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Etiquette

Let's be glad they didn't invite us. . . . I can't even!

I was just chatting with a friend at work.  She asked me how much money was an appropriate gift to give another coworker at her bridal shower this weekend.  I explained that she should get her a gift off the registry.  I was informed that there is no registry. . . in fact, the invitation came with a cute poem saying that they don't want gifts, they want money towards their wedding fund.  Apparently, at the bottom it says that "No physical gifts will be accepted."  I can't even deal!  I was ragey for her, and I'm not even invited. 

I gave her two great suggestions:

1. Politely decline, which she should have done when she got the invitation
2. Buy her a physical gift and watch her try to forbid it coming into the shower.

I am biting my tongue whenever I see this bride in the halls, I so badly want to tell her how poor this plan is etiquette-wise.

Note to lurkers, if you don't want gifts. . . don't have a shower where the entire purpose of the event is to shower you with gifts!!!!
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Re: Let's be glad they didn't invite us. . . . I can't even!

  • With the gift just include a note about how to Ebay and/or the location of the nearest pawn shop.
    randomslovebizzy592[Deleted User]
  • I don't get how people think "No physical gifts will be accepted" is a thing. Like, what are you going to do? Turn it away at the door? FFS.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    kaos16 said:

    I was just chatting with a friend at work.  She asked me how much money was an appropriate gift to give another coworker at her bridal shower this weekend.  I explained that she should get her a gift off the registry.  I was informed that there is no registry. . . in fact, the invitation came with a cute poem saying that they don't want gifts, they want money towards their wedding fund.  Apparently, at the bottom it says that "No physical gifts will be accepted."  I can't even deal!  I was ragey for her, and I'm not even invited. 


    I gave her two great suggestions:

    1. Politely decline, which she should have done when she got the invitation
    2. Buy her a physical gift and watch her try to forbid it coming into the shower.

    I am biting my tongue whenever I see this bride in the halls, I so badly want to tell her how poor this plan is etiquette-wise.

    Note to lurkers, if you don't want gifts. . . don't have a shower where the entire purpose of the event is to shower you with gifts!!!!

    Gross.
  • No physical gifts will be accepted? How does someone write that and not realize how completely ungrateful they sound. I believe this is the perfect opportunity for Beyoncé to make an appearance: 


     image
    I love this thing!
  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes) member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Wha...?

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    Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    Wow. With how rude they are I wouldn't be surprised if they invite you to the shower even though you aren't invited to the wedding.

    Edit: Grammar
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    This is the second post this week about a couple with a "no physical gifts policy".  Is there no home training anymore?

    Also is it too early for wine?
    PrettyGirlLost
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    I think it's super cute and OK to ask for cash if you do it with an adorable poem. *gag*.

    I would definitely attend this shower and I would write a poem too to present a long with my gift!

    "This invite made me feel so sour!
    It's not cool to host your own money shower!

    Your bad behavior cannot be corrected and physical gifts won't be accepted?

    That part of your invite made my pulse quicken...

    So here is your gift, a big metal chicken!"

    You are true poet. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    onefootinthebayou
  • Not to threadjack, but speaking of rage-inducing poems, I just got this one in a bridal shower invite:


    Remember when a bride is new

    She often forgets to salt the stew

    A pantry is so hard to fill

    We thought we'd help her if you will

    A bar of soap, a can of soup

    This gift will come from all the group

    But nothing costly, keep it small

    A basket will be at the hall

    Just drop it in with all the rest

    And we'll help [Bride's Name] stock her nest.


    Like, are they homeless?  Are we really having a canned food drive at her bridal shower?  Somehow FI and I have managed to go grocery shopping for ourselves all these years since we moved out of our parent's homes.  I would like to give the benefit of the doubt and hold the bride harmless by assuming this is all on the hosts, but this is so fitting of the bride that honestly I'm not even shocked.

    Yeah it is kind of tacky but at least she seems to be thinking of the guests and wants something cheap rather than cold hard cash ONLY
  • Not to threadjack, but speaking of rage-inducing poems, I just got this one in a bridal shower invite:


    Remember when a bride is new

    She often forgets to salt the stew

    A pantry is so hard to fill

    We thought we'd help her if you will

    A bar of soap, a can of soup

    This gift will come from all the group

    But nothing costly, keep it small

    A basket will be at the hall

    Just drop it in with all the rest

    And we'll help [Bride's Name] stock her nest.


    Like, are they homeless?  Are we really having a canned food drive at her bridal shower?  Somehow FI and I have managed to go grocery shopping for ourselves all these years since we moved out of our parent's homes.  I would like to give the benefit of the doubt and hold the bride harmless by assuming this is all on the hosts, but this is so fitting of the bride that honestly I'm not even shocked.

    REALLY??   As I say when singing to Jimmy Buffet, "Salt! Salt!  Where's the goddamn salt!!"  
    OliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLost
  • @frenchiekin - that poem sounds like something for a food drive, not a bridal shower. Yikes!
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  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited May 2015
    @southernbelle0915 I know... I try to let most things roll off my back and not take personal offense to every little thing if I can see some kind of good intention behind it, but this was just so gross to me (especially after having lurked here for a long time).  A) for the obvious point of begging for grocery items when I know the couple is perfectly capable of stocking their future pantry with the necessities, and b) because I am being told what to gift (err, donate) at this shower when it's assumed that I will also be bringing an actual gift in addition.  Just, no.

    Can of Spam?

    *Edit to get rid of sunglass smiley where my B-apostrophe was supposed to be.


    thisismynickname2
  • "No physical gifts will be accepted." hahaha um, ok? So I guess you don't want this physical green? Or this physical check? F that. 

     

    Right?  "Here is your metaphysical gift!  Instead of giving you cash, I just THOUGHT about me giving you cash!  Enjoy."
    YES, this.  "I pictured myself writing you a check.  Sorry, is that not what you meant?"

    Tangible things are SUCH a burden.


    monkeysipnovella1186
  • edited May 2015

    "No physical gifts will be accepted." hahaha um, ok? So I guess you don't want this physical green? Or this physical check? F that. 

     

    Right?  "Here is your metaphysical gift!  Instead of giving you cash, I just THOUGHT about me giving you cash!  Enjoy."
    OMG!  That would be AWEsome.  You're greeted as you come in the door by whoever it is who greets you and takes your envelope for the gift basket.  "I'll take your gift to put with the rest of the gifts."  "Gift?  What gift?  The invitation I got said that no physical gifts would be accepted.  So, I'm just here for the wine."  Then push past the greeter and go straight to the booze table.
    frenchiekinonefootinthebayouthisismynickname2OliveOilsMom
  • kaos16kaos16 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    and it's awful, but i'm almost hoping that the coworker I spoke with mentions something to this bride about her horrible etiquette faux pas and that she confronts me so I can explain proper hosting!
    charcoalandblush
  • Hi

    @southernbelle0915 I know... I try to let most things roll off my back and not take personal offense to every little thing if I can see some kind of good intention behind it, but this was just so gross to me (especially after having lurked here for a long time).  A) for the obvious point of begging for grocery items when I know the couple is perfectly capable of stocking their future pantry with the necessities, and b) because I am being told what to gift (err, donate) at this shower when it's assumed that I will also be bringing an actual gift in addition.  Just, no.


    Can of Spam?

    *Edit to get rid of sunglass smiley where my B-apostrophe was supposed to be.
    Oh! They want a gift in addition to this food drive? Ha ha if I got that I would have assumed she didn't want the guests to spend much money and I would have shown up with a can of soup and no gift.
  • Not a huge shower fan in general -- I will attend or host one for only a very good friend or for immediate family -- but the whole point of a shower is to open the gifts and ooo and ahhh over them. 

    So like, at this money shower, will the bride open all of the money envelopes? And be like, oooo, ahhh, so-and-so gave me $50? I would kind of like someone to gift $.48, less then the cost of the stamp for the thank you note. 
    image
    novella1186
  • Hi

    @southernbelle0915 I know... I try to let most things roll off my back and not take personal offense to every little thing if I can see some kind of good intention behind it, but this was just so gross to me (especially after having lurked here for a long time).  A) for the obvious point of begging for grocery items when I know the couple is perfectly capable of stocking their future pantry with the necessities, and b) because I am being told what to gift (err, donate) at this shower when it's assumed that I will also be bringing an actual gift in addition.  Just, no.


    Can of Spam?

    *Edit to get rid of sunglass smiley where my B-apostrophe was supposed to be.
    Oh! They want a gift in addition to this food drive? Ha ha if I got that I would have assumed she didn't want the guests to spend much money and I would have shown up with a can of soup and no gift.
    Oh yes, registry info was conspicuously included.  I won't even get into the amount of shit on the list.


  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    adk19 said:

    "No physical gifts will be accepted." hahaha um, ok? So I guess you don't want this physical green? Or this physical check? F that. 

     

    Right?  "Here is your metaphysical gift!  Instead of giving you cash, I just THOUGHT about me giving you cash!  Enjoy."
    OMG!  That would be AWEsome.  You're greeted as you come in the door by whoever it is who greets you and takes your envelope for the gift basket.  "I'll take your gift to put with the rest of the gifts."  "Gift?  What gift?  The invitation I got said that no physical gifts would be accepted.  So, I'm just here for the wine."  Then push past the greeter and go straight to the booze table.
    You guys, just know that if I ever get a gift to a money shower, this will be exactly what I do.
    ginnybinny17[Deleted User]novella1186
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP- I would tell your coworker friend to decline. Holy crap that's bad.

    And the food drive poem- it doesn't even offend me, it's mostly just weird! Bring a can like a food drive??? I'm sure the B&G can go grocery shopping and buy what they like... 
  • Lol.... A long time ago like 30-40+ years ago these type of poems or requests to "bring a small item for the brides wishing well" were very common at bridal showers. It was considered practical and helpful for brides back in the day who left their parents home or apartment with roomates to set up a home with a new husband. People would bring unwrapped dishtowels, cooking spices, pot holders, recipes and ingredients, cleaning supplies, dishsoap, potpourri. I've seen requests to "fill the diaper bag" at baby showers too.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If no physical gifts are allowed, then buy the gift online and send it directly to bride's house.  Print out a picture of said gift and put it in the card you bring to the shower!  They also make mini Beyoncés, so I would try to find one of those!  Make sure your gift is non-returnable either!
    QOTC2016sophhabobopha[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
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