Hello!
A friend of mine has a brand new adorable baby, and I'm visiting her at the hospital today.
It's a really unfair situation- the father of the child has completely bailed. This friend also doesn't have any family in our area at all; she is truly on her own. I'm not a parent but many of my other friends are, and these other friends all have had the support of the baby's father / their spouse plus their own families' support. Having a newborn is hard enough even with support.
I already told her I could come visit her to help her with housework, or run errands, or just take the baby for a stroll while she gets a nap in. I'm really not a cook, but could bring her muffins or something similarly simple.
Any suggestions on how to help out a new mom?
Thanks!
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Re: What is something nice to do for a new mom?
This was the biggest help to me when I had my LO.
Also when you are there, look around and see what needs to be done. If the sick if full of dishes, put a load in the dishwasher. If the trash is full, take it out. I would do these things without even asking her, just start helping.
offering to be there and asking if she needs anything is a good start although she might not be willing to say "I need someone to do the dishes" but you can pick up on her needs I think. my best friend was in a similar situation, she did move home a bit after the baby but then when he was 6 months old moved back to our town and she was on her own other than friends. I ended up appointing myself his babysitter 1 night per week, I bought a car seat, jogging stroller, etc and would pick him up from daycare on Wednesdays and keep him for a while so she could do whatever (usually just not rush from work). Just giving her a break was a big help I think/hope.
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This. I had pretty bad post-partum/blues with my little one. No one knew, and I sure wasn't going to say anything to anyone, but it would definitely have been helpful to have someone just be there. I literally felt like my life was over, which is a terrible feeling to have, especially when you're holding a baby that you love so much. It was a lot of conflicting emotions, and I should have probably reached out to someone, but I was too proud to and embarassed. How do you tell all these people who are excited for you that you don't feel all rainbows and unicorns too?
Also, like others mentioned, just show up and start helping (if your friend would be ok with that, I know some people don't want to be bothered). A lot of people offer to help or to babysit, but then never actually do it (probably because they're waiting to be asked, but people like me will never feel comfortable asking). I was a signle mom for a while and I needed help. I never asked for it and I did it on my own, but you better believe I wanted to cry tears of joy on some days when a friend would come over and help around the house, or watch my daughter so I could shower, or just hang out with me and provide some companionship. It can be pretty lonely when it's just you and a baby.
BBQ is great to freeze and easy to reheat. DH will smoke large quantities of brisket, pulled chicken, and pulled pork, then put it into portion sized vacuum seal bags. Then he just takes one out of the freezer and puts it in a pan of boiling water, with the bag still sealed, until it's warm. Then open the bag, put some sauce on it (if desired) and eat. Pulling a bag from freezer and putting it in a boiling pan is as easy as it gets. And it doesn't dirty any dishes to cook it, since the food is cooked inside the bag. When we have a bunch of it, we usually just keep the pot of water on the stove and reheat the same water over and over, since the food never touches the pan or water anyway.
Even if you don't cook it yourself, you can probably find some unsauced, already cooked meat that you could portion up and freeze for her.
My BFF had a baby yesterday. She lives with her boyfriend but he's an idiot who is terrified of responsibility. The baby was born at 3 PM EST yesterday and he still hasn't met her... (She was about to leave when she learned she was pregnant, wanted to give him a chance to grow up. It didn't happen.)
I'm planning on flying out there for a week, leaving in about a week. Her mom will be there for a bit and I'll come in as her mom leaves. She doesn't have a big community in the area.
My goal is to be there to handle the crap she can't deal with. I'll be there to make runs out for diapers, cook meals, and watch the baby when she needs to shower or nap. I have been texting with her brother (who I don't know but is picking me up at the airport) and we'll be stopping for supplies so I can fill her freezer with easy meals and snacks. Basically, I'll be there for whatever she needs.
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Several posters have mentioned it will be helpful to run errands for the new mom. I do not disagree. While the new mom heals and adjusts, running errands will absolutely be helpful. However, I am going to add to this and put a different spin on this.
If your schedule allows, offer to run errands WITH the new mom. New parents are often reluctant and/or nervous to make that first solo outing with their newborn. They are anxious about getting the baby into the car seat. They are nervous about driving with a screaming baby. They aren't sure how to shop with a baby. Having a friend join on some of these firsts will reassure the new mom that all these things will become second nature, and that most outings will be "survivable". Offer to go with on that first baby appointment so that she can concentrate on questions with the doctor. Offer to go with to HER first follow up appointment so she can focus on her healing and health while not worrying about whether the baby will disrupt the appointment.
It is absolutely great to help a friend by running errands. But it is equally important to make sure that your friend get out of the house, not only for a change of scenery, but to gain confidence in her independence with her new baby.
Thank you! I'll actually be staying with her on my visit. I wanted to avoid that because it seems like extra stress but she wanted me closer. I'll make it a point to offer to go out with her and the baby.
Thanks!