Wedding Party

Bridal Party Help

edited July 2015 in Wedding Party
Streamlining the post so that I can get the most streamlined responses/advice.

1. What can you do if your bridal party isn't getting along?

2. Someone from the bridal party drops out, then months later, wants back in?

3. Someone wants to step down into a lesser role and this has to do with because they aren't getting along with the bridal party, and has zero reflection on her relationship with the bride.

How as the bride, do you respond to these situations? This now seems easier than giving a convoluted backstory and hopefully gets some useful feedback.
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Re: Bridal Party Help

  • You told your MOH you didn't need anything from her and now you are upset she isn't helping or communicating? Which is it? I wouldn't let the other bridesmaid back in. It's uncool to be wishy washy like that. She can't just bounce in and out of the wedding party when she feels like it or has a tiff with her family.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I've gotten myself into a mess and I never forsaw it coming when I chose my bridal party. I have two issues that I wouldn't mind some advice on.

    Problem #1. I had a bridesmaid drop out of the wedding. It was my future sister in law and due to an argument with her brother. Well, now that the major events (shower, bachelorette, etc.) have come and gone, all of a sudden she said she wants to be in the bridal party again. My gut is saying she is just doing this to make face for her family, but am I wrong if I tell her she would be most valued just as a guest there supporting us rather than having her in the bridal party just to appease the family? Clearly she did not care about supporting me to begin with, otherwise she would have stayed in the bridal party for me, so is it ok for me to say it would be best if she sticks with her original decision to stay out?

    Problem #2. My matron of honor wanted to step down due to the fact she lives out of town and has been very little involved in the event planning. After a long discussion, I told her my only expectation of her was to be supportive of me and come to the wedding with a top notch attitude and to help me throughout the day. Well since that conversation (months ago), I have not heard from her since. I now regret not letting her step down because she hasn't been supportive or even communicated with me at all since our conversation where she agreed to give it another shot. Am I wrong to give her a call and say after some thinking, that maybe she initially had the right idea and I should let her just be a bridesmaid?

    I tried to keep everything short and to the point. Even more so, I fought my instinct of becoming a bridezilla, and now I feel everything is more of a mess because I tried being nice! I know I have created a mess, but I really thought everyone I asked to be in my bridal party was genuinely excited and happy for me and wanted to be there for me. It's true they say weddings show people's real colors, but I thought that was meant about the bride, not the bridesmaids! Any helpful tips, advice, or personal stories would be great. Thanks!

    1) This is not a mess. Your expectations that people support you and help you on the wedding day are out of line.

    2) For the FSIL, you could tell her that you'd prefer that she just stay a guest, but your reasons for not wanting her to be in the WP make no sense. (The shower and b-party have already happened. So what?) On top of that, this is someone who is probably going to be in your life for a really long time. Refusing to allow her back in after she's gotten over whatever fight she had with your FI is going to go a long way toward keeping you from having a good relationship going forward. Yes, it was petty of her to drop out because she was fighting with your FI, but there's no reason for you to be petty back. 

    3) I feel so terrible for this MOH! When she told you that she felt bad that she was out of town and that she hadn't planned anything, you should have responded that she was your best friend and you wanted her to stand next to you so that you could honor your relationship. Instead, you gave her alternate assignments. Of course she feels terrible and hasn't been talking to you! To call her and "demote" her now would just add salt in the wound. Instead, you should reach out to her and explain that the only thing you want from her is to be with you on your wedding day, and that you're so excited that she'll be able to travel to be there with you. 

  • I've gotten myself into a mess and I never forsaw it coming when I chose my bridal party. I have two issues that I wouldn't mind some advice on.

    Problem #1. I had a bridesmaid drop out of the wedding. It was my future sister in law and due to an argument with her brother. Well, now that the major events (shower, bachelorette, etc.) have come and gone, all of a sudden she said she wants to be in the bridal party again. My gut is saying she is just doing this to make face for her family, but am I wrong if I tell her she would be most valued just as a guest there supporting us rather than having her in the bridal party just to appease the family? Clearly she did not care about supporting me to begin with, otherwise she would have stayed in the bridal party for me, so is it ok for me to say it would be best if she sticks with her original decision to stay out?

    Problem #2. My matron of honor wanted to step down due to the fact she lives out of town and has been very little involved in the event planning. After a long discussion, I told her my only expectation of her was to be supportive of me and come to the wedding with a top notch attitude and to help me throughout the day. Well since that conversation (months ago), I have not heard from her since. I now regret not letting her step down because she hasn't been supportive or even communicated with me at all since our conversation where she agreed to give it another shot. Am I wrong to give her a call and say after some thinking, that maybe she initially had the right idea and I should let her just be a bridesmaid?

    I tried to keep everything short and to the point. Even more so, I fought my instinct of becoming a bridezilla, and now I feel everything is more of a mess because I tried being nice! I know I have created a mess, but I really thought everyone I asked to be in my bridal party was genuinely excited and happy for me and wanted to be there for me. It's true they say weddings show people's real colors, but I thought that was meant about the bride, not the bridesmaids! Any helpful tips, advice, or personal stories would be great. Thanks!

    #1: When is your wedding? Is it too late for her to purchase a bridesmaid dress? If not, then I would let her back in the bridal party. This is your future SIL, so I'd be careful how you start off with your new family members.

    #2: NO. You cannot ask her to step down. You told her all that you wanted from her was to show up on your wedding day with a good attitude and be there to stand with you (which is all that any bridal party member needs to do), so that's all she needs to do. She's got her own life and it is very possible that there are other things going with her right now--your wedding is certainly not her priority. And maybe you should call her up to see how she is doing and discuss the going-ons in her life and leave your wedding out of it. But no, you cannot ask her to step down as MOH. 

    You should lurk these boards a bit more. Your expectations of your bridal party is out of line.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
  • edited July 2015
    I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the members of the bridal support the bride, as in, stay positive and keep my mood up in the event something crazy happened (even if it's bad weather). What do you think is meant when someone is asked to be in a bridal party I guess would have been a better question, because I'm just looking them to be the same friends they always have been, but since I've asked them to take part in the wedding, I feel they've become very distant. And I should note, I reach out at least once a week to ask them general questions about how their lives are and what's new and so on.
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the members of the bridal support the bride, as in, stay positive and keep my mood up in the event something crazy happened (even if it's bad weather). What do you think is meant when someone is asked to be in a bridal party I guess would have been a better question, because I'm just looking them to be the same friends they always have been, but since I've asked them to take part in the wedding, I feel they've become very distant. And I should note, I reach out at least once a week to ask them general questions about how their lives are and what's new and so on.
    If you need someone to keep your mood up during your wedding, you are making a mistake.

    You ask someone to be in your WP so that you can honor your friendship with them. 
  • AddieCake said:
    Stand there and look pretty is all I expected of my bridesmaids. But not prettier than ME, of course. That would be a deal breaker.
    Totes. I didn't ask you to be a BM in my wedding because of your gloriously fantastic boobs. I can't have your knockers overshadowing me.

    I just assumed it was because you live too far away and I couldn't plan parties for you. Boob envy is better.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the members of the bridal support the bride, as in, stay positive and keep my mood up in the event something crazy happened (even if it's bad weather). What do you think is meant when someone is asked to be in a bridal party I guess would have been a better question, because I'm just looking them to be the same friends they always have been, but since I've asked them to take part in the wedding, I feel they've become very distant. And I should note, I reach out at least once a week to ask them general questions about how their lives are and what's new and so on.

    All we think should be meant to be in a bridal party is to acquire the designated outfit, show up in it sober, on time, and in good spirits on the wedding day, process down the aisle and recess back up it, and pose for some photos.  We don't think it means planning parties or otherwise helping "plan" the wedding or going shopping with the bride if the bridal party member in question can't or doesn't want to, or keeping up the bride's mood other than not being a downer her/himself.

    As to why everyone's become distant, what exactly do you expect from them in terms of contact? If everyone is not piping up with wedding talk, questions, or even excitement, it might be that they're legitimately busy with work, school, taking care of their families, having health or other issues, or so on.  Or they may be trying to protect you from their own issues and don't want to depress you.

  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the members of the bridal support the bride, as in, stay positive and keep my mood up in the event something crazy happened (even if it's bad weather). What do you think is meant when someone is asked to be in a bridal party I guess would have been a better question, because I'm just looking them to be the same friends they always have been, but since I've asked them to take part in the wedding, I feel they've become very distant. And I should note, I reach out at least once a week to ask them general questions about how their lives are and what's new and so on.
    The expectations you listed in bold are understandable…ON YOUR WEDDING DAY. They are required to do nothing else leading up to the big day. What you were complaining about in your original post was that they were not doing those things NOW.

    And expecting people to 'stay the same' is completely unrealistic. You mean to tell me that even if they experience drastic changes in their lives (i.e. death in the family, illness, etc) they are still required to 'be the same' for the sake of you and your wedding?
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
  • Streamlining the post so that I can get the most streamlined responses/advice.

    1. What can you do if your bridal party isn't getting along?

    2. Someone from the bridal party drops out, then months later, wants back in?

    3. Someone wants to step down into a lesser role and this has to do with because they aren't getting along with the bridal party, and has zero reflection on her relationship with the bride.

    How as the bride, do you respond to these situations? This now seems easier than giving a convoluted backstory and hopefully gets some useful feedback.
    1. Stay out of it. You're not a babysitter, they are (presumably) adults and can handle any issues themselves.

    2. Since it's your FSIL, you might want to consider letting her back in. BUT if it were anyone else, I'd say that boat has sailed.

    3. Well, since this isn't exactly consistent with the actual backstory, it's hard to respond to. Didn't she want to step down but you told her not to? So stick to that, except do not expect her to do anything other than show up in the correct dress, on time, at your wedding. Problem. Solved.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    Streamlining the post so that I can get the most streamlined responses/advice.

    1. What can you do if your bridal party isn't getting along?

    2. Someone from the bridal party drops out, then months later, wants back in?

    3. Someone wants to step down into a lesser role and this has to do with because they aren't getting along with the bridal party, and has zero reflection on her relationship with the bride.

    How as the bride, do you respond to these situations? This now seems easier than giving a convoluted backstory and hopefully gets some useful feedback.
    I'm going to keep responding, because you just don't seem to get it yet.

    1. You stay out of it. They are adults and can handle their own problems. (Or if they are children, their parents can handle it.)

    2. You consider the long term relationship with this person and decide whether it's worth it. A waning friendship, it's probably better to tell her she can't come back. A family member or very close friend, it's probably best to let her back in.

    3. There are no lesser roles. 
  • Why do you keep editing your posts and removing things? Not cool and you've already been quoted so we can see what you originally posted.

    The idea that your bridal party needs to keep your mood up on the day of your wedding is odd.
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2015
    Streamlining the post so that I can get the most streamlined responses/advice.

    1. What can you do if your bridal party isn't getting along?

    2. Someone from the bridal party drops out, then months later, wants back in?

    3. Someone wants to step down into a lesser role and this has to do with because they aren't getting along with the bridal party, and has zero reflection on her relationship with the bride.

    How as the bride, do you respond to these situations? This now seems easier than giving a convoluted backstory and hopefully gets some useful feedback.

    I only skimmed the original post (thanks for the quoting folks), but I'll play along and answer these questions, because I'm pretty sure my answers will not change.

    1.  You do nothing if the bridal party isn't getting along.  These are individual people you chose in honor of your friendship to stand up with you on the day you get married.  That's it.  They don't have to be BFF's with each other, they don't have to sing Kumbaya, they don't have to pass around a friendship bonding pair of pants, they don't have to have any type of relationship with each other if they don't want to.  They are adults and allowed to choose with whom they associate and how.

    2.  Well, presumably people were asked to be in the bridal party because you value your relationship with them.  And presumably your relationship with them still stands if you're talking with each and they feel close enough to ask.  So, as this would, again, presumably be someone you care about then one would think the natural response would be "I'm so glad whatever circumstances that happened to cause you to drop out initially have been resolved and I'm happy you're going to stand up there beside me."  The only exception would be if it's like a week before the wedding and they can't get a dress, but you know?  Even then I would be so ecstatic that someone I loved enough to ask in the first place now has whatever issues they have resolved and wants to stand beside me that I'm not sure I would even give a damn if they matched, or at most I would say "Wear any dress in X color" that matched the color of the others.

    3.  I'm confused by "lesser role".  Like, they want to be an usher or reader or guestbook attendant (which is a bullsh*t role, by the way - if your job can also be accomplished by a sign, it's not an actual role)?  If you mean go from MOH to bridesmaid, I guess l would let them since both have the exact same "duties" of show up in the appropriate attire sober enough to walk a straight line down and aisle and stay standing for the duration of the ceremony (and even the standing is optional).  So, if it seems that important to them to not have what is just an honorary title celebrating your relationship with each other, I guess I would honor that.  But really, I would be asking them if everything is ok because that's a pretty unusual request since there really is no difference in what any one in the bridal party does.

    ********************************

    Now, for the ACTUAL post that was edited out - my answers are basically the same with the following addition...

    You have unrealistic expectations.  There is no duty for them to be involved in the planning of your wedding.  That's what you have a fiancé for - the two people actually getting married are the only people responsible for the planning of the wedding.  There is also no duty for them to support you through your party planning process.  You know who should be supporting you?  The person planning the party with you.  Do you routinely require this much support when planning other activities - a birthday party? Happy hour gathering? Dinner with family?  Getting dressed in the morning?  You are planning a ceremony followed by a dinner party for a happy occasion - this isn't exactly something that requires rallying the troops and holding a vigil.

    For FSIL, remember that soon she will be SIL.  Be petty and hold a grudge if you wish, but know that you have to deal with the ramifications of that for all the years you will be married into that family.

    For MOH, reassure her that you have no expectations.  NO EXPECTATIONS.  Not "No expectations except support me through the arduous task of deciding cake flavors and picking out pretty flowers."  No expectations.  You do not demote her because it's not a job.  You are not her employer, you are not paying her and giving her health insurance. 

    For everyone in your wedding party, stop treating them like your bridal party (as defined by whatever expectations you seem to think a bridal party should have) and start treating them like your friends because your wedding is one day and presumably you would like to have these relationships after that day is over.   Friends first - take your wedding out of the equation when interacting with them.


  • edited July 2015
    I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the members of the bridal support the bride, as in, stay positive and keep my mood up in the event something crazy happened (even if it's bad weather).   No offense, but that's te job of Zoloft or Xanax. . . or your FI, not your BMs.  What do you think is meant when someone is asked to be in a bridal party I guess would have been a better question, because I'm just looking them to be the same friends they always have been, but since I've asked them to take part in the wedding, I feel they've become very distant. And I should note, I reach out at least once a week to ask them general questions about how their lives are and what's new and so on.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Why do you keep editing your posts and removing things? Not cool and you've already been quoted so we can see what you originally posted. The idea that your bridal party needs to keep your mood up on the day of your wedding is odd.
    Maybe they're slipping amphetamines into her drinks. NOW that's a good bridesmaid. 
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."
  • Streamlining the post so that I can get the most streamlined responses/advice.

    1. What can you do if your bridal party isn't getting along? Stay out of it or, if you're already involved, tell them to start acting like adults. Being cordial isn't rocket science.

    2. Someone from the bridal party drops out, then months later, wants back in? If it's a good friend, why wouldn't you want them back in?

    3. Someone wants to step down into a lesser role and this has to do with because they aren't getting along with the bridal party, and has zero reflection on her relationship with the bride. They all do the same thing - get a certain outfit and stand up front with you. There's no such thing as a "lesser role" unless you're expecting them to do things for you, which you should not. If you are expecting them to do things for you, then you can fix the problem by lowering your expectations.

    How as the bride, do you respond to these situations? This now seems easier than giving a convoluted backstory and hopefully gets some useful feedback.
    I was able to read your OP since you were quoted, but I'll respond to this one since that's what you apparently want. It won't change my advice, though. See above in pink.

    I also see that you think these people's role should be to support you if something goes wrong. That's your fiance's job. Not theirs. 

    If you need emotional support to plan a wedding, you probably need to reevaluate either your relationship, your plans, or your expectations of other people. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."


    Support, verb: 
    1.to bear or hold up; serve as a foundation for.
    2.to sustain or withstand without giving way; serve as a prop for.
    3.to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.
    4.to sustain under trial or affliction:
    They supported him throughout his ordeal.
    5.to maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.
    6.to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid, countenance, one's vote, etc.; back; second.
    7.to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

    Which of these does your bridal party fit into?
    image
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."
    This is some support that you may need:

    image
  • I'm still wondering how a bridesmaid is a lesser role.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."
    "Support" usually is a bad word on this site because the majority of the time, when a bride comes on these boards and says she isn't getting support from her WP its because they are not doing enough DIY projects, aren't helping her plan the wedding, or planning her parties.  Also, if you need actual support (as in the actual definition of support), you probably should be thinking about whether this marriage is a good idea or not.
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."
    Because this notion of "support" typically means "blow rainbows up my ass and help me do shit". PPs have given great responses on why "support" on your wedding day doesn't make any damn sense. A wedding is essentially a party. If you need emotional support to throw a party, you're doing it wrong. 

    I assume regulars here are probably sick of hearing me talk about this, but I feel like it's relevant here. My mother was diagnosed as terminally ill just over a month before my DW. We cancelled it immediately and planned a new wedding at home 13 days later. People kept asking me about the wedding. Fuck that. I don't give a fuck about the wedding. What I give a fuck about is my mom dying. THAT's what I need you (general you) to ask me about, to see if there's anything you can do, to pray for her comfort. 


    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Listen. I had all sorts of things go wrong on my wedding. My cake collapsed and fell onto the floor. My dress ripped. My DJ fucked up majorly. 

    Did I need support from my friends to go on with the day? Nope. I was on Cloud 9. 

    You are getting married, not burying a loved one. What do you need support for? 
    THIS.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • redoryx said:
    I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."


    Support, verb: 
    1.to bear or hold up; serve as a foundation for.
    2.to sustain or withstand without giving way; serve as a prop for.
    3.to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.
    4.to sustain under trial or affliction:
    They supported him throughout his ordeal.
    5.to maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.
    6.to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid, countenance, one's vote, etc.; back; second.
    7.to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

    Which of these does your bridal party fit into?
    That would be "back." When I support someone's decision to do something, I promote their interest. When I support a cause without giving financially to them, I promote their interest. When I stand up next to my best friend on the best day of her life, I'm supporting her by being there with her. Some of you argue just for the sake of arguing.
  • I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."
    "Support" usually is a bad word on this site because the majority of the time, when a bride comes on these boards and says she isn't getting support from her WP its because they are not doing enough DIY projects, aren't helping her plan the wedding, or planning her parties.  Also, if you need actual support (as in the actual definition of support), you probably should be thinking about whether this marriage is a good idea or not.
    If you think of the actual definition of support is a bad thing, then you're not accurately using it.
  • redoryx said:
    I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.
    What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 
    I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."


    Support, verb: 
    1.to bear or hold up; serve as a foundation for.
    2.to sustain or withstand without giving way; serve as a prop for.
    3.to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.
    4.to sustain under trial or affliction:
    They supported him throughout his ordeal.
    5.to maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.
    6.to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid, countenance, one's vote, etc.; back; second.
    7.to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

    Which of these does your bridal party fit into?
    That would be "back." When I support someone's decision to do something, I promote their interest. When I support a cause without giving financially to them, I promote their interest. When I stand up next to my best friend on the best day of her life, I'm supporting her by being there with her. Some of you argue just for the sake of arguing.
    No one argues just to argue. The members of this board try to get people to see when they're being ridiculous and try to encourage them to be better friends.

    Even by your definition, if the bride needs her friends to champion her cause in order to go through with the wedding, she shouldn't be getting married. 
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