Cash Bar

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

@FutureMrsRigone - There's a difference between tacky as in "that's not my taste" and tacky as in "that's straight up against etiquette".

For example: A big rock for a centerpiece? "that's not my taste..." Not serving dinner at dinner time? "that's straight up against etiquette..." See the difference?

A cash bar is straight up against etiquette because it's passing on the cost of the party to the guests. Would you ever say "bread and salad are free, but if you want chicken, that'll be $10"? Hopefully not. Would you ever pour a house guest a glass of wine, hand it to them, and say "$6, please."? Again, hopefully not.

And to the bolded, I care!! Because I don't bring money to weddings (or dinner parties), because they're supposed to be hosted events. So if I walk up to the bar, order myself a vodka soda and the bartender says, "that'll be $7" I'm extremely embarrassed. I can't pay. I'm holding up the line. I have to tell him I don't have any money. Someone might offer to cover for me - super embarrassing! So yea, I care.

A wedding isn't a free pass to give up the rules of hosting.

ginnybinny17 · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

You're on a roll with the great advice today, aren't you?

PrettyGirlLost · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

Actually, no.

Proper hosting is never tacky, despite what you, that stupid site, or your guests might think. Your guests might not like what you are hosting, but as long as you are properly hosting them- as in feeding them and allowing them to have something to drink, all on your dime, not theirs- then it doesn't matter if they like it or not. That's on them.

Your wedding is not "your day." It ceases to be your day when you invite other people to share in it with you. The ceremony is for the bride and groom, and the reception is an event hosted by the bride and groom to honor and thank their guests for witnessing their union and supporting their marriage. You need to host your guests properly.

VulgarGirl · May 2015

Well normally I'd tell you this a really bad idea. And lots of us on here paid for own weddings and managed to host our guests properly.

But I've recently been informed I'm being "negative" and that's the same thing as trolling. So no more disagreeing. Only positive from this girl! This sounds like a great idea that will not be a shit show AT ALL. I mean who doesn't like having to pay for stuff at a party they've been invited to?

You should charge for the food too! I mean they get the pleasure of watching you get married after all! Isn't that enough for these people?

TrixieJess · May 2015

MagicInk said:
Well normally I'd tell you this a really bad idea. And lots of us on here paid for own weddings and managed to host our guests properly.

But I've recently been informed I'm being "negative" and that's the same thing as trolling. So no more disagreeing. Only positive from this girl! This sounds like a great idea that will not be a shit show AT ALL. I mean who doesn't like having to pay for stuff at a party they've been invited to?

You should charge for the food too! I mean they get the pleasure of watching you get married after all! Isn't that enough for these people?

I'm crying! That GIF is perfect!

[Deleted User] · May 2015

.

arrippa · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

So is your advice.

huskypuppy14 · May 2015

TrixieJess said:

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!
Please stop offering advice on the Etiquette boards that go against Etiquette. Consider this the nice ask.

This!

Some people actually come to the etiquette board to get actual correct advice to host their wedding properly. I know I did.

Heffalump · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you.

WTF kind of advice is that? Honestly, after the meeting I just finished, punching one of my coworkers in the face feels right to me. But you don't punch people in the face for being annoying, and you don't invite guests to a party and then make them subsidize part of the cost. Because brain cells.

lovegood90 · May 2015

banana468 said:

Heffalump said:

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you.
WTF kind of advice is that? Honestly, after the meeting I just finished, punching one of my coworkers in the face feels right to me. But you don't punch people in the face for being annoying, and you don't invite guests to a party and then make them subsidize part of the cost. Because brain cells.

There is no place for logic in snowflake land!

ETA; not sure why there's another person quoted too, sorry..

flbride2015 · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks for free and then asking them to pay and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink because I'm not a big drinker and alcohol is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

Seriously, if you wouldn't charge people for drinks at your home, why would you charge them for drinks at your wedding? Don't want people to drink, have a dry wedding. But don't ask other people to pay for your wedding for you. Gross.

WinstonsGirl · May 2015

FutureMrsRigone said:
I think that you have to do what feels right to you. Yes, some people say that it's rude to have a cash bar steak, but honestly, who cares? I love the mantra from a different wedding site: "It's all tacky!" No matter what you do there will be people who don't like what you do! You can't please everyone! You are offering them some drinks salad/sides for free and then asking them to pay for steak and that's fine! Honestly, even if we had the budget and venue to have a bar steak dinner, it would make me feel uneasy paying for other people to drink eat steak because I'm not a big drinker meat eater and alcohol steak is expensive. Have the wedding that YOU (you and your special someone) want to have. I don't think I would care if my friend had a cash bar made me pay for steak at the wedding! I know the etiquette police will want to kill you for it, but it's not their day, and their disapproval is tacky!

Des this seem ok with the changes?? No?? Then it's not ok with alcohol.

ETA - Sorry, super late to the party.

SP29 · May 2015

@WinstonsGirl Love it!

XrebeccaX · May 2015

If you have $500 and only expect 20 or so people to be drinking, you have plenty of money to host a bar of some sort.

We had a DW and then my mom hosted a BBQ for us when we returned. We knew the majority of people would either not drink or would simply have a beer or glass of wine with dinner, so I watched sales and took advantage of case discounts and got three cases of nice wine for around $300. We also bought three cases of beer from what I recall. With 120 guests we had lots left over and no one had to open their wallets.

Different venues/states have different rules about this stuff (for instance we didn't have to pay corkage but we did have to pay the caterer to provide a bartender) but it really and truly can be done.

lyndausvi · May 2015

I went to a wedding over the weekend. We hit the bar. DH had to pay for his vodka and I didn't have to pay for my wine. Over an hour later, just as the WP was about to be announced myself and another women went up to get a 2nd glass of wine. We were told we now had to pay. You can only imagine my stink-eye. The other woman was so embarrassed because she didn't bring money. Why would she, 45 minutes early it was free? DH had started a tab, so I just bough her the wine.

Cash bars suck. Bait and switch ones are even worse.

*** I've been attendings up to 50-something weddings, can't tell you how many weddings I've worked. This was my first cash or even partial cash bar. I've only worked 2 cash bar.

hyechica81 · May 2015

so so tacky wake up and properly host your guests, you know people don't seal the envelops right away?. If word got out that you were doing a hosted bar up to 500 and the rest was cash you know people are going to open the envelope and start removing cash to pay..

are you worried that a consumption bar will cost 2000 chances are it wont even get that high.

where i am from connecticut all full service wedding venues ( banquet halls) they have open bar included in all packages its priced into the cost of meal and your appetizers. but if you didnt want to host a full open bar to cut down costs the venues would knock off money to bring it down

do a limited bar beer wine soda juice etc if you really want mixed drinks create two signature drinks his and hers and keep it simple have the bar use house brand liquors and not expensive ones. i would be pissed off if i went to the bar later in the night to get something and they asked me to pay out of pocket.

i was on a tight budget but we also had kept the open bar in our package we cut down on other minor things such as less expensive favors etc so that our guest could have a nice meal and drinks

redoryx · May 2015

lyndausvi said:
I went to a wedding over the weekend. We hit the bar. DH had to pay for his vodka and I didn't have to pay for my wine. Over an hour later, just as the WP was about to be announced myself and another women went up to get a 2nd glass of wine. We were told we now had to pay. You can only imagine my stink-eye. The other woman was so embarrassed because she didn't bring money. Why would she, 45 minutes early it was free? DH had started a tab, so I just bough her the wine.

Cash bars suck. Bait and switch ones are even worse.

*** I've been attendings up to 50-something weddings, can't tell you how many weddings I've worked. This was my first cash or even partial cash bar. I've only worked 2 cash bar.

QFT

Liatris2010 · May 2015

lyndausvi said:
I went to a wedding over the weekend. We hit the bar. DH had to pay for his vodka and I didn't have to pay for my wine. Over an hour later, just as the WP was about to be announced myself and another women went up to get a 2nd glass of wine. We were told we now had to pay. You can only imagine my stink-eye. The other woman was so embarrassed because she didn't bring money. Why would she, 45 minutes early it was free? DH had started a tab, so I just bough her the wine.

Cash bars suck. Bait and switch ones are even worse.

*** I've been attendings up to 50-something weddings, can't tell you how many weddings I've worked. This was my first cash or even partial cash bar. I've only worked 2 cash bar.

I have a bar switch story too!

Cash bars are not done where I am from. I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, such things are simply unheard of. So my aunt goes to a wedding similar to what OP is describing. Drinks are free for the first hour, then it switches to cash bar. When she goes up to get her second drink the bartender tells her how much it costs. She thinks he is joking, and the more he insists he is NOT joking and that she has to pay for her drink, the harder she laughs, because asking your guests to pay for their drinks is ridiculous. When she finally realizes he is not kidding, she was very embarrassed, as she had held up the line and unwittingly drew a bit of attention at the bar, and "stole" her drink. She's not really friends with those people anymore.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2015

lyndausvi said:
I went to a wedding over the weekend. We hit the bar. DH had to pay for his vodka and I didn't have to pay for my wine. Over an hour later, just as the WP was about to be announced myself and another women went up to get a 2nd glass of wine. We were told we now had to pay. You can only imagine my stink-eye. The other woman was so embarrassed because she didn't bring money. Why would she, 45 minutes early it was free? DH had started a tab, so I just bough her the wine.

Cash bars suck. Bait and switch ones are even worse.

*** I've been attendings up to 50-something weddings, can't tell you how many weddings I've worked. This was my first cash or even partial cash bar. I've only worked 2 cash bar.

You are a bigger person than I. If I had ordered a drink and then was told I had to pay for it, when previously it was hosted, I'd just tell the bartender to put it on the couple's tab. And if I got pushback, I'd just leave the drink at the bar and walk away.

banana468 · May 2015

This isn't my story but my aunt's: About 10 years ago the son of her husband's coworker was getting married. Her husband was an executive at the company as was the coworker and the son was also working at the company but was not as high level. At the wedding, my aunt and uncle were seated at a table with other company people and my uncle was clearly the "highest ranking" person at the table. The reception was held at a very nice, fairly expensive location and in the area, cash bars are EXTREMELY RARE.

So my uncle got up from the table to go to the bar to order a drink for himself and because he's awesome, he asked if anyone at the table would like something. The people at the table put in their orders and low and behold, it was a CASH BAR! Now my uncle can't run back to the table and say, "It's a cash bar. I'm not getting your drinks," because he'll look like an ass in front of his employees. So he spends $50 on the round. Then, because he can't continue to look like an ass, when there was another round to go, he did it again. So this cash bar cost him an additional $100 out of pocket.

And before you say, "He didn't have to do that," yes he did. Because this was mixing business with pleasure he couldn't do what his coworker did and cheap out. So he had to be the good generous guy that he is because he not only works WITH those people but they worked FOR him and you don't treat your employees poorly and make them feel small.

But I can tell you years later, my aunt doesn't talk about the bride's dress, the quality of the food or the weather that day. She talks about how she was really irritated about the cheapness of the bar.

lyndausvi · May 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:
I went to a wedding over the weekend. We hit the bar. DH had to pay for his vodka and I didn't have to pay for my wine. Over an hour later, just as the WP was about to be announced myself and another women went up to get a 2nd glass of wine. We were told we now had to pay. You can only imagine my stink-eye. The other woman was so embarrassed because she didn't bring money. Why would she, 45 minutes early it was free? DH had started a tab, so I just bough her the wine.

Cash bars suck. Bait and switch ones are even worse.

*** I've been attendings up to 50-something weddings, can't tell you how many weddings I've worked. This was my first cash or even partial cash bar. I've only worked 2 cash bar.
You are a bigger person than I. If I had ordered a drink and then was told I had to pay for it, when previously it was hosted, I'd just tell the bartender to put it on the couple's tab. And if I got pushback, I'd just leave the drink at the bar and walk away.

Well there were other reasons why the 2nd glass of wine was necessary

PrettyGirlLost · May 2015

lyndausvi said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:
I went to a wedding over the weekend. We hit the bar. DH had to pay for his vodka and I didn't have to pay for my wine. Over an hour later, just as the WP was about to be announced myself and another women went up to get a 2nd glass of wine. We were told we now had to pay. You can only imagine my stink-eye. The other woman was so embarrassed because she didn't bring money. Why would she, 45 minutes early it was free? DH had started a tab, so I just bough her the wine.

Cash bars suck. Bait and switch ones are even worse.

*** I've been attendings up to 50-something weddings, can't tell you how many weddings I've worked. This was my first cash or even partial cash bar. I've only worked 2 cash bar.
You are a bigger person than I. If I had ordered a drink and then was told I had to pay for it, when previously it was hosted, I'd just tell the bartender to put it on the couple's tab. And if I got pushback, I'd just leave the drink at the bar and walk away.
Well there were other reasons why the 2nd glass of wine was necessary

Touche! Haha!

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