"Pre"ception/Engagement party vs a reception.

adettma32 · December 2014

MGP said:

MobKaz said:

Knottie06098213 said:

Wow, man, people on here are HARSH! I say do whatever you want. We are actually thinking of doing something similar, and here's why. We are eloping out of the country, and are moving out of state several months before the elopement.
Most of our family live in the state where we currently are. Since we are not having guests at our wedding ceremony, and family wont travel across country for a small reception after the elopement, we are going to have a "pre-ception" as you called it, right before we move away. We wont be married yet, but its really the only way we get to celebrate with our families here in the area.
My point in telling you that is: do whatever you want! All these people caught up with the etiquette stuff make me laugh. Who cares. It's your wedding/celebration/marriage. You can choose to celebrate it however you want, whenever you want and if anyone doesn't like it, they don't have to come! Best of luck with whatever you decide

Without being married, you have nothing to celebrate. By eloping, and not inviting guests to a wedding, you have no guests to invite to any type of pre-wedding party. Your lack of "etiquette stuff" makes me ill. The best you can hope for is that someone offers to host a going away party. You may have a snowball's chance of getting people to attend that party. I dare say that with your attitude, I'd be glad to see you go!

You want to have a "pre-ception" several months before you are married? Several MONTHS??

Look, I will be negative and morbid because I am just in that mood right now but do you realize what can happen in several months? What if one if you calls it off? What if one of you dies? It may sound far fetched but shit happens people.

For the life of me I cannot fathom why people think it is appropriate to celebrate something that has not happened yet. It is such a gross and entitled attitude to have. With the exception of birthdays, there is just too much that can fall through. Not only that, but the emotion and energy felt from celebrating something that is anticipated compared to something that has actually happened is completely different.

And honestly do you know what I would do if I got an invitation to a "pre-ception" for a wedding that was happening several months down the road that I was not invited to just because the couple was moving away beforehand? I would think it was a gift grab, decline, and send a card saying "good riddance, bitches!"

Just to play a little devil's advocate.. Why do we have baby showers and wedding showers, then? Those are celebrating and anticipating events that haven't yet happened.

I don't agree with having the whole pre-ception thing many months before the wedding, would much prefer to see the OP have a celebration of wedding party later on, if at all.

MobKaz · December 2014

adettma32 said:

MGP said:

MobKaz said:

Knottie06098213 said:

Wow, man, people on here are HARSH! I say do whatever you want. We are actually thinking of doing something similar, and here's why. We are eloping out of the country, and are moving out of state several months before the elopement.
Most of our family live in the state where we currently are. Since we are not having guests at our wedding ceremony, and family wont travel across country for a small reception after the elopement, we are going to have a "pre-ception" as you called it, right before we move away. We wont be married yet, but its really the only way we get to celebrate with our families here in the area.
My point in telling you that is: do whatever you want! All these people caught up with the etiquette stuff make me laugh. Who cares. It's your wedding/celebration/marriage. You can choose to celebrate it however you want, whenever you want and if anyone doesn't like it, they don't have to come! Best of luck with whatever you decide

Without being married, you have nothing to celebrate. By eloping, and not inviting guests to a wedding, you have no guests to invite to any type of pre-wedding party. Your lack of "etiquette stuff" makes me ill. The best you can hope for is that someone offers to host a going away party. You may have a snowball's chance of getting people to attend that party. I dare say that with your attitude, I'd be glad to see you go!

You want to have a "pre-ception" several months before you are married? Several MONTHS??

Look, I will be negative and morbid because I am just in that mood right now but do you realize what can happen in several months? What if one if you calls it off? What if one of you dies? It may sound far fetched but shit happens people.

For the life of me I cannot fathom why people think it is appropriate to celebrate something that has not happened yet. It is such a gross and entitled attitude to have. With the exception of birthdays, there is just too much that can fall through. Not only that, but the emotion and energy felt from celebrating something that is anticipated compared to something that has actually happened is completely different.

And honestly do you know what I would do if I got an invitation to a "pre-ception" for a wedding that was happening several months down the road that I was not invited to just because the couple was moving away beforehand? I would think it was a gift grab, decline, and send a card saying "good riddance, bitches!"

Just to play a little devil's advocate.. Why do we have baby showers and wedding showers, then? Those are celebrating and anticipating events that haven't yet happened.

I don't agree with having the whole pre-ception thing many months before the wedding, would much prefer to see the OP have a celebration of wedding party later on, if at all.

In terms of wedding showers, brides are reminded not to use any gifts given prior to the actual wedding. That is the "safeguard" used just in case the wedding is actually called off. Brides would be expected to return gifts. In many cultures, baby showers are actually held after the birth of the baby. These events are also not hosted by the guest of honor.

MGP · December 2014

CMGragain said:

Ooooo! How about a pre-pregnancy baby shower for my daughter? She isn't pregnant yet, but she WANTS to be! Just bring your presents, and we'll celebrate what hasn't happened yet!

Add to that:

A graduation party before you pass your exams.

A promotion party before you even get the job.

How abour even a pre-engagament party before the proposal? It will pair nicely with the wedding pre-ception that is bound to happen later on down the road.

Seriously I just don't get it.

MGP · December 2014

MobKaz said:

adettma32 said:

MGP said:

MobKaz said:

Knottie06098213 said:

Wow, man, people on here are HARSH! I say do whatever you want. We are actually thinking of doing something similar, and here's why. We are eloping out of the country, and are moving out of state several months before the elopement.
Most of our family live in the state where we currently are. Since we are not having guests at our wedding ceremony, and family wont travel across country for a small reception after the elopement, we are going to have a "pre-ception" as you called it, right before we move away. We wont be married yet, but its really the only way we get to celebrate with our families here in the area.
My point in telling you that is: do whatever you want! All these people caught up with the etiquette stuff make me laugh. Who cares. It's your wedding/celebration/marriage. You can choose to celebrate it however you want, whenever you want and if anyone doesn't like it, they don't have to come! Best of luck with whatever you decide

Without being married, you have nothing to celebrate. By eloping, and not inviting guests to a wedding, you have no guests to invite to any type of pre-wedding party. Your lack of "etiquette stuff" makes me ill. The best you can hope for is that someone offers to host a going away party. You may have a snowball's chance of getting people to attend that party. I dare say that with your attitude, I'd be glad to see you go!

You want to have a "pre-ception" several months before you are married? Several MONTHS??

Look, I will be negative and morbid because I am just in that mood right now but do you realize what can happen in several months? What if one if you calls it off? What if one of you dies? It may sound far fetched but shit happens people.

For the life of me I cannot fathom why people think it is appropriate to celebrate something that has not happened yet. It is such a gross and entitled attitude to have. With the exception of birthdays, there is just too much that can fall through. Not only that, but the emotion and energy felt from celebrating something that is anticipated compared to something that has actually happened is completely different.

And honestly do you know what I would do if I got an invitation to a "pre-ception" for a wedding that was happening several months down the road that I was not invited to just because the couple was moving away beforehand? I would think it was a gift grab, decline, and send a card saying "good riddance, bitches!"

Just to play a little devil's advocate.. Why do we have baby showers and wedding showers, then? Those are celebrating and anticipating events that haven't yet happened.

I don't agree with having the whole pre-ception thing many months before the wedding, would much prefer to see the OP have a celebration of wedding party later on, if at all.

In terms of wedding showers, brides are reminded not to use any gifts given prior to the actual wedding. That is the "safeguard" used just in case the wedding is actually called off. Brides would be expected to return gifts. In many cultures, baby showers are actually held after the birth of the baby. These events are also not hosted by the guest of honor.

The difference is that bridal and baby showers are designed to celebrate an anticipated event, along with what MobKaz said above about "safeguards". What the OP and this other poster want to do is celebrate something that hasn't happened yet but wants everyone to act like it has, with no repercussions on them if it doesn't. That is what makes it tacky and just a bad idea in general.

This "reward me now for what I say I will do" is a very immature attitude. In fact, today my 3 year old said to me "Mama, I will be a good girl for you tomorrow. Can I have some chocolate today since I will be good tomorrow?"

You can guess what my answer was.

Jells2dot0 · December 2014

UGH...do I need to explain what an elopement is again?

You can't have an elopement and a "pre-ception" or reception because not only do you not have any guests, but people don't even know you are getting married when you elope. An elopement doesn't mean two people getting married privately; it means two people get married without the knowledge or participation of others in their lives.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

I'm having a pre-wedding/family 'meet-n-greet' event (not calling it a reception). Its just a send-off; no formalities. Many relatives haven't met each other and many want to be included somehow. Its a way for us to include everyone, especially ones not able to attend our destination wedding. People want to celebrate with us AND many "want/prefer" to gift us. If you don't want to gift, don't gift...but to come to a 'free' party with music, food, nice venue, takeaways, etc....why is it such an issue to bring a card, at least, expressing your wishes? Its all about manners to me. Someone has spent money for you to come and party. And honestly, its not all about getting gifts; those would want to gift will do it regardless. This is why I prefer destination weddings!lol Its about the couple and should always be; if you don't feel that way...don't come and set expectations. I only want genuine people at my wedding and pre-wedding event:)

mrscomposer · July 2015

cnboone87 said:

I'm having a pre-wedding/family 'meet-n-greet' event (not calling it a reception). Its just a send-off; no formalities. Many relatives haven't met each other and many want to be included somehow. Its a way for us to include everyone, especially ones not able to attend our destination wedding. People want to celebrate with us AND many "want/prefer" to gift us. If you don't want to gift, don't gift...but to come to a 'free' party with music, food, nice venue, takeaways, etc....why is it such an issue to bring a card, at least, expressing your wishes? Its all about manners to me. Someone has spent money for you to come and party. And honestly, its not all about getting gifts; those would want to gift will do it regardless. This is why I prefer destination weddings!lol Its about the couple and should always be; if you don't feel that way...don't come and set expectations. I only want genuine people at my wedding and pre-wedding event:)

You dug up a six month old thread to say that you're having a pre-wedding party, expecting people to bring at least a card, if not a gift... that destination weddings are more about the couple than at home weddings are... and that you hope only 'genuine' people come to your wedding?

I don't really understand. But I don't think I like it.

lyndausvi · July 2015

mrscomposer said:

cnboone87 said:

I'm having a pre-wedding/family 'meet-n-greet' event (not calling it a reception). Its just a send-off; no formalities. Many relatives haven't met each other and many want to be included somehow. Its a way for us to include everyone, especially ones not able to attend our destination wedding. People want to celebrate with us AND many "want/prefer" to gift us. If you don't want to gift, don't gift...but to come to a 'free' party with music, food, nice venue, takeaways, etc....why is it such an issue to bring a card, at least, expressing your wishes? Its all about manners to me. Someone has spent money for you to come and party. And honestly, its not all about getting gifts; those would want to gift will do it regardless. This is why I prefer destination weddings!lol Its about the couple and should always be; if you don't feel that way...don't come and set expectations. I only want genuine people at my wedding and pre-wedding event:)

You dug up a six month old thread to say that you're having a pre-wedding party, expecting people to bring at least a card, if not a gift... that destination weddings are more about the couple than at home weddings are... and that you hope only 'genuine' people come to your wedding?
I don't really understand. But I don't think I like it.

yeah, color me confused.

CMGragain · July 2015

cnboone87 said:

I'm having a pre-wedding/family 'meet-n-greet' event (not calling it a reception). Its just a send-off; no formalities. Many relatives haven't met each other and many want to be included somehow. Its a way for us to include everyone, especially ones not able to attend our destination wedding. People want to celebrate with us AND many "want/prefer" to gift us. If you don't want to gift, don't gift...but to come to a 'free' party with music, food, nice venue, takeaways, etc....why is it such an issue to bring a card, at least, expressing your wishes? Its all about manners to me. Someone has spent money for you to come and party. And honestly, its not all about getting gifts; those would want to gift will do it regardless. This is why I prefer destination weddings!lol Its about the couple and should always be; if you don't feel that way...don't come and set expectations. I only want genuine people at my wedding and pre-wedding event:)

Just have a nice party for your relatives AFTER your wedding, not before. It's all about manners, you see. If you want your wedding to be all about you, then elope.
"Genuine people"? As opposed to "fake people"? I think I know a place where you can rent department store mannequins.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

wow, some unhappy people out there; first of all, i didn't dig up anything just to brag/talk about a party. And, why do you feel the need to leave a negative comment on a 6-mth old post, since you brought that up? This is a forum for discussion and I stated my opinion. I was searching for a reason, working on an item for my party when I came across this (actually, I had decided not to have one but my mom and best friend insisted that I have one...so I'm having one and excited about it). They are really planning everything for me, for the most part. So, I should cancel something that loved ones want to do for me?! I think not. Again, my pre-wedding event is not a reception...i will not have the typical traditional things (first dance, cake cutting, etc.). Its a celebration for people who want to wish us well on our destination wedding (not elopement - there's a difference). Why do you care how others celebrate their upcoming marriage anyway?And, I hope the lady who originally posed the question didn't get discouraged. If people come to my party and get mad or feel some type of way about not attending our wedding...that's not really my problem...that's what I meant about having only genuine people attend. You should want what the couple wants...if there's no harm involved. I see my party no different than an engagement party, baby shower, going/moving away party or bridal shower. Ugh, apparently someone has pissed some of you off. Be merry! I will, at my party!

MobKaz · July 2015

cnboone87 said:

wow, some unhappy people out there; first of all, i didn't dig up anything just to brag/talk about a party. And, why do you feel the need to leave a negative comment on a 6-mth old post, since you brought that up? This is a forum for discussion and I stated my opinion. I was searching for a reason, working on an item for my party when I came across this (actually, I had decided not to have one but my mom and best friend insisted that I have one...so I'm having one and excited about it). They are really planning everything for me, for the most part. So, I should cancel something that loved ones want to do for me?! I think not. Again, my pre-wedding event is not a reception...i will not have the typical traditional things (first dance, cake cutting, etc.). Its a celebration for people who want to wish us well on our destination wedding (not elopement - there's a difference). Why do you care how others celebrate their upcoming marriage anyway?And, I hope the lady who originally posed the question didn't get discouraged. If people come to my party and get mad or feel some type of way about not attending our wedding...that's not really my problem...that's what I meant about having only genuine people attend. You should want what the couple wants...if there's no harm involved. I see my party no different than an engagement party, baby shower, going/moving away party or bridal shower. Ugh, apparently someone has pissed some of you off. Be merry! I will, at my party!

Please tell me that at the very least, all the guests invited to this pre-ception party are invited to your destination wedding. If they are not, then that IS rude on a whole other level.

JCbride2015 · July 2015

MobKaz said:

cnboone87 said:

wow, some unhappy people out there; first of all, i didn't dig up anything just to brag/talk about a party. And, why do you feel the need to leave a negative comment on a 6-mth old post, since you brought that up? This is a forum for discussion and I stated my opinion. I was searching for a reason, working on an item for my party when I came across this (actually, I had decided not to have one but my mom and best friend insisted that I have one...so I'm having one and excited about it). They are really planning everything for me, for the most part. So, I should cancel something that loved ones want to do for me?! I think not. Again, my pre-wedding event is not a reception...i will not have the typical traditional things (first dance, cake cutting, etc.). Its a celebration for people who want to wish us well on our destination wedding (not elopement - there's a difference). Why do you care how others celebrate their upcoming marriage anyway?And, I hope the lady who originally posed the question didn't get discouraged. If people come to my party and get mad or feel some type of way about not attending our wedding...that's not really my problem...that's what I meant about having only genuine people attend. You should want what the couple wants...if there's no harm involved. I see my party no different than an engagement party, baby shower, going/moving away party or bridal shower. Ugh, apparently someone has pissed some of you off. Be merry! I will, at my party!

Please tell me that at the very least, all the guests invited to this pre-ception party are invited to your destination wedding. If they are not, then that IS rude on a whole other level.

Sadly, the bolded leads me to think they are not. This is unbelievably rude and entitled.

photokitty · July 2015

cnboone87 said:

wow, some unhappy people out there; first of all, i didn't dig up anything just to brag/talk about a party. And, why do you feel the need to leave a negative comment on a 6-mth old post, since you brought that up? This is a forum for discussion and I stated my opinion. I was searching for a reason, working on an item for my party when I came across this (actually, I had decided not to have one but my mom and best friend insisted that I have one...so I'm having one and excited about it). They are really planning everything for me, for the most part. So, I should cancel something that loved ones want to do for me?! I think not. Again, my pre-wedding event is not a reception...i will not have the typical traditional things (first dance, cake cutting, etc.). Its a celebration for people who want to wish us well on our destination wedding (not elopement - there's a difference). Why do you care how others celebrate their upcoming marriage anyway?And, I hope the lady who originally posed the question didn't get discouraged. If people come to my party and get mad or feel some type of way about not attending our wedding...that's not really my problem...that's what I meant about having only genuine people attend. You should want what the couple wants...if there's no harm involved. I see my party no different than an engagement party, baby shower, going/moving away party or bridal shower. Ugh, apparently someone has pissed some of you off. Be merry! I will, at my party!

Yep, no traditional reception stuff...Except gifts and cards - bring me gifts or cards all you genuine people. Fakers are party poopers and not welcome celebrate with us.

Also, remember - Most of the genuine people are NOT welcome at the actual wedding, but meh, whatever, I do what I want - don't forget your card, yo!

mrscomposer · July 2015

cnboone87 said:

wow, some unhappy people out there; first of all, i didn't dig up anything just to brag/talk about a party. Well, you dug up an old post... and then talked about a party... so I'm not sure where you're going with that. And, why do you feel the need to leave a negative comment on a 6-mth old post, since you brought that up? Because some people might not know that it disrupts the flow of the board to pull back old discussions that were allowed to die a natural death. You're not a new member (even though your only posts on this board have been on this thread), but new members who aren't familiar should know that if something is no longer being commented on, and their questions weren't answered, it's better to start a new thread than pull up an old one. from months ago My own personal rule for this is not to comment on anything that isn't on the first page. And even sometimes a certain way down the first page. This is a forum for discussion and I stated my opinion. I was searching for a reason, working on an item for my party when I came across this (actually, I had decided not to have one but my mom and best friend insisted that I have one...so I'm having one and excited about it). They are really planning everything for me, for the most part. So, I should cancel something that loved ones want to do for me?! You are well within your right to decline something that you were originally not comfortable with doing. I think not. Again, my pre-wedding event is not a reception...i will not have the typical traditional things (first dance, cake cutting, etc.). Its a celebration for people who want to wish us well on our destination wedding (not elopement - there's a difference). You're right. And I'm glad you're not doing things associated to a wedding when you haven't had your wedding yet. Why do you care how others celebrate their upcoming marriage anyway?And, I hope the lady who originally posed the question didn't get discouraged. If people come to my party and get mad or feel some type of way about not attending our wedding...that's not really my problem...that's what I meant about having only genuine people attend. You should want what the couple wants...if there's no harm involved. See, but it is your problem. And there could be harm involved. If the couple only wants to invite people to the pre-ception but not to the actual wedding? Rude. If the couple only wants to invite people without their significant other? Rude. If the couple wants people to provide for the party (as in a potluck/pay for drinks)? Rude. You do things at your party, whether before or after your wedding, that affect people's comfort level, people are going to be genuinely ticked off and you could be damaging your relationship with them. I see my party no different than an engagement party, baby shower, going/moving away party or bridal shower. Ugh, apparently someone has pissed some of you off. Be merry! I will, at my party!

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