Community› Cultural Wedding Boards› Catholic Weddings
Catholic Weddings
New Discussion

Talking to your (non-officiant) priest -- was it helpful?

primafaba15primafaba15 member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
in Catholic Weddings
Hi everyone, 

I have a tendency to be really wordy, so I apologize in advance and promise I'll try to keep this short. 

The religious aspect of our wedding has been very difficult. My FI and I are both Catholic and practicing, as is most of his family; my mother is a lapsed Catholic (with some serious animosity issues) and almost all my other relatives are other denominations and not convinced that Catholics are 'real' Christians. It is very important to us to have a sacramental, Catholic wedding, and we are doing so, but this has caused a lot of drama between me and my family, particularly with my mother.

We are not getting married in my parish church, but my priest knows that we are getting married, and a few months ago a lot of this came up in confession as I felt I had to confess that I had not been completely gracious/respectful in various exchanges with my mother. He offered to sit down with me some other time if there was anything he could do to help. Part of me would really like to take him up on this offer, since it would be nice to have some spiritual support and stop laying all of this on my fiance. But I don't want to waste Monsignor's time and I don't have a good sense of what might be appropriate to expect from this kind of meeting. Has anyone done anything like this (particularly in the context of wedding problems, I guess, but also in general)? Did it help? How did you handle it? 

Any suggestions would be appreciated! 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Talking to your (non-officiant) priest -- was it helpful?

  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If he offered, take him up on it. If he's a monsignor, that means he's been around a bit, and has likely dealt with many similar issues. It's also possible that he can give you a pep talk to stay strong. 
    Report Reply
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Definitely take him up on the offer as this is not only something you're going to have to figure out before the wedding, but long after the wedding as well for how to reconcile things, not really a confession issue, but it is definitely one that you two need to address in prep for marriage.  This isn't just a marriage prep, it's real life, it's also how do you approach things when it comes time for Baptizing your child(ren) should you choose to have them, their First Communion, Confirmation, etc.

    After all, what's the worst that could happen...

    Report Reply
  • primafaba15primafaba15 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited May 2015
    Thank you both for your input! I had never heard of anyone doing this and I just wasn't sure if I'd be wasting his time. I don't know that there is really anything that he can *do* other than be a supportive ear, and I wasn't raised in the church so I wasn't sure if that's something that's okay to expect....

    My FI and I have talked about this at length, among ourselves and during pre-Cana workshops and in conversations with our celebrant after taking the FOCCUS. I'm less worried about the implications for our future because we know that we will raise our children in the church and that my family will not have a say in that (they live pretty far away, anyway, so it's his family that will be there for the big milestones). 

    I'm struggling now more because it is very painful to be constantly reminded that my faith, which has meant so much over the last 7 years and was originally supported by my family, is now a "problem," and that our wedding mass will be offensive to most of my relatives including my mother. There are a lot of other issues involved, some of which have absolutely nothing to do with my choice of faith, but this one has been very difficult. 

    ETA: The marriage process has also unearthed information pointing to what are likely some uncomfortable facts about my parents' history with the church and why I wasn't able to receive the sacraments as a child. I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with that too, but again I don't know if Monsignor can help with that, or would. 
    Report Reply
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    There's one thing about having kids that it gives you - perspective you didn't have before that most parents did the best they could with the resources they had in that moment at that moment.  So you didn't have the opportunity when you were young to receive the Sacraments as you now have been able to do in the past 7 years.  IMO, some sacraments, such as Confirmation mean more to you on a spiritual level to actively seek out as an adult than they do for a teen.  While I remember going through the process, and my Confirmation itself, I think the adults going through it simply got more out of it than those of us who were younger.  Feel blessed in knowing that you probably gained more on a spiritual level going about them as an adult than you may have given the circumstances you've mentioned having as a youth for the Sacraments.

    For our marriage prep we met 100% with the priest who was going to marry us and discussed far more than we ever needed to, but they (we had two because one was reassigned shortly before our wedding) did great with pushing issues.  It's o.k. to mourn the loss of the support you thought you had but regardless of what they told you previously you now are coming to terms with their non-support.  At the end of the day, their decision is just that, theirs.  It's your choice to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage, there's a reason the day of your wedding, the first question they will ask is "Have you come here freely of your own Free Will"

    I think it's definitely worth setting up the meeting because he wouldn't have offered if he didn't think it'd be useful to you and YFI.  IMO it's time well spent to discuss the matter completely in a private/office setting...


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards