Hello! An etiquette question

OliveOilsMom · June 2015

You know guys, I think you aren't giving OP the benefit of the doubt. I was the DD at my sister's b-party. It was truly the best night ever! Especially when one of the other BMs got so drunk and wandered away from the bar, me being the sober one had to go out and find her. It was truly a once in a lifetime experience that has brought me and my sister closer together. I don't think you guys know what your talking about!

AuroraRose41 · June 2015

STARMOON44 said:

Knottie1433279058 said:

It's just that weddings are once in a lifetime. And I don't have a sister. I wanted to have a sister bond with her.

I understand that I'm not the only one getting married, but I feel that, since I'm the one in the family getting married, it should be my time to shine...I've been waiting my whole life for this and I just want to share my joy.

I don't think she should care more about my wedding at all, but not coming to the bachelorette because her daughter has a dance class and she doesn't drink? She could be DD! it's a fun night out! Lighten up!

MIL and I agree that she's not being very festive about it, but I guess that's just her. I'm still anoyed.

BOXES

Listen, you won't have a sister bond with her if all you talk about is your wedding. That isn't the way to get closer to her. The way to get closer to her is to actually talk to her, not at her. Ask her about herself and figure out things you have in common. That's how you get close to people.

And pro-tip: once you are close to people in this way, many times they will get excited for you, because you have been a good friend to them and they are happy for their friend.
I don't think you understand how sisters work. Mine would die laughing if I expected her to care about daily wedding updates.

******************Boxes****************************

Was that directed at me or the OP? I never advocated for daily wedding updates. I think that's insane no matter what relationship you have with someone.

OP mentioned wanting her FSIL to be more excited in general about OP's wedding. All I was trying to say is that it's hard for someone to be excited for you about anything when you show little to no interest in their lives.

KeptInStitches · June 2015

AuroraRose41 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Knottie1433279058 said:

It's just that weddings are once in a lifetime. And I don't have a sister. I wanted to have a sister bond with her.

I understand that I'm not the only one getting married, but I feel that, since I'm the one in the family getting married, it should be my time to shine...I've been waiting my whole life for this and I just want to share my joy.

I don't think she should care more about my wedding at all, but not coming to the bachelorette because her daughter has a dance class and she doesn't drink? She could be DD! it's a fun night out! Lighten up!

MIL and I agree that she's not being very festive about it, but I guess that's just her. I'm still anoyed.

BOXES

Listen, you won't have a sister bond with her if all you talk about is your wedding. That isn't the way to get closer to her. The way to get closer to her is to actually talk to her, not at her. Ask her about herself and figure out things you have in common. That's how you get close to people.

And pro-tip: once you are close to people in this way, many times they will get excited for you, because you have been a good friend to them and they are happy for their friend.
I don't think you understand how sisters work. Mine would die laughing if I expected her to care about daily wedding updates.

******************Boxes****************************

Was that directed at me or the OP? I never advocated for daily wedding updates. I think that's insane no matter what relationship you have with someone.

OP mentioned wanting her FSIL to be more excited in general about OP's wedding. All I was trying to say is that it's hard for someone to be excited for you about anything when you show little to no interest in their lives.

I'm more than 99% sure that was directed at OP.

Knottie45547263 · June 2015

Knottie1433279058 said:

Hello ladies! I got engaged in May and am getting married in November...we have been together for a year and are very happy, so why wait?

Anyway, he has one brother who is married. His wife is my age, with a daughter. I thought we could have a bond as sisters because I don't have siblings. Well, she was a bridesmaid and I'm starting to get very annoyed.

I'm clearly very excited about the wedding and have been very busy with it. My future MIL doesn't really like her, but she loves me so she's a great help. Anyway, My future SIL had a party for her daughter's 6th birthday which I didn't attend. I fibbed and said I had to work, but I was hungover and she found out. She got upset and has kept a distance from me. I text her wedding updates and countdown everyday to which she never responds. I sent her messages on Facebook letting her know about my registry, shower and bachelorette party and nothing. I had my fiance reach out to her husband and he said, " She's really got a lot going on...and it's a two way street."

ARE YOU SERIOUS?????

I asked her to be in my wedding! How is that not caring about her or her family? I'm about ready to ask her NOT to be in it...

My questions are: What would you do? And if I ask her to leave the bridal party, How soon should I do it? Should I still include her in my Bachelorette and shower?

Thanks!

*****You didn't care enough for her or her family when you skipped her 6yo's b-day party because you were hungover (should have planned that better). Since you skipped this event that was important to her - why should she care about every annoying detail about your wedding? While she's being childish - I can see where she's coming from. I'd also be annoyed by the updates. No one cares as much as you do so I'd lay off sending so many reminders and such,

AddieCake · June 2015

MUD/Troll

pegasuskat · June 2015

If this isn't mud - then your up there with one of the worst brides ever, sorry for you future SIL. Also, if your getting married in Nov. why are you having your Bach. party already?

AuroraRose41 · June 2015

KeptInStitches said:

AuroraRose41 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Knottie1433279058 said:

It's just that weddings are once in a lifetime. And I don't have a sister. I wanted to have a sister bond with her.

I understand that I'm not the only one getting married, but I feel that, since I'm the one in the family getting married, it should be my time to shine...I've been waiting my whole life for this and I just want to share my joy.

I don't think she should care more about my wedding at all, but not coming to the bachelorette because her daughter has a dance class and she doesn't drink? She could be DD! it's a fun night out! Lighten up!

MIL and I agree that she's not being very festive about it, but I guess that's just her. I'm still anoyed.

BOXES

Listen, you won't have a sister bond with her if all you talk about is your wedding. That isn't the way to get closer to her. The way to get closer to her is to actually talk to her, not at her. Ask her about herself and figure out things you have in common. That's how you get close to people.

And pro-tip: once you are close to people in this way, many times they will get excited for you, because you have been a good friend to them and they are happy for their friend.
I don't think you understand how sisters work. Mine would die laughing if I expected her to care about daily wedding updates.

******************Boxes****************************

Was that directed at me or the OP? I never advocated for daily wedding updates. I think that's insane no matter what relationship you have with someone.

OP mentioned wanting her FSIL to be more excited in general about OP's wedding. All I was trying to say is that it's hard for someone to be excited for you about anything when you show little to no interest in their lives.

I'm more than 99% sure that was directed at OP.

I see @STARMOON44 loved your comment, so I assume that was directed at OP too. Sorry about that Starmoon, and I fully agree with you.

madamerwin · June 2015

Ok, I almost believed this was a real person from the first post, but the later responses from the OP cemented my belief that OP is a troll. BUT - unlike the toll last week who hit all the buzzwords in the first post, at least this one eased in to it. Still too obvious for my taste, but kudos for your effort.

I give semi-conspicuous troll a B-.

perdonami · June 2015

Knottie1433279058 said:

It's just that weddings are once in a lifetime. And I don't have a sister. I wanted to have a sister bond with her.

I understand that I'm not the only one getting married, but I feel that, since I'm the one in the family getting married, it should be my time to shine...I've been waiting my whole life for this and I just want to share my joy.

I don't think she should care more about my wedding at all, but not coming to the bachelorette because her daughter has a dance class and she doesn't drink? She could be DD! it's a fun night out! Lighten up!

MIL and I agree that she's not being very festive about it, but I guess that's just her. I'm still anoyed.

::boxes::

Im sure this is a troll but if not, you sound like a drunk as you are incapable of understanding your friend's needs/priorities over your selfish drunken shenanigans. As a result, I call troll.

MyNameIsNot · June 2015

Knottie45547263 said:

Knottie1433279058 said:

Hello ladies! I got engaged in May and am getting married in November...we have been together for a year and are very happy, so why wait?

Anyway, he has one brother who is married. His wife is my age, with a daughter. I thought we could have a bond as sisters because I don't have siblings. Well, she was a bridesmaid and I'm starting to get very annoyed.

I'm clearly very excited about the wedding and have been very busy with it. My future MIL doesn't really like her, but she loves me so she's a great help. Anyway, My future SIL had a party for her daughter's 6th birthday which I didn't attend. I fibbed and said I had to work, but I was hungover and she found out. She got upset and has kept a distance from me. I text her wedding updates and countdown everyday to which she never responds. I sent her messages on Facebook letting her know about my registry, shower and bachelorette party and nothing. I had my fiance reach out to her husband and he said, " She's really got a lot going on...and it's a two way street."

ARE YOU SERIOUS?????

I asked her to be in my wedding! How is that not caring about her or her family? I'm about ready to ask her NOT to be in it...

My questions are: What would you do? And if I ask her to leave the bridal party, How soon should I do it? Should I still include her in my Bachelorette and shower?

Thanks!

*****You didn't care enough for her or her family when you skipped her 6yo's b-day party because you were hungover (should have planned that better). Since you skipped this event that was important to her - why should she care about every annoying detail about your wedding? While she's being childish - I can see where she's coming from. I'd also be annoyed by the updates. No one cares as much as you do so I'd lay off sending so many reminders and such,

___________________________BOXES___________________________

Dafuq? How on earth is this fictitious SIL being childish?

[Deleted User] · June 2015

What did I just read?

aurianna · June 2015

I just read this but I'm disappointed it took almost a whole page before someone called MUD.

madamerwin · June 2015

aurianna said:

I just read this but I'm disappointed it took almost a whole page before someone called MUD.

Me too! From the OP's first response after the original post, it seemed fishy. Honestly, I thought everyone was being a little too nice by indulging the troll.

Hello! An etiquette question

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