Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette Party Dilema

I keep reading things on here about people inviting themselves to weddings and was thinking I was getting off pretty good so far (probably because I don't talk about it much and we've been together so long some people just look at us like we are married). Fast forward to this last weekend and we were staying at FIs parent's house to attend a wedding there. I got ready with his little brother's girlfriend (they have a kid and are basically married, let's just call her a future SIL) and she asks where the bachelorette party will be and I told her Sonoma for wine tasting. Her response was "that's awesome, I know a lot of people that work down there and can probably get us discounts on tasting".. Um, what? I'm not planning my own party, the MOH has taken care of all of it and it was just going to be the four girls in the wedding and me. I'm going to talk to MOH about this situation, I just smiled and walked away but now it's a weird spot to be in, she is family so I didn't want to just come out and say "yeah, you're not invited". 

We are only 3 weeks out (doing it early for time share reasons) so one thought is invite by word of mouth knowing there is about a 10% chance she goes anyways. What would you all do? This is not a person I hardly see and don't really care about, she is family! The whole thing just made me uncomfortable, I was not involved in planning any of it and I shouldn't have been, not like a shower where she asked me for a list of people to invite and we worked numbers together. 

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Re: Bachelorette Party Dilema

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You should have told her it was going to be wedding party only. I can understand why she assumed she was invited since you're pretty close with her, but if it's just WP, then that's ok, too. If she brings it up again, be honest.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • kaos16kaos16 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Do you not want her at the party?  If you get along and consider her family, is she someone you would like to spend your bachelorette party with?  If so, why don't you invite her?  I know she wasn't invited originally, but if you consider her family and you think this may cause a rift or hard feelings, maybe you are better off just telling MOH you'd like to include her.
  • AddieCake said:
    You should have told her it was going to be wedding party only. I can understand why she assumed she was invited since you're pretty close with her, but if it's just WP, then that's ok, too. If she brings it up again, be honest.
    Well that would have been a good idea, I went deer in headlights and brain shut off.. just a weird question I guess? I'm new to this whole sibling thing, I'm an only child so I never think about "inviting sisters".

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  • kaos16 said:
    Do you not want her at the party?  If you get along and consider her family, is she someone you would like to spend your bachelorette party with?  If so, why don't you invite her?  I know she wasn't invited originally, but if you consider her family and you think this may cause a rift or hard feelings, maybe you are better off just telling MOH you'd like to include her.
    I'm going to talk to MOH about it, but like I said, I haven't been involved in anything so I have no idea what's planned etc and it's a four day destination thing for everyone. I'm not sure if it will cause hard feelings, I'm just really bad at saying no I guess? Just a question for all of you with siblings.. is it pretty standard to involve the sisters in everything even if they aren't in the wedding party? I'm totally lost about that..

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  • kaos16 said:
    Do you not want her at the party?  If you get along and consider her family, is she someone you would like to spend your bachelorette party with?  If so, why don't you invite her?  I know she wasn't invited originally, but if you consider her family and you think this may cause a rift or hard feelings, maybe you are better off just telling MOH you'd like to include her.

    Eh, I don't like the idea of rewarding people for assuming they are invited to something. The future SIL was wrong to make that assumption. OP is well within her rights to only want certain people at her bachelorette party and shouldn't feel pressured to invite someone just because that person's feelings might be hurt because they assumed something. 

    No is not a four letter word and if it comes up again, just say "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but the bachelorette party is wedding party only."
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  • Since you didn't verbally invite her, you can just brush off her comment about "get US some discounts". 

    If she directly asks, just tell her your BMs planned for WP only (true, correct?). If she gets pissy, oh well. Not everyone is invited everywhere for every thing.
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  • Since you didn't verbally invite her, you can just brush off her comment about "get US some discounts". 

    If she directly asks, just tell her your BMs planned for WP only (true, correct?). If she gets pissy, oh well. Not everyone is invited everywhere for every thing.
    You are correct, MOH put it all together, I'm completely in the dark except for knowing where I need to fly to and when. This is all making me feel much better, I was hoping I wasn't the b**** that didn't include FSILs even though I didn't plan it.. 

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  • I would tell her that the MOH organized the trip and her and the other bridesmaid decided to keep this a small event and it's only the bridal party, but maybe the two of you could do a SIL night out on a different weekend.
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  • kaos16 said:
    Do you not want her at the party?  If you get along and consider her family, is she someone you would like to spend your bachelorette party with?  If so, why don't you invite her?  I know she wasn't invited originally, but if you consider her family and you think this may cause a rift or hard feelings, maybe you are better off just telling MOH you'd like to include her.
    I'm going to talk to MOH about it, but like I said, I haven't been involved in anything so I have no idea what's planned etc and it's a four day destination thing for everyone. I'm not sure if it will cause hard feelings, I'm just really bad at saying no I guess? Just a question for all of you with siblings.. is it pretty standard to involve the sisters in everything even if they aren't in the wedding party? I'm totally lost about that..
    I have two sisters and a brother.  FI has two brothers.  I would say if you have a good relationship with them then you include them.  However SIL/BIL are different.  FI is having my brother be a groomsmen but not my sisters husband.  Neither will be at the bachelor party (my brother won't because he is 13).  It never even crossed my mind to include sisters hubby and no one ever mentioned it.  It also didn't cross my mind to include FI brothers wife.  I have a good relationship together.  When we lived near each other we would meet up once in a while and I genuinely like her.  Just never even thought of her when I thought of who I wanted for my bachelorette party (BM asked for names).

    I think it all depends on your type of relationship and what YOU want.  If you wanted it to be just the core four then thats totally respectable.  If you thought HEY I wish she was coming then absolutely have her! 
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