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[Deleted User] · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

So here is my current dilemma and I'm hoping for some help with it. First we only wanted to spend about a grand because my family wasn't paying at all and has been sending me nasty letters that I'm only having a wedding because I want gifts not because I want people there so they won't be attending. This isn't true and I haven't and won't be registering. the grooms family always just said we'll help pay for some stuff never would say what or how much. Well our wedding is happening August 22nd and it's costing around five grand. My fiance and I work together but get laid off in the summer because we work on water slides and parks are open in the summer. Well now we have six weeks to come up with another grand to finish paying. It gets worse, my family refuses to give me.my birth certificate to get my marriage license. So because I was born abroad on a military base it's kinda complicated to get. Well it could take up to 13 weeks. Before we found this out my fiance says "since our friend got ordained to marry us we can get legally married six months after the wedding" I don't like that idea because being married and changing my name was the ONLY part I cared about. In PA you have ten days after your wedding date for your officiant to file your paperwork. So basically I got annoyed into spending so much" because oh my god what will people think if it's not a huge deal" and now I can't afford the replacement born abroad certificate or the marriage license if I want to pay for food for all these people. The list grows daily because finances mom keeps inviting people. So I know I'm not happy and think it's messed up that we got quilted into spending for a great party for all these people and at the end of the day I won't even be married. I won't be legally married until lime October. I'm out of ideas but I'd return all the stuff I bought if it would guarantee that I'd be married at the end of the day and be able to change my mind. Plus if my family ever finds out it ! happened legally months later, I'll get nasty letters that I'm just a liar and faked a wedding for presents. Should I just cut flowers, table cloths, favors and try to get my photographer for only a hour just to get able to get officially married?? Is my fiance maybe not sure he wants to get married but his mom pushed and begged him into a wedding so he felt he had to and that's why he do want to do it legally until later? What if he's never ready? How would that be explained? We couldn't afford the legal part plus my fiance wanted to wait to married legally but here's a huge wedding he faked? I am depressed and I feel like I really wasted money on a party and that's it. What's the point if we really won't be married until months later?

Knottie04572181 said:

Sorry I wasn't clear and must have typed that completely wrong. That's is not at all what I meant. So before you give me advice based on something I didn't mean let me say the the way I meant.

Knottie04572181 said:

I'm 33 and so is he. She wants a huge party and we have been together and living together for seven years. Engaged for three. So she has bugged us for three years about when she can have this huge party. What I meant in the bolded section is that I can't understand why my fiance would come up with the idea. And due to us working in different states starting labor day the legal part might get put off. Thus how would we explain going broke paying for this fancy thing but due to issues with my birth certificate and money we couldn't finish paying for the legal part. Sorry that it switched my sentences around there. That was NOT what I meant and you took it the wrong way!

Knottie04572181 said:

Also might I ask how old you advice givers are?

Knottie04572181 said:

Sorry I am upset and my phone froze during the original post probably making it confusing. I don't want the big party because of my family but it's the only option I was given if I wanted to be married. I've spent close to five grand already and none of it is refundable. My birth certificate may take 13 weeks to get here which means thirteen weeks before I can get a marriage license. So his idea is that because out officiant is a friend he would do the ceremony and draw up the paperwork in September or October after I had my replace me birth certificate and when we had more money because we still have a grand left to pay of food. We would still celebrate on the ceremony day. Basically it's like the people who get married and have a wedding later but I got stuck in an awkward position of wedding isn't able to be cancelled and I can't get a license until a few weeks after the ceremony. And I'm just upset and went into way to much detail on the first post.

Knottie04572181 said:

Wow. Well I guess that's what you get from random people online. I'm going to just delete this post because I was hoping to get someone who would.understand and try to help me not criticize me and.act like I'm.doing something for pretend when it's a real thing. It can't be cancelled due to our job. Its just a dilemma I ran into and was hoping for legit insight not you guys making me cry. So please no more posts I really don't care what random people think about my financial issues. Or my wedding or any of it anymore if all it is, is straight "your wrong". I don't think like normal people so I shouldn't have asked normal people.

Knottie04572181 said:

I've worked at my professional reliable stable job for ten years. Did I ask.for your comments on my employment? Do you have any idea what our economy is like? Just because I have summers.off.doesn't.mean I.need a new job or we.wouldn't have teachers.now would we? Do they need different jobs because they have summers.off. I don't even.want to be a member of this place anymore. Deleting this thread now.

VarunaTT · July 2015

Did anyone tell her to quit her job? For real, I don't see that anywhere.

Heffalump · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I was born in Japan on a military base so I have to do a lot more to get my certificate

All the more reason to start sooner, rather than later.

Look, no one is telling you to quit your job or whatever, just that it doesn't make sense to spend money you don't have to stage a pre-enactment of a wedding that won't take place for six months. PPs are right, save that money for an actual wedding. (Or put it in savings for next summer, or whatever.)

Knottie04572181 said:

My fiance would only marry me with a real ceremony because his first marriage was at a court house and his mom my wouldn't speak to him afterwards. So call me a liar. I don't Care.none of.you ignorant people (excluding the few nice ones) really know any details about my.sotuation. but ok let me take your advice and quit my job so then I have no.income while.I'm laid off. (Oh you didn't know I'm paid salary and get paid all year round even when not working) yet you judge anyway because you are all so right about everything.

1) A courthouse wedding is a real ceremony
2) If your FI is doing things to placate his mommy, then you have a FI problem. Time to cut the apron strings.

lyndausvi · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I've worked at my professional reliable stable job for ten years. Did I ask.for your comments on my employment? Do you have any idea what our economy is like? Just because I have summers.off.doesn't.mean I.need a new job or we.wouldn't have teachers.now would we? Do they need different jobs because they have summers.off. I don't even.want to be a member of this place anymore. Deleting this thread now.

I've worked jobs that I have a few months off a year (not teaching). I just saved all year to cover my off time. I do not think you need a different job.

That said, you do need to budget better if you are running out of money. There are a lot of summer seasonal jobs out there you could work since you are off to get you the extra $1000. Waterparks, country clubs, banquets places, among others jobs.

I myself have had to pick up a temp job during my off time because I didn't budget properly.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

My fiance would only marry me with a real ceremony because his first marriage was at a court house and his mom my wouldn't speak to him afterwards. So call me a liar. I don't Care.none of.you ignorant people (excluding the few nice ones) really know any details about my.sotuation. but ok let me take your advice and quit my job so then I have no.income while.I'm laid off. (Oh you didn't know I'm paid salary and get paid all year round even when not working) yet you judge anyway because you are all so right about everything.

Knottie04572181 said:

I was born in Japan on a military base so I have to do a lot more to get my certificate

Knottie04572181 · July 2015

I want to thank you all so very much. Being called stupid has made me.feel so much better. Your right I will quit my job, cancel my marriage and then I won't be a loser adult who only has child born abroad copies instead of actuals. I think.it.was.incredibly generous of you all to make me feel so much better! Your all so very right I'm a loser dumb adult.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I want to thank you all so very much. Being called stupid has made me.feel so much better. Your right I will quit my job, cancel my marriage and then I won't be a loser adult who only has child born abroad copies instead of actuals. I think.it.was.incredibly generous of you all to make me feel so much better! Your all so very right I'm a loser dumb adult.

Heffalump · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I want to thank you all so very much. Being called stupid has made me.feel so much better. Your right I will quit my job, cancel my marriage and then I won't be a loser adult who only has child born abroad copies instead of actuals. I think.it.was.incredibly generous of you all to make me feel so much better! Your all so very right I'm a loser dumb adult.

Well, I mean your recent posts are kind of starting to push me into that camp, for sure.

You have gotten really excellent advice. No one called you stupid (that I saw--it's hard to keep up at the moment), and you've been told multiple times that no one is suggesting your quit your job in order to save money. (How would that even work?) But instead of considering the reasonable advice of a) not spending money you don't have, and b) not getting married without a marriage license (which is, you know, impossible), get your BC, get the license, then get married, in that order...you're basically standing here screaming your head off about, I don't know, something.

I'm not sure you're going to find what you're looking for here.

lyndausvi · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I was born in Japan on a military base so I have to do a lot more to get my certificate

no one is saying you getting a copy of your BC isn't going to be more of a hassle then the rest of us, however you still had plenty of time to get this taken care of and you didn't.

Heffalump · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

Thread is closed.

http://www.team-prime.com/uploads/blog/vintage-closed-sign.gif

VarunaTT · July 2015

This is seriously, one of the craziest threads I've ever seen b/c:

6fsn · July 2015

Boy you leave for the playground and miss the most action in days(weeks)

OliveOilsMom · July 2015

Stepped away from this post and OP loses it! FWIW - I'm 34 and married 3 years.

The ladies on this board gave great advice, which was basically cancel your wedding now. Someone also suggested to have your BC fast tracked by paying a rush fee.

Have you also considered if there is anyway to get around the BC requirement for your marriage license? It was one of the documents I was supposed to supply, but after viewing my valid driver's license I didn't need to show any further documents to show who I was.

I think it said you were in PA, I looked up their marriage license requirements and it only said a valid photo ID, so you don't even need your BC. So I think you should call the local county clerk where you will get married and ASK THEM if you need your BC. It would probably be more productive than having a meltdown on the interwebs.

Lastly, if you cannot get a marriage license in time then cancel your current plans.

CMGragain · July 2015

I am 64 years old, married 39 years, retired and rich.

Cancel your wedding until you are able to get legally married.

lyndausvi · July 2015

CMGragain said:

What state were you born in? It is easy to get a certified copy of your birth certificate in the mail.

I am 64 years old and have been married 39 years.

She was born on a US base in Japan. Which no one is denying is more of a hassle, but one that could have been taken care of long before 7 weeks out.

mrsconn23 · July 2015

OMG, this is why I should never take a day off. I was cleaning house and missed the crazy.

Stupid adult responsibilities.

However, 'end of replies!' gets me every.damn.time.

Heffalump · July 2015

mrs.conn23 said:

OMG, this is why I should never take a day off. I was cleaning house and missed the crazy.

Stupid adult responsibilities.

However, 'end of replies!' gets me every.damn.time.

@mrs.conn23, why are you still commenting? Did you not see the part where the OP said this thread was closed?

CMGragain · July 2015

This is like the "bride" who couldn't get married because her "FI's" divorce hadn't come through yet! For heavens sake, paperwork is important.

VarunaTT · July 2015

I just keep thinking that she's going to come back and be all, "I QUIT MY JOB YOU MEAN BROADS, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!"

beachyone15 · July 2015

This thread is a fucking doozy.

OP - I am legitimately trying to understand why as a grown adult, you cannot obtain your own birth certificate from your parents. Have you thought about getting the authorities involved?, because that document is legally yours.

I am really concerned about the way you talk about your FI and his family. Huge red flags all over that. I don't know if you are still reading any of this, but please postpone until you can figure all of this out. And I'm not saying that to be "mean", I'm saying it because I am genuinly concerned about all of this.

mikenberger · July 2015

lolwut?

*Barbie* · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I've worked at my professional reliable stable job for ten years. Did I ask.for your comments on my employment? Do you have any idea what our economy is like? Just because I have summers.off.doesn't.mean I.need a new job or we.wouldn't have teachers.now would we? Do they need different jobs because they have summers.off. I don't even.want to be a member of this place anymore. Deleting this thread now.

If you're a teacher, I weep for the future of America.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

This thread is some crazy shit.

I know many a teacher and they all seem to be able to manage their finances just fine when they are off during the summer. It is called being an adult and figuring out what you need to pay bills and shit when you don't have a paycheck coming in every month. And if you know that you want to get married then you would save up throughout the year and adjust your budget accordingly so you have enough to pay for your wedding. Or get a summer job. I don't care what your actual age is but if you don't know how to properly plan for an event and being off for the entire summer then you aren't acting very much like an adult.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

*Barbie* said:

Knottie04572181 said:

I've worked at my professional reliable stable job for ten years. Did I ask.for your comments on my employment? Do you have any idea what our economy is like? Just because I have summers.off.doesn't.mean I.need a new job or we.wouldn't have teachers.now would we? Do they need different jobs because they have summers.off. I don't even.want to be a member of this place anymore. Deleting this thread now.

If you're a teacher, I weep for the future of America.

No. She's not a teacher. She does work on and installation of water slides. She doesn't work in the summers because water parks are open and new ones are not being made. Her point here was that all teachers would have to quit if all people had to have jobs that were open 12 months a year. She made this point because she misunderstood everything everybody said.

*Barbie* · July 2015

adk19 said:

*Barbie* said:

Knottie04572181 said:

I've worked at my professional reliable stable job for ten years. Did I ask.for your comments on my employment? Do you have any idea what our economy is like? Just because I have summers.off.doesn't.mean I.need a new job or we.wouldn't have teachers.now would we? Do they need different jobs because they have summers.off. I don't even.want to be a member of this place anymore. Deleting this thread now.

If you're a teacher, I weep for the future of America.

No. She's not a teacher. She does work on and installation of water slides. She doesn't work in the summers because water parks are open and new ones are not being made. Her point here was that all teachers would have to quit if all people had to have jobs that were open 12 months a year. She made this point because she misunderstood everything everybody said.

Thanks... although now I'm a bit scared to go to every water park, ever. Hopefully OP isn't in Pittsburgh because I love going to Sandcastle when I visit.

NowIAmSyp · July 2015

Wait, wait... I'm late, but here I am:

sparklepants41 · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I was born in Japan on a military base so I have to do a lot more to get my certificate

But according to the U.S. Department of State, you just fill out a form, include a check for $50 - and if you want, you can include an additional $14.85 and they will overnight it to you. Bam. Easy peasy.

http://travel.state.gov/content/passports/english/abroad/events-and-records/birth/replace-or-amend-consular-report-of-birth-abroad.html

Viczaesar · July 2015

Knottie04572181 said:

I want to thank you all so very much. Being called stupid has made me.feel so much better. Your right I will quit my job, cancel my marriage and then I won't be a loser adult who only has child born abroad copies instead of actuals. I think.it.was.incredibly generous of you all to make me feel so much better! Your all so very right I'm a loser dumb adult.

Good god, woman, learn how to effectively communicate with the written word! You're in your thirties, FFS.

kkcc2015 · July 2015

Knottie04572181, I think you need to chill out and re-read this thread once you've calmed down. I can't quite understand how you expected to receive "help", but you're now stomping your feet after receiving solid advice. I can understand the wedding's-almost-here panic, but get out of your head a minute and realize you do have options-they just may not be what you'd like. That's life.

Also @heffalump: Pre-enactment is now my new favorite wedding word.

AddieCake · July 2015

I didn't need my birth certificate to get my marriage license. I'm 42 and married a little over 3 years.

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