Wedding week BS

pinkcow13 · May 2015

Of course the entire wedding process was seamless and stress free, so it would make sense that the week before the wedding we encounter drama Amirite?

First off, if this doesn't have paragraphs I'm so sorry, I'm on mobile which sucks. Internet at work still sucks. Gonna have to log in at home. So. Long story short, I was at happy hour on Friday when my dad texted me telling me he couldn't get upstairs to pick up my mom, who was cleaning our apartment. So I was like what?! I had no idea she was cleaning our damn apartment. Yes. She went in and completely cleaned our apartment. Without us knowing. Like went through everything, rearranged shit, etc. I guess I was a bit drunk. FI and I went bowling with BM (the one who did not break a foot) and I kinda blocked it out till we got home.

We walk in and FI was NOT happy. He was not cool with the invasion of privacy. So against my better judgement, I called my mom. We got into a HUGE argument. I tried to be calm, but she immediately started yelling about something she found, how she doesn't care about FI's mom (I tried to explain how I would feel if his mom showed up like that), and I'll admit, I got too emotional. Anyways the conversation ended with her telling me "go to hell, you and FI" and hanging up the phone on me.

So. I'm trying to be the bigger person. I'm too old for this shit. I called her earlier, no response. I'm 4 days away from my wedding. My mom has my dress. I'm not panicking. Remaining calm. I don't think my mom word would be so messed up to not come to my wedding, or worse. But... Seriously, I don't need this shit the week of my wedding. I'm giving her till tomorrow night before I get my dad involved. I guess I got too cocky thinking everything was smooth sailing. If it's not one thing, it's another. The week of my wedding. Wonderful. I just needed to vent to you guys.

esstee33 · May 2015

***Removed for TOS violation***

KytchynWitche · May 2015

Holy crabsticks! I get that your mom was probably just trying to help, and is probably also going through some psychological readjustment, "my baby's not my baby anymore" stuff, but that is just so not okay!

FWIW, I think you're completely justified in telling her off, and I think she's being totally ridiculous throwing a hissy fit at you.

You get all the hugs, because I'm out of wine.

AddieCake · May 2015

Ugh. She shouldn't have done that. I hope you get it resolved quickly. Happy Wedding Week! Here's hoping you don't encounter any more trouble or drama!

banana468 · May 2015

I think you can smooth things over now and then make sure she returns her key. I'd be pissed too. If she refused to understand how she was out of line then I might "return the favor" one day.

dolewhipper · May 2015

In this instance, mother does not know best.

KytchynWitche said, she might feel like she's being replaced. Or if you're an only child or youngest of your siblings, maybe empty nest syndrome. Either way, I would give her a couple days, talk to your dad in the meantime, and bring over her favorite drink of choice. You're totally in the right and she's totally out of line for going through your stuff, but sometimes apologizing and being the bigger person might be the easiest way out.

The day is almost here! Just breathe. It will work out and be amazing!

louxnoelle · May 2015

My mother often reacts like this when told she did something wrong; she gets embarrassed, and the embarrassment usually gets cloaked by anger as a defense mechanism. I completely sympathize with you - I hope if it comes down to it, your dad will be as awesome as mine usually is.

For her to be upset by whatever it is she found while rooting through your personal belongings is outrageous. You're an adult who is about to be married, and your choices are your own.

Hugs! I'm sure things will work out.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

Sounds like your mom was snooping, not cleaning. Hang in there- as PPs said, you're a grown up and it was your house, so unless she found a dead body in your place she has nothing to be upset over.

photokitty · May 2015

That sucks. Happy wedding week. I'm sure she'll come to her senses.

WTH did she find??? Inquiring minds need to know

blabla89 · May 2015

Take a deep breath chica, it'll be okay. MIL started some crazy drama the Sunday before our wedding, too...by Tuesday she was too focused on getting herself ready, picking up family from the airport, etc. to even remember what the argument was about - as were DH and I.

The argument with your mom will blow over, and you can deal with setting boundaries after the wedding. It'll be fine, just don't let it stress you out.

ETA: I keep forgetting that DH and I are married now

climbingsingle · May 2015

That is really crazy. I can't even imagine how angry I'd be if my mom or MIL did that.

allispain · May 2015

I would be furious if anyone came in the my house and decided to clean/rearrange it (and snoop) without my knowing ahead of time. And to then get mad about something she found? Yeah, no. You're definitely justified to be angry that she did this. It's too bad that it turned into a massive argument, but hopefully things will smooth out over the week. Don't let this get into your head to the point where it affects you on your wedding day!

charcoalandblush · May 2015

photokitty said:
That sucks. Happy wedding week. I'm sure she'll come to her senses.

WTH did she find??? Inquiring minds need to know

Also wondering this...

This is exactly the same kind of shit my mom would do. I'm so sorry you're going through this at all, let alone with this shitty timing. Your mom was 110% out of line to invade your privacy like that in the first place, let alone to get defensive/angry about it. But at this point, honestly, I might just apologize to get it over with before the wedding and then re-hash it at a later time if you think it's necessary. I have apologized to my mom for SO many things that I was not actually sorry for so that she wouldn't ruin major holidays/life events.

badbnagdway · May 2015

I get this is an invasion of privacy but I also think it's possible your mom was coming from a good place. Like, she believed that cleaning your house would help you the week of your wedding. It wasn't cool to go through your stuff of course. I would try to talk to her about it again, maybe face-to-face and smooth it over some. You do not really want this to drive a wedge between the two of you this week.

My mom totally cleaned our house when we left for our honeymoon. She and my grandma were there because they had to check out of their hotel five hours before their flight and my grandma needs to rest frequently. I told my mom not to clean but she straightened up our living room, dining room and kitchen anyway. The difference is she did not go into our bedroom or bathroom and snoop. Well, that I know of.

pinkcow13 · May 2015

Yea I think she was definitely coming from a good place... And I can see that. And I appreciate it, but the way she went about it is what's not cool. She's very stubborn so she refuses to see when she's wrong. I'm going to just be the bigger person and apologize. I just don't want to deal with this stuff now. Like, perfect timing, the week before the wedding.

And maybe if she stayed out the bedroom, I wouldn't be as pissed, I feel like that's a private place. Again, ask if I want you in our bedroom!

And for the inquiring minds haha, she found my bong and marijuana. That's what she yelled about immediately. And I'm sure she also saw our bedroom handcuffs being that they're right next to the bong right now.

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

pinkcow13 said:
Yea I think she was definitely coming from a good place... And I can see that. And I appreciate it, but the way she went about it is what's not cool. She's very stubborn so she refuses to see when she's wrong. I'm going to just be the bigger person and apologize. I just don't want to deal with this stuff now. Like, perfect timing, the week before the wedding.

And maybe if she stayed out the bedroom, I wouldn't be as pissed, I feel like that's a private place. Again, ask if I want you in our bedroom!

And for the inquiring minds haha, she found my bong and marijuana. That's what she yelled about immediately. And I'm sure she also saw our bedroom handcuffs being that they're right next to the bong right now.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm sure she'll come around if she was doing the invading with a good heart in mind. I'm laughing about what she found though.... It's just like that scene in Sex and the City when Bunny barges in and finds Charlotte and Trey having sex. That's what you get for barging in!! You see/learn things you didn't want to know about.

pinkcow13 · May 2015

thisismynickname said:

pinkcow13 said:
Yea I think she was definitely coming from a good place... And I can see that. And I appreciate it, but the way she went about it is what's not cool. She's very stubborn so she refuses to see when she's wrong. I'm going to just be the bigger person and apologize. I just don't want to deal with this stuff now. Like, perfect timing, the week before the wedding.

And maybe if she stayed out the bedroom, I wouldn't be as pissed, I feel like that's a private place. Again, ask if I want you in our bedroom!

And for the inquiring minds haha, she found my bong and marijuana. That's what she yelled about immediately. And I'm sure she also saw our bedroom handcuffs being that they're right next to the bong right now.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm sure she'll come around if she was doing the invading with a good heart in mind. I'm laughing about what she found though.... It's just like that scene in Sex and the City when Bunny barges in and finds Charlotte and Trey having sex. That's what you get for barging in!! You see/learn things you didn't want to know about.

LOL! Honestly I totally thought this was like SATC. I thought it was like when Magda replaced Miranda's condoms and vibrators with the mini statue of the Virgin Mary.

I'm actually surprised she didn't replace my stuff with holy water and a crucifix though.

larrygaga · May 2015

Looks like she's not trustworthy to have a set of keys!!!

It sounds like she meant well, got a little overbearing mother, and then was embarrassed and lashed out. I'm sure it will blow over!

When you snoop you find things out about people that maybe you would be happier not knowing about.

novella1186 · May 2015

Bleh. I'm sorry, that sucks. I got back from our HM the other day to find that SIL had used the key we gave her to invite THE WHOLE FAMILY to our house to clean and do yard stuff. Like, they planted flowers in my front yard, where other plants had been and were apparently killed/gotten rid of by them digging. MIL took the sheets off our bed-- our dirty, sex-stained sheets-- and washed them and put them back on the bed. All kinds of shit like that. Ugh. I know they thought they were being helpful, which I'm sure is what your mom thought, but come on.

sassercake12 · May 2015

novella1186 said:
Bleh. I'm sorry, that sucks. I got back from our HM the other day to find that SIL had used the key we gave her to invite THE WHOLE FAMILY to our house to clean and do yard stuff. Like, they planted flowers in my front yard, where other plants had been and were apparently killed/gotten rid of by them digging. MIL took the sheets off our bed-- our dirty, sex-stained sheets-- and washed them and put them back on the bed. All kinds of shit like that. Ugh. I know they thought they were being helpful, which I'm sure is what your mom thought, but come on.

Oh dear God I am so sorry. I would maybe understand having one or two people come over and vacuum or mow the lawn or something that isn't that invasive, but that makes me so angry for you. Why do people think this is okay?

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

Ugh I would be furious. It's bad enough that you COME INTO MY HOME UNINVITED but once you do that, you give up ANY right to be upset about what you find. Throw some Law & Order in her face and tell her that's inadmissable given the lack of a search warrant.

My MIL "helped" the other day by unpacking some of my kitchen. No lady. Back away from the spices. That is NOT where they go. I'm pretty sure she threw away my Kraft singles too.

novella1186 · May 2015

lolo883 said:
Ugh I would be furious. It's bad enough that you COME INTO MY HOME UNINVITED but once you do that, you give up ANY right to be upset about what you find. Throw some Law & Order in her face and tell her that's inadmissable given the lack of a search warrant.

My MIL "helped" the other day by unpacking some of my kitchen. No lady. Back away from the spices. That is NOT where they go. I'm pretty sure she threw away my Kraft singles too.

That is an act of war.

ohannabelle · May 2015

pinkcow13 said:
Yea I think she was definitely coming from a good place... And I can see that. And I appreciate it, but the way she went about it is what's not cool. She's very stubborn so she refuses to see when she's wrong. I'm going to just be the bigger person and apologize. I just don't want to deal with this stuff now. Like, perfect timing, the week before the wedding.

And maybe if she stayed out the bedroom, I wouldn't be as pissed, I feel like that's a private place. Again, ask if I want you in our bedroom!

And for the inquiring minds haha, she found my bong and marijuana. That's what she yelled about immediately. And I'm sure she also saw our bedroom handcuffs being that they're right next to the bong right now.

Did she clean your bong? Efferent denture cleaning tablets are great for removing sticky resin and stale bong odors.

hellosweetie1015 · May 2015

Yeah, all this thread has taught me is that nobody will have a key to our house but us.

Anyone coming unannounced into your house, no matter how well-intentioned they were, is out of line. I don't care who you are. I don't know that I would apologize, because frankly it'd come out "I'm sorry I yelled at you after you came in my house unannounced without my permission, snooped around in my bedroom, and found shit you didn't want or need to find. You're lucky you didn't find my stash of dildos, the chocolate flavored lube, and the sex swing."

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

hellosweetie1015 said:
Yeah, all this thread has taught me is that nobody will have a key to our house but us.

Anyone coming unannounced into your house, no matter how well-intentioned they were, is out of line. I don't care who you are. I don't know that I would apologize, because frankly it'd come out "I'm sorry I yelled at you after you came in my house unannounced without my permission, snooped around in my bedroom, and found shit you didn't want or need to find. You're lucky you didn't find my stash of dildos, the chocolate flavored lube, and the sex swing."

We're getting the numeric keycode locks. Need someone to come let the dogs out or babysit, give them the code. Then immediately change it.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2015

novella1186 said:
Bleh. I'm sorry, that sucks. I got back from our HM the other day to find that SIL had used the key we gave her to invite THE WHOLE FAMILY to our house to clean and do yard stuff. Like, they planted flowers in my front yard, where other plants had been and were apparently killed/gotten rid of by them digging. MIL took the sheets off our bed-- our dirty, sex-stained sheets-- and washed them and put them back on the bed. All kinds of shit like that. Ugh. I know they thought they were being helpful, which I'm sure is what your mom thought, but come on.

Unless she was going all CSI on those sheets with a blacklight before she cleaned them, she wouldn't have seen shit, lol.

KatieinBkln · May 2015

That sucks.

One does not get to go into someone's home without warning them and then get mad about what they find. Not even when one is a mother.

I'm sure it will blow over though.

novella1186 · May 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

novella1186 said:
Bleh. I'm sorry, that sucks. I got back from our HM the other day to find that SIL had used the key we gave her to invite THE WHOLE FAMILY to our house to clean and do yard stuff. Like, they planted flowers in my front yard, where other plants had been and were apparently killed/gotten rid of by them digging. MIL took the sheets off our bed-- our dirty, sex-stained sheets-- and washed them and put them back on the bed. All kinds of shit like that. Ugh. I know they thought they were being helpful, which I'm sure is what your mom thought, but come on.
Unless she was going all CSI on those sheets with a blacklight before she cleaned them, she wouldn't have seen shit, lol.

This is gross, but we were a little freaked out about the mattress pad UNDER the sheets. We haven't washed that thing in probably six months so we were all "eeew, what if there's sex stains on it?!"

They also moved our couch and vacuumed behind/under it. It had to have been terrifying under there because we haven't moved in it in like maybe 2 years? It was on our to-do list for when we got back, but I guess now we don't have to worry about it lol.

Not that we didn't appreciate all the stuff they did, but it was mostly just embarrassing to know they saw the things they saw in our house.

hellosweetie1015 · May 2015

lolo883 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:
Yeah, all this thread has taught me is that nobody will have a key to our house but us.

Anyone coming unannounced into your house, no matter how well-intentioned they were, is out of line. I don't care who you are. I don't know that I would apologize, because frankly it'd come out "I'm sorry I yelled at you after you came in my house unannounced without my permission, snooped around in my bedroom, and found shit you didn't want or need to find. You're lucky you didn't find my stash of dildos, the chocolate flavored lube, and the sex swing."
We're getting the numeric keycode locks. Need someone to come let the dogs out or babysit, give them the code. Then immediately change it.

BRILLIANCE. Pure brilliance.

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

Totally get this frustration, I'm sure it was a nice thought but going through your stuff was not cool. We were both gone the majority of last summer so our house (being in a vacation area) turned into a hotel for family. Every time I came back I couldn't find ANYTHING in my house because whoever was here last would clean up the kitchen after cooking and put everything where they thought it should be. That being said, it sounds like your mom doesn't need a key! My dad can get in through our garage but he used that because he took care of the house while we were gone for a month at a time and stayed here, he has never just come over and let himself in if we haven't asked him to!

littlepep · May 2015

pinkcow13 said:
Yea I think she was definitely coming from a good place... And I can see that. And I appreciate it, but the way she went about it is what's not cool. She's very stubborn so she refuses to see when she's wrong. I'm going to just be the bigger person and apologize. I just don't want to deal with this stuff now. Like, perfect timing, the week before the wedding.

And maybe if she stayed out the bedroom, I wouldn't be as pissed, I feel like that's a private place. Again, ask if I want you in our bedroom!

And for the inquiring minds haha, she found my bong and marijuana. That's what she yelled about immediately. And I'm sure she also saw our bedroom handcuffs being that they're right next to the bong right now.

Well none of her effing business. She shouldn't have been snooping in your stuff anyway. I agree that the bedroom is a super private place. I would never just walk into someone's bedroom in any situation. I always close our bedroom door when we have guests so I can't imagine someone going in there when I'm not even home.

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