Is this site literally just for people to cause drama?

rrroxanne · June 2015

This is my first day on this site, where I thought would be a great place to speak with other brides-to-be about advice or issues I'm having planning my own wedding, & have received nothing but backlash & negativity. I am shocked that I'm asking for advice, & getting people swearing at me over my simple question. If this is how this site is, I'll remove myself now. I'm just curious as this seemed like a great place to ask questions.

banana468 · June 2015

rrroxanne said:

This is my first day on this site, where I thought would be a great place to speak with other brides-to-be about advice or issues I'm having planning my own wedding, & have received nothing but backlash & negativity. I am shocked that I'm asking for advice, & getting people swearing at me over my simple question. If this is how this site is, I'll remove myself now. I'm just curious as this seemed like a great place to ask questions.

I think this is a great site. But the people here aren't going to sugarcoat things. So here are a few words of advice:

1) When you join any forum, lurk before you post. IT give you an idea of the atmosphere. Remember, you're coming into an established group of people and while this isn't like trying to eat the cool kids table for lunch, coming into any place guns a blazing and full of ridicule doesn't work.

2) If a lot of people are telling you something, are all the people the bad ones or is it just a WEE BIT possible that maybe you need to be a bit more introspective?

3) Finally, if you're met with criticism and your response is defensive, with some name calling and possibly not nice to those giving you the criticism, are you shocked that you're not making friends?

This is a great place to be - but you're going to need to think a lot about what you were expecting and if those expectations were realistic. Remember, your wedding day is just one day. You're going to want to have your friendships with your BMs long after it's over.

lovegood90 · June 2015

rrroxanne said:

This is my first day on this site, where I thought would be a great place to speak with other brides-to-be about advice or issues I'm having planning my own wedding, & have received nothing but backlash & negativity. I am shocked that I'm asking for advice, & getting people swearing at me over my simple question. If this is how this site is, I'll remove myself now. I'm just curious as this seemed like a great place to ask questions.

Who swore at you? I saw a thread you posted and saw nothing but advice. It wasn't advice you wanted to hear, but if you're just looking for people to validate you then you're right - you may be happier somewhere else.

TrixieJess · June 2015

rrroxanne said:

This is my first day on this site, where I thought would be a great place to speak with other brides-to-be about advice or issues I'm having planning my own wedding, & have received nothing but backlash & negativity. I am shocked that I'm asking for advice, & getting people swearing at me over my simple question. If this is how this site is, I'll remove myself now. I'm just curious as this seemed like a great place to ask questions.

I just read your Bridesmaid post and see where you went wrong.

1) you obviously didn't lurk

2) your expectations are way too high

3) you are acting like a petulant child now that no one agrees with you

Here's a suggestion: Don't internet if you a) don't have a thick skin b) aren't old enough to know how forums work

thisismynickname2 · June 2015

This is a great place to ask questions. It is also a place where people cause drama. Although the people who stick around here (such as myself) genuinely enjoy helping others, the occasional drama is certainly a break in the day. There's even a bingo card for speschul snowflakes. I'm marking mine up today quite a bit. Fun fun!

Heffalump · June 2015

I learned a lot on this site when I was planning my wedding, met some cool people (which is why I stuck around), and have continued to learn things.

As for causing drama, it's almost always on the OP's part, not the responders'. Rarely does someone say "I'd like opinions on roses versus hydrangeas" and it instantly goes to

http://media.giphy.com/media/TVCqfX7rLyMuY/giphy.gif

ShesSoCold · June 2015

Oh, christ.

justsie · June 2015

Heffalump said:

I learned a lot on this site when I was planning my wedding, met some cool people (which is why I stuck around), and have continued to learn things.

As for causing drama, it's almost always on the OP's part, not the responders'. Rarely does someone say "I'd like opinions on roses versus hydrangeas" and it instantly goes to

Quoting for TRUTH

ohannabelle · June 2015

rrroxanne said:

This is my first day on this site, where I thought would be a great place to speak with other brides-to-be about advice or issues I'm having planning my own wedding, & have received nothing but backlash & negativity. I am shocked that I'm asking for advice, & getting people swearing at me over my simple question. If this is how this site is, I'll remove myself now. I'm just curious as this seemed like a great place to ask questions.

Causing drama? What sort of drama? The kind where you join a forum and almost immediately make a public announcement about how terrible you think it is because it doesn't function like the forum in your imagination? On the snarky board, no less?

Well, sure, if your agenda is creating drama, you can do that. Obviously. You just did. I think it's kind of a dumbass thing to do, but whatever floats your boat.

mrscomposer · June 2015

rrroxanne said:

This is my first day on this site, where I thought would be a great place to speak with other brides-to-be about advice or issues I'm having planning my own wedding, & have received nothing but backlash & negativity. I am shocked that I'm asking for advice, & getting people swearing at me over my simple question. If this is how this site is, I'll remove myself now. I'm just curious as this seemed like a great place to ask questions.

This is a great forum. For logical people with common sense, who don't have their heads up their butts, and don't think that their wedding is going to be the event of the century and oh my gosh, everyone is going to do exactly what I tell them to because it's my special day and they just love me.

This is the forum for people who have questions and want real answers. For people who know that sometimes the people closest to you won't say exactly what they're thinking because they're afraid it'll hurt your feelings. For people who honestly don't know about some parts of wedding planning, and want to know how other people did/do it. For people who make mistakes and aren't afraid to get corrected on it.

For people who don't feel it's necessary to call out a bunch of people on a Snarky Brides board, complaining about getting real answers.

Jen4948 · June 2015

Yup, there's at least as much drama here as at productions by the Royal Shakespeare Company. It's mostly caused by people who come here with either incorrect ideas about the etiquette of weddings or otherwise bad ideas and then get upset when they don't get the validation they were expecting from the posters.

If, on the other hand, you're looking for genuine assistance with a wedding question or issue, and realize that nobody here is going to act like the wedding police but everyone here does care enough to help keep you from being a BSC, self-centered, unspeakably rude [expletive] person to the friends and relatives you are inviting to your event, we're happy to be of help. There are a number of threads from other posters who show appreciation for the fact that even though people here can be blunt, we're trying to help.

thespeshulestsnowflake · June 2015

So you didn't lurk at all before your first post? Okay.

And are you sure someone "swearing" at you wasn't a signature gif?

levioosa · June 2015

I just read your Bridesmaid post. You're a shitty friend.

Oops, I just swore!

OllisaurusRex · June 2015

Gee. I posted a question that could have led to a riot. Because I was willing to not think it's MY wedding, screw social manners, people were nice and as helpful as possible with limited information. Clearly I did something wrong. To pick on me -

My mom's husband is not good, his actions were so bad there was no custody or visitation, I know any answer will cause problems, but how do I not invite him - I got advice saying I could probably not invite him because safety trumps etiquette.

Ugh, I can't stand him! He's so mean, he won't let me be a pretty diva, I'm not inviting him despite the fact he's raised me most of my life - I'm going to get shot down because I'm reverting to toddler mentality of it's only MY way or I throw a tantrum.

justsie · June 2015

OllisaurusRex said:

Gee. I posted a question that could have led to a riot. Because I was willing to not think it's MY wedding, screw social manners, people were nice and as helpful as possible with limited information. Clearly I did something wrong. To pick on me - My mom's husband is not good, his actions were so bad there was no custody or visitation, I know any answer will cause problems, but how do I not invite him - I got advice saying I could probably not invite him because safety trumps etiquette. Ugh, I can't stand him! He's so mean, he won't let me be a pretty diva, I'm not inviting him despite the fact he's raised me most of my life - I'm going to get shot down because I'm reverting to toddler mentality of it's only MY way or I throw a tantrum.

I'm confused....

AddieCake · June 2015

It looks like you're looking to start fucking drama by starting this thread.

sheknows6 · June 2015

On the snarky brides board?!?!

....just because someone doesn't agree with everything you say/suggest doesn't make them mean. Get over yourself.

You're getting "backlash" and "negativity" because you spent probably zero time perusing the boards before you posted the millionth "my bridesmaids suck wahh" thread.

Your bridesmaids don't suck. You do, for expecting them to do anything beyond stand next to you in a dress, sober, on your wedding day. They aren't here to honor YOU, you are honoring them by saying "you're so special and important to me that I want you to stand next to me while I make one of the biggest decisions of my life".

mikenberger · June 2015

Ironic thread title is ironic.

VulgarGirl · June 2015

justsie said:

OllisaurusRex said:

Gee. I posted a question that could have led to a riot. Because I was willing to not think it's MY wedding, screw social manners, people were nice and as helpful as possible with limited information. Clearly I did something wrong. To pick on me - My mom's husband is not good, his actions were so bad there was no custody or visitation, I know any answer will cause problems, but how do I not invite him - I got advice saying I could probably not invite him because safety trumps etiquette. Ugh, I can't stand him! He's so mean, he won't let me be a pretty diva, I'm not inviting him despite the fact he's raised me most of my life - I'm going to get shot down because I'm reverting to toddler mentality of it's only MY way or I throw a tantrum.

I'm confused....

I (think) she's saying that she got some really good feedback on a situation that could've caused a different reaction had she phrased things differently.

Ie: If you come in talking about me, me, me and how this effects me and ME and it's ABOUT ME. We are going to tell you to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a fucking child.

Where as if you come in and act like a grown up and say "Here are the facts of the situation how do I proceed", we'll take you more seriously.

zitiqueen · June 2015

I mean literally, after reading some of OP's posts, I've literally decided that literally is literally her favorite word.

charlottesmom0626 · June 2015

Yes, drama central. BYE FELICIA

climbingwife · June 2015

LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TrixieJess · July 2015

climbingwife said:

LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whenever anyone misuses "Literally", it makes me think of The Oatmeal:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/literally

alexandducky412 · July 2015

No, but this thread is.

No one's gonna kiss your ass and validate you just because you want them to. You ask for opinions, you get them all. I got told to grow up on a thread here, and I didn't get mad. I asked myself if I was being just as immature as the other parties. I was also told an idea I had was fucking stupid, and again, didn't get mad. I might think something is a brilliant idea, but on the outside (like a guest would see it) it's stupid and pointless, and me choosing to go along with it anyway is accepting that risk.

If you don't like getting negative feedback, your options are:

1. Get over it. Negative feedback and constructive criticism are not mutually exclusive; someone could be telling you an idea is bad because someone might have had to sit through a similar situation and it sucked for them, or they made the mistake and don't want you to deal with the fallout they did. Sometimes these come with foul language because that's how people speak. I swear like a sailor (for good reason. I'm in the military) and sometimes the use of swearwords is not indicative of an insult.

2. Hire a yes-man.

hellohkb · July 2015

*yawn*

snowywinter · July 2015

alexandducky412 said:

No, but this thread is.

No one's gonna kiss your ass and validate you just because you want them to. You ask for opinions, you get them all. I got told to grow up on a thread here, and I didn't get mad. I asked myself if I was being just as immature as the other parties. I was also told an idea I had was fucking stupid, and again, didn't get mad. I might think something is a brilliant idea, but on the outside (like a guest would see it) it's stupid and pointless, and me choosing to go along with it anyway is accepting that risk.

If you don't like getting negative feedback, your options are:
1. Get over it. Negative feedback and constructive criticism are not mutually exclusive; someone could be telling you an idea is bad because someone might have had to sit through a similar situation and it sucked for them, or they made the mistake and don't want you to deal with the fallout they did. Sometimes these come with foul language because that's how people speak. I swear like a sailor (for good reason. I'm in the military) and sometimes the use of swearwords is not indicative of an insult.

2. Hire a yes-man.

Or, people could simply be adults and offer their opinions in a mature and constructive way instead of telling people things like "grow up" or "your idea is fucking stupid." There is a certain way to offer a differing opinion, you know. Some people just haven't figured that out.

TrixieJess · July 2015

Knottie1434918845 said:

alexandducky412 said:

No, but this thread is.

No one's gonna kiss your ass and validate you just because you want them to. You ask for opinions, you get them all. I got told to grow up on a thread here, and I didn't get mad. I asked myself if I was being just as immature as the other parties. I was also told an idea I had was fucking stupid, and again, didn't get mad. I might think something is a brilliant idea, but on the outside (like a guest would see it) it's stupid and pointless, and me choosing to go along with it anyway is accepting that risk.

If you don't like getting negative feedback, your options are:
1. Get over it. Negative feedback and constructive criticism are not mutually exclusive; someone could be telling you an idea is bad because someone might have had to sit through a similar situation and it sucked for them, or they made the mistake and don't want you to deal with the fallout they did. Sometimes these come with foul language because that's how people speak. I swear like a sailor (for good reason. I'm in the military) and sometimes the use of swearwords is not indicative of an insult.

2. Hire a yes-man.

Or, people could simply be adults and offer their opinions in a mature and constructive way instead of telling people things like "grow up" or "your idea is fucking stupid." There is a certain way to offer a differing opinion, you know. Some people just haven't figured that out.

Welcome to the Snarky board! First thing, look up what "snark" is and don't bitch about it on a board just for it!

snowywinter · July 2015

This thread was in reference to the board in general, not just the Snark board. That was made obvious numerous times. Maybe figure that out before you bitch about me bitching? Just a thought.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Knottie1434918845 said:

This thread was in reference to the board in general, not just the Snark board. That was made obvious numerous times. Maybe figure that out before you bitch about me bitching? Just a thought.

There are plenty of wedding boards where everyone is required to praise each other and say nothing that even smacks of criticism, all free for you to join. The Knot is not one of those boards.

banana468 · July 2015

Knottie1434918845 said:

alexandducky412 said:

No, but this thread is.

No one's gonna kiss your ass and validate you just because you want them to. You ask for opinions, you get them all. I got told to grow up on a thread here, and I didn't get mad. I asked myself if I was being just as immature as the other parties. I was also told an idea I had was fucking stupid, and again, didn't get mad. I might think something is a brilliant idea, but on the outside (like a guest would see it) it's stupid and pointless, and me choosing to go along with it anyway is accepting that risk.

If you don't like getting negative feedback, your options are:
1. Get over it. Negative feedback and constructive criticism are not mutually exclusive; someone could be telling you an idea is bad because someone might have had to sit through a similar situation and it sucked for them, or they made the mistake and don't want you to deal with the fallout they did. Sometimes these come with foul language because that's how people speak. I swear like a sailor (for good reason. I'm in the military) and sometimes the use of swearwords is not indicative of an insult.

2. Hire a yes-man.

Or, people could simply be adults and offer their opinions in a mature and constructive way instead of telling people things like "grow up" or "your idea is fucking stupid." There is a certain way to offer a differing opinion, you know. Some people just haven't figured that out.

Yet on another board you told me to go look something up in a dictionary. So is it OK to be snarky to others but not snark at others? Please let me know what rules we should be following.

KayJayElle · July 2015

I've seen some negativity on here too... it's discouraging

You ask a simple question and the response is basically "what a stupid thing to ask." I really hope that isn't status quo on here, and that I've just had the misfortune of coming across such posts by chance.

Is this site literally just for people to cause drama?

Re: Is this site literally just for people to cause drama?

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