Bachelorette Party falling apart
I don't know what to do. My bachelorette party was going to be small anyway, just myself and 3 other girls. My MOH spent a lot of time planning this outing, and it is tomorrow.
One of the other girls, who is also a BM, just found out her dad is getting married to his new girlfriend. Tomorrow. He did not invite her or her sister to the wedding, but apparently her grandma wants to "talk" tonight and she thinks she and her sister will be invited. Her sister wants to go and doesn't want to go alone, although she's said that she would rather come to my party.
I don't know what to do. I feel like her family is more important than me, but I also feel like I gave her MONTHS of warning and he has given her ONE DAY and he didn't even invite her, her grandmother did. I am so sad that she might not be able to make it to my bachelorette party and it really would be more fun if she comes. I want to tell her to tell her dad to go fuck himself, if he can't even give her the courtesy of an invitation directly from him she shouldn't go. Her sister is an adult and doesn't need her to chaperone. BUT he is her family so I also feel like I can't get in the way of that.
I am torn. I guess I shouldn't say anything and just support whatever choice she makes? I don't know what to do. I want to be a bridezilla about this and I hate it.
Re: Bachelorette Party falling apart
Honestly, the only gracious thing to do is let it go. Things come up at the last second, no matter how much advance time your bridesmaids have. If you make more of an issue of this, you will come off like a bridezilla. Try to have as much fun as you can with those who are coming.
Also, the bride is not supposed to be in charge of the planning of a bachelorette party or any other party in her own honor. So this is something for the hostess to be concerned about. If you're the person actually doing the hosting, that boat has sailed, so again, even though it's a bummer that she can't make it, I'd let it go. Because you're right-everyone else's family is probably going to be more important to them than you are.
I didn't plan the bachelorette party. I actually feel really horrible for my MOH who did all of the planning, and worked really hard for it, to have another person not be able to come. It's just the girl who can't come is friends with me, so she let me know she may not be coming. I am upset that she can't come, but I do understand that it's her family, and I do think the other 2 girls and I will have fun. Just kinda sucks. I will not say anything other than "Wish you could make it but I understand." It's just a crappy situation all around and I am really mad at her dad for being this mean to her. I mean who invites their own child (through someone else none the less!) to their wedding the DAY BEFORE? And it's at some plantation so you know it was planned way in advance.
Anyway...rant over. Going to try to have fun with my other 2 girls.
If she's a good enough friend to be your BM, why are you so concerned with your bachelorette? Shouldn't you be acting like a friend?
I am mostly concerned about my bachelorette because my MOH spent a lot of time planning and trying to figure out a time when a lot of people could come, and now two of my BMs have dropped out and one never even was coming in the first place and a lot of the activities she has planned required more than 3 people (ie we are taking a pole dancing class and they required 4) and so a lot of her plans are going up in smoke and I feel bad that she put so much work into it just to have this shit happen.
Of course I am concerned about how my friend is feeling with all of her family shit. And I have expressed my sympathy for what is going on, but I cannot control her family and improve that situation and more than just her is being impacte by this. I do not think I have been a bad friend in any way.
Also, being a "good friend" to someone close enough to be in one's wedding party doesn't require one to put one's own life on hold when something bad comes up for one's "good friend." There does need to be an understanding that if something bad comes up at the last minute, a "good friend" might not be able to make it to the party and let that go, but expecting her not to care about the things going on in her own life to prove her "good friendship" is expecting too much.
Got it.
Is she supposed to totally cancel her party and everything else in her life just to show how good a friend she is?
If the situation were reversed, and her friend didn't want to cancel her life because of what might be going on in the OP's life, would you be saying to the OP that her "good friend" wasn't a "good friend" because she didn't put her own party or marriage on hold because the OP suddenly heard, one day in advance, that her father is getting remarried? Note: he didn't die, he isn't sick, he didn't have anything tragic or sad happen to him.
Sorry, but yeah: the party, for the OP, IS going to be more important. She doesn't have to cancel it or not care about it to be a "good friend" to this bridesmaid. She only has to accept that her bridesmaid won't be there if her bridesmaid decides that.
Her friend can't go because family drama (that's probably very hurtful and difficult for her) and instead of being like "I completely understand and I'm here for you", knottie#s is all 'whoa is me' about her bachelorette party.
So the best friend is going through a really rough time with her family and the bride's biggest concern is that they don't have enough people for a pole dancing class?
Sorrynotsorry, I think it's shitty and my opinion about that isn't going to change.
I also don't understand where I am being a bad friend. I am sad that my friend is going through this. I am sad that she couldn't come have fun with me. Although me and the other two girls had a good time, I think it would have been more fun to have her here. How is that being a bad friend? You OUGHT to think it's more fun to have your friends there than not, right? What did I miss here?
Also just if you ever want to use it in the future, in something more important than an internet message board, (I am not trying to be a bitch I am really trying to be helpful here, the phrase is "WOE is me" not "whoa." Think about it for a second and it will make sense.
But I know she spent a lot of time trying to pick a good date when people could come, and then not many people did. She also did things like pay for two hotel rooms, when if it had only been the three of us from the beginning we probably would've only had one. I feel guilty about that even though it wasn't my (or really anyone's) fault.
Of course I did not bad mouth the BM who couldn't make it!!! I am a bit horrified that my post came across that I would do that. I totally understand that it is not her fault and family stuff is more important. I told my MOH what was going on but other than that we didn't really talk about it. It simply would have been more fun to include more people and would've been less stressful for my MOH.
Anyway it's all water under the bridge now. Thanks for giving me a space to vent my frustration.
Again, I wish my frien could've come and it would have been nice to have her but I tried to be sympathetic to her family situation the best I knew how and we did have a fun party
As usual, I spent time and effort being upset about something that (for the most part in this case because there was only so much I could do) worked out in the end.
Since the party is over and I have talked to my friend who could not come about things I don't really feel I need this thread anymore. Thank you to those who listened! Peace
Let's try reversing this. Someone posts that she is an MOH who just found out that she has a bad situation and can't attend a party for her friend the bride. The bride has expressed sympathy for her and her situation and does not expect her to attend the party, and has even said words to that effect, but also has a " life goes on" attitude. The poster wants the bride to not even care about whatever else is going on her life, regardless of who and whatever else might be affected, to show that she's a "good friend" to the poster. Are you going to tell the poster that she's being a 'maidzilla for expecting too much to prove her "good friendship" ? I get the impression that you would have told the bridesmaid that yes, she was expecting too much for even the best of friends to suddenly and completely stop caring about the rest of her life and a "good friend" wouldn't expect that by way of proof of "good friendship." But when the bride is the one posting here, you were very quick to accuse her of being "shitty" and not a "good friend." That's why I think you were predisposed to do some judgmental name-calling, because you normally don't come off as that harshly judgmental.
That's what I took away from your "Why do you care? It's shitty of you to care" post, and I have as much right to express that as you.