Wedding Etiquette Forum

Special Dance with Dad?

edited June 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
 If I do a special type of dance with my dad (hand dance to hip hop I think), does it look like we are leaving my fiance and her dad out? We are two brides, and her dad is involved in the wedding and my dad is not, also, they are more reserved than my family. My fiance's dad suggested we all 4 do Thriller, and he sounded disappointed that we planned something separate. I am not sure what to do now. The reason we were going to do something different is because he is in a large electric wheelchair which would make dancing very difficult.

Answers

  • Your wedding isn't a talent show. This type of thing is almost always better in idea than execution anyway. I've been to a few wedding with choreographed dances. Its awkward at best.
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    ShesSoCold
  • You might be making too much of a big deal out of the situation. Breathe. Relax. Keep everything simple. You have enough going on right now without worrying about adding a choreographed dance, etc., to the mix.





  • Oh yea, I forgot to add that the reason he wanted to do this is because his wheelchair is so big that slow dancing is not really possible, but dancing with me was important to him. 

    So no coreographed dances... so best not to just do thriller as a "four of us father daughter dance" or best to each do a set of dancing and include my dad's surprise? Or any other ideas then? I just can't figure out what to do and I know it's important to my dad.
  • Oh yea, I forgot to add that the reason he wanted to do this is because his wheelchair is so big that slow dancing is not really possible, but dancing with me was important to him. 

    So no coreographed dances... so best not to just do thriller as a "four of us father daughter dance" or best to each do a set of dancing and include my dad's surprise? Or any other ideas then? I just can't figure out what to do and I know it's important to my dad.
    Idk, I might just ask my dad what he would prefer. Just explain that you want to be sure to include him and can't wait to dance with him. If you end up doing the 4-person dance, that does not mean you cannot dance with your dad later (it just doesn't have to be a "spotlight" dance). 

    Also, I don't think you should feel obligated to do this Thriller dance simply because your FI's family is paying to fly up their family from Hawaii. I'm not really sure how that is related (though, of course that is very kind of them). If you want to do the dance, do it. If not, don't. But again, I think you should just speak to your dad, and also communicate your feelings/concerns to your FI.

    FTR, I am not a fan of group choreographed dances either. It's funny, but after the first minute or so, I'm over it. Personally as a guest, I would be more excited to see you dance with your dad, especially if this surprise is something really important to him.
    SP29
  • Oh yea, I forgot to add that the reason he wanted to do this is because his wheelchair is so big that slow dancing is not really possible, but dancing with me was important to him. 

    So no coreographed dances... so best not to just do thriller as a "four of us father daughter dance" or best to each do a set of dancing and include my dad's surprise? Or any other ideas then? I just can't figure out what to do and I know it's important to my dad.
    Definitely no Thriller. This will look like y'all are trying to do a talent show. 

    I would just have one dance per father/daughter pair. Whatever y'all decide to do for your dance, cool. Whatever they decide to do, cool. 

    There really shouldn't be a ton of spotlight dances. Typically it's 3 - spouse 1/parent, spouse 2/parent, spouses. All 3 spotlight dances aren't usually longer than 10 or 15 minutes max. Any more than that and you're kind of just keeping guests from the bar.
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    Maggie0829
  • kittykyatkittykyat member
    10 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    If it were me and my dad was working really hard to surprise me and was super excited about it I would not want to take that away from him. That doesn't mean that your FI and her dad can't do something also. I don't think anyone will think of it as upstaging each other at all. You are just dancing with your dad. 

    Also, my parents are paying for the entire wedding, but I would never want my FI to not dance with his mom! They can do whatever they want. And knowing my FI and his family, it will probably be hilarious. I would not think of that as upstaging my family. It would just make the whole thing more awesome IMO. 

    ETA: I also wouldn't ask my dad what he preferred. Obviously, if thats what he wanted to do and was planning on then that is what he would prefer. And you asking puts him in a weird position to feel like he has to choose what you want. 


  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you and your dad have something planned, or he has something planned for you, and that's what you'd like to do, I'd stick with it.

    I'd get your FI to tell her dad, "It's important to lissa and her dad to dance together, so lets just you and I dance together too!". You don't have to turn down your FFIL's idea per se, just have him understand that dancing specifically with your dad (and your FI with her dad) is what is most important. 

    (Otherwise I agree, unless you're pro, choreographed dances lose their luster after 1-2 mins). 
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What was the original question?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What was the original question?
    She wanted to know if it was okay if she and her dad "surprised" the guests with a choreographed dance to Thriller by Michael Jackson.
  • justsiejustsie member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Jen4948 said:
    What was the original question?
    She wanted to know if it was okay if she and her dad "surprised" the guests with a choreographed dance to Thriller by Michael Jackson.
    I thought the Thriller dance was for the bride and grooms family to do together, and she knew her dad was trying to plan some other surprise and wanted to know if more than one would be overkill. 
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What was the original question?
    I'm curious as well And this is why we should always quote the OP!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    justsie said:
    Jen4948 said:
    What was the original question?
    She wanted to know if it was okay if she and her dad "surprised" the guests with a choreographed dance to Thriller by Michael Jackson.
    I thought the Thriller dance was for the bride and grooms family to do together, and she knew her dad was trying to plan some other surprise and wanted to know if more than one would be overkill. 
    Whether the choreographed dance was to be to Thriller or not, she and her dad were trying to "surprise" the guests with it.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    Why the DD?

    Probably because someone got their feelers hurt.
    pinupbride6189
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It was something to the effect of her dad was in a wheelchair and has trouble with slow dancing but wanted to do something that was a surprise, and her fiancee's dad wanted the four of them to do Thriller instead.



  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @lissalovekelsie Deleting your post is considered rude on a forum, as others learn from the posts of others. And changing your title to "x" will only draw more attention afterwards.

    OP's dad was going to surprise her with a dance. OP's FI's dad wanted the 4 of them to do a choreographed dance to Thriller. OP felt she would hurt feelings either way.

    Really not sure why it was deleted- no one said anything offensive, I don't see why the OP would have any hurt feelings. The consensus was for the OP to stick to the dance with her dad- which sounded like what the OP originally wanted. 
  • I came for the DD.  I read the original post last night.  OP. there was absolutely NO reason for you to delete your post.  It is very, very rude to do this after people have taken the trouble to help you.
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  • sorry! I hadn't posted anything before and my fiance mentioned I put a lot of info in that post for anyone looking, like a family member looking it up, so I tried to make it private or adjust text and put those in while I figured out what to say.. but I had no idea it saved like that (it was on my phone)! (I am not the most tech savvy person) I will try to fix it once I figure out how I got to that page again!

    I don't know what DD means though, and no, no feelings hurt here, I appreciate all the help! But thanks for assuming I am rude, people on these forums are pretty judgy, wow!

    Original question was: If I do a special type of dance with my dad (hand dance to hip hop I think), does it look like we are leaving my fiance and her dad out? We are two brides, and her dad is involved in the wedding and my dad is not, also, they are more reserved than my family. My fiance's dad suggested we all 4 do Thriller, and he sounded disappointed that we planned something separate. I am not sure what to do now. The reason we were going to do something different is because he is in a large electric wheelchair which would make dancing very difficult.


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