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I am ashamed!

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Re: I am ashamed!

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    sheknows6sheknows6 member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sheknows6 said:
    I can understand to an extent that mothers should think ahead and prepare, but I don't see the harm in giving someone diapers, new infant clothes, pacifiers, etc. for a second or third child, and having a shower to celebrate the new baby coming into the world.

    I know that showers are supposed to be for new moms Yes, to shower them with material items that they need to raise an infant but don't already own yet. . . because they haven't had a child yet.  Hence why some of us judge subsequent showers for subsequent kids as a total gift grab. . . You just had a bay 2 years ago, what the fuck did you do with all those clothes and the car seat, etc?  but personally I think every baby is special. I have way too many friends that struggle with infertility and when one in particular was lucky enough to conceive a second baby, we were THRILLED to throw her another baby shower.  You can be excited and throw a party to celebrate the birth.  Parties do not imply guests must bring a gift.  Showers imply guests must bring a gift.

    I don't see why it's so horrid and I think my personal experience is to blame. I wouldn't buy a crib or something major for a second or third, but I wouldn't side eye the shower itself. Just me.

    Exactly and that's why I specified with gifts that are generally under the category of a sprinkle if I've lurked the boards long enough and understand what the difference is. 

    I said before the "new mom" bit that I would only gift that person with disposable items that are needed regardless of how many kids you have. Things like diapers, etc.

    Don't call it a shower then. Definitely don't advertise the registry on facebook either. Otherwise, what's the big damn deal?



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    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
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    I have a kid, and I have friends with kids and would judge this super harshly too.

    Yep, I had a shower, it was great we got a lot of great stuff. I would not have another one if for some reason we had another kid. There are things like mom-to-mom sites for a reason. 

    Hell, I judge Baby Sprinkles harshly. Your bad planning is not my problem. Also, I know people who don't "like" hand-me-downs...that's another story altogether.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    sheknows6 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sheknows6 said:
    I can understand to an extent that mothers should think ahead and prepare, but I don't see the harm in giving someone diapers, new infant clothes, pacifiers, etc. for a second or third child, and having a shower to celebrate the new baby coming into the world.

    I know that showers are supposed to be for new moms Yes, to shower them with material items that they need to raise an infant but don't already own yet. . . because they haven't had a child yet.  Hence why some of us judge subsequent showers for subsequent kids as a total gift grab. . . You just had a bay 2 years ago, what the fuck did you do with all those clothes and the car seat, etc?  but personally I think every baby is special. I have way too many friends that struggle with infertility and when one in particular was lucky enough to conceive a second baby, we were THRILLED to throw her another baby shower.  You can be excited and throw a party to celebrate the birth.  Parties do not imply guests must bring a gift.  Showers imply guests must bring a gift.

    I don't see why it's so horrid and I think my personal experience is to blame. I wouldn't buy a crib or something major for a second or third, but I wouldn't side eye the shower itself. Just me.

    Exactly and that's why I specified with gifts that are generally under the category of a sprinkle if I've lurked the boards long enough and understand what the difference is. 

    I said before the "new mom" bit that I would only gift that person with disposable items that are needed regardless of how many kids you have. Things like diapers, etc.  Oh yeah, I give people this type of stuff all the time after they've had another baby.  I don't need any more diapers or formula or burping blankets. . . said no one ever!

    Don't call it a shower then. Definitely don't advertise the registry on facebook either. Otherwise, what's the big damn deal?
    OP, did your cousin actually advertise the registry on FB, as in a post taht was like "Hey everybody!  I'm having a baby and this is my registry- see link!!!!!"

    Or did she create a registry and it popped up on FB automatically, as many things from companies now do, so that she could get discounts?

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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    Can someone please explain to me this idea of bad planning?
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    sarawifenow said:
    lovegood90 said:

    I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

    This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so :)


    I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.
    Nice fucking dig at basically everyone.

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    pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
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    sarawifenow said: Can someone please explain to me this idea of bad planning? I cant speak for the OP, or anyone else, but I think it is meant to be sarcasm. Like, this is your third child, he/she can wear hand me downs, or you can plan to buy new outfits/diapers/etc. Instead, you're planning (or letting someone plan) for a third shower, rather than plan to buy the stuff you need for your child yourself.
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    beachyone15beachyone15 member
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    I just think it's kind of bitchy to judge a close family member who is "showing off how fertile she is". I mean really, WTF.
    Maybe I'm just not easily offended at something like multiple showers because I view each pregnancy as more of a celebration than a gift-grab, especially when it's close family.


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    vikinganna87vikinganna87 member
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    Unpopular opinion:

    I'm not a fan of showers.  For babies, I'd rather celebrate and give gifts after they're born. Or give something to the expectant mother when it's just us two hanging out. For weddings, I'd rather celebrate the bride (and groom) during the actual reception. 

    I didn't have an engagement party or bridal shower and don't intend to have any baby showers.

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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sarawifenow said:
    lovegood90 said:

    I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

    This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so :)


    I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.
    Nice fucking dig at basically everyone.
    BOXBOXBOX
     
    Oh come on, like you've never heard of TK being referred to as full of a bunch of bitches. It's not news, PGL.

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    edited July 2015
    I'm not a fan of a baby shower for every kid either.   I still give gifts for the birth of the other kids on my own.    I'm not a fan or the gift giving event like a shower.   It's grappy too me.

    That said, my mom ended up with a shower for her 3rd pregnancy.   She had one with me.  Not one with my sister.   And that was normal.  You got one shower in my family.     

    Then mom was pregnant a 3rd time with ONE BIG baby.   6 weeks early she gave birth to TWIN boys.   Yikes.

    My mom's family threw her a shower after the birth.   My parents didn't need the help financially.  The family just decided that going from having 1 more "big baby" to twins of a different sex of the first 2 kids, 6 weeks early meant that my parents were not properly setup.     They had a car seat, now they need another one.  Yikes, all the sudden they need another crib.

    Had my parents known they were having twins I doubt mom would have had another shower. They would have been ready to have 2 new additions. 






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    KahlylaKahlyla member
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    sarawifenow said:
    Can someone please explain to me this idea of bad planning?
    It's bad planning to get rid of all your baby gear when you may have another baby, would be my guess.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    sarawifenow said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sarawifenow said:
    lovegood90 said:

    I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

    This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so :)


    I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.
    Nice fucking dig at basically everyone.
    BOXBOXBOX
     
    Oh come on, like you've never heard of TK being referred to as full of a bunch of bitches. It's not news, PGL.

    Yes, but I don't actually believe it to be true. 

    Butthurt, overly sensitive SS who don't get the validation they seek think we are bitches.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    ashtsbashtsb member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sheknows6 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sheknows6 said:
    I can understand to an extent that mothers should think ahead and prepare, but I don't see the harm in giving someone diapers, new infant clothes, pacifiers, etc. for a second or third child, and having a shower to celebrate the new baby coming into the world.

    I know that showers are supposed to be for new moms Yes, to shower them with material items that they need to raise an infant but don't already own yet. . . because they haven't had a child yet.  Hence why some of us judge subsequent showers for subsequent kids as a total gift grab. . . You just had a bay 2 years ago, what the fuck did you do with all those clothes and the car seat, etc?  but personally I think every baby is special. I have way too many friends that struggle with infertility and when one in particular was lucky enough to conceive a second baby, we were THRILLED to throw her another baby shower.  You can be excited and throw a party to celebrate the birth.  Parties do not imply guests must bring a gift.  Showers imply guests must bring a gift.

    I don't see why it's so horrid and I think my personal experience is to blame. I wouldn't buy a crib or something major for a second or third, but I wouldn't side eye the shower itself. Just me.

    Exactly and that's why I specified with gifts that are generally under the category of a sprinkle if I've lurked the boards long enough and understand what the difference is. 

    I said before the "new mom" bit that I would only gift that person with disposable items that are needed regardless of how many kids you have. Things like diapers, etc.  Oh yeah, I give people this type of stuff all the time after they've had another baby.  I don't need any more diapers or formula or burping blankets. . . said no one ever!

    Don't call it a shower then. Definitely don't advertise the registry on facebook either. Otherwise, what's the big damn deal?
    OP, did your cousin actually advertise the registry on FB, as in a post taht was like "Hey everybody!  I'm having a baby and this is my registry- see link!!!!!"

    Or did she create a registry and it popped up on FB automatically, as many things from companies now do, so that she could get discounts?

    She said something along the lines as "Forgot how much stuff babies need! I'm working on registries!"

    She's registred at 3 different places.

    I'm not particualrly close with any of my family, so I suppose that's why I posted on here. I thought it was pretty gift grabby and I shouldn't have typed what I did. I do know some people can become infertile and I didn't realize my post came off like that. I don't generally post in forums because I have a hard time with getting my point across.

    I am terribly sorry for any distress I may have caused, I will try to be more careful with what I say/type. I know not to judge people, I just thought it was awful gift grabby and the first thing that came to mind was I was "ashamed" of my cousin, that she would make registries for her third kid. I don't think ashamed is the right word, I am trying to communicate which I don't think I am doing well with.

    Again, I will try to be better and I think it would be best if I stepped away for a little while. :)
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    vikinganna87 said:

    Unpopular opinion:

    I'm not a fan of showers.  For babies, I'd rather celebrate and give gifts after they're born. Or give something to the expectant mother when it's just us two hanging out. For weddings, I'd rather celebrate the bride (and groom) during the actual reception. 

    I didn't have an engagement party or bridal shower and don't intend to have any baby showers.

    I'm right there with you.

    I did have a bridal shower.  At least it was pretty small.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sarawifenow said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    sarawifenow said:
    lovegood90 said:

    I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

    This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so :)


    I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.
    Nice fucking dig at basically everyone.
    BOXBOXBOX
     
    Oh come on, like you've never heard of TK being referred to as full of a bunch of bitches. It's not news, PGL.

    Yes, but I don't actually believe it to be true. 

    Butthurt, overly sensitive SS who don't get the validation they seek think we are bitches.

    Fair. Point taken.
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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    Kahlyla said:
    sarawifenow said:
    Can someone please explain to me this idea of bad planning?
    It's bad planning to get rid of all your baby gear when you may have another baby, would be my guess.

    Well in that case, unless you (general) get your tubes tied/he gets snipped, then don't throw anything away until menopause! Wouldn't want to plan badly!
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    Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    I also agree with OP. I don't mind a sprinkle for a 2nd child when there is a decent age gap... but multiple full blown showers with the "guest of honor" posting her registry on FB?! YUCK!


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited July 2015
    Kahlyla said: sarawifenow said: Can someone please explain to me this idea of bad planning? It's bad planning to get rid of all your baby gear when you may have another baby, would be my guess.




    ETF: BOXES PLZ




     I think this is kind of a weird sentiment. I have seen lots of parents donate or sell their first child's clothes/toys once they grow out of them. A girl I went to HS with kept all of her first daughter's clothes in pristine-ass condition (no idea how) and sold them all and put that money into a fund for her kid. I thought that was a great idea. Now she has a second daughter. I don't     think it was planned, and I don't know if she had a shower, but I really wouldn't fault her for having one if she got rid of all the clothes and toys. Plus, what if you live in a small home and don't have the space to store everything? What if you aren't planning to have another kid? I think this whole "bad planning" thing is weird. Babies happen unexpectedly all the freaking time.

    But again, this is coming from someone who doesn't mind baby showers for multiple kids. So take that however you want. Baby showers are my favorite showers. The gifts are way more fun to look at than bridal shower gifts! :P
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    sheknows6sheknows6 member
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    sarawifenow said:
    Can someone please explain to me this idea of bad planning?
    Because putting another woman down is perfectly acceptable as long as you are also a woman. If a man does it, THEN you put on your feminist hat and roar.

    I guarantee you if a man said "you have two kids already, we know you're fertile" it would be world war 3. 

    I can totally understand being upset by the shower & the registry, but the OP has been judging her cousin for being pregnant again, not just for having a third shower.

    I'm really shocked that more women don't find this appalling. 





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    hellohkbhellohkb mod
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    Showers for each kid (sprinkles, I guess) are fairly common in my circle so I'm kind of "meh" on them. I seriously side-eye her for putting it on facebook, though.


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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Maggie0829 said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    sarawifenow said:
    Kahlyla said:
    sarawifenow said:
    Can someone please explain to me this idea of bad planning?
    It's bad planning to get rid of all your baby gear when you may have another baby, would be my guess.

    Well in that case, unless you (general) get your tubes tied/he gets snipped, then don't throw anything away until menopause! Wouldn't want to plan badly!
    Or don't expect people to trick out your nursery and clothe the kid you decided to have.....
    Well no one should expect that even with their first kid.
    No one is saying they should....?
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Sprinkles, I have noticed, have become common around my parts as well.  Generally it is only like 10-15 people (closest family and friends) and the parents don't even make a registry.  Typically the gifts are onesies, bottles, diapers, etc.  Nothing huge like a crib or rocking chair or whatever.  Just some cute things for the new baby.

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    beachyone15beachyone15 member
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    Ok. So if I decided to actively prevent a future pregnancy, but oops it happens anyway (which we all know is a possibility, albeit a small one) and I have gotten rid of all baby stuff already, what then? Is that my fault for getting pregnant again and "not planning"?


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    arrippaarrippa member
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    I side eyed my cousin when she had a baby shower for her second girl. They are less than two year apart. 

     I like baby showers where the baby is present. I went to one earlier this year, and it was great seeing the baby that the items was purchased for.

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