did anyone forget to invite people?

mj8215 · June 2015

hey guys,

i'm back after a hiatus of studying / hiding / freaking out over my boards... now they're over and results won't be in until after the wedding so... trying to take my mind off of that. whats been going on here?

now that i can finally focus on the wedding i have noticed something very embarrassing: there are three sets of people (two couples and a family) that i have accidentally left off the guest list. i.e. forgotten. i.e. not accounted for and did not confirm their address and they did not receive a wedding invitation. UGH! I'm such an idiot!!

these people are

- a good friend (+ her husband) that i haven't been in touch with as much in the past few years but that used to be a bigger part of my life in the years prior to that... reason we haven't seen each other for this long (we live in the same city) is purely work etc, nothing particular happened

- another good friend, similar story (+his girlfriend), except he lives in Europe so actually did not have a chance to see him for a few years now (but thats not an excuse, I have a lot of friends back home who I did not forget to invite)

- a family of distant relatives that i never see and therefore didn't think to invite but they should have been invited given that i did invite other people i am equally related to (but am closer with/ in touch regularly, so those people did not 'slip my mind') and it will look really bad, like i singled them out or something

The wedding is 8/2/15... our RSVP deadline is 7/5/15... invitations went out a few weeks ago.

Again, I am really mortified and it really is an honest mistake not me trying to sneak in a B list because I know those are gross.

Did this happen to anyone? How did you handle it? I think I want to write each of these people an honest email explaining what happened and apologizing profusely. I feel like this, while bad, is not as bad as just not inviting them at all... correct? how would you feel as that person?

kvruns · June 2015

if you don't talk to these people regularly I wouldn't feel guilty not inviting them. and I definitely wouldn't write them a note apologizing for not inviting them!! that would be awkward to write and receive. Not everyone gets invited to everything and I wouldn't feel bad not being invited if we hadn't really talked much recently, not to mention if I lived across the country or in Europe I'm not making a last minute flight reservation so then it just sounds like you're hoping I send a gift.

mrsk616 · June 2015

my cousin actually forgot about a lot of people. even his wife side they forgot some. he ended up sending me a message on facebook apologizing but i ended up working the night before and didnt get off until 130 and had to be back at work at 9 the next morning.

AddieCake · June 2015

It doesn't sound like you are very close to those people.

Maggie0829 · June 2015

My feeling is if you forget about adding people to your guest list then they are not really that close of friends to begin with.

novella1186 · June 2015

We had people on our guest list that-- for whatever reason-- no one knew their address. They were apparently (not close) friends of H's family. I kept asking his parents for their address and they kept saying "oh yeah, we're trying to track it down, we'll send it." It got super frustrating.

I decided that if they really wanted to invite these people then they'd give me the address, but in the mean time I wasn't going to send ALL THE OTHER INVITES late due to these distant friends who had vanished off the face of the earth. (I don't even really know why they were on our list, since no one in H's family had talked to them in over a decade).

A few days after invites went out, we STILL did not have their address. I finally told H that if it got too late, we shouldn't invite them at all because it would look like a B-list.

A week later, we get the address, send the invite, and it gets returned as non-deliverable a couple weeks after that. We decided to just not invite them at that point.

Well. There was some major miscommunication and these non-invited people were invited to my shower that SIL and MIL hosted. They immediately RSVPd "no" (and I don't blame them). When I found this out, I was so humiliated and felt so bad. Mistakes happen.

loveislouder · June 2015

I didn't forget to invite people... I just left them off the seating chart because I'm dumb.

anjemon · June 2015

I would probably feel bad knowing you forgot about me. It's one thing not to be invited, people understand that for space and budget reasons. But I would probably feel worse to know I was completely forgotten.

But what I would probably do in your case (if I really wanted to invite them) is send the invitation with a note about how I spelled their address wrong and it got returned to me so I'm sorry it's late. Would it be a total lie? Yes. And probably not good etiquette. But that would hopefully save hurt feelings and let them know I still value them as friends.

But yeah, if you haven't talked to these people in that long, maybe they don't need to be invited.

redheadbride15 · June 2015

loveislouder said:

I didn't forget to invite people... I just left them off the seating chart because I'm dumb.

I left off one person and misspelled 3 names on my seating chart. Whoops...

At least there were still plenty of seats for everyone.

wandajune6 · June 2015

anjemon said:
I would probably feel bad knowing you forgot about me. It's one thing not to be invited, people understand that for space and budget reasons. But I would probably feel worse to know I was completely forgotten.

But what I would probably do in your case (if I really wanted to invite them) is send the invitation with a note about how I spelled their address wrong and it got returned to me so I'm sorry it's late. Would it be a total lie? Yes. And probably not good etiquette. But that would hopefully save hurt feelings and let them know I still value them as friends.

But yeah, if you haven't talked to these people in that long, maybe they don't need to be invited.

We forgot one couple and did exactly that. I noticed when we started getting RSVPs. I called the wife and told her that I must have accidentally used an old address and had it come back to me. I gave her details, asked for the address and sent a fresh invitation. I made a few jokes at my own expense and was forgiven- and they came.

NowIamMrsKlein · June 2015

My parents forgot to include my dad's aunt and uncle on their list of people they wanted invited. They werent on my radar because I've seen them twice in probably 15 years.

My parents went down to visit them last week and were discussing all the wedding stuff etc, and the aunt made a comment about how she was looking forward to seeing what our invites looked like. Invites had already gone out at this point, and so my mum frantically texted me to see if I had invited them because their invite never showed up.

I was definitely mortified because I hadn't thought to invite them and they were already talking about how excited they were about it. Thankfully not that much time had passed that it would be super obvious that the invite was a second thought, so I popped one immediately in the mail and my mum told them it was probably just delayed in the mail

[Deleted User] · June 2015

So I haven't completed the guest list, but I keep forgetting people that I definitely WANT to invite. I can see how people would be left off unintentionally. As PP's have said, if you really want to invite them, say something happened with the mail. (Yes, it's a lie, but better than hearing you forgot them.) That being said, it sounds like you don't see any of them very often, so they probably wouldn't think anything of not being invited.

stefuhknee · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

My feeling is if you forget about adding people to your guest list then they are not really that close of friends to begin with.

SIB

This. How close could you really be with people that you haven't spoken to in years? I'd probably just let it go.

spglsp · June 2015

Two days before the RSVP date, my father "remembered" a couple of guests he had neglected to add to his list. Quite frankly, if those names didn't come to mind over the course of nine months of wedding planning, I can't imagine they were particularly significant. There is no shame in not inviting people you aren't close to

aliwis000 · June 2015

Just wondering...is there a reason your RSVP is a month before the wedding?

Seems long.

huskypuppy14 · June 2015

aliwis000 said:

Just wondering...is there a reason your RSVP is a month before the wedding?

Seems long.

It's not a big deal. Anymore than a month is long, but I don't think people should nitpick a July 5 RSVP date for an August 2 wedding. It's 4 weeks.

A lot of people say wait a few days before contacting people who haven't RSVP'd, so then you are at close to 3 weeks away. Many vendors want the counts in at 2 weeks.

mj8215 · June 2015

thanks for the input guys. yeah, i guess i should let it go or bring on the wrong address story. i might have to do the latter, only because i like rainbows and unicorns.

and yes, i used to think 1 month was too long but for the reasons listed by @huskypuppy14, it made perfect sense for us. especially since its a destination wedding for 60% of guests (including us) and checking in with vendors takes more time because of time difference etc etc.

did anyone forget to invite people?

Re: did anyone forget to invite people?

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