FI Vent

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovemesomemonster said:

MagicInk said:
Does he not have to be sensitive to your time? Or is what you do for work/fun not as important as what he does?

And going to a mailbox is not hard. This is very easily accomplished. Mailing envelopes is so easy most children can do it.
Ah yes, will respond to this one. I work on average a 40hr week, 50 if it's super busy and live in our house all year long. He works out of state 7 months of the year and works a 70+hr week in the summer so I take on most of the home/extra responsibilities willingly.. He pays the mortgage and regularly deposits money into my account while he's gone for "fun" spending, I can't complain.

This one request just seems to be like pulling teeth with him!
And once you are married there might be other paper work like "stuff" that he needs to complete in a timely manner during the summer, like filling out the forms to make you his beneficiary, adding you to his insurance maybe, etc. That shit has more serious consequences if it doesn't get done compared to STDs not going out.

Come on FI, give the lady the damn addresses already!

You would think that would be easy! We bought our first house when he was gone all summer, now THAT was thrilling! I'm counting down the years to when he's not gone like this anymore!

ashley8918 · May 2015

OP: My FI is being a dink, wah wah wah!

TK: Yeah, he is! He needs to nut up! This is not cool, and a little childish.

OP: Nooooo, you guys dont understanddddddd! He's not REALLY a dink! He is just so super duper busy watching movies!

JCbride2015 · May 2015

I work significantly more than your Fi does. And I'm still doing more than half of the wedding planning. He has time.

jdluvr06 · May 2015

Stick to your deadline and if he doesn't meet then oh well. Fuck it and send the STDs anyway.

I'm just going to throw this in there my STBXH is a complete asshat but he still did what I asked him to in a timely manner when he knew it was stressing me out.

bizzy592 · May 2015

lovegood90 said:

MagicInk said:

This!
Somewhat-but-not-really-related anecdote: When SO and I first moved in together, there was a bit of an assumption that I could take time off work instead of him to be available for things like the internet guys and whatever else comes with moving.
Yes his job is more stressful and he works a lot of overtime, but I had to level-set with him that stuff like this is OUR responsibility and that my time is just as important. He immediately respected that. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your time. You're not his freaking secretary.
(Yeah you didn't ask for advice but whatever).

This is something I've had to nip in the bud with FI. He works longer hours than I do (and frankly, makes significantly more, as he's in industry, and I'm in higher ed), and so has had a tendency to assume that I'd be happy to take off time to provide access to workmen, etc.. Which is not the case. My time is valuable as well, and it's my choice how I spend it. There are some things that I'm happy to take on a larger role with (such as wedding planning). But I've made it clear to him if it's not something that I have time for, or interest in, he can step up or hire someone. Which is why he sends his work shirts out to be ironed

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

bizzy592 said:

lovegood90 said:

MagicInk said:

This!
Somewhat-but-not-really-related anecdote: When SO and I first moved in together, there was a bit of an assumption that I could take time off work instead of him to be available for things like the internet guys and whatever else comes with moving.
Yes his job is more stressful and he works a lot of overtime, but I had to level-set with him that stuff like this is OUR responsibility and that my time is just as important. He immediately respected that. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your time. You're not his freaking secretary.
(Yeah you didn't ask for advice but whatever).
This is something I've had to nip in the bud with FI. He works longer hours than I do (and frankly, makes significantly more, as he's in industry, and I'm in higher ed), and so has had a tendency to assume that I'd be happy to take off time to provide access to workmen, etc.. Which is not the case. My time is valuable as well, and it's my choice how I spend it. There are some things that I'm happy to take on a larger role with (such as wedding planning). But I've made it clear to him if it's not something that I have time for, or interest in, he can step up or hire someone. Which is why he sends his work shirts out to be ironed

This is awesome.. we don't even own an iron so that shit does not happen in this house!

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

scribe95 said:
Yeah you were annoyed until we said he was being a butt and then you tried to defend him. He is at fault. He has had plenty of time - even before his busy summer work schedule. Send the STD's. If his aren't included that's on him.

I will absolutely own that, reactively jumped to his defense like he was a baby puppy about to be stepped on when in reality I'm thinking the same damn crap.. so thank you all for bringing me back to my senses! I am not a victim! I can fight the good STD fight! (That just does NOT look right, we all know that means save the date).

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

scribe95 said:
Isn't that a saying about family sort of - you can criticize them all you want but when someone else does...

Good luck!

Ha ha yes.. BUT when venting on a public internet forum all the feels need to be put aside, except the "I'm irritated with you" feels, those can be brought to the table.

hellosweetie1015 · May 2015

scribe95 said:
Isn't that a saying about family sort of - you can criticize them all you want but when someone else does...

Good luck!

This is the truest idiom I have ever seen.

larrygaga · May 2015

I just want to channel a beloved tampon for a moment.

You have a FI problem. You need to leave him BEFORE you get married. IF this is how he acts now, how will he behave when you are married?? LEAVE GIRL

Okay, done. My real advice is just nag and nag and nag and nag and nag and nag and nag

JaniV123 · May 2015

this sounds like my FI... and to tell you the truth... a year and a half came and went and he never got me the damn addresses. For his family His mom took over and handed them out and most of his friends I called and got the addresses. There was one friend I hadn't contacted bc there had been an issue and FI kept telling me he would do it. Well (thank you for reminding me of this) I just called him up and got the address to send him the invite. invites went out a few weeks ago!

Chipmunk415 · May 2015

I'm reminded of when DH and I sent out invitations. When we sent out STDs, we asked FIL for his best friend's address (for the invite too). Instead, FIL and SMIL INSISTED that they be given the STD to personally hand over the STD when they visited. Uh, ok. NBD to me, go ahead and feel special.

Fast forward to invitations going out. Within one week, FIL calls up bitching that FIL's best friend hasn't received an invite, and what the fuck are we doing/how dare we. DH didn't know what to say, I get on the phone, and inform FIL that we would have sent an invite if we'd had the address like WE ASKED FOR when we wanted to send the STD, but they'd insisted on a hand delivery. Basically, it was on them.

FIL sheepishly gave me the address immediately.

huskypuppy14 · May 2015

hicoco said:
I hope this isn't how he is on other parts of the planning. He needs to be a part of it.

That said it's just STD's. And it's his friends so send them and if his don't get out that's not really your problem.

I don't really agree with this-my FI helped with big decisions, but he's not sitting there picking out napkin colors, designing the invites and making hotel bags. I don't think every man is or wants to be super involved with wedding planning.

Stop with sexist generalizations. Some women don't want to be super involved in wedding planning either, but someone has to do it. I didn't give a shit about napkin colors. We just had plain white because they were free.

Maybe that's true of your FI, but it wasn't the case for my husband, and it's not the case for all men. H didn't care about the flowers, but he insisted on making the hotel bags.

Also, you realize there are weddings where two men get married, right? Someone has to pick out the invitations.

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

UPDATE.. Got the list of names last night, looks like this is step one in the process because I KNOW some of his friends are married and he didn't give me those names, some have kids but I don't know all of them that do, and there are no addresses.. the struggle continues but at least we are moving in the right direction!!!

flantastic · May 2015

huskypuppy14 said:
I hope this isn't how he is on other parts of the planning. He needs to be a part of it.

That said it's just STD's. And it's his friends so send them and if his don't get out that's not really your problem.

I don't really agree with this-my FI helped with big decisions, but he's not sitting there picking out napkin colors, designing the invites and making hotel bags. I don't think every man is or wants to be super involved with wedding planning.

Stop with sexist generalizations. Some women don't want to be super involved in wedding planning either, but someone has to do it. I didn't give a shit about napkin colors. We just had plain white because they were free.

Maybe that's true of your FI, but it wasn't the case for my husband, and it's not the case for all men. H didn't care about the flowers, but he insisted on making the hotel bags.

Also, you realize there are weddings where two men get married, right? Someone has to pick out the invitations.

THIS. I cared about very little that didn't have to do with making the wedding fun for the guests.

If both of us cared about an aspect of wedding planning, we figured it out together.

If one of us cared and the other didn't, the person who cared took care of it. (This scenario did not happen much.)

If neither of us cared and it didn't have to get done, it didn't happen.

If neither of us cared and it did have to get done, we split it pretty evenly... because it was equally his responsibility if he wanted this wedding, and he knew it.

julieanne912 · May 2015

lovemesomemonster said:
UPDATE.. Got the list of names last night, looks like this is step one in the process because I KNOW some of his friends are married and he didn't give me those names, some have kids but I don't know all of them that do, and there are no addresses.. the struggle continues but at least we are moving in the right direction!!!

I had this issue too... he would give me the name of hockey buddies or something, but not their wife/gf. I ended up going on Facebook to see if I could figure out the name of the SO (some were people I've never met). If not, well, just the buddy was put on the STD. I told FI that if he doesn't want to seem rude, he better find the name of that SO for the actual invite.

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

julieanne912 said:

lovemesomemonster said:
UPDATE.. Got the list of names last night, looks like this is step one in the process because I KNOW some of his friends are married and he didn't give me those names, some have kids but I don't know all of them that do, and there are no addresses.. the struggle continues but at least we are moving in the right direction!!!
I had this issue too... he would give me the name of hockey buddies or something, but not their wife/gf. I ended up going on Facebook to see if I could figure out the name of the SO (some were people I've never met). If not, well, just the buddy was put on the STD. I told FI that if he doesn't want to seem rude, he better find the name of that SO for the actual invite.

I will do some research of my own as well but he will get the same thing, figure it out or you are going to look rude on the invite! His grandma sent me all of the family addresses for one side (it was really cute, she hand wrote them and sent them through the mail) and one of them was listed as "Joe Smith and Cindy" so I called to ask if they were married, and if not what her last name was. His grandma has no idea, they have been together for 10yrs but not married and she has never known her last name. Then she freaked out and said "Oh no, if she is ever in the paper I won't even know it's her, I will have to find out because I should know!".

huskypuppy14 · May 2015

lovemesomemonster said:

lovemesomemonster said:
UPDATE.. Got the list of names last night, looks like this is step one in the process because I KNOW some of his friends are married and he didn't give me those names, some have kids but I don't know all of them that do, and there are no addresses.. the struggle continues but at least we are moving in the right direction!!!
I had this issue too... he would give me the name of hockey buddies or something, but not their wife/gf. I ended up going on Facebook to see if I could figure out the name of the SO (some were people I've never met). If not, well, just the buddy was put on the STD. I told FI that if he doesn't want to seem rude, he better find the name of that SO for the actual invite.

I will do some research of my own as well but he will get the same thing, figure it out or you are going to look rude on the invite! His grandma sent me all of the family addresses for one side (it was really cute, she hand wrote them and sent them through the mail) and one of them was listed as "Joe Smith and Cindy" so I called to ask if they were married, and if not what her last name was. His grandma has no idea, they have been together for 10yrs but not married and she has never known her last name. Then she freaked out and said "Oh no, if she is ever in the paper I won't even know it's her, I will have to find out because I should know!".

This is how my MIl had one of my husband's second cousin listed. What is Cindy's last name? Oh just send it like that. I said no, we are properly addressing these, I need her last name. Then MIL said, oh for BIL wedding we just send it like that. Well I am not BIL and SIL, no. She got it to me within the week though.

I am sorry, but how hard it is to call or email someone and ask what his girlfriend's last name is? I think part of it, is they've been together for a long time, and they are not 20 or 30 years old, they're in their 50s or 60s, so she didn't want to feel like an idiot for not knowing her last name. So just sending it without, will make us look like less of an idiot?

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

huskypuppy14 said:

lovemesomemonster said:

lovemesomemonster said:
UPDATE.. Got the list of names last night, looks like this is step one in the process because I KNOW some of his friends are married and he didn't give me those names, some have kids but I don't know all of them that do, and there are no addresses.. the struggle continues but at least we are moving in the right direction!!!
I had this issue too... he would give me the name of hockey buddies or something, but not their wife/gf. I ended up going on Facebook to see if I could figure out the name of the SO (some were people I've never met). If not, well, just the buddy was put on the STD. I told FI that if he doesn't want to seem rude, he better find the name of that SO for the actual invite.
I will do some research of my own as well but he will get the same thing, figure it out or you are going to look rude on the invite! His grandma sent me all of the family addresses for one side (it was really cute, she hand wrote them and sent them through the mail) and one of them was listed as "Joe Smith and Cindy" so I called to ask if they were married, and if not what her last name was. His grandma has no idea, they have been together for 10yrs but not married and she has never known her last name. Then she freaked out and said "Oh no, if she is ever in the paper I won't even know it's her, I will have to find out because I should know!".

This is how my MIl had one of my husband's second cousin listed. What is Cindy's last name? Oh just send it like that. I said no, we are properly addressing these, I need her last name. Then MIL said, oh for BIL wedding we just send it like that. Well I am not BIL and SIL, no. She got it to me within the week though.

I am sorry, but how hard it is to call or email someone and ask what his girlfriend's last name is? I think part of it, is they've been together for a long time, and they are not 20 or 30 years old, they're in their 50s or 60s, so she didn't want to feel like an idiot for not knowing her last name. So just sending it without, will make us look like less of an idiot?

From anyone else I would have been annoyed, but her reaction was priceless like she had never even thought to ask before and is now on a mission to find out.

hellosweetie1015 · May 2015

lovemesomemonster said:

huskypuppy14 said:

lovemesomemonster said:

lovemesomemonster said:
UPDATE.. Got the list of names last night, looks like this is step one in the process because I KNOW some of his friends are married and he didn't give me those names, some have kids but I don't know all of them that do, and there are no addresses.. the struggle continues but at least we are moving in the right direction!!!
I had this issue too... he would give me the name of hockey buddies or something, but not their wife/gf. I ended up going on Facebook to see if I could figure out the name of the SO (some were people I've never met). If not, well, just the buddy was put on the STD. I told FI that if he doesn't want to seem rude, he better find the name of that SO for the actual invite.
I will do some research of my own as well but he will get the same thing, figure it out or you are going to look rude on the invite! His grandma sent me all of the family addresses for one side (it was really cute, she hand wrote them and sent them through the mail) and one of them was listed as "Joe Smith and Cindy" so I called to ask if they were married, and if not what her last name was. His grandma has no idea, they have been together for 10yrs but not married and she has never known her last name. Then she freaked out and said "Oh no, if she is ever in the paper I won't even know it's her, I will have to find out because I should know!".
This is how my MIl had one of my husband's second cousin listed. What is Cindy's last name? Oh just send it like that. I said no, we are properly addressing these, I need her last name. Then MIL said, oh for BIL wedding we just send it like that. Well I am not BIL and SIL, no. She got it to me within the week though.

I am sorry, but how hard it is to call or email someone and ask what his girlfriend's last name is? I think part of it, is they've been together for a long time, and they are not 20 or 30 years old, they're in their 50s or 60s, so she didn't want to feel like an idiot for not knowing her last name. So just sending it without, will make us look like less of an idiot?

From anyone else I would have been annoyed, but her reaction was priceless like she had never even thought to ask before and is now on a mission to find out.

Your FGMIL is adorable.

Back to lurking this thread. Carry on.

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