May I start a discussion on sex?

cupcait927 · May 2015

Around 6 months. I dated a guy that was in the Navy and was deployed to Japan at one. Since being with H, the longest has been maybe 2 weeks. I, like @jennycolada's husband, could go a good month or more without sex but H needs it much more often. We've settled into about once a week and it's still a big source of conflict in our relationship. We really need to look into talking with therapist about it - I used to be a lot more sexual and it bothers me that it just flipped off like a light switch.

VulgarGirl · May 2015

lacqueredlover said:

MagicInk said:
Um...I dunno...before Wifey I was pretty into casual sex. And with Wifey I've been pretty into sex with her.

Maybe like 4-6 months-ish?

I never would've gotten through it without my rabbit.
I'm not so into the rabbit but my MiMi by Je Joue is the best

It was actually a knock off rabbit called The Beaver. And it had a beaver on it.

jenna8984 · May 2015

About 9 months to a year in between relationships. Probably 3 weeks since I met DH years ago. I've honestly never owned a toy and have no desire to.

lacqueredlover · May 2015

MagicInk said:

lacqueredlover said:

MagicInk said:
Um...I dunno...before Wifey I was pretty into casual sex. And with Wifey I've been pretty into sex with her.

Maybe like 4-6 months-ish?

I never would've gotten through it without my rabbit.
I'm not so into the rabbit but my MiMi by Je Joue is the best
It was actually a knock off rabbit called The Beaver. And it had a beaver on it.

Hahaha that's hilarious that it has a beaver on it.

and I meant just more that style, the MiMi is non-penetrating

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

dolewhipper said:

KatWAG said:

dolewhipper said:
JennyColada have you thought about going to a sex therapist?

I've considered it, but DH is just really unsexual, it's just who he is and who he's always been. I feel confident that we can work it out together ourselves, but it would be nice to have an outsider expedite the process.

But if free time is between having dinner together and snuggling on the couch with DH watching TV OR talking to a therapist, well...my priorities are hard to change.

Are you and your H happy with your sex life? Because that it really all that matters
You will never be happy if you compare your relationship to other people's

QFT. My friends think it's insane we can go a month without intercourse. We're very happy either way.

THIS.. it's about the compatibility of the two people involved, as long as you both are happy then you do you! This happens for us sometimes too, FI works long hours and just wants to watch TV when he gets home which is fine. BUT if we were on opposite ends of the spectrum (one of us wanted it nightly and the other wanted it annually) then there would be an issue worth looking into.

lacqueredlover · May 2015

jenna8984 said:
About 9 months to a year in between relationships. Probably 3 weeks since I met DH years ago. I've honestly never owned a toy and have no desire to.

Using a toy during sex can be a lot of fun.

God I miss having sex.

JennyColada · May 2015

jenna8984 said:
I've honestly never owned a toy and have no desire to.

Oh man, I can not relate! My ex (then-bf) bought me my Lelo for Christmas one year. Love it! I also have another vibe, two glass dildos, two bullets (one remote-controlled) and various other things.

Considering that we aren't very active, DH and I are WAY over-prepared.

VulgarGirl · May 2015

Toys+Sex=

jenna8984 · May 2015

cupcait927 said:
Around 6 months. I dated a guy that was in the Navy and was deployed to Japan at one. Since being with H, the longest has been maybe 2 weeks. I, like @jennycolada's husband, could go a good month or more without sex but H needs it much more often. We've settled into about once a week and it's still a big source of conflict in our relationship. We really need to look into talking with therapist about it - I used to be a lot more sexual and it bothers me that it just flipped off like a light switch.

@cupcait927 Same here. I'd be happy without it for months, just never really have that drive or craving for it. It does cause some tension with DH as he wants it like daily, so I try to compromise and give him handys or bj's on the reg.

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

After I lost my virginity, I believe I went around 9 months or so for a dry spell. Since I've been with DH, the longest was 6 weeks as I recovered from a surgery.

We do it about once a week now, provided it's not that time of the month.

emmaaa · May 2015

DH is the only person I've had sex with. Once we decided to have sex the first time, we did it kind of regularly. However, I had always told myself I was going to wait until marriage so there was always a part of me that felt guilty. After we had been having sex for about a year, I asked DH if we could wait until I was more comfortable with it. I never regretted having sex with him but I didn't want to feel guilty to do it. We went about 9 months or so without sex until I was 100% ready.

redheadbride15 · May 2015

I love that you ladies don't shy away from this stuff.

I have a strong sex drive. FI finds that I start getting really grumpy after about 3-4 days. We went for over a week(!) once when he was stressed with work stuff and I let him know that this could end up being a problem, so now he makes extra efforts to attend to my needs. Despite having a healthy libido I've always been uncomfortable with casual sex and have never had sex with anyone outside of a serious relationship, which means that it the past I have frequently gone for years without. I always masturbated regularly though (like 2-3x/week) and that helped.

cupcait927 · May 2015

jenna8984 said:

cupcait927 said:
Around 6 months. I dated a guy that was in the Navy and was deployed to Japan at one. Since being with H, the longest has been maybe 2 weeks. I, like @jennycolada's husband, could go a good month or more without sex but H needs it much more often. We've settled into about once a week and it's still a big source of conflict in our relationship. We really need to look into talking with therapist about it - I used to be a lot more sexual and it bothers me that it just flipped off like a light switch.
@cupcait927 Same here. I'd be happy without it for months, just never really have that drive or craving for it. It does cause some tension with DH as he wants it like daily, so I try to compromise and give him handys or bj's on the reg.

I need to be better about compromising and helping H with his needs, even when I don't feel any desire to have actual sex. I feel so selfish because he's SO giving in bed and never asks for anything. I mean, it's flattering that he wants to have sex practically every day because he's THAT attracted to me but it still does nothing for my desire. Ugh.

VulgarGirl · May 2015

I was totally expecting our sex life to slow down with Wifey being pregnant. I mean, growing a people, figured she'd be less interested and whatever, I can give myself an orgasm.

I was so very wrong. We're still averaging once a day or at least once every other day. I am so happy I married someone with a very similar sex drive to my own. I had a girlfriend prior to Wifey who was basically good with once a month and even then she could go without.

Nope, can't do that. Nope, nope, nope.

sarahufl · May 2015

cupcait927 said:

jenna8984 said:

cupcait927 said:
Around 6 months. I dated a guy that was in the Navy and was deployed to Japan at one. Since being with H, the longest has been maybe 2 weeks. I, like @jennycolada's husband, could go a good month or more without sex but H needs it much more often. We've settled into about once a week and it's still a big source of conflict in our relationship. We really need to look into talking with therapist about it - I used to be a lot more sexual and it bothers me that it just flipped off like a light switch.
@cupcait927 Same here. I'd be happy without it for months, just never really have that drive or craving for it. It does cause some tension with DH as he wants it like daily, so I try to compromise and give him handys or bj's on the reg.
I need to be better about compromising and helping H with his needs, even when I don't feel any desire to have actual sex. I feel so selfish because he's SO giving in bed and never asks for anything. I mean, it's flattering that he wants to have sex practically every day because he's THAT attracted to me but it still does nothing for my desire. Ugh.

I think one thing I had to get H to realize is that sometimes, quickies are fun and convenient. Not every "session" needs to be drawn out and romantic. Sometimes you just want to get stuff done. I think he saw it as sort of disrespectful or something. But I don't always want to spend 30 or 45 minutes on it- get in and out, yo!

falsara · May 2015

With FI, we can't go more than about a week without getting it on.

The longest when I was still single was about 8 months/ 1 year. It sucked, because it was right after my very first sexual relationship, and I wasn't very comfortable with toys or anything yet. It was a long 8 months.

bethsmiles · May 2015

Probably about 4 - 6 weeks. SO and I don't live together and sometimes our schedules get really crazy so then we have sex less often because we just aren't seeing each other. But we didn't have sex for the first 4 years of our relationship, so 4 - 6 weeks isn't that big of a deal to me.

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

sarahufl said:

cupcait927 said:

jenna8984 said:

cupcait927 said:
Around 6 months. I dated a guy that was in the Navy and was deployed to Japan at one. Since being with H, the longest has been maybe 2 weeks. I, like @jennycolada's husband, could go a good month or more without sex but H needs it much more often. We've settled into about once a week and it's still a big source of conflict in our relationship. We really need to look into talking with therapist about it - I used to be a lot more sexual and it bothers me that it just flipped off like a light switch.
@cupcait927 Same here. I'd be happy without it for months, just never really have that drive or craving for it. It does cause some tension with DH as he wants it like daily, so I try to compromise and give him handys or bj's on the reg.
I need to be better about compromising and helping H with his needs, even when I don't feel any desire to have actual sex. I feel so selfish because he's SO giving in bed and never asks for anything. I mean, it's flattering that he wants to have sex practically every day because he's THAT attracted to me but it still does nothing for my desire. Ugh.
I think one thing I had to get H to realize is that sometimes, quickies are fun and convenient. Not every "session" needs to be drawn out and romantic. Sometimes you just want to get stuff done. I think he saw it as sort of disrespectful or something. But I don't always want to spend 30 or 45 minutes on it- get in and out, yo!

YES.. they can be just as fun and more spontaneous! Heck, FI and I have been together for 6.5yrs and we still pull the whole "well this is a pretty hike, grab that tree babe and let's do this". Variety is the spice of life!

wandajune6 · May 2015

@JennyColada and I have a lot in common. I'm much more interested than DH. Our biggest issue is health- when he doesn't feel well, he has no interest. Which is fine in theory but if you don't feel well a lot, it gets in the way. I love the man but he's broken (messed up shoulder, diabetic foot pain, newly acquired heartburn, etc.) We're dealing with all of the medical stuff proactively but it stinks.

Which is also my public service announcement: take care of your diabetes (for anyone diabetic). Neuropathy is a bitch. Also, it can make a penis stop working. A friend has learned that one the hard (soft?) way.

When single, I never went super-long. I've gone out of my way to make sure that doesn't happen. The longest period was in grad school- I went 13 months. I broke up with my boyfriend and didn't want to deal with the slut-shaming of a MBA program. There were so few women that any who had sex were talked about endlessly. It was very difficult to meet people outside of the program so I was solo.

Hitachi wand.

cupcait927 · May 2015

@sarahufl I finally got H to realize the same thing and it helped immensely! It's definitely what helped us get to once a week from the every two to three weeks that we had been averaging.

lacqueredlover · May 2015

Ugh I just want someone on top of me. Or behind me. Or under me. Whatever I'm not picky at the moment. Too bad all my former flings are now married. I would be cool with a re-hook up, just new people aren't making the cut.

sarahufl · May 2015

lacqueredlover said:
Ugh I just want someone on top of me. Or behind me. Or under me. Whatever I'm not picky at the moment. Too bad all my former flings are now married. I would be cool with a re-hook up, just new people aren't making the cut.

I love my husband, but I do have this former fling I still have dreams about. Man, he was good at what he did.

VulgarGirl · May 2015

sarahufl said:

cupcait927 said:

jenna8984 said:

cupcait927 said:
Around 6 months. I dated a guy that was in the Navy and was deployed to Japan at one. Since being with H, the longest has been maybe 2 weeks. I, like @jennycolada's husband, could go a good month or more without sex but H needs it much more often. We've settled into about once a week and it's still a big source of conflict in our relationship. We really need to look into talking with therapist about it - I used to be a lot more sexual and it bothers me that it just flipped off like a light switch.
@cupcait927 Same here. I'd be happy without it for months, just never really have that drive or craving for it. It does cause some tension with DH as he wants it like daily, so I try to compromise and give him handys or bj's on the reg.
I need to be better about compromising and helping H with his needs, even when I don't feel any desire to have actual sex. I feel so selfish because he's SO giving in bed and never asks for anything. I mean, it's flattering that he wants to have sex practically every day because he's THAT attracted to me but it still does nothing for my desire. Ugh.
I think one thing I had to get H to realize is that sometimes, quickies are fun and convenient. Not every "session" needs to be drawn out and romantic. Sometimes you just want to get stuff done. I think he saw it as sort of disrespectful or something. But I don't always want to spend 30 or 45 minutes on it- get in and out, yo!

Truth girl. Truth.

Marathon sex can be fun. But sprints are also great too. I mean I got shit to do, lets get this orgasm and get on with our day.

lacqueredlover · May 2015

MagicInk said:

sarahufl said:

cupcait927 said:

jenna8984 said:

cupcait927 said:
Around 6 months. I dated a guy that was in the Navy and was deployed to Japan at one. Since being with H, the longest has been maybe 2 weeks. I, like @jennycolada's husband, could go a good month or more without sex but H needs it much more often. We've settled into about once a week and it's still a big source of conflict in our relationship. We really need to look into talking with therapist about it - I used to be a lot more sexual and it bothers me that it just flipped off like a light switch.
@cupcait927 Same here. I'd be happy without it for months, just never really have that drive or craving for it. It does cause some tension with DH as he wants it like daily, so I try to compromise and give him handys or bj's on the reg.
I need to be better about compromising and helping H with his needs, even when I don't feel any desire to have actual sex. I feel so selfish because he's SO giving in bed and never asks for anything. I mean, it's flattering that he wants to have sex practically every day because he's THAT attracted to me but it still does nothing for my desire. Ugh.
I think one thing I had to get H to realize is that sometimes, quickies are fun and convenient. Not every "session" needs to be drawn out and romantic. Sometimes you just want to get stuff done. I think he saw it as sort of disrespectful or something. But I don't always want to spend 30 or 45 minutes on it- get in and out, yo!
Truth girl. Truth.

Marathon sex can be fun. But sprints are also great too. I mean I got shit to do, lets get this orgasm and get on with our day.

A sprint sounds great.

sarawifenow · May 2015

My ex was a total asshole and wouldn't have sex with me for 8 months. I was young and incredibly stupid and took way too long to dump him...for way more than that.

With H? 5 days? And that is because I refuse to have period sex.

afox007 · May 2015

If we don't have the 15 years before sex the longest has been about a month. I usually averaged a 3-4 month gap between relationships, but have a very high sex drive so I kept a standing roster of booty calls I knew and trusted. I'm actually really good friends with one of them still and him and FI get along great even knowing our history. In fact I have been the only one slightly uncomfortable when we hang out and the two of them joke about how insatiable I can be.

I had one bf way before FI who I practically had to force to have sex at least once a month. There was some serious bait and switch shit there. The first two months I got it daily and then his sex drive switched off like a damn light switch. Video games had a much higher priority.

FI however matches me perfectly. Even when life gets in the way we both realize after 2 days and make it happen.

peachy13 · May 2015

sarahufl said:

lacqueredlover said:
Ugh I just want someone on top of me. Or behind me. Or under me. Whatever I'm not picky at the moment. Too bad all my former flings are now married. I would be cool with a re-hook up, just new people aren't making the cut.
I love my husband, but I do have this former fling I still have dreams about. Man, he was good at what he did.

I had a lot of weird dreams last night, but the craziest was that my ex bf (who was an asshole but phenomenal in bed) contacted me out of the blue to make plans. He used to do this all the time after he broke up with me years ago and he would play with my emotions so bad... but like a sucker I would always meet up to hang out and hook up. So in the dream though, he reached out to me and I let him know that I wasn't going to hang out with him anymore because I was with FI and said that FI is way better than him. High five to my dream self.

larrygaga · May 2015

I often go months without because of FIs work

lacqueredlover · May 2015

I want a pitcher of sangria and a man right now haha. My only man option though is in New Orleans at the moment so that's not helpful

hellosweetie1015 · May 2015

flutteringinfl said:
I don't have a humongous sex drive and it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with someone, so between the last time I had sex with my ex and when FI and I started having sex (only two sexual relationships), I went about three years.

This is me pretty much. It was bang-on three years between the end of my last sexual relationship and meeting FI.

I HATED sex before FI. My first partner had no experience, and I had no experience, and neither of us could figure out what worked for either of us. It was a disaster, and I left it thinking sex with people just wasn't my thing. I LOVE the Hitachi Wand I bought after we broke up though.

Now... well. I'm not going to list all the issues, but it seems like FI and I can't hook up right right now. I'm hoping it will get better when we move out, and I don't feel so awkward - I have a hard time with other people in the building anyway, no matter who they are, and sex in your parents' house seems forbidden in a supremely not-fun way.

We were once-or-twice-a-weekers when we were both in Auburn, twice-in-three-days when I was living here and FI was there, and now... once-a-monthers. At best.

It's being worked on.

May I start a discussion on sex?

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