to be a single mom for lyfe, the next week she's found "the one." She also always posts about how she's a recovering drug addict and how she started doing drugs at 14 and now her life is so hard she remembers why she started them, etc. Some actual posts from her:

"My relationship is g af [side note: no clue what that was supposed to mean... typo?] so the guys that keep texting me can stop I don't play. Time to keep grindin making life goals."

"the truth is...I hate people. I cannot deal with ignorance or bs. so if I talk to you on the reg, you good. and generally if someone messages me and I don't message back and they keep on and on and on, I will send one back and it is not pleasant. don't make me mean:)"

"I'll never understand how someone can say mean and hateful lies about you when you've done nothing to them. Oh well guess you lose some and win some, I'm still shining and doing great, stop the hate just appreciate"
I think you may be talking about a friend of mine, lol.

Kudos to you! I could not deal with that kind of drama IRL. You are a better friend than I. Lol.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

charcoalandblush said:

lolo883 said:

I think you may be talking about a friend of mine, lol.

Kudos to you! I could not deal with that kind of drama IRL. You are a better friend than I. Lol.

Oh I don't deal with too much of it IRL, just skim past it on FB and roll my eyes.

Actually I think she's worked her way out of my newsfeed algorithm.

julieanne912 · May 2015

huskypuppy14 said:

julieanne912 said:

julieanne912 said:
Back to the OP a bit... I get the frustration. I used to be a member of a Facebook group where people in need could come post what they need, and others could offer help. You could also post things you had available for free (that's the main reason I was there for). I bought groceries for many families, which included visiting their homes. I too had a really hard time understanding why they'd continue to have kids when living where they were living and having such financial hardships, especially now when birth control is very readily available.
After getting to know some of the members in the group, it was very clear for some of them that their life was just a repeat cycle. They grew up in similar environments, and that's all they knew. Very little education, poor speaking skills, and no real life skills at all, other than knowing all the government benefits available to them, since that's what their parents taught them. A lot of them had super low self esteem, and having kids was the only way they felt love from someone else. Some women had been abused both as children and adults, and just really could not function normally due to their awful life. It's very sad.
I ended up leaving the group for lots of reasons, but being a member there really taught me a lot, but especially taught me a lot of compassion. I learned not to judge people by their cover, and you never really know someone's true story just based on what they decide to put out about themselves.
I also agree that if what this particular person is posting is annoying you, then unfriend them or make it so you don't see their posts.
ETA: Also a lot of these women would post on Facebook because they had nobody else to talk to, other than their children.
I think that's where the woman I know was coming from. I just bristle at her constantly posting at how awful her kids are. Yes, I don't have 5 kids, but I've struggled with money issues too. I could barely scrape by in my 20s. But I kept that shit to myself. And I certainly didn't try to blame others for my circumstances.

I actually have a co-worker like this. She's the same age as me (32) and has 5 kids from 3 dads and lives in a 3 bedroom townhome with her mother, her sister, her sister's 2 kids, and 4 of her 5 kids (one is with his dad). Her husband (father of the 3 youngest) was murdered, which is very sad. But she's always here at work complaining about her kids, or her sister, or her mother (who watches her littlest kids for free). I just sit and listen but in my head it's like "good lord, you put yourself in this position with all these kids and other life decisions". The latest was her son's dad, the one who has her son, is asking for more child support and she's complaining about it. She currently gives him $200 a month. For a 14 year old boy.
What's extra annoying with her is, she's my counterpart, we have the same job title. Yet I take on about 3 x's as much work because I work way faster than her, and I have no at-home drama, I'm always here on time and work a full 8 hours (and then some if needed), but she's constantly late, taking time off during the day to tend to whatever, and when she's here, she spends a lot of time on the phone w/ their drama. UGHHHH
Sorry for the mini rant, today was a bad day with her LOL

ITMFB__________________________________

It's her fault her husband was killed?

Honestly, you sound super judgey. I know it's annoying to do more work than other co workers, but you know what, that looks good for your reviews and promotions.

Good for you that you have no at home drama. Glad I didn't have a co worker like you when my husband was in the hospital.

No, where did I say it was her fault her husband was killed? I said it was sad. It also happened 2 years ago, before both of us worked here.

And you know what? I was feeling really judgey yesterday, which was wrong of me. It was at the end of the day where I had spent the entire day taking over her work that she dropped the ball on. So apologies for that.

Dottie05 · May 2015

charcoalandblush said:
I'm friends with my dad's ex-wife (my ex-step-mom I guess? it's weird calling her that... she's only like 9 years older than me) and she is totally like this with the airing all of her dirty laundry on Facebook all the time. She had two kids with her husband after my dad. They've since divorced, and probably once or twice a week she complains on Facebook about him being late to pick the kids up or coming up short on the child support or lying to her about this that and the other thing. She also recently got engaged to someone she had been dating for like 4 months, and then posted a super dramatic post about their breakup.

Seriously, you'd think she was 16 years old... the woman is 36 with two elementary school aged kids. I've blocked her from my newsfeed, but occasionally she still shows up (I think because a mutual friend comments/likes something).

Also my cousin who was a teen mom (now 20 with a 3 year old)... holy shit it's like she got stuck in high school. The drama that she creates in her life is just astounding. One week she's going to be a single mom for lyfe, the next week she's found "the one." She also always posts about how she's a recovering drug addict and how she started doing drugs at 14 and now her life is so hard she remembers why she started them, etc. Some actual posts from her:

"My relationship is g af [side note: no clue what that was supposed to mean... typo?] so the guys that keep texting me can stop I don't play. Time to keep grindin making life goals."

"the truth is...I hate people. I cannot deal with ignorance or bs. so if I talk to you on the reg, you good. and generally if someone messages me and I don't message back and they keep on and on and on, I will send one back and it is not pleasant. don't make me mean:)"

"I'll never understand how someone can say mean and hateful lies about you when you've done nothing to them. Oh well guess you lose some and win some, I'm still shining and doing great, stop the hate just appreciate"

Side note, she is saying "My relationship is good as fuck, so the guys that keep texting me can stop I don't play"

Basically, the guys texting her on the side can stop because she is loyal to her significant other.

NWR/unpopular opinion: FB announcement vent (TW)

Re: NWR/unpopular opinion: FB announcement vent (TW)

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