Update on the Springtime.....wedding

Re: Update on the Springtime.....wedding

• redheadbride15 member

  

  July 2015

  I think you should start suggesting to your bridezilla that she come over to TK forums for some friendly wedding planning advice! Perhaps she will take a hint from all of us on how to best "manage" her bridal party...
  

  Report2 Reply
• kvruns member

  

  July 2015

  KwajKenDean said:

  Just wanted to give a little update on what is going on with that long wedding theme.

  To start, the bride sent out an email telling everyone that they had to wear red or coral nail polish and lipstick. Now, I don't know the etiquette on this, but for now I've ignored it. I'm very dark and don't do well with reds or oranges.

  
  

  The next thing was she did ask me if I bought my dress yet because all of the others did. I told her that I hadn't and the expression on her face was priceless. I told her that I have plenty of time as her wedding isn't until April, I have until at least late January to mid February to get it. I told her a lot of things can change I can get pregnant and then I'm stuck with a dress I can't return. Her response was that one of her bms is currently pregnant and bought her dress based on what she should be after she delivers..At this point I had to get a little bit of an attitude. I told her, "That is great for her, but what happens if she calculated her size incorrectly then she has to buy another dress and has had that so long that she can't exchange them. I need you not to worry I will have the dress."

  
  

  Ugh, it's just something everyday. I literally get a text 4xs a week about a wedding that's not until April. I asked her if her moh is helping with anything because I wanted to see if she is bothering her as much as she is bothering me. She said that her moh got married like 12 years ago and didn't plan her own wedding because she was so young so her mother did it so she doesn't really know anything. So my question becomes, why is she your moh? My moh had been married for years and she just googled what she needed to know and brought the information back to me. Don't get me wrong I don't mind helping and answering questions but I feel like she is trying to find something to be stressed about. Like she ask me questions about her photographer and DJ when she would be asking those questions to them.

  
  

  It would be tiresome getting questions/comments so far in advance, especially since it isn't like there is a specific dress to order - as you said you have plenty of time and who know how shapes and sizes change, especially with pregnancy so you are smart to wait! and the lipstick and nails, ugh I'd just ignore too.

  But on the bolded, your question is odd.  The MOH doesn't have to be the all knowing person, and certainly doesn't have any duties as is discussed on here all the time, so your question as to why the person is MOH when she didn't plan a wedding is odd.  Presumably she is MOH because she is the person bride wanted in that role, be it bc she is the closest person to her or whatever. My MOH was single, but I still picked her bc she's the closest person to me. Someone isn't MOH because they know stuff about weddings. Was your MOH your wedding assistant, researching and googling for you as part of her role? Obviously that ship has sailed but you are mad she is asking questions yet said you had your MOH google and report back which is the same thing here except you are not the MOH but are part of the bridal party.

  Hopefully this bride isn't like this until April for your sake!
  

  Report0 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  July 2015

  I don't understand you questioning why the other woman is her MOH simply because she doesn't know anything about wedding planning.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report9 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  July 2015

  Wear whatever nail and lip color you want.  Don't discuss it with her and don't say anything about it on the wedding day.

  
  

  As for the weird "why is she your MOH" question you asked.  I am not understanding it.  Just because her MOH did not plan her own wedding and doesn't know anything about weddings doesn't mean that she can't be her MOH.  A MOH is your nearest and dearest friend/family member.  Not someone who knows the most or helps the most in regards to the wedding.  I mean it is great if they are all excited about it and want to help, but that is not a requirement.  At all.

  
  

  I would just start ignoring any wedding texts from this point until after the first of the year.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• KwajKenDean member

  

  July 2015

  Maggie0829 said:

  Wear whatever nail and lip color you want.  Don't discuss it with her and don't say anything about it on the wedding day.

  
  

  As for the weird "why is she your MOH" question you asked.  I am not understanding it.  Just because her MOH did not plan her own wedding and doesn't know anything about weddings doesn't mean that she can't be her MOH.  A MOH is your nearest and dearest friend/family member.  Not someone who knows the most or helps the most in regards to the wedding.  I mean it is great if they are all excited about it and want to help, but that is not a requirement.  At all.

  
  

  I would just start ignoring any wedding texts from this point until after the first of the year.

  I just read it and I guess I wasn't clear, my bad. I know that a moh doesn't have to be married. I think her answer to my question about her moh is what gave me that reaction. It was very matter of fact and nonchalant almost with a little eye role. guess I took what my moh did for granted - she did things I didn't even ask her to do. 

  
  

  I've tried to ignore the text. She sent out the iteninary (yes, really already) along with telling me that she was getting a limo and she would decide who would ride in it. I read it and kept moving - I didn't respond. The next day I had a text that said, "Is that plan ok?"  So it's really hard to ignore when she follows up if you don't respond

  Report0 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  July 2015

  I would just say "Friend, I realize that you are very excited about your upcoming wedding.  And while I am very happy for you I am getting burned out with all the texts and conversations about something that is not happening for another 9 months.  So can you please stop texting me multiple times a week?  Thanks."

  
  

  Report4 Reply
• vikinganna87 member

  

  July 2015

  I'm not sure that your friend qualifies as a bridezilla, but it's kind of beside the point.  She seems really eager and excited about her wedding and wants guidance.

  The next thing was she did ask me if I bought my dress yet because all of the others did. I told her that I hadn't and the expression on her face was priceless

  I'm less concerned about her wedding and more concerned about your friendship.  Is she a close friend?  Are you uncomfortable giving her advice and then saying something like "I'm really happy for you about your wedding but feel a bit overwhelmed when all these details are being decided 9 months in advance."?  If she asked you to be a bridesmaid I'm assuming you're relatively close, and if you're close it shouldn't be tough to level with her, albeit diplomatically.

  Her behavior seems to elicit passive-aggressive reaction on your part.  Instead of telling her what you think about her overall approach to planning, you seem to relish in contradicting her and "rebelling" against her wishes [however silly] of for example coral nails. This probably isn't your intention, but it just comes across as critical and bitchy.  What's wrong with her asking you about a DJ or photographer?

  Either you're in her wedding or you politely decline.  It sounds like you really don't like her and of course, there's a lot of context we don't know about.  I don't think scrutinizing her every text, idea, or demand is really helping the situation unless she's aware of what you think she's doing wrong.

  Report1 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  July 2015

  I didn't even text my DH that much over our wedding. Especially that far out.  I would be pretty annoyed at all the wedding talk.     Red or coral nail polish, oh hell no.  I draw the line at the dress.  Beyond that I would be pretty fucking annoyed.   Happily that never happened.

  
  

  I also do not understand why all these brides are asking their BMs on DJ and whatever?  Sure if they just got married I might ask for a recommendation, but that is the extend of it.  I've been a BM and/or MOH numerous times and never once did the bride unlist me help to pick up DJs, venues or even cake. 

  
  

  My help came in the form of throwing a shower (sometimes, sometimes not because I was OOT).  I've helped stuff envelopes a few months out.   The bride has emailed me a few proofs to look at to see if there were any mistakes or if I could help tweak anything.    The week before I've helped tie escort cards on wine bottles.  I've helped fold programs.  I've taken cray-cray MOBs to breakfast so the bride could have a relaxing morning not dealing with their crazy mom.  I've done other random odds and ends for the couple.  Mostly fairly close to the wedding.

  
  

  At no time have I actually helped book major things like venues, photographers or DJs.  Those jobs are up to the people paying and/or planning.    I.E my husband and I researched the DJ, not my MOH sister or any other BM.  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report0 Reply
• KwajKenDean member

  

  July 2015

  vikinganna87 said:

  I'm not sure that your friend qualifies as a bridezilla, but it's kind of beside the point.  She seems really eager and excited about her wedding and wants guidance.

  The next thing was she did ask me if I bought my dress yet because all of the others did. I told her that I hadn't and the expression on her face was priceless

  I'm less concerned about her wedding and more concerned about your friendship.  Is she a close friend?  Are you uncomfortable giving her advice and then saying something like "I'm really happy for you about your wedding but feel a bit overwhelmed when all these details are being decided 9 months in advance."?  If she asked you to be a bridesmaid I'm assuming you're relatively close, and if you're close it shouldn't be tough to level with her, albeit diplomatically.

  Her behavior seems to elicit passive-aggressive reaction on your part.  Instead of telling her what you think about her overall approach to planning, you seem to relish in contradicting her and "rebelling" against her wishes [however silly] of for example coral nails. This probably isn't your intention, but it just comes across as critical and bitchy.  What's wrong with her asking you about a DJ or photographer?

  Either you're in her wedding or you politely decline.  It sounds like you really don't like her and of course, there's a lot of context we don't know about.  I don't think scrutinizing her every text, idea, or demand is really helping the situation unless she's aware of what you think she's doing wrong.

  
  

  I don't relish in the fact that she looked stunned that I didn't have my dress. I said that because when she first got engaged in February and was asking everyone to get their dressed in March I posted on here about it and was told don't worry about getting it right now even though everyone else does, there is plenty of time and the dress will be there. And one of the remarks was that she may get mad and upset <- the 'priceless' was in reference to that because I was quite shocked myself that she seemed upset that I hadn't gotten my dress yet.

  
  

  I wouldn't say that she is a bridezilla, just overly zealous. 

  I don't mind giving her advise or answering questions, but it is a little overwhelming as just about everyday there is something.

  
  

  Our friendship is fine we've been friends since the 7th grade. Am I being passive-aggressive right now? Probably so and maybe it's not the best way to go about it, but I don't want her to think that I don't care about what is going on because I do but as I said it is a little overwhelming.

  
  

  You're right there is a lot of context that isn't put into the post for example, I tried to talk to her about some issues that I'm having and I got a one sentence answer and then it was back to talking about limos. and I am honored to be a part of her wedding - I love my friend, but I don't want everyone of our conversations to be about her wedding which they have been. We used to talk about a lot of things but now it's just wedding talk. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• simcal18 member

  

  July 2015

  Can I just say that I think red and coral look terrible together?

  Report0 Reply
• vikinganna87 member

  

  July 2015

  Haha, so true @bostonbride2015 !  Probably one of the worst color combos out there.

  Report0 Reply