Spinoff from Etiquette thread - who paid and what were the requirements?

beachyone15 · June 2015

This thread got me wondering. My parents and DH's parents generously helped us with our wedding. We were fortunate in that they didn't have many requirements except for the guest list which we all had a hand in putting together. Both sets of parents also helped with the seating chart.
There was only one other requirement from my mom when it came to picking out flowers - absolutely no carnations. That's random, but ok mom.
What about you guys? Did someone else contribute to your wedding, and if so, what were their "requirements"?

ShesSoCold · June 2015

My mom bought my dress but that was it.

H's mom offered to help us financially if we invited like 90 more people (to a 30 person wedding) and we declined for obvious reasons. Also because it will be a cold day in hell before we take anything from her.

novella1186 · June 2015

H's parents gave us a specific amount to match the amount that they had contributed to SIL's wedding, because they wanted to be "fair and equal" to both their kids. But they gave it to us-- really, honestly-- with no strings attached. So we used their money to cover some deposits, and to pay for the band and DJ. They tried a couple times to nudge us in the direction of a cash bar but that was the hill I died on.

My parents originally offered to pay for food and dessert, so I let them come to both tastings, help pick the menu, and they chose the bakery. But then my dad-- well we all know how that went. So we ended up declining their money and found a way to cover the cost ourselves.

So we paid for food, dessert, bar, attire, accessories, accommodations for ourselves, transportation, venue, florist, officiant, photographers, rehearsal dinner (although ILs unexpectedly pitched in on this the night of, which was awesome), HM, and of course WP gifts.

We ended up cutting out a lot of stuff we thought we'd be able to afford because of the fiasco with my parents; videographer, DOC, favors, flowers for ceremony decoration, a cake (we had assorted mini desserts), and some other random things but we didn't miss any of that.

Oh and my aunt insisted on paying for my shoes, a fancy clutch and earrings as an engagement/wedding gift, which was awesome.

lovemesomemonster · June 2015

My parents are generously helping with our wedding and has no requirements but likes to call me and hear about any planning I have done and I bounce ideas off her. They have always been very laid back so I figured it would go something like this. FI's mom had offered to help but I told her it wasn't necessary (we'll see if she takes that to heart, she's good at slipping money to us and refusing to take it back). FI's parents will be handling the rehearsal dinner which was very nice of them to offer and she loves planning things like that so she just asked if I had a list of places that we could do it at the lodge. Overall the planning process even with financial help from my parents has been very stress free.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

Ah, I am interested to hear from others. My parents just surprised me with a very generous amount of money for the wedding, which was a shock because initially they offered to simply cover the guests they wanted to invite (still very kind), which was also a surprise because since birth they have always said my wedding was on me! (Which I never minded at all.)

They have been quite pushy from the get-go, which I figured would be trouble when I was trying to wrangle my own budget to pay for everything. Now, it won't be a fight. The things they were insistent on were: family and a few of their friends on the guest list (fine), having a nice, sit-down dinner (NBD to me), providing a fully stocked bar (I was thinking wine, beer, and signature drinks), and going with a caterer who includes a day-of coordinator (I definitely wasn't planning on this, but I'm certainly happy about it!).

None of their wishes were anything crazy, so it hasn't ruffled my feathers. In reality they are just wiling to spend more money than I was, so it will just be less stressful. I'm super grateful for their help, and am secretly planning to use as little of their money as possible so I can give it back to them.

mikenberger · June 2015

My mom/stepdad, my dad and his parents each gave us an equal amount of cash. They had no input on what was spent where and how we did things. They each told us that they didn't mind us keeping all the money and saving it for a new house or vacation or whatever. We paid for all of the other expenses above what our parents gave us.

cupcait927 · June 2015

My mom gave us almost half of our total wedding budget, which was a very generous surprise. I knew she had some money set aside for me but wasn't sure how much until she gave me the check. I was free to use it however I wished with no requirements or strings. I did ask if there were any guests she wanted to invite (none) and brought her dress shopping with me, since part of the money went towards my dress. She was very laid back about all of it. She also threw my shower as well.

H's parents paid for our photographer, which was also a lovely surprise, and gave us a very generous wedding gift as well.

thisismynickname2 · June 2015

My parents gave us a set amount of cash to use however we felt was appropriate. DH's parents gave us over twice that amount, with the one string being the guest list.

Luckily, my in-laws were very generous. Between our parents' cash and what DH and I personally felt comfortable spending from our own bank accounts, we were able to host a really nice event (5 course meal, top shelf bar) for a relatively small crowd (budgeted for 80 people).

I paid for my attire, the officiant, the photographer and the DJ, and my bridesmaids' gifts. DH paid for his attire and GM gifts and our hotel, and he was budgeted for any overflow event costs. Our parents' cash covered the minimal decor and bridal party flowers and all-inclusive venue which was pretty much everything else you need to throw a reception.

southernbelle0915 · June 2015

My parents gave us a lump sum and said "this is your wedding gift - if you choose to use it toward the wedding fine. If you choose to elope and use it toward a house, fine." We used it toward the wedding. Paid for the rest of the wedding ourselves.

ILs wanted to host the RD, so they gave us a flat amount. We ended up subsidizing it because they didn't give us enough for what they wanted. But after disagreements with them about other stuff (e.g. they wanted to invite an extra 50 people to the wedding - we said no), we just ponied up quietly and said nothing.

OliveOilsMom · June 2015

My parents graciously paid for our reception and my dress. They also offered to pay for the flowers too, but we handled that. They also helped pay half of the RD, we were going to pay for that ourselves too, but my parents insisted on helping. So we covered the food and they covered the drinks, tax, and tip.

My parents toured all of the reception venues and together we decided which one. My parents had a favorite reception venue before we even went on the tours. It turned out that was the one that was the best value and the one I liked the most anyway. My dad was interested in one of the entrees that was an upsell. Once we found out that we would have needed an entrée count from each person to get that, he said nevermind (our venue had table side ordering for standard entrees). H & I picked the menu and had my parents oversee it, they were fine with it. My parents didn't demand extra guests above our initial guest list, just added family I had missed.

For my dress, I was only given a budget to stick with. And I came in under that.

For the RD, my parents did pick the restaurant. But didn't insist, I probably could have had it elsewhere if I wanted. My parents did pick the entrees and asked for specific waitresses, since they go to this place all the time and have their favorites. But I just didn't care what the entrees were, so that's why I let them run with it.

I found out after the fact that apparently my dad was a bit upset I didn't get married in their church. But we were still having a church wedding, it was just in H & I's parish and not my parents parish. I think my dad just wanted to see me complete my sacraments in the same church.

My mom would also randomly buy stuff for the wedding, but I never asked her to. Like for our favors, she bought some of the pretzel logs and all the bags for them. I think she also bought the tags for the favors, but I don't remember who bought them.

Overall, my parents never demanded that their money get used a certain way. I think they just trusted my judgment on stuff.

For my sister's wedding, I know they wanted to have the same reception venue as I did. But my sister wanted something different. My parents were fine with that so they found a different venue. They told me that my reception was better and they wished my sister didn't care about being different. If my sister had married first, she would have had her reception where I did, most likely. And, since I don't care about being different, I would have had my reception at the same place. I'm still dying to be invited to another wedding at my reception venue! The food was soooooooo good! And I would be able to fully enjoy cocktail hour there!

luckya23 · June 2015

FILs are paying for the RD, flowers, and cake... and maybe the church, but that wasn't really agreed on.

My mom offered to pay for the DJ and photographer but seems to be playing dumb when I say the DJ payment is due this week, so I guess maybe not! She paid for my dress and alterations.

FMIL and my mom each threw me a shower.

Our guest list pretty much belongs to both parents, and every time I'm stressed about the wedding, I call it "Laurie's party" (FMIL). There are about 20 people I personally care to have there. We should have eloped.

ETA: The "rehearsal dinner" is actually just another "Laurie's party" because we are only having witnesses, not a wedding party, so we could have easily just taken my BFF and FI's brother out to dinner. I don't even actually know who all she has invited, but I know she booked a place with a 25 person minimum.

chloe97 · June 2015

My parents gave us money that covers about 20% of the wedding expenses and FIs parents have offered to pay for the rest. We haven't decided what to accept yet from his parents at this point and I'm leaving that decision to FI. My parents and FMIL have been pretty hands off in the planning. My mom was pretty adamant that we invite all cousins with plus ones and my cousins kids, and though I could've told her "no", I feel like its a reasonable request. FMIL had a couple girlfriends that she wanted invited that FI didn't want to invite originally, but we gave in on bc it wasn't a hill to die on. Other than that her biggest request has been that we get the upgraded chairs, which I kind of wanted any way. She also wants champagne at the ceremony, which depending on what we accept from her, we may need to do. Also not a hill to die on and I'm sure some guests will love it. FILs are used to more formal, very well-hosted weddings at 5 star venues and my parents think we are being extravagant with our open-bar wedding, so im sure they are both less than pleased with some of the things we are planning, but I've been pretty happy with the way they've expressed their input so far.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2015

DH and I paid for the wedding ourselves.

My parents offered to give us a very generous amount but never actually did. Never count your money until it's in hand, right?!

DH's parents paid for and hosted the RD.

NowIamMrsKlein · June 2015

My mother paid for my dress. She said she would pay for anything up to 1000$, anything over I would have to pitch in for. My dress cost 600$, so she amazingly then stepped up and used the balance to pay for the bridesmaids dresses.

My parents are also paying for the catering which is probably our biggest bill. FI and I fully expected and are capable of paying for the entire wedding ourselves, so we were pretty gobsmacked for them to do this. We even fought with them over it being too much and offering to split it with them haha. Their only 'string' persay was that we didn't go and choose the most expensive food.

We didn't expect any money from FMIL &FFIL and specifically declined all their offers because FI has a debt with them from his early 20's and while they have 'forgiven' it, we were not comfortable accepting any money from them based on that. However last time we saw them they gave my FI a card saying it was our wedding present and they wanted us to have it ahead of time. It was enough money to cover our honeymoon.

Definitely through this process, and reading a lot of crazy stories on here I realise how lucky I am to have such a generous and laid back family. They simply want to help out and don't expect anything in return. Seriously, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve my family and my inlaws!!!

onefootinthebayou · June 2015

DH's family paid for the RD & a list of bouquets/bouts that MIL believed the groom's family should pay for. She's a bit old fashioned, Southern, traditional so although I felt guilty having her pay for flowers that I could afford, I let her do it. Fortunately, I am able to consult my SIL on how to handle offers from MIL. Because we were local in Nola at the time and MIL was remote, we actually did a lot of the planning/selection for the RD. It was nice to have that freedom although she did want to shoehorn a bunch more people onto the guest list who were not WP or immediate family (a limitation we all agreed on based on the size of the WP and the venue limitations). However, we moved things around to accommodate her since she was the hostess.

DH paid for the photographer since I had the flu the week we needed to book him!

My father gave me an extremely generous check to do with what I wished. I also felt guilty about this and tried to refuse but apparently he and my mother have had this in a fund for about 20 years hoping I would get married. Haha. It's also the same amount they contributed to my brother's wedding and my parents are extremely rigorous about treating the two of us equally when it comes to money. Wedding's over & I can say with confidence there were absolutely no strings with Dad's check.

I paid for the rest. My balance was more than the other 3 contributions combined but I could afford it and I don't regret a dime.

banana468 · June 2015

My parents paid for the church, reception (venue came with food and alcohol and all the tables, chairs, etc), and my dress/fittings.

The ILs paid for the DJ, photographer and flowers.

DH and I paid for some of the vendor deposits, favors, the rest of my attire and our minimoon plus gifts for the WP.

MIL helped to choose the flowers and her dance w/ DH (where she turned into a lying manipulative person years later but that's a rant for a different day), and each mom chose their corsage.

My parents' request was that there was no gap between the ceremony and reception and that we kept it below a certain amt. pp.

simcal18 · June 2015

My parents and FILs are both giving us an equal and generous amount for our wedding. We didn't ask either of them for it--it just worked out that way. We're chipping in about an equal amount ourselves. So division of costs for everything (rehearsal dinner, ceremony/reception, and farewell brunch) will be approximately 33% my parents/33$ FILs/33% FI and I.

The only requests either set of parents have made have been guest list related, and we've had no problem with that. We've both had siblings get married in the past 5 years, so we were lucky that they had already been hashed out most of the family and family friend guest list discussions fairly recently. We've invited them along on venue tours, tastings, etc. as available, and they've appreciated the opportunity to be involved, but there's been no unwelcome or overly pushy input. My parents are overseas, and again both sets of parents have had children get married in the past 5 years, so none of our parents are chomping at the bit to take the planing reigns. They're just happy to celebrate with us and to help out financially, and we're very appreciative of their contributions.

kvruns · June 2015

My parents paid for about 60-70%. We paid for the rest. H's dad/stepmom paid for the rehearsal dinner which was pretty pricey (I wanted a cheaper option but they were happy with this place) and if I added it to the $$ spent on the wedding ceremony & reception then it would account for 8-10% (I'm not sure what the final dinner total was) of the total wedding spend.

No requests or anything from my parents really. I kept them in the loop on things and once I started talking about what we wanted, how much things cost then they said we'd like to give X amount of money. I never asked them for it, though I knew they would contribute something, but they said they wanted to understand how much things cost before deciding on an amount. Never once did they say we are paying so we get to dictate; they said you are an adult, we trust you to spend it however you see fit. Mom did say if I were younger they probably would have paid for it all and also would have wanted more input though not to the extend I've seen other Knotties experience. My parents know I've always been very budget conscious and even if I was given carte blanche still would have been very reasonable. Even up to the wedding mom kept saying she wished they had given more and asked if I needed more to pay for things but I told them they contributed more than enough.

I think both of our parents fell into the traditional who pays for what mindset. Right away his stepmom was like "we've got the rehearsal dinner" although for the most part we planned it and they paid. They live out of state and I had H give them some ideas on places and menus and his dad basically said pick whatever you want, price doesn't matter. I put my foot down on the menu a bit because I thought it was just too expensive for a RD (it was a set menu option instead of ordering from the menu), and H kept saying dad has money he doesn't care but I couldn't do it, probably saved a good $300+ doing it my way.

Edit: I guess the only thing I can think of is that we planned to invite my mom's aunts/uncles so grandma could see her siblings. I put my foot down at the suggestion that they also include some cousins who are representatives of the siblings who were gone, just because I don't know these people at all and I was fine to invite the aunts/uncles but not cousins. As it turned out none of them could come anyway (85-90 years old, traveling 2 hours). We knew way ahead none of them could come and my mom asked if she could then include a couple of her HS friends she wanted to invite but didn't put on the list due to keeping numbers lower. I said sure and we included them (their invites went out with all the others, so they didn't get an STD but that's it, no B list invite). We also still invited the older relatives even though we knew they couldn't make it and were prepared for the unlikely scenario they all were able to come after all. Mom was happy with it all.

kvruns · June 2015

lovemesomemonster said:

My parents are generously helping with our wedding and has no requirements but likes to call me and hear about any planning I have done and I bounce ideas off her. They have always been very laid back so I figured it would go something like this. FI's mom had offered to help but I told her it wasn't necessary (we'll see if she takes that to heart, she's good at slipping money to us and refusing to take it back). FI's parents will be handling the rehearsal dinner which was very nice of them to offer and she loves planning things like that so she just asked if I had a list of places that we could do it at the lodge. Overall the planning process even with financial help from my parents has been very stress free.

Your parents sound exactly like mine. Reading other Knottie stories makes me appreciate mine so much more, especially in the context of wedding planning

beachyone15 · June 2015

kvruns said:

lovemesomemonster said:

My parents are generously helping with our wedding and has no requirements but likes to call me and hear about any planning I have done and I bounce ideas off her. They have always been very laid back so I figured it would go something like this. FI's mom had offered to help but I told her it wasn't necessary (we'll see if she takes that to heart, she's good at slipping money to us and refusing to take it back). FI's parents will be handling the rehearsal dinner which was very nice of them to offer and she loves planning things like that so she just asked if I had a list of places that we could do it at the lodge. Overall the planning process even with financial help from my parents has been very stress free.

Your parents sound exactly like mine. Reading other Knottie stories makes me appreciate mine so much more, especially in the context of wedding planning

Ditto here. We brought our parents along to our tasting, the moms came with me wedding dress shopping, and we asked our parents if there were any specific songs they wanted the DJ to play. We kept them involved in the whole process because they were so laid back about everything and were so excited for us.
ILs also hosted the rehearsal dinner at their house which was awesome. I was a little surprised that his mom wanted to host a 50-person rehearsal dinner (our wedding was 100 people) but since it was her house, I figured she'd have it under control. And I have to say that I was relieved not to have to plan a RD, just have input on some of the food and then show up and enjoy it!

peachy13 · June 2015

FI and I are paying for most of it. The 2 year engagement has helped so much, with getting to pay for certain things early, and also for allowing us more time to save money.

FFIL is generously giving us 5K and paying for the RD, which he let us know about pretty much right after we got engaged. He gave us a few names of his friends to put on the guest list which was no problem at all.

My mother is paying for her friends on the guest list.

FWIW, I really like paying for the weddings ourselves. We have no one breathing down our neck telling us what to do, and my personal opinion on the matter is that my FI and I should be paying for the wedding. We're 30 years old with good jobs... our parents have supported us enough, why should they pay for our party?

abl13 · June 2015

We split the cost 40% (my parents) 40% (us) 20% (his parents). It actually worked out pretty well because that was about the split of the guest count. Our parents wanted us to invite their friends/coworkers which we did with no problem because we wanted a larger wedding. Ultimately they both just gave us checks and we paid all of the vendors ourselves. My parents looked at venues with us, both sets of parents went to the food tasting and we chose everything else ourselves. My mom wanted us to have flowers as our centerpieces but we did not so they ended up paying for those in addition to their initial contribution. Their contributions allowed us to have a cocktail hour with apps, a huge dinner with upgraded options, open bar, 3 kinds of cake and a late night snack. Overall I'd say it worked pretty well and there was no arguing or fighting. It did help that they gave us the checks upfront without us asking.

kaitlynmichelle · June 2015

We went into planning paying for the wedding 100% ourselves.

FIL payed for our room at the venue, which was part of our package so we worked out what the value was. He did that because he wanted all of his kids together, so he paid for rooms for H's brothers and their spouses. Then realized he hadn't paid for ours, so he even asked the venue to upgrade our room.

Up until the wedding itself, we paid for everything else. FIL ended up covering the bills for the rehersal dinner and wedding dinner (party of 14 so we ate in the dining room of our venue instead of catering in a private room). My parents picked up most of the alcohol bill that night too.

No strings. FIL did offer to pay 100% of the wedding with the catch it had to be in Ontario at the family cottage. I did consider it but I didn't want to relinquish all decisions and wanted the wedding in BC.

lyndausvi · June 2015

My parents gifted us a reception. Not the money, the reception. So like those who offer to throw say a shower, my parents had a lot of input.

I have an ideal of the budget, but I was never given one. My dad thinks that if he said you have $10K" I would spend $10k because it's there.

My parents are not asshole and are incredible hosts, so the process was very easy. For example they are Catholic and wished we had a church wedding. However, they never demanded that we do. They expressed their wishes. We said no. End of discussion. They are also country club type wedding people. We wanted a beach wedding. They are tux and long gown people. DH wore linen pants, flip flops and a Tommy Bahama shirt.

We picked out everything together. I sent them over ideas on somethings and then let them guide me on costs. Often I was under what they were willing to spend. We had no issues when it came to the major things.

We even let them pick the place. I had found a few places online, then looked at them and decide which one they wanted based on their budget. To be fair, we were OOT and while they were also, they were closer to be able to look at venues. They ended up picking our first choice based on what we saw online.

DH and I picked up the costs of the officiant (boy was he pricey), flowers, GM's attire, BM's nails and lunch one day, photographer and few other stuff. ETA - we also paid for the 100+ person welcome open house.

By my parents giving us the reception we were able to go on a 3.5 week HM to Africa and Europe. Had they not given us the reception I do not think we would have done much differently as far as the wedding. We just would not have had the long HM.

anjemon · June 2015

When we started planning, my parents said they would help pay. But we never really got a budget from them, so we just went off and planned the wedding we wanted and could afford. H's family did contribute money and covered the rehearsal dinner. FIL liked to give us big checks for all the holidays while we were engaged, but it was just money for us and didn't really have any strings. I don't think he would have cared too much if we used it for the HM or the wedding or a house.

My Mom has a lot of opinions on stuff, but nothing really came with strings. We invited a lot of my parent's guests and my family is huge, but we had the space and I mostly wanted to invite all of those people. She helped pick out the flowers, but I don't really know anything about flowers and they are her hobby. And she totally would have let me veto stuff if I wanted. We took my Mom and MIL to the tasting, which I thought worked really nicely in keeping everyone included.

I actually just found out that (I'm assuming) my Mom bought candy to put on the tables. I know she had mentioned it but at the time we were thinking of other favors (we eventually decided the photo booth was enough). I didn't figure out until my pro pics got back yesterday that there was candy on the tables. I approved the centerpieces during the day, but apparently candy got added afterwards. Not a big deal, I don't mind. But it makes me giggle.

My Mom paid for stuff like my dress and the BM's dresses straight out. She also paid the seamstress for all the alterations. H and I paid the deposit on our venue and all the vendors. We paid for the reception when the final deposit was due. I think my parents probably would have paid for most of this stuff if I had asked, but it actually made me really pleased we had planned something we could afford without asking for help. So I just paid for things we wanted.

But wedding weekend my parents paid it all back. My Dad even re-wrote out a check to the DJ company and returned mine to me voided (he was just supposed to run down the street and drop it off). Then after the wedding they wrote me a big check covering all the stuff they thought I had paid for. It was so so nice of them, but I'm a little proud I would have been just fine without it. Of course it's great to have this nest egg back now that we bought a house.

Cookie Pusher · June 2015

I paid for most of our wedding, the rest was DH's responsibility. Our parents gave us generous gifts, but not until the very end when planning was totally done and most of everything was already paid for. We planned on a 2+ year engagement in order to save up for the type of wedding DH wanted. We never even considered the possibility of them giving us money when we started planning. We of course had asked them if there was anyone they wanted us to invite, but that was it. The expectation was that they would come to the rehearsal/dinner and show up on the day of the wedding so we could stuff them full of food and booze. Their only expectations of us were that we'd actually (finally) get married.

randomslove · June 2015

We are planning to pay the entire thing ourselves (small winter wedding, small budget). However, my mother has offered to pay for/give me money for my dress since she did the same for my sister, and she wants to send us money for the wedding. That will come with no strings because my mother owes me twice as much as my entire wedding budget anyway and I'm not going to let her give me money without insisting she count it toward paying me back (which she's only doing because she wants to-- I would never hold money over the head of the woman who raised me and continues to be a font of support). Thankfully, we have very similar tastes and ideas so far.

My dad has said he may give us money. I'll believe it when I see it (they're divorced and he hasn't been a part of my life really since I was ten) and if it comes with ANY strings he is welcome to keep it.

FI's mom is offering support and her impressive skills with arts and crafts, to include making us both cloaks for the big day.

FiancB · June 2015

I originally thought my parents would offer, then they threw out a bunch of hints about how terrible it was to not have a church wedding so we decided even if they did offer, it would be best not to take it. They sort of vaguely offered help in the beginning but not blunt enough to where I felt comfortable assuming they'd be giving us anything- and I was right.

DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner (which we insisted on just having it out of their garage and catered by Qdoba and it was great) and another $1k, which was very nice of them. Overall they were much more involved, excited, and helpful- MIL came with me shopping for dresses, came to my bridal shower, and to a wedding expo. My parents just showed up. Probably for the best.

Everything else was paid for by us. I'll add that I am SO GLAD that I didn't accept anything from my parents and didn't cave to their demands at all. I would've felt like a sellout otherwise. Always assume you'll get nothing and anything you do get is icing on the cake. Even my ILs were kind of weird about the RD as it approached and we were prepared to pay for it ourselves if necessary.

WinstonsGirl · June 2015

We paid for everything, though my parents gave us a cheque for our gift. We tried to turn it down, since we could afford our wedding, but they insisted since they gave the same amount to my Brother so I was getting the same thing. They're fair like that. There were no demands, though my Mom was worried about us having a DW since she had never attended one. We did give in on her throwing us an AHR when we got back, but we made sure it was low key open house in the backyard instead of a second reception that I think she wanted.

My Brother/SIL actually had both sets of parents over when they were engaged to present their wedding plan and ask what each set of parents would contribute. I'm surprised at how much my parents gave each of us actually, as it was more that I thought they would. DH's parents gave us a little as a gift too I think

lovesclimbing · June 2015

My parents paid for probably about 70 percent of the wedding. H's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner.

There were no strings at all. My mom suggested calla lilies. She loves them. I think they look weird. We didn't have them. On the other hand, I did take the vast majority of her suggestions because they were good and she really helped with planning. She suggested a baker, she suggested a florist, she suggested and researched a rental place for a few items.

The one "string" (and I use that term veeeeery loosely) was they wanted to invite this one couple I'm not a fan of. They knew me growing up (grandparents age) and they lived an hour away and could come, and I knew they'd probably be insulted to not be invited. But honestly, I knew I'd only have to say hey in the receiving line and I would probably feel guilty not inviting them, so it wasn't like a huge deal.

JCbride2015 · June 2015

We paid for virtually all of the wedding ourselves, so we had a lot of autonomy.

My grandmother bought my dress. She didn't really put any strings, but I would never have chosen a dress she hated. I FaceTimed her while shopping and she liked the dress I fell in love with, so it was a non-issue.

PILs offered a set amount of money (about 10% of our budget) and in exchange they asked for a list of around 35 people to be invited (more people than that money would actually cover). I didn't want to do it; Fi did; so I caved. We cut some friends to invite these people; literally only 4 of this list accepted the invitation; we were thus under our venue minimum so we paid for empty seats; and to top it all off, PILs rescinded their gift two weeks before the wedding due to unexpected financial difficulties. Fortunately we had the cash to cover the amount, but it was not a pleasant experience.

In an extra weird twist to the story, PILs wound up giving us most of the money they promised and then said they couldn't afford, as a gift in their wedding card. So... happy ending? It was bizarre and definitely taught me not to count on birds in the bush.

Spinoff from Etiquette thread - who paid and what were the requirements?

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