Pre-wedding Parties

Not on guest list, but asking about shower/bachelorette invite?

We are having immediate family and wedding party only at the courthouse and then celebrating with lunch & cake at a restaurant.

People understand they are not invited to the wedding BUT keep asking me if they can still come to my shower and bachelorette party.

What should I say? If they are aware they are not invited to our smaller ceremony, can my MOH still invite them to these parties? People are acting kinda butthurt when I don't immediately answer "Of course you are still invited to these other parties!!!".

I have been able bean dip thus far because these parties will be at the tail end of summer.....but I am running out of time with that answer.

Re: Not on guest list, but asking about shower/bachelorette invite?

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    We are having immediate family and wedding party only at the courthouse and then celebrating with lunch & cake at a restaurant. People understand they are not invited to the wedding BUT keep asking me if they can still come to my shower and bachelorette party. What should I say? If they are aware they are not invited to our smaller ceremony, can my MOH still invite them to these parties? People are acting kinda butthurt when I don't immediately answer "Of course you are still invited to these other parties!!!". I have been able bean dip thus far because these parties will be at the tail end of summer.....but I am running out of time with that answer.
    People that are invited to the wedding pre-parties must be invited to the wedding and subsequent celebrations. 

    However. There's no rule saying you can't just go out with your girlfriends/guyfriends and party. But don't call it a "bachelorette party".

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  • It's pretty rude of people to ask for invitations to anything... But the correct way to handle it is to just say "we're keeping it small... (insert subject change)" They don't have to understand or agree - it's not their call. 

    I agree with mike - just have a night where y'all go out and party. Don't make it related to the wedding in any way. Maybe that will satisfy their need to hang out with y'all.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Go ahead and have a party.  But don't call it anything that relates to your wedding.  Make clear to everyone that this is a non-wedding-related event.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We are having immediate family and wedding party only at the courthouse and then celebrating with lunch & cake at a restaurant. People understand they are not invited to the wedding BUT keep asking me if they can still come to my shower and bachelorette party. What should I say? If they are aware they are not invited to our smaller ceremony, can my MOH still invite them to these parties? People are acting kinda butthurt when I don't immediately answer "Of course you are still invited to these other parties!!!". I have been able bean dip thus far because these parties will be at the tail end of summer.....but I am running out of time with that answer.

    Shower: "We're keeping it small, like the wedding."

    Bach: "Not totally sure we're going to have an official one, but when do you wanna go out?"

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    How would they even know if you were having a shower and/or bachelorette party? As the bride, you could say that you are not aware if any parties are being planned, since you would not be the one planning those events. You could also simply state that IF you were to have such parties, they would be kept small and family only, just like your ceremony.
    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MobKaz said:

    How would they even know if you were having a shower and/or bachelorette party? As the bride, you could say that you are not aware if any parties are being planned, since you would not be the one planning those events. You could also simply state that IF you were to have such parties, they would be kept small and family only, just like your ceremony.

    They might know about those events if whoever is hosting those events discusses it with them.
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