Customs and Traditions

Step children involved in ceremony?

My fiance has a 14yr old daughter and a 16yr old son. The son does not want to be part of the wedding but his daughter is acting interested. How can I make her feel part of the ceremony without making her a bridesmaid? My daughter will be the flower girl as she will be 5yrs old.

 

Re: Step children involved in ceremony?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    My fiance has a 14yr old daughter and a 16yr old son. The son does not want to be part of the wedding but his daughter is acting interested. How can I make her feel part of the ceremony without making her a bridesmaid? My daughter will be the flower girl as she will be 5yrs old.

     

    Ceremonies should only be between adults, so it is inappropriate to include her other than in the bridal party. Why can't she be a bridesmaid?
    Knottie1430025803
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You could ask her to do a reading at the ceremony. Is there a reason you don't want her to be a bridesmaid? She could stand on your FI's side and act as a bridesmaid for him. Have your FI ask her what she would prefer. "Acting" interested and actually being interested are two completely different things. She might just be being polite.
    MairePoppy
  • A couple of options:

    -she can stand up on her dad's side
    -she can do a reading

    If you decide not to directly involve her, just have her as part of the processional, seat her in the front row, and give her a corsage.
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  • I would have asked her to be a bridesmaid first thing, you are asking for trouble having your daughter in the wedding and coming across that you don't want his.....
    KatWAG
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    She could be a bridesmaid or a groom's attendant. Since she's his daughter, I would tend toward the latter.

    She could also do a reading, perform a religious role if applicable, or play/sing a song during the ceremony. 
  • My parents' (mother and step-father) wedding pretty much only had us in it. My sister and I (16 and 18) were bridesmaids and my brothers (20 and 25) walked my mom down the aisle before standing beside my dad as groomsmen. For my parents the wedding wasn't only about them marrying each other-- it was about our family becoming complete with my father. So it made sense for them to do it how they did it.

    The truth is that your FI's daughter is about to be your daughter too. No, you won't be biologically related. No, you won't suddenly replace her mother. However, step-parents can be and often are as influential as biological parents.

    I'm sure that's not what you mean when you talk about her not being a bridesmaid. However, maybe that's how it will feel to her. Talk to her about if she wants to be a part of the wedding, talk to your FI, and see what all of you want.





  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    So you want to an honorary role for your daughter but not his daughter?

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  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    KatWAG said:

    So you want to an honorary role for your daughter but not his daughter?

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    That's exactly how I interpretted this as well. My feelings would be extremely hurt if I were your FSD. She can stand on your FH's side or with you. But if your daughter is included, you should make all efforts to include his children as well. They can turn down the offer.

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    When I saw this post title, I was like - your stepchildren? So, the groom's children? The actual children of one of the people getting married?

    If you're going to involve your own children in the bridal party, the groom's children have an equal right to that honor as well. I think you and your fiance should ask them if they want to be in the bridal party, and I think it would make the most sense for your FI to ask them to stand up on his side. Sides do not have to be same-gendered, and everyone would especially understand breaking that "tradition" considering that they're his kids. The kids can say no, but you guys should ask. And if the daughter says she'd rather be on your side, I think you should absolutely a) take that as a compliment and b) don't seem like anything but happy about it.
    MairePoppy[Deleted User]Vivandiere8
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If your daughter is going to be a flower girl, then your FI has a right to invite his kids to stand up with him. Otherwise lots of feelings could get very badly hurt.
    Vivandiere8
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