I am ashamed!

labro · July 2015

dreamsinpink said:
I'm going to guess OP is long gone by now... But out of true curiosity (obviously wouldn't pertain to the OP since all kids are the same sex) but I always thought that if your first is one sex, then your second is the opposite sex that you have another shower?? Is this not right?

Edit: for what its worth, I would definitely side eye if all three kids are girls and the mom is wanting a shower for the third.

It seems like this shouldn't matter. The big stuff is generally neutral and there is zero reason why you can't use it again. I think this is where sprinkles come in, at least in my circle anyway. People will bring the mom to be new clothes, diapers, the basics and the disposable stuff. I don't think just because your second baby is a different sex means you deserve or need a second full blown shower.

themosthappy91 · July 2015

beachyone15 said:

I just think it's kind of bitchy to judge a close family member who is "showing off how fertile she is". I mean really, WTF.
Maybe I'm just not easily offended at something like multiple showers because I view each pregnancy as more of a celebration than a gift-grab, especially when it's close family.

I mean, you can view it that way, but that doesn't make your view accurate. Showers are gift giving events by definition. If you want to just have a celebration, don't call it a shower.

This discussion is weird and dumb because a lot of people seem to be overlooking the very basic truth that we tell SS brides on here all the time- you're free to do it (in this case, "it" being host showers for having babies after your first) but you should know people are going to judge you for it. I know I would.

As for the whole "poor planning" discussion- it seems asinine to me that anyone is getting offended over that when obviously all that was meant was you shouldn't be depending on other people to provide you with a bunch of stuff for your baby, especially if they've already given you those same exact things for previous babies. Doesn't mean you have to have kept that item, doesn't mean you might not need it again- but get it for yourself this time around. No one is judging other people's family planning decisions for Christ's sake so settle.

huskypuppy14 · July 2015

beachyone15 said:

Kahlyla said:

beachyone15 said:

Ok. So if I decided to actively prevent a future pregnancy, but oops it happens anyway (which we all know is a possibility, albeit a small one) and I have gotten rid of all baby stuff already, what then? Is that my fault for getting pregnant again and "not planning"?

But why does this = all your friends and relatives have to pay for everything for you?

I don't know, I've long since given away all my baby stuff and my husband hasn't been snipped yet, but if we got pregnant now we would just buy what we needed ourselves. If someone really wanted to throw us a shower, I would feel pretty uncomfortable about it and try very hard to steer it toward a party with no expectation of gifts.

I wasn't saying anyone HAD to throw me a shower and that I HAD to accept. But if I chose to accept, that would be wrong?

Yes.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

On the whole poor planning piece... FI and I are still debating if/when we want to try for a second after the wedding.

We have kept basics like onesies (the few that were at least fairly clean), pajamas, bottles, the crib, etc. Seasonal clothes we gave to a friend who had a baby in the same size that season. Holding on to those clothes seemed silly not knowing if we would even have a baby born in the same month (like fleece PJ's not helpful in the summer).

Car seats do have expiration dates so we also donated to a friend for a backup car seat for her MIL.

All that being said, 3 registries for a 3rd kid is definitely excessive. I could see them needing to get some bigger items since it sounds like the other girls are still fairly young and may be using existing crib/toddler bed, car seat, etc

Chipmunk415 · July 2015

If the clothing worn by the prior two children is so worn out, it is good only for cleaning rags, then ok, get a few new outfits.

If the crib/stroller/other item associated with a baby has been outgrown by older two AND has subsequently be recalled for safety issues, then maybe ok on a kind gesture by family to get a new item (preferably one that can be converted/used by older children as well)

Only time I'd see the shower for the third child of the same sex being etiquette/socially acceptable would be if the damn house burned down and the family escaped with the clothes on their backs. I'd hope the attendees would also be super kind to include something small for the other two children to help them get back to "normal" in terms of clothing and what they are used to having, but of course would never demand it of my thoughtful guests

PrettyGirlLost · July 2015

AlisonM23 said:

On the whole poor planning piece... FI and I are still debating if/when we want to try for a second after the wedding. We have kept basics like onesies (the few that were at least fairly clean), pajamas, bottles, the crib, etc. Seasonal clothes we gave to a friend who had a baby in the same size that season. Holding on to those clothes seemed silly not knowing if we would even have a baby born in the same month (like fleece PJ's not helpful in the summer). Car seats do have expiration dates so we also donated to a friend for a backup car seat for her MIL. All that being said, 3 registries for a 3rd kid is definitely excessive. I could see them needing to get some bigger items since it sounds like the other girls are still fairly young and may be using existing crib/toddler bed, car seat, etc

Dafuq? How?

So equestrian riding helmets are rated to protect you against X number of falls. Once you hit X, you are supposed to buy a new one. . . is that how car seats can expire? Something like that?

huskypuppy14 · July 2015

All of these things you ladies are bringing up: not knowing when/if you might have another kid, throwing things away/spring cleaning, car seats expiring, clothes being warn out, baby of the opposite sex as the first, doesn't change the fact that no one is entitled to get these things for you. You are not entitled to a shower because you procreated.

A shower for the first baby is common. A baby shower is to welcome the soon to be new parents to parenthood. Most people do not have a problem with this. Like all showers, you shouldn't plan your own, someone has to throw it for you.

After the first child most likely your close friends and family will buy things for the baby (clothes, diapers, swaddles). But people will side eye you having a full blown shower for subsequent children.

I have no problem with people creating registries for new babies whether they are the first or the fifth child. But just like wedding registries they should not be solicited.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

@huskypuppy14 Oh I am with you on the baby shower piece. Just sharing that even with saving stuff from previous kids doesn't mean you have everything you need for future kids (more in reference to the conversation of poor planning, not trying to justify the shower)

@PrettyGirlLost yep! The date is typically 6 years after manufactured, sometimes up to 10 for basic boosters for older kids, but it is basically because technology and safety standards change, as well as materials wear with time and heavy use. Manufacturers can't guarantee the performance of the car seat in a crash once they get too old as well. Once the seat is in a car accident though you are supposed to get a new one.

TrixieJess · July 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

AlisonM23 said:

On the whole poor planning piece... FI and I are still debating if/when we want to try for a second after the wedding.

We have kept basics like onesies (the few that were at least fairly clean), pajamas, bottles, the crib, etc. Seasonal clothes we gave to a friend who had a baby in the same size that season. Holding on to those clothes seemed silly not knowing if we would even have a baby born in the same month (like fleece PJ's not helpful in the summer).

Car seats do have expiration dates so we also donated to a friend for a backup car seat for her MIL.

All that being said, 3 registries for a 3rd kid is definitely excessive. I could see them needing to get some bigger items since it sounds like the other girls are still fairly young and may be using existing crib/toddler bed, car seat, etc

Dafuq? How?

So equestrian riding helmets are rated to protect you against X number of falls. Once you hit X, you are supposed to buy a new one. . . is that how car seats can expire? Something like that?

Our car seats in Canada must be manufactured before 2012 and have expiry dates. My son's car seat was manufactured in 2013 and expires in 2018, it is a 3 in 1 seat.

huskypuppy14 · July 2015

AlisonM23 said: @huskypuppy14 Oh I am with you on the baby shower piece. Just sharing that even with saving stuff from previous kids doesn't mean you have everything you need for future kids (more in reference to the conversation of poor planning, not trying to justify the shower) @PrettyGirlLost yep! The date is typically 6 years after manufactured, sometimes up to 10 for basic boosters for older kids, but it is basically because technology and safety standards change, as well as materials wear with time and heavy use. Manufacturers can't guarantee the performance of the car seat in a crash once they get too old as well. Once the seat is in a car accident though you are supposed to get a new one.

I think this is where people are getting confused- or there is a disconnect. No one is saying if you throw out your baby clothes and have another baby that you are a poor planner. No one cares what you do with your own stuff. But don't use that as an excuse to justify having another shower.

lovemesomemonster · July 2015

Wow, this post turned into an incredible read. I was going to keep my mouth shut but I have to speak up after reading all of the posts taking the whole "poor planning" thing so literally! No, in my opinion you are not a bad "planner" if you "oops" years later and got rid of everything. BUT why in the world does that "oops" and you got rid of everything turn into a situation where "oh well, I can just have another shower so people can buy it for me AGAIN". Also, nobody is saying that because you have one kid you should have EVERYTHING you need for a second, it's more along the lines of you know fully what you need this time around and are capable of doing it yourself.

Let's throw an example in here.. Let's say I register for sheets for 3 beds and towels for 3 bathrooms to match because I have a big house when I get married. Circumstances take us to a city where we have to pack into a small apartment so I get rid of everything except the one bed set and enough towels for our one bathroom.. Fast forward 3 years, and we buy a 4 bedroom house again. I do NOT get another shower because I got rid of all of my stuff, I get to be an adult and buy it again.

OllisaurusRex · July 2015

And here I was thinking sprinkles are what happened when one didn't cover a little boy when changing a diaper.

As for car seats - if you look at a helmet, it will probably say to not leave in a hot car. The seats are plastic, left in cars in all the possible heat, parts wear out and eventually the plastic breaks down. Plus, like bike helmets, they're single impact items. Wreck it once, replace it. Want me to geek out further?

PrettyGirlLost · July 2015

OllisaurusRex said:
And here I was thinking sprinkles are what happened when one didn't cover a little boy when changing a diaper.

As for car seats - if you look at a helmet, it will probably say to not leave in a hot car. The seats are plastic, left in cars in all the possible heat, parts wear out and eventually the plastic breaks down. Plus, like bike helmets, they're single impact items. Wreck it once, replace it. Want me to geek out further?

No, actually the helmets don't say anything about not leaving them in the heat as far as I've ever seen. Most tack rooms and trailers aren't air conditioned. . .

I think most are multiple impact, but maybe not. I replaced mine after a pretty big spill.

Knottie1435566010 · July 2015

I dont think its too much of a bad thing. I'm having a baby shower for my son next month, and we're putting our gift list online, so people can decided what they would like to get us! I'm just making the site now, has anyone used the host 1&1? Does it work for mobile apps?

banana468 · July 2015

Most car seats have a finite warranty period. The average convertible car seat warranty is 5 years. Plastic getting hot and cold subjects it to the heat PLUS the manufacturer needs to be careful and protect itself from lawsuits. If the car is in an accident and the child isn't even in the car seat the seat may need to be replaced (covered by insurance). My understanding is that one of the only seats on the market with a warranty period longer than 5 years is the Diono and it has a steel base.

OllisaurusRex · July 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

OllisaurusRex said:
And here I was thinking sprinkles are what happened when one didn't cover a little boy when changing a diaper.

As for car seats - if you look at a helmet, it will probably say to not leave in a hot car. The seats are plastic, left in cars in all the possible heat, parts wear out and eventually the plastic breaks down. Plus, like bike helmets, they're single impact items. Wreck it once, replace it. Want me to geek out further?
No, actually the helmets don't say anything about not leaving them in the heat as far as I've ever seen. Most tack rooms and trailers aren't air conditioned. . .

I think most are multiple impact, but maybe not. I replaced mine after a pretty big spill.

I know bike helmets, my Giro says don't leave in a car, etc. But bike helmets are a single impact generally. I think the mix use ones (skateboard and bike) may be multiple impact, but those are hot and not vented much.

MyNameIsNot · July 2015

dreamsinpink said:

I'm going to guess OP is long gone by now... But out of true curiosity (obviously wouldn't pertain to the OP since all kids are the same sex) but I always thought that if your first is one sex, then your second is the opposite sex that you have another shower?? Is this not right?

Edit: for what its worth, I would definitely side eye if all three kids are girls and the mom is wanting a shower for the third.

I know this is kinda dead, but since someone bumped it, I'll play.

That's not right. If you decide that your little boy can't ride in a pink car seat or that your little girl can't sit in a blue stroller, then you can either choose "gender neutral" items the first time around, or you can pay for the second one yourself.

ChemFanatic25 · July 2015

Eh, if the couple wants to have a shower for each kid or someone offers to throw a shower for them and they accept I'll gladly buy them a gift.

Though I did not know you got big things like cribs, car seats, strollers, etc. for gifts at showers. Isn't that stuff pretty expensive? If I ever had a kid I'd buy that stuff myself. I'd feel so bad expecting others to buy it for me. Kind of like you don't put furniture on a wedding registry. I just always assumed baby showers were to give the couple clothes, diapers, bottles, small things so that's why I don't judge multiple baby showers.

lyndausvi · July 2015

ChemFanatic25 said:

Eh, if the couple wants to have a shower for each kid or someone offers to throw a shower for them and they accept I'll gladly buy them a gift.
Though I did not know you got big things like cribs, car seats, strollers, etc. for gifts at showers. Isn't that stuff pretty expensive? If I ever had a kid I'd buy that stuff myself. I'd feel so bad expecting others to buy it for me. Kind of like you don't put furniture on a wedding registry. I just always assumed baby showers were to give the couple clothes, diapers, bottles, small things so that's why I don't judge multiple baby showers.

My family tends to give group gifts and get the couple some big stuff like changing tables, car seats, strollers, high chairs. Not so much the cribs, but I have seen grandparents give that kind of stuff. I know my own parents bought cribs for all the firstborn grandkids for each of my siblings.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

ChemFanatic25 said:

Eh, if the couple wants to have a shower for each kid or someone offers to throw a shower for them and they accept I'll gladly buy them a gift.
Though I did not know you got big things like cribs, car seats, strollers, etc. for gifts at showers. Isn't that stuff pretty expensive? If I ever had a kid I'd buy that stuff myself. I'd feel so bad expecting others to buy it for me. Kind of like you don't put furniture on a wedding registry. I just always assumed baby showers were to give the couple clothes, diapers, bottles, small things so that's why I don't judge multiple baby showers.

From my personal (limited) experience, those types of things are sometimes given as joint gifts, where multiple people put their money together. Because, yeah, that stuff IS expensive.

banana468 · July 2015

We received some larger items as group gifts. Friends went in on the spare car seat base for the infant carrier, my SIL and her mom gave us the high chair, my aunt bought our crib and my parents gave us the glider/ottoman.

We registered for gender neutral things on purpose so those items would be used again assuming we had more than one.

ChemFanatic25 · July 2015

lyndausvi said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

Eh, if the couple wants to have a shower for each kid or someone offers to throw a shower for them and they accept I'll gladly buy them a gift.
Though I did not know you got big things like cribs, car seats, strollers, etc. for gifts at showers. Isn't that stuff pretty expensive? If I ever had a kid I'd buy that stuff myself. I'd feel so bad expecting others to buy it for me. Kind of like you don't put furniture on a wedding registry. I just always assumed baby showers were to give the couple clothes, diapers, bottles, small things so that's why I don't judge multiple baby showers.

My family tends to give group gifts and get the couple some big stuff like changing tables, car seats, strollers, high chairs. Not so much the cribs, but I have seen grandparents give that kind of stuff. I know my own parents bought cribs for all the firstborn grandkids for each of my siblings.

I've only seen it once when one of my close friends had her kid and her parents bought her the big stuff. I was surprised because I have been to a couple of baby showers and it's always been small stuff.

loveislouder · July 2015

Jumping in late to the party because of the "bad planning" comments.

One of my girlfriends has two kids, 10 and 12. After 10 year old was born, her husband had a vasectomy because they were done having kids and everything has been great.

Fast forward to two weeks ago when she gave birth to the cutest little girl ever (no offence to everyone else's little girl... I'm just biased). One little sperm got through and bam! Baby. Did they plan it? No. Did they try to prevent it? Yes.

She didn't have a shower, a sprinkle (I don't even know what that is) or anything but people are buying her lots of gifts. It happens.

photokitty · July 2015

loveislouder said:

She didn't have a shower, a sprinkle (I don't even know what that is) or anything but people are buying her lots of gifts. It happens.

This is how it should be IMHO.

I don't want to get invited to a shower. I don't want anyone to suggest I should get you a gift. I don't want to feel bad if I don't. But typically I will give a gift, on my own accord, when a baby is born.

I do it bc I want to, not bc I have to or it is expected. I think it's gross when people (the host, parents, grandparents, or otherwise) think people SHOULD buy gifts and therefore throw a shower/sprinkle/etc.

Eta... I'm referring to second child or more showers. I'm ok with a shower for the first kid.

BeckyNHarrold · July 2015

In my family only the first baby gets a shower. That is the full blown party with games and food and gifts out the ears.

Every baby after the first gest a "Day of Birth" Party. Yes...a Birthday Party. AFTER the baby is born. We celebrate the fact that the next brat is here ;-) and that the Mom didn't die giving birth. We bring smaller amounts of gifts, there is NO gift list or registry, no games...nothing like that. Just some snack foods and plenty of baby holding.

stefuhknee · July 2015

I'm just confused by the idea of the parents to be throwing their own shower? I thought showers were hosted by other people for the parents? So if someone hosts a surprise baby shower for subsequent children then is it still considered gift grabby?

I don't side eye subsequent showers, in fact, my mother and I hosted a 2nd shower for my sister when she was pregnant with baby girl #2 but it was small and just immediate family members came.

If we have a 2nd child we don't want anyone hosting a baby shower for us even if most of our big ticket items will need to be replaced by then. I received so many gifts at my first shower and you quickly realize how little a baby really NEEDS when your house is cluttered with a million baby things that they grow out of in 5 min.

lovegood90 · July 2015

stefuhknee said:

I'm just confused by the idea of the parents to be throwing their own shower? I thought showers were hosted by other people for the parents? So if someone hosts a surprise baby shower for subsequent children then is it still considered gift grabby?
I don't side eye subsequent showers, in fact, my mother and I hosted a 2nd shower for my sister when she was pregnant with baby girl #2 but it was small and just immediate family members came.
If we have a 2nd child we don't want anyone hosting a baby shower for us even if most of our big ticket items will need to be replaced by then. I received so many gifts at my first shower and you quickly realize how little a baby really NEEDS when your house is cluttered with a million baby things that they grow out of in 5 min.

I mean, if it's a surprise then obviously you can't do anything to stop it and should just be gracious about it.

But I do think that if someone accepts an offer from someone wanting to host a shower for a second baby, that yes they are still playing a part in soliciting gifts from others by accepting. And that's why I side-eye showers for subsequent children, regardless of who throws it, if I know that the guest of honor knew about it and accepted it.

photokitty · July 2015

lovegood90 said:

stefuhknee said:

I'm just confused by the idea of the parents to be throwing their own shower? I thought showers were hosted by other people for the parents? So if someone hosts a surprise baby shower for subsequent children then is it still considered gift grabby?
I don't side eye subsequent showers, in fact, my mother and I hosted a 2nd shower for my sister when she was pregnant with baby girl #2 but it was small and just immediate family members came.
If we have a 2nd child we don't want anyone hosting a baby shower for us even if most of our big ticket items will need to be replaced by then. I received so many gifts at my first shower and you quickly realize how little a baby really NEEDS when your house is cluttered with a million baby things that they grow out of in 5 min.

I mean, if it's a surprise then obviously you can't do anything to stop it and should just be gracious about it.
But I do think that if someone accepts an offer from someone wanting to host a shower for a second baby, that yes they are still playing a part in soliciting gifts from others by accepting. And that's why I side-eye showers for subsequent children, regardless of who throws it, if I know that the guest of honor knew about it and accepted it.

Not to mention, if it is a surprise there best not be a registry. If you registered for a "surprise" shower that you didn't know anything about, that is awfully convenient...

I am ashamed!

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