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Step children involved in ceremony?

Knottie1432577052Knottie1432577052 member
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

My fiance has a 14yr old daughter and a 16yr old son. The son does not want to be part of the wedding but his daughter is acting interested. How can I make her feel part of the ceremony without making her a bridesmaid? My daughter will be the flower girl as she will be 5yrs old.

 

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Re: Step children involved in ceremony?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1432577052 said:

    My fiance has a 14yr old daughter and a 16yr old son. The son does not want to be part of the wedding but his daughter is acting interested. How can I make her feel part of the ceremony without making her a bridesmaid? My daughter will be the flower girl as she will be 5yrs old.

     

    Ceremonies should only be between adults, so it is inappropriate to include her other than in the bridal party. Why can't she be a bridesmaid?
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You could ask her to do a reading at the ceremony. Is there a reason you don't want her to be a bridesmaid? She could stand on your FI's side and act as a bridesmaid for him. Have your FI ask her what she would prefer. "Acting" interested and actually being interested are two completely different things. She might just be being polite.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    A couple of options:

    -she can stand up on her dad's side
    -she can do a reading

    If you decide not to directly involve her, just have her as part of the processional, seat her in the front row, and give her a corsage.
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  • pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    I would have asked her to be a bridesmaid first thing, you are asking for trouble having your daughter in the wedding and coming across that you don't want his.....
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    She could be a bridesmaid or a groom's attendant. Since she's his daughter, I would tend toward the latter.

    She could also do a reading, perform a religious role if applicable, or play/sing a song during the ceremony. 
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  • randomsloverandomslove member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    My parents' (mother and step-father) wedding pretty much only had us in it. My sister and I (16 and 18) were bridesmaids and my brothers (20 and 25) walked my mom down the aisle before standing beside my dad as groomsmen. For my parents the wedding wasn't only about them marrying each other-- it was about our family becoming complete with my father. So it made sense for them to do it how they did it.

    The truth is that your FI's daughter is about to be your daughter too. No, you won't be biologically related. No, you won't suddenly replace her mother. However, step-parents can be and often are as influential as biological parents.

    I'm sure that's not what you mean when you talk about her not being a bridesmaid. However, maybe that's how it will feel to her. Talk to her about if she wants to be a part of the wedding, talk to your FI, and see what all of you want.





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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    So you want to an honorary role for your daughter but not his daughter?

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    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    KatWAG said:

    So you want to an honorary role for your daughter but not his daughter?

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    That's exactly how I interpretted this as well. My feelings would be extremely hurt if I were your FSD. She can stand on your FH's side or with you. But if your daughter is included, you should make all efforts to include his children as well. They can turn down the offer.

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    When I saw this post title, I was like - your stepchildren? So, the groom's children? The actual children of one of the people getting married?

    If you're going to involve your own children in the bridal party, the groom's children have an equal right to that honor as well. I think you and your fiance should ask them if they want to be in the bridal party, and I think it would make the most sense for your FI to ask them to stand up on his side. Sides do not have to be same-gendered, and everyone would especially understand breaking that "tradition" considering that they're his kids. The kids can say no, but you guys should ask. And if the daughter says she'd rather be on your side, I think you should absolutely a) take that as a compliment and b) don't seem like anything but happy about it.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If your daughter is going to be a flower girl, then your FI has a right to invite his kids to stand up with him. Otherwise lots of feelings could get very badly hurt.
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