Future InLaw/FMIL Problems

Re: Future InLaw/FMIL Problems

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  Maggie0829 member

  

  June 2015

  mrsspence87 said:

  So I'm finding that I'm having issues and I'm not sure really how to approach the situation without pissing anyone off.

  
  

  I have a really good relationship FI's mum and step-dad, as a wedding gift they are paying for the reception hall as a wedding gift so I anticipated them having opinions about that. We were okay with that to a degree.

  
  

  We got engaged in October and we're getting married in August. Since FI sweats like a fiend and our colours are black and white with red accents, I started talking about black, short sleeved dress shirts. He has one and that's what influenced my idea. He never said a word and I've been talking about this since October.

  
  

  Couple weeks ago they said they had to pick up a new outfit for his brother {who is his best man} and offered to buy FI's suit.

  THEY NOW WANT HIM TO WEAR A JACKET AND WHITE SHIRT!

  
  

  I stated - nicely but blatantly - that the guys were wearing black dress shirts with red ties and FI's tie is vastly different from everyone's and I debated on a tiny flower from my bouquet on him.

  FI says "well i could wear a white shirt"

  I got irritated with him for now flip flopping because he said nothing when I was talking about all black shirts.

  We've now "compromised" he will bring the jacket, the dress shirt is still white but short sleeved.

  
  

  What should I do? FI now has the idea his parents said after I've been talking about something basically opposite.

  
  

  I know he's wearing it, and that's kind of how I've left it as but it's very much now a sore spot.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  ALSO! We're doing a 'different' walk in idea. FI and his mother are walking in just ahead of my mum and I, FI really wants "Shoot to Thrill" by ACDC. Only only ONLY thing he has been adamant on, and I am fine with ACDC but FI's mother and I both suggested different songs from them - like "back in black" - but he really wants that song. Fine. I am cool with that.

  
  

  Apparently FI's mother has texted FI saying she doesn't wanna walk into ACDC at allllll ..... uhm what?

  I did put my foot down and say we're not changing it cuz it's what HE wants so much.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Do weddings make people crazy!?

  Just because they are paying for the venue doesn't mean that they get a say in the attire.  But in the grand scheme of things whether he wears a white shirt or a black shirt doesn't really matter. What matters is that he is wearing what HE wants not just because his Mom said to wear white.  Honestly, this is not a hill worth dying on.  It isn't like his parents are trying to control what you are wearing.  So just let your FI deal with his parents and if he just wants to appease his Mom, because it is just a shirt, then let him.

  
  

  As for the walking in music, I am confused if this is for the ceremony or reception.  But either way, they really don't get a say in what music is played.  Again, let your FI deal with his parents.

  
  

  I am just hoping that your FI doesn't roll over and do whatever his parents say all the time.  And I am hoping that this isn't behavior that his parents are now bringing to light because if your FI has always appeased them, then that is what they will expect.  So you need to have a talk with your FI.  Somethings I get are easier to just say okay to then others, but you and he need to decide where to draw the line so that you don't end up having your big life decisions controlled by his parents.

  
  

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  MissKittyDanger member

  

  June 2015

  Maggie0829 said:

  mrsspence87 said:

  So I'm finding that I'm having issues and I'm not sure really how to approach the situation without pissing anyone off.

  
  

  I have a really good relationship FI's mum and step-dad, as a wedding gift they are paying for the reception hall as a wedding gift so I anticipated them having opinions about that. We were okay with that to a degree.

  
  

  We got engaged in October and we're getting married in August. Since FI sweats like a fiend and our colours are black and white with red accents, I started talking about black, short sleeved dress shirts. He has one and that's what influenced my idea. He never said a word and I've been talking about this since October.

  
  

  Couple weeks ago they said they had to pick up a new outfit for his brother {who is his best man} and offered to buy FI's suit.

  THEY NOW WANT HIM TO WEAR A JACKET AND WHITE SHIRT!

  
  

  I stated - nicely but blatantly - that the guys were wearing black dress shirts with red ties and FI's tie is vastly different from everyone's and I debated on a tiny flower from my bouquet on him.

  FI says "well i could wear a white shirt"

  I got irritated with him for now flip flopping because he said nothing when I was talking about all black shirts.

  We've now "compromised" he will bring the jacket, the dress shirt is still white but short sleeved.

  
  

  What should I do? FI now has the idea his parents said after I've been talking about something basically opposite.

  
  

  I know he's wearing it, and that's kind of how I've left it as but it's very much now a sore spot.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  ALSO! We're doing a 'different' walk in idea. FI and his mother are walking in just ahead of my mum and I, FI really wants "Shoot to Thrill" by ACDC. Only only ONLY thing he has been adamant on, and I am fine with ACDC but FI's mother and I both suggested different songs from them - like "back in black" - but he really wants that song. Fine. I am cool with that.

  
  

  Apparently FI's mother has texted FI saying she doesn't wanna walk into ACDC at allllll ..... uhm what?

  I did put my foot down and say we're not changing it cuz it's what HE wants so much.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Do weddings make people crazy!?

  Just because they are paying for the venue doesn't mean that they get a say in the attire.  But in the grand scheme of things whether he wears a white shirt or a black shirt doesn't really matter. What matters is that he is wearing what HE wants not just because his Mom said to wear white.  Honestly, this is not a hill worth dying on.  It isn't like his parents are trying to control what you are wearing.  So just let your FI deal with his parents and if he just wants to appease his Mom, because it is just a shirt, then let him.

  
  

  As for the walking in music, I am confused if this is for the ceremony or reception.  But either way, they really don't get a say in what music is played.  Again, let your FI deal with his parents.

  
  

  I am just hoping that your FI doesn't roll over and do whatever his parents say all the time.  And I am hoping that this isn't behavior that his parents are now bringing to light because if your FI has always appeased them, then that is what they will expect.  So you need to have a talk with your FI.  Somethings I get are easier to just say okay to then others, but you and he need to decide where to draw the line so that you don't end up having your big life decisions controlled by his parents.

  He doesn't typically do things to appease them, so that's why I was confused. The shirt thing irritates me more than anything, but you're right it's not worth it much.

  
  

  Music is for ceremony. Vastly nontraditional portion of the wedding.

  I hope this isn't going to be something that's consistent on either part.

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  Maggie0829 member

  

  June 2015

  Then I am guessing that the shirt color he wears just isn't that important to him so he just choose to go with white to keep the fire at bay.  And since you say he sweats quite a bit I would suggest he get a white undershirt (or two) to wear under his dress shirt.  He could always get two of the dress shirt as well and then after the ceremony if he is feeling a bit damp he can get changed quickly.

  
  

  But I would definitely keep the music the same as you had planned.  I mean, unless your aisle is super long the song won't be playing that much anyways.  She can deal for 30 seconds.

  
  

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  Jen4948 member

  

  June 2015

  I wouldn't make a big deal out of the shirt thing. At least, not if your FI or FBIL don't think it's a big deal. And even if one or both of them do, I'd let them be the ones to deal with their parents and stay out of it myself.
  
  As far as the music goes, I'd tell her that your FI picked the music for their entrance and she needs to deal with him on that.

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  augsum15 member

  

  June 2015

  If FI wants the song, then he tells her he wants it, you don't deal with FI and his mum.

  
  

  And it's a shirt. If he wants to wear it, let him. I'm not dictating my FIs choice in attire, nor should you. Mine changed his mind a couple times, it's not the end of the world.

  
  

  You're seriously over thinking this. And yes weddings make people crazy. 

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  CMGragain member

  

  June 2015

  Yes, weddings make people crazy, and it sounds like you are being affected, too.
  None of this will matter after you are married.  The important things in a wedding are not who wears what shirt or what music you will use.  The important thing is that the two of you will be a legally married couple staring out on a new life.  His parents will be a part of that life, so you need to make nice.
  You got to choose your dress and the bridesmaids dresses.  He gets to choose what he wears.  Personally, I like the look of a jacket, and I think black shirts are very 1990s. JMHO.
  

  

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  blushingbride8888 member

  

  July 2015

  My Fi and I wanted an open bar till he went home and they suggested we do cash and invite more distant relatives.

  Um. No.

  Weddings make people nuts (including the bride and groom) and everyone has opinions. Do what you want and most importantly get you and your Fi on the same page. When it comes down to things like attire or what type of shirt he was wearing I can see being annoyed but I think I'd be thinking I have bigger fish to fry. If my Fi wanted to sweat through his shirt and jacket I'd let him. I'm letting Fi pick what he wants him and groomsmen to wear as long as it matches bridesmaids so basically anything normal. If he changes his mind later he can handle it

  
  

  

  
  

  

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