advice already received, thank u

thestaircase · June 2015

edit: advice already received, thank u

huskypuppy14 · June 2015

thestairs said:

Sorry, VERY LONG post ahead...
I have a husband that always let me have things my way so I can be happy. He doesn't argue with me, he doesn't talk back to me. I wish sometimes he would stop let me have things my way. And for once let himself have things HIS ways instead.

When we dated and he wanted marriage. Every couple days be would brought up the marriage topic. He said he wants to get married and if I want it too, we can get married. His whenever I'm ready, he just waitng on me.
I didn't answer him, I drag it on for couple months; and every couple days she would asked and asked again and gain. He pretty much throw the ball at my court and let me decided when I'm ready to get married.

He didn't get down on his knee when he wants to propose for marriage, but... he doesn't mind kneel down on one of his knee if that make me feel better about my height.
I'm 4'11, he is 6'1 so we have 14 inches difference in height. When we have serious talk, we can't stand next to each others and talk. I am ridiculously short next to him, so I always have to look up to his face.
I would complain and make comments like: "Your so tall, I have to look up in order to look at your eyes."
Then he would kneel down on one of his knee, so I don't have to look up to him when I talk. I know he doing this only to make me feel better about my height.

I'm good at cook Chinese food. I have no problem cooking him different Chinese dishes everyday for him to eat the whole month. But I know he likes to eat his culture food.
So I learn it from my mother in-law, I also buy his culture food books so I can learn more on how to cook his cultural dishes. I ask him, what do he likes to eat, give me a list and I will cook for him.
And he answered, he eat anything that his wife cook. Pretty much he said, it doesn't matter what type of dishes I cook, as long as I cook it, he's happy to eat it.

He works 2 jobs so his income is more than mine. He always offer to pay more on Rent/Bills because he makes more income. But I said No, I said I want to be fair, because we both bring in income. I also work, I have my own source of income.
I said I want to take turn pay Rent, and we split Bills to help each others. This month I pay rent, next month he pay rent. Grocery is this time I pay, next time he pay, etc...
I give him the look like he's not listening to his wife. He said alright, he let me have it my way as I insist. But he said that when he die he going to leave all his money to me anyway, this he said I have no choice, lol

We live in a cheap rent bad area neighborhood right now. Because of the cheap rent, the environment here is not good at all. We both agree that we will not raise a new born baby here.
Since we both poor, so we plan to buy a Foreclosure house or a small house. Buy a Foreclosure house is cheaper, we can get out of this bad neighborhood faster.
All our lives we both are Debt-Free, so I told my husband that I aim at 50% house down-payment, so we have less mortage and pay off our mortgage faster.
He doesn't even talk back to me. He said 'Alright, anything you want', himself he went to find a second job. Working his butt off 2 jobs everyday to fulfill what I aim at.

He did promise that after I became his wife, he will listen to what I say. And the first thing I say is I aim at 50% house down-payment. He said as a husband he will make it happen for me, even if that means he have to work 3 jobs; to faster achieve my goal.
But I said No! I do not let him work 3 jobs, because I don't think we can have time with each others if he work that much.

Fortunately, his 2nd job is just temporary for one year. Until next year when we buy a small foreclosure house he will be back working 1 job, it a better time to TTC
Right now everyday he work 12-14 hours including weekend. His local Truck driving job can be mentally tired; his mind always have to concentrate while driving on the road.
His Warehouse job sure is physically tired, because all he do is loading/Unloading, stacking, lifting, carrying heavy stuff all day.

He said if he stress from from work, he will sit in his car to think. He will not bring stress of work to home, he leave it outside as soon as he get out of the car.
Never once he complain a word to me about working 2 jobs. I'm sure his Warehouse job give him body ache and he is tired by the end of the day, but he never complain that he's tired or demand me for a massage.

He is very responsible with money, his whole life he is Debt-free and he is not a big spender at all.
He said he likes to work so he have no complain. He said he work hard so we can have enough money to buy a house, to save money for us and our baby future, and to save money for rainy days.
To him work is survival, work is to secure the future. He have an obsession with saving money, he make sure every month he puts in money in saving account just in case of rainy days.

okay, those are just few little examples. Eversince we dating till marriage, he always let me have things my way so I can be happy. I wish for once he would let himself have things his ways instead. But he doesn't change, he still the same guy that I know 4 years ago, perhaps this is the way he is? Perhaps I should just learn to adapt to this because that is who he is?
Never once he raise his voice on me, let alone start argument with me. Sometimes I do want him to talk to me in the louder voice, and tell me what he wants, but he just doesn't do it. Is my husband NORMAL? How to fix this? How to get him to tell me what HE WANTS?

Who here find it to be a TURN OFF when a husband always let the wife have things her ways?
----------------------------------------------
How to get him to be assertive and tell me what HE WANTS, instead of always what I want.
He doesn't tell me what he wants, how about HIS needs? What do HE wants? Well, he tell me that he wants a baby to complete our family. But beside that, I want him to tell me more on what he wants.
With the way he is, I'm not sure if he ready to be a dad. He will just overly spoil his children and give them everything they want.

If you make it through this far, from the post you see he always like that, and it irritate me. Because man suppose to know what he wants right? He should have complain, he should be assertive, he should raise his voice on me if needed.
But never once he raise his voice on me, let alone argue with me.

I told him that if a couple doesn't argue at all, that means one is not fully happy. Because one have to hold back to try to make the other happy. And he anwered me that he's happy, and he doesn't see any problem in our marriage.

He will be working 2 jobs until next year. Next year when we have enough money for a small house down-payment, then he be back working 1 job.
We do try to spend time together as much as we can. He phone me every time he on break from work.
Even when he come home late from work, we spend all the hours together until he sleeps.

We do try to communicate, when we in bed together, we talk alot. He tell me about his day at work, he talks about everything,. We talk about random daily things, and we both laugh, we jokes, we giggles.
He tell me about his work schedules, what he be doing tomorrow, where he be going tomorrow, etc...

I don't think we have communication problem, everyday we talk alot with each others about everrything. Perhaps we have communication problem but we don't realize yet?

I suggest you go to a marriage counselor. I don't think you'll find the answers you need on this forum.

VulgarGirl · June 2015

Don't marry someone if you hope to change them. Marrying someone in hopes to change them is an excellent way to get a divorce.

This when you're his wife he'll listen to what you say shit is bullshit though. You're partners now. You're planning a life together. If he won't listen to you or take you seriously now that isn't going to change when you get a ring on your finger.

And no, he should not raise his voice to you just because he's a man. That doesn't make a lick of sense.

You're talking to each other alright. But you aren't listing to each other. Asking how his day was and what's his schedule for tomorrow and hey did you see that thing on the news is not effective communication. You need to actually talk about your plans for the future and get on the same page. And that does mean one of you tells the other one how it will be. It means you communicate and compromise until you find a happy medium.

mikenberger · June 2015

Since you will not go to therapy, you're going to have a tough time.

lyndausvi · June 2015

I also suggest some counseling.

FWIW - DH and I rarely argue. DH has NEVER raised his voice at me. I can't recalled raising my voice to him either. Raising your voice doesn't make your point/comment/opinion more valid than expressing it in a normal tone. If anything raising your voice escalates situations. We are happy.

If he does everything you want and wants to make you happy, how hard is it to say "it would make me happy if you decide "x" issues"?

sarawifenow · June 2015

Sorry I glazed over a couple of times.

So are you saying you want your husband to not give you what you want? You mention that you insist on things but then complain that your husband always gives in to you.

Also, I am confused on why you are upset about the height difference?

You knew all of these things going into the marriage.

Maggie0829 · June 2015

So because you don't argue that has led you to assume that he is unhappy. And you think he is unhappy because he doesn't have any issue with letting you make the final decision on things.

Is that right?

redoryx · June 2015

thestairs said:

If you make it through this far, from the post you see he always like that, and it irritate me. Because man suppose to know what he wants right? He should have complain, he should be assertive, he should raise his voice on me if needed.
But never once he raise his voice on me, let alone argue with me.

I told him that if a couple doesn't argue at all, that means one is not fully happy. Because one have to hold back to try to make the other happy. And he anwered me that he's happy, and he doesn't see any problem in our marriage.

He will be working 2 jobs until next year. Next year when we have enough money for a small house down-payment, then he be back working 1 job.
We do try to spend time together as much as we can. He phone me every time he on break from work.
Even when he come home late from work, we spend all the hours together until he sleeps.

We do try to communicate, when we in bed together, we talk alot. He tell me about his day at work, he talks about everything,. We talk about random daily things, and we both laugh, we jokes, we giggles.
He tell me about his work schedules, what he be doing tomorrow, where he be going tomorrow, etc...

I don't think we have communication problem, everyday we talk alot with each others about everrything. Perhaps we have communication problem but we don't realize yet?

I think you have some idea in your head of what a man is "supposed" to be but your FI isn't like that and if he's not like that now, he's not going to magically become that just because you're married. And that's okay -- my exes were assertive and argumentative and it annoyed the crap out of me. I'm much happier with my SO now who isn't like that at all.

I also don't understand the logic that if a couple doesn't argue that means someone is holding back. Like, that makes no sense. It sounds like he actually is happy with your relationship as is and you are the one that's unhappy.

This isn't something we can fix. You need a counselor.

VulgarGirl · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

So because you don't argue that has led you to assume that he is unhappy. And you think he is unhappy because he doesn't have any issue with letting you make the final decision on things.

Is that right?

He should try just picking fights with her for no real reason.

"Oh it looks like a nice day out", "FUCK YOU I HATE SUNSHINE AND COOL WEATHER!!!" and then it'll be ok.

OliveOilsMom · June 2015

Just because you are now married doesn't mean fundamental things will change about your relationship. If he always would let you decide on things or let you have your way, that would most likely stay the same after marriage. Height too, if you are so hung up on your height differences, did you think you would be suddenly over that after you got married?

H & I also hardly argue. We have been together for 6 1/2 years now and I could probably count on one hand the times we have argued. So just because you do not argue with each other, doesn't mean your H is holding himself back.

Since you are married, why don't you look into getting your finances joined. You seem to have a very his money/my money mentality. While keeping separate finances for married couples works for many people, it may be beneficial for you to combine them. That way all the household money goes into one joint account and all bills/rent are paid with that account. You can still have separate accounts for fun money.

thestaircase · June 2015

edit: advice already received, thank u

Maggie0829 · June 2015

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

Go. To. Counseling.

What needs are you even talking about? Like emotional needs? Physical needs? Every day, "I need shampoo can you get me some" needs?

Second bolded, why do you think that he is keeping things bottled up? I feel like you are assuming a lot.

And how the heck are we supposed to give you an answer to the third bolded?

VulgarGirl · June 2015

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

First, you brought up how you pay your bills. If it has nothing to do with you could have clipped that section out of a far too long post about how your husband (or FI? I'm not clear) isn't mean enough to you and doesn't fight with you enough.

Second, just like how we aren't therapists we are also not financial advisers. Go speak to one about getting a house.

lyndausvi · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

Go. To. Counseling.

What needs are you even talking about? Like emotional needs? Physical needs? Every day, "I need shampoo can you get me some" needs?

Second bolded, why do you think that he is keeping things bottled up? I feel like you are assuming a lot.

And how the heck are we supposed to give you an answer to the third bolded?

Wait..... I'm confused. Are finances irrelevant or not? Cause I'm pretty sure knowing if he should quit we might have to comment on finances.

No, too logical?

Maggie0829 · June 2015

Way too logical Lynda. And don't forget, even though she brought up finances/money we aren't allowed to comment on it because it has nothing to do with her problem. Yet it actually does, but doesn't at the same time.

redoryx · June 2015

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

Have you asked him?

[Deleted User] · June 2015

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

_________________________________BOXES?

To the bolded... Why don't you ask him? (rather than accusing him of being unhappy since you don't fight?

It sounds like you take charge a lot in the relationship, so maybe take a step back the next time it comes to a decision, and let him state his opinion first.

I think instead of talking to a forum of strangers, you should be talking to your H.

OliveOilsMom · June 2015

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

You brought up your financial situation, so in some way it must be relevant. You seemed very upset that your H makes more money than you and offers to pay more of the bills. So my suggestion was to get a joint account, so that you can stop seeing the money as "his and hers", but to start seeing the money as "ours".

We can't tell you if your H should quit his 2nd job. We don't know your finances, your monthly money goals, bills, etc. How could any of us tell you that your H should quit his job? You need to speak to a financial counselor to help you get your money straightened out.

Foreclosures can have lots of hidden problems in them. So just because the house is cheaper to start, doesn't mean that you will have more money because your mortgage will be lower than your rent. You could end up putting out more money a month just trying to keep up with all of the neglect that the foreclosure has faced.

lyndausvi · June 2015

redoryx said:

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

Have you asked him?

There you go with the logic.

redoryx · June 2015

lyndausvi said:

redoryx said:

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

Have you asked him?

There you go with the logic.

I actually have to wonder how much of this is a language/cultural issue.

mikenberger · June 2015

redoryx said:

lyndausvi said:

redoryx said:

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

Have you asked him?

There you go with the logic.

I actually have to wonder how much of this is a language/cultural issue.

I'm going to guess 99% of this and her prior posts are the differences in culture.

VulgarGirl · June 2015

I bet he wants pie. Give him some pie.

MyNameIsNot · June 2015

thestairs said:

Thank you, but how I personally pay my Rent/Bills is irrelevant in my topic.
I do appreciated the money advice though, thank you.

How me and my husband deal with our financial is between us. Different strokes for different folks, what work for me might not work for others or vice versa.
Me and my husband never argue about money because it all fair for both of us, there nothing to argue about.

How we pay for Rent/Bill is irrelevant in my topic. I work so it is my income, I am entitle to pay my Rent/Bill which ever ways I see fit.
If I want to equally fairly pay my 50% share of all Rent/Mortgage/Bills with my husband, then that is how I do it. This is between me and him, and if he got a problem with it, he can say it to me.
I ask in this thread because my husband doesn't tell me what HIS needs are, what do HE wants? And I don't know how to communicate that effectively to him.
He always try to make me happy. I don't want him to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode.
Or perhaps I just have a down to earth, relaxed, easygoing husband. Perhaps he not holding up anything inside. Maybe I'm just over-analyzed.

I was wondering, should my husband quit his 2nd job? We are buying a Foreclosure house, so it cheaper. Should we stick with the 50% house down-payment? More down-payment means less mortgage, and we are able to pay off our mortgage faster.

You do realize that the two bolded sentences are completely contradictory, right? You say that if he has a problem, he can bring it up with you, and then you say that he can't communicate problems to you.

He did tell you that he wanted to pay proportionally more, but you told him no. He did communicate with you, but agreed to do it your way.

If you don't want people to comment on your financial structure/problems, don't put that information out there, and don't ask questions about them.

thestaircase · June 2015

edit: advice already received, thank u

Maggie0829 · June 2015

[Deleted User] · June 2015

thestairs said:

I'm sorry. I'm not good at wording, I'm not good at express myself, so if anything in my post is offended, I apologize.
I'm sorry for my wordy post, I will practice write shorter post, I'm not good at wording. English is my third language, my Englsih grammars is terrible I know. Thank you for make it through my post.
This is first marriage for both of us, so I still have alot of things to learn from all the mmarriage couple out there.
What I don't want is I don't want my husband to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode. I heard that couples that don't fight, they tends to hold things inside. Because they always try to make their partner satisfy, but eventually one day they can't take it anymore.
Yes, I talk to my hudsabhnd. My husband likes to talk. When he see there something bothering me, he would said: "Baby, talk to me."
He tell me about his day at work, he talks about everything. We talk about random daily things, and we both laugh, we jokes, we giggles.
Never once I cling to him, he cling to me when he home. I don't nag him, I give him alot of space.
I'm the aloof one in the relationship, he is the affectionate one. Which I'm still trying to adapt to his love language. We did take the Love Language quiz.
His love language is "Physical Touch".
My love language is "Acts of Service".
Yes, it partly because of our cultural difference too. Sometimes I feel that he suppress himself and go along with what I want; so I can be happy, so this marriage canwork. I don't want him to bjuidl up resentment and explode one day.
Is there any signs that a spouse is building up resentment day by day?
There someone tell me that her husband and her never argue one day in their marriage. And after so many years, her husband finally exploded and turn 180 different, and their marraige broke down. I really hope this is not my case, I don't even know if we can make it that long in our marriage.

We don't fight. We're both happy. Don't go looking for trouble.

His love language is physical touch. When he stops touching you, THAT'S when you can start being worried. My love language is also physical touch. When my future husband makes me mad, I don't let him touch me. Then he knows he did something wrong.

artbyallie · June 2015

You know, I don't understand how it's 'fair' to pay half the bills when you make less than half of the income in the relationship.

VulgarGirl · June 2015

adk19 said:

thestairs said:

I'm sorry. I'm not good at wording, I'm not good at express myself, so if anything in my post is offended, I apologize.
I'm sorry for my wordy post, I will practice write shorter post, I'm not good at wording. English is my third language, my Englsih grammars is terrible I know. Thank you for make it through my post.
This is first marriage for both of us, so I still have alot of things to learn from all the mmarriage couple out there.
What I don't want is I don't want my husband to keep hold it and build up resentment day by day, and one day he will explode. I heard that couples that don't fight, they tends to hold things inside. Because they always try to make their partner satisfy, but eventually one day they can't take it anymore.
Yes, I talk to my hudsabhnd. My husband likes to talk. When he see there something bothering me, he would said: "Baby, talk to me."
He tell me about his day at work, he talks about everything. We talk about random daily things, and we both laugh, we jokes, we giggles.
Never once I cling to him, he cling to me when he home. I don't nag him, I give him alot of space.
I'm the aloof one in the relationship, he is the affectionate one. Which I'm still trying to adapt to his love language. We did take the Love Language quiz.
His love language is "Physical Touch".
My love language is "Acts of Service".
Yes, it partly because of our cultural difference too. Sometimes I feel that he suppress himself and go along with what I want; so I can be happy, so this marriage canwork. I don't want him to bjuidl up resentment and explode one day.
Is there any signs that a spouse is building up resentment day by day?
There someone tell me that her husband and her never argue one day in their marriage. And after so many years, her husband finally exploded and turn 180 different, and their marraige broke down. I really hope this is not my case, I don't even know if we can make it that long in our marriage.

We don't fight. We're both happy. Don't go looking for trouble.

His love language is physical touch. When he stops touching you, THAT'S when you can start being worried. My love language is also physical touch. When my future husband makes me mad, I don't let him touch me. Then he knows he did something wrong.

When my wife does something that makes me mad I tell her "That thing you did/did not do upset me/hurt me/pissed me off because of these reasons". Cause...we just talk shit out.

Bunch of werido lesbians over here. Communicating about feelings. Not making anyone guess.

lyndausvi · June 2015

artbyallie said:

You know, I don't understand how it's 'fair' to pay half the bills when you make less than half of the income in the relationship.

ditto. My DH makes more, so he pays more.

Paying rent every other month would drive me crazy. I like having set bills every month.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

lyndausvi said:

artbyallie said:

You know, I don't understand how it's 'fair' to pay half the bills when you make less than half of the income in the relationship.

ditto. My DH makes more, so he pays more.

Paying rent every other month would drive me crazy. I like having set bills every month.

I couldn't get through the OP, so I didn't see that. FH and I each contribute money out of every paycheck to a joint checking account that our mortgage gets paid out of. He puts in 3/5ths, I put in 2/5ths of the amount that gets deposited every two weeks on payday. He makes just under twice what I make, but I'd be paying more if I lived alone, so we're both happy with the arrangement. (He also pays my phone bill and the internet/cable bills, so it really is more properly even according to what we both make.)

But again, stop looking for troubles. I think if you go tell him that he needs to be mad at you, yell at you, tell you what you're doing wrong, he's going to actually start to be unhappy.

thestaircase · June 2015

edit: advice already received, thank u

advice already received, thank u

Re: advice already received, thank u

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