Visiting people in the hospital?

jdluvr06 · May 2015

The only people I go to the hospital for are my mom, my sister, and soon to be ex h's immediate family. Ive had several bad hospital experiences and avoid going if I can. I was in the room when my sis was in labor with her three kids and I stayed for a while after they were born and came back the next day. My sis and I are super close though.

When in doubt just ask.

larrygaga · May 2015

FI's dad was in the hospital for an aneurysm and it was obnoxious how many people came to visit like it was nothing. We thought he was going to die on christmas, and all his weird friends were coming out of the wood work to like fuck around in his tiny room. He needed to keep his blood pressure down in order to not die. The doctors had to keep asking randos to leave. It was stressful on us as everyone was giving condolences and being completely inappropriate. He's not dead. He didn't die. People were just giving up on him and showed up to watch the shit show for fun. Then his family, who actually loves him and wants to be there for possible last minutes, were unable to have a seat or hold his hand or anything. I was super angry. He's not my dad, but he's been a father figure in my life for 15 years.

BUT having a baby is wonderful and exciting, and I think I would personally welcome visits. I also don't think it's weird to wait until they get home. I loved visiting my sister and holding my nephews!!!

It depends on what the situation is.

bethsmiles · May 2015

@larrygaga - That is horrible. Some people are just so focused on themselves, all they really care about is patting themselves on the back for being such a good friend or whatever but really they are just being an ass.

I honestly don't think I'd want people to visit me in the hospital right after having a baby. It sounds horrible but I just don't really like people. They can come later, let me have a day or two before oohing and ahhing over the baby. But every situation/person is different so obviously it's best just to ask.

princessleia22 · May 2015

I think it depends on the person and scenario.

jenna8984 said:

ashley8918 said:
I will only go if I have been invited (unless someone was in a horrible accident or something, in that case, fuck you I am coming to check on your ass). When I had my kids, everyone and their mother felt entitled to come and visit me and I was NOT into it, for a few reasons.

1. I had just given birth, and was a fucking mess.
2. I had just given birth, and was fucking exhausted and was not up for entertaining people.
3. People kept trying to touch/hold my baby, and let their small children hold my baby. NO.
4. I was in a lot of pain, and wanted to be left the fuck alone.

I found it incredibly bothersome.

Oh that stinks. I guess I always just did it because everyone else does...like her parents are already there and her best friends are already there (posting pics online). I just texted her and asked if I could swing by after work but also said I understand if you just want to be left alone. So hopefully she wil let me know what she's feeling.

I think checking with her first is a great idea. If all her family and friends are there, she may be getting overwhelmed. Even if she says it's fine to stop by, I'm sure she will appreciate that you asked and let it be her choice. But, you never know how she's feeling or if she want that many visitors... and it's hard to kick them out if they all just show up.

I don't have kids, but I've had a few surgeries that required multiple day hospital stays (anywhere from 5-11 days each). My parents drove 2 hours each way everyday to visit me (I was in my 20's at the time, so not a kid) and I was usually so tired and sore that I really didn't feel like entertaining them every day, especially the first couple days post-op, and it felt awkward to sit there and ignore them. And I really didn't like when others visited because I felt horrible and hadn't showered. By my last surgery (the 11 day hospital stay), I finally told them to just stop visiting me everyday. It was so draining to have to entertain people that much.

jacques27 · May 2015

I probably should have said other, but I said no since that's my first instinct. There are maybe two people in this world where the answer would be "I don't give a crap, I'm gonna be there even if you don't want me and I am just in the waiting room." That would be my mom and my SO. If my grandmother was alive, then it would be three. But that's more duty bound than "Oh, I want to visit you!"

There is half a chance I might visit for a first baby.

But otherwise, if you're in the hospital, chances are it wasn't planned (or at least not that specific moment - if you're pregnant, you know it's coming - or you schedule a surgery), you're in pain, you're exhausted, you have nurses coming in every hour on the hour to check on you even in the middle of the night, and chances are if you're not one of my two people, you have your own people who are closer to you than I am who are there for you either to see over you or share in your excitement. I can wait until there's a less hectic, less crowded time. And if you have other kids - chances are you're also juggling who is caring for them, visits from them, etc.

I'm all for showing you care, but I prefer the "Call the gift shop, ask them to send up some flowers with a card from me" variety or put together a care package and drop it off at the nurse's station for them to deliver it. Then they can call me when they have the time and energy and see if they want a visit.

I will say though, I did visit my cousin when she was in the hospital. But mostly because it was Christmas Eve, she had called me first to tell me and she sounded really sad about missing the holiday with her kids (she shipped them off to the grandparents to try to keep some normalcy about the holiday) and I showed up with a care package for her since I knew she'd be there for at least another week. I'm not sure I would do it again though, unless she specifically asked me. In the time I was there (90 minutes), she had four nurses come in for various things including a blood draw, two other people randomly show up to visit, and three phone calls. I find having to engage with that many people exhausting when I'm perfectly healthy - I can't imagine how that feels when you are sick, in pain, or exhausted.

wandajune6 · May 2015

It depends.

MIL is in the hospital every other week (cancer) so we always visit her. She's lonely so we're going.

If a friend is having a baby, I'll text to congratulate them and ask if they need anything. If they do, I come by. If they invite me, I come by. Otherwise I leave them alone.

If you're in my immediate family, I'll be there. If you're more extended family or a close friend, I'll stop by but ask someone closer for the right time to come by.

When DH ended up in the hospital, I moved in.

Visiting people in the hospital?

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