Siblings in the wedding party questions

NoraMark · March 2015

I'm not really sure of what's expected as far as siblings of you fiance in the wedding party, and would like some traditional advice. I know that nowadays everyone says "just include your closest friends"...but is there actually an assumption from parents, etc, that the siblings should be included?

Situation: For background, I'm 23 and fiance is 26.

I have three younger siblings, two brothers and a sister and I'm extremely close to all of them. My sister (age 17) is co-maid of honor (along with my childhood bff). My littlest brother (age 12) is the ringbearer. I would like my brother (age 21) to be included as well, preferably as a groomsman. Fiance likes my brother and they actually knew each other before Fiance and I met, but I know they're not best friends or anything.

Fiance has two older sisters, age 29 and 32. He is on good terms with them, and family is very important to him, but they're not extremely close personally. I've known them for the 2ish years we've been together, but don't see them super often, and just because of age differences and personalities we haven't gotten close - I like them but they're not the kind of girls that I think I would be good friends with.

I already have 5 BM's that I would like, and fiance has 5 GM as well. He says now that he would include my brother, but only if I also include his sisters, which is fair I guess. We kind of didn't want a huge party though.

Questions: How expected is it to have siblings in the wedding party? Will his sisters be offended if I don't choose them?

Should I go ahead and choose them so that my brother can be part of it? We'll each have 6 or 7 then.

Or, should I have my brother be on my side and his sisters can be on his side? I know people say that male/female doesn't matter, but I personally haven't seen that before in real life. How does that work? What do they wear, do they go to bachelor/ette party or not, etc?

Also....fiance is very traditional, as is my brother. I honestly doubt either of them will go for the opposite sex wedding party thing.

Thanks everyone!

mikenberger · March 2015

NoraMark said:
I'm not really sure of what's expected as far as siblings of you fiance in the wedding party, and would like some traditional advice. I know that nowadays everyone says "just include your closest friends"...but is there actually an assumption from parents, etc, that the siblings should be included?

Situation: For background, I'm 23 and fiance is 26.
I have three younger siblings, two brothers and a sister and I'm extremely close to all of them. My sister (age 17) is co-maid of honor (along with my childhood bff). My littlest brother (age 12) is the ringbearer. I would like my brother (age 21) to be included as well, preferably as a groomsman. Fiance likes my brother and they actually knew each other before Fiance and I met, but I know they're not best friends or anything.

Fiance has two older sisters, age 29 and 32. He is on good terms with them, and family is very important to him, but they're not extremely close personally. I've known them for the 2ish years we've been together, but don't see them super often, and just because of age differences and personalities we haven't gotten close - I like them but they're not the kind of girls that I think I would be good friends with.

I already have 5 BM's that I would like, and fiance has 5 GM as well. He says now that he would include my brother, but only if I also include his sisters, which is fair I guess. We kind of didn't want a huge party though.

Questions: How expected is it to have siblings in the wedding party? Will his sisters be offended if I don't choose them?

Should I go ahead and choose them so that my brother can be part of it? We'll each have 6 or 7 then.

Or, should I have my brother be on my side and his sisters can be on his side? I know people say that male/female doesn't matter, but I personally haven't seen that before in real life. How does that work? What do they wear, do they go to bachelor/ette party or not, etc?

Also....fiance is very traditional, as is my brother. I honestly doubt either of them will go for the opposite sex wedding party thing.

Thanks everyone!

Choose your nearest and dearest. Not because you feel you have to invite someone to be in your bridal party. And just because they're standing on the guys side doesn't mean that they have to go to the "boy" parties. They can come to the "girl " parties. And they can wear stuff that your brother picks or they pick or something you all agree upon. It's really up to you who is in your bridal party. NOT your FI or anybody else. It's nice to include family members, but sometimes, it's just not worth it. Being a guest is being honored enough.

minttobemrsb · March 2015

As far as the wedding party, maybe show him pictures and talk to him about the wedding party being both guys/girls. I have never seen it personally, but I would do it in a heartbeat if that's how our party worked out. You want the people standing next to YOU to be the people closest to YOU. The same goes for your fiance. Regardless of gender. They can wear whatever you guys are comfortable with.

I've seen pictures where bridemen wear suits similar to GM and groomswomen wear dresses like the BM or suits if that's their comfort level. That's a good reason for picking a color and letting them decide.

Now for the siblings...I think this totally depends on the relationship you have with your siblings. For someone who never talked to their brother/sister, I wouldn't expect them to be in the wedding. My sister and FI's brother and sister will all be in the wedding. My sister is my best friend and I wanted her as my MOH. His sister and I talk almost daily and are very close so I asked her to be a BM because I wanted her to, not because I felt obligated. His brother is also his best man since they are close.

(If you can't tell, we are really family oriented people)

sorry for that being so long!

Jen4948 · March 2015

It's not up to you who your FI chooses as his groomsmen, whether that includes your brother or not, just as it's not up to your FI who you choose as bridesmaids, whether that includes his sisters or not. And it's not reasonable of you to expect your FI to choose your brother while not asking his sisters-especially if you are not close to each other's siblings.

Your brother can stand up with you and your FSILs can stand up with your FI, or you can have none of your respective siblings in your wedding party.

littlepep · March 2015

You can't dictate who he picks and he can't dictate who you pick. If you want your brother, you need to ask him to be on your side. If you aren't close to his sisters, don't ask them.

I don't think they would have an expectation of being a BM since yall aren't close. Maybe you can have some of these people do a reading instead?

Also, why are you having your 12yo brother be a ring bearer? Does he even want to do it? He seems way too old for that.

frenchiekin · March 2015

littlepep said:
You can't dictate who he picks and he can't dictate who you pick. If you want your brother, you need to ask him to be on your side. If you aren't close to his sisters, don't ask them.

I don't think they would have an expectation of being a BM since yall aren't close. Maybe you can have some of these people do a reading instead?

Also, why are you having your 12yo brother be a ring bearer? Does he even want to do it? He seems way too old for that.

This. I was going to suggest that you maybe ask your older brother to do a reading if you really want him to be a part of the wedding, but don't feel comfortable asking FIs sisters to be BMs just so your brother can be a GM (and assuming your brother won't want to stand on your side). If you're not at all close to your FIs sisters, I don't think you should ask them - and I don't think it'll be a big deal since I doubt they are expecting it.

And ditto to the 12 year old brother as a ringbearer. I thought the "normal" age cut-off for that was like 7? Is he comfortable with that role? He's practically a teenager, just seems a bit odd to me.

peachy13 · March 2015

I was in quite a similar situation! When we got engaged we didn't ask our wedding party right away but we were telling each other who we thought we'd ask. When my FI said he was planning to ask my brother I was actually really surprised but it was something he really wanted to do. I hadn't planned to ask his two sisters but after telling me he was going to ask my brother, I re-thought my plan and decided on asking his sisters after all (without FI asking me to or anything). So my bridal party is a little bit bigger than I had imagined, but I have no regrets at all. I figure it's a big day with a lot of a family and there's nothing wrong with that. Not only was my FI really touched that I included his sisters, but his sisters were really happy and we've gotten a lot closer since the engagement.

Just my experience... OP you are of course free to ask whoever you want!

[Deleted User] · March 2015

If you do ask his sisters to be your bridesmaids, please, please, for the love of god, let them choose their own dresses. I'm closer to the sisters's age than your age, and the thought of wearing a dress that is exactly the same as some 23 year old sorority beauty queen gives me hives. And, don't be insulted if they say no to being a bridesmaid. They might PREFER being a guest to being a bridesmaid.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

Your attendants are completely your choice. A friend might grumble because they weren't asked to be a BM. Your mom might grumble because you didn't ask your sibling. Your fiance might grumble because you didn't ask his sisters. Oh well - none of these people get a say.

What you have sounds very nice and there's no good reason to change it.

NoraMark · March 2015

@mikenberger Jen4948 yes - you're right, we can't really tell each other who to pick. I guess I was a little unsure of that too, never having planned a wedding before! Like maybe it's a joint decision because it's both my and my fiance's wedding.

minttobemrsb both my fiance and I are very family-oriented as well, and so I definitely want to include everyone if they want to be in it. But maybe we should just leave it as is.

littlepep about the ring bearer - I thought 12 was too old at first too, but my family thought it was fine, and my brother wants to do it. He's a small kid haha so I think it will still be cute. I guess maybe it's not normal though but oh well.

NoraMark · March 2015

littlepep adk19 adk19 good point, they might not want to wear the same kind of dress since the rest of my BMs are my age.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

NoraMark said:
littlepep adk19 adk19 good point, they might not want to wear the same kind of dress since the rest of my BMs are my age.

If you ask them, and they accept, maybe you can just pick a color for your bridesmaids to find a dress in. Either super specific like David's Bridal "mint" or something more open like "blue" in any shade, light, dark, or turquoise. Some of the girls might be able to pull something nice out of their closet, but everyone will be able to find a dress that they actually like.

I starved myself for several months after being asked to stand up in a wedding wearing the same dress as my barbie doll sister. I looked great, but I quickly gained all the weight back. The loss was unhealthy and I just did it because I didn't want to be the fat blob in the dress while my blonde beauty sister Wore It Better.

rcher912 · March 2015

My sister's wedding had a few Groomswomen, and they wore LBDs which went really nicely with the boys' suits! The bridesmaids were in blue, and it looked really lovely in all the pictures and everything.

thisismynickname2 · March 2015

Honestly, in my circles, siblings pretty much get automatically included. What side they actually stand on varies, but I'm in an upcoming wedding party of 7 on each side because biological and in-lawed siblings were asked to stand up as well as friends. On top of that, a sibling is often the best man or maid/matron of honor. This is why some people have two people in the most-honored roles, to have a sibling and a best friend be named.

Even when you don't feel close to the siblings, a wedding is also about bringing families together. It's a nice opportunity to get to know people better. Personally, I would advise to have the siblings in the party. It's not an etiquette issue though so you don't "have" to.

Jen4948 · March 2015

thisismynickname said:
Honestly, in my circles, siblings pretty much get automatically included. What side they actually stand on varies, but I'm in an upcoming wedding party of 7 on each side because biological and in-lawed siblings were asked to stand up as well as friends. On top of that, a sibling is often the best man or maid/matron of honor. This is why some people have two people in the most-honored roles, to have a sibling and a best friend be named.

Even when you don't feel close to the siblings, a wedding is also about bringing families together. It's a nice opportunity to get to know people better. Personally, I would advise to have the siblings in the party. It's not an etiquette issue though so you don't "have" to.

This is bullshit. I didn't want to be my SIL's bridesmaid and it didn't "bring us closer together." If anything, I got to know more about her in a negative way because she and her mother did a very poor job of planning about how the bridesmaids were supposed to get their dresses made.

I work as a tax accountant and had just moved 1600 miles from Houston to NYC (yes, I moved back to Houston) but they had this incredibly stupid idea that they would buy one bolt of fabric and a set of patterns, have each bridesmaid get measured, take what they were going to use, and pass the rest on to the next bridesmaid. Well, apparently that bolt of fabric stopped in South Africa, where a bridesmaid was supposed to then ship it to me in NYC. Yeah, right, didn't happen. So my SIL and her mother sent me more fabric and a pattern which arrives at my home on Christmas Eve, and I'm then supposed to get a dress made (I can't sew) by March 14, the wedding day. Yeah, right, during tax season when I'm working huge, extensive overtime, in a new city, I'm supposed to shop around and find someone to make the dress and go to fittings.

My mom said she'd pay for it because I had no money for it and she was putting intense pressure on me to do it and wouldn't take no for an answer. She gave a lot of the same bullshit about "getting to know each other" and "families coming together" that you mention. I located someone finally who made the dress, but she jacked up the price by $200 at the last minute in order to throw in an unrequested foundation garment (she took it upon herself to make the dress that way-I didn't ask her to) and my mom bitched me out for needing to pay an extra $200 and for having to hire someone who's so much more expensive than the person the Houston bridesmaids found. Again, new city? tax season? NYC pricing?

And to top that off, I needed, but didn't have time to get, new contact lenses and my mom kicked such a stupid fuss about my wearing glasses that I ended up not wearing them and not being able to see well.

So all this shit about "closer together" and "getting to know each other" didn't work for me and doesn't work for everyone. Don't generalize that it does or that siblings should automatically be in each other's wedding parties. For reasons in addition to the ones listed above, I will not be asking my SIL to be in my wedding party. We aren't close.

minttobemrsb · March 2015

thisismynickname said:
Honestly, in my circles, siblings pretty much get automatically included. What side they actually stand on varies, but I'm in an upcoming wedding party of 7 on each side because biological and in-lawed siblings were asked to stand up as well as friends. On top of that, a sibling is often the best man or maid/matron of honor. This is why some people have two people in the most-honored roles, to have a sibling and a best friend be named.

Even when you don't feel close to the siblings, a wedding is also about bringing families together. It's a nice opportunity to get to know people better. Personally, I would advise to have the siblings in the party. It's not an etiquette issue though so you don't "have" to.

I have to disagree. I wouldn't be including my sister or FSIL if we weren't already close. Being in someone's wedding isn't going to magically make them your friend. If you want to get to know them better or be closer to them, you should try to genuinely spend time with them. Talk to them. Spend time together. Don't just ask them to be in the wedding for the sake of wanting to be close. That could backfire very easily.

littlepep · March 2015

NoraMark said:
littlepep adk19 adk19 good point, they might not want to wear the same kind of dress since the rest of my BMs are my age.

If they are that much older than you, they really may not want to be in the wedding, but like @adk19 said, if they do accept, please let them pick their own dress. I don't think asking them to be in the wedding will bring you closer. It's mostly just the day of that you would spend time with them. Obviously if someone offers to host a shower, you can invite them to that, but otherwise, there wouldn't be other times when you'd be doing wedding stuff with them.

huskypuppy14 · March 2015

littlepep said:

NoraMark said:
littlepep adk19 adk19 good point, they might not want to wear the same kind of dress since the rest of my BMs are my age.
If they are that much older than you, they really may not want to be in the wedding, but like @adk19 said, if they do accept, please let them pick their own dress. I don't think asking them to be in the wedding will bring you closer. It's mostly just the day of that you would spend time with them. Obviously if someone offers to host a shower, you can invite them to that, but otherwise, there wouldn't be other times when you'd be doing wedding stuff with them.

How the hell is 29 or 32 old? I was 29 when I was in my 23 year old sister's wedding. I'm 32 now and will be when in my other sister's wedding. I'm not seeing how the age has anything to do with it.

I agree the easiest for everyone is to pick a color, length, and maybe designer and let everyone choose their own dresses. But age has nothing to do with it.

thisismynickname2 · March 2015

Jen4948 said:

thisismynickname said:
Honestly, in my circles, siblings pretty much get automatically included. What side they actually stand on varies, but I'm in an upcoming wedding party of 7 on each side because biological and in-lawed siblings were asked to stand up as well as friends. On top of that, a sibling is often the best man or maid/matron of honor. This is why some people have two people in the most-honored roles, to have a sibling and a best friend be named.

Even when you don't feel close to the siblings, a wedding is also about bringing families together. It's a nice opportunity to get to know people better. Personally, I would advise to have the siblings in the party. It's not an etiquette issue though so you don't "have" to.
This is bullshit. I didn't want to be my SIL's bridesmaid and it didn't "bring us closer together." If anything, I got to know more about her in a negative way because she and her mother did a very poor job of planning about how the bridesmaids were supposed to get their dresses made.

I work as a tax accountant and had just moved 1600 miles from Houston to NYC (yes, I moved back to Houston) but they had this incredibly stupid idea that they would buy one bolt of fabric and a set of patterns, have each bridesmaid get measured, take what they were going to use, and pass the rest on to the next bridesmaid. Well, apparently that bolt of fabric stopped in South Africa, where a bridesmaid was supposed to then ship it to me in NYC. Yeah, right, didn't happen. So my SIL and her mother sent me more fabric and a pattern which arrives at my home on Christmas Eve, and I'm then supposed to get a dress made (I can't sew) by March 14, the wedding day. Yeah, right, during tax season when I'm working huge, extensive overtime, in a new city, I'm supposed to shop around and find someone to make the dress and go to fittings.

My mom said she'd pay for it because I had no money for it and she was putting intense pressure on me to do it and wouldn't take no for an answer. She gave a lot of the same bullshit about "getting to know each other" and "families coming together" that you mention. I located someone finally who made the dress, but she jacked up the price by $200 at the last minute in order to throw in an unrequested foundation garment (she took it upon herself to make the dress that way-I didn't ask her to) and my mom bitched me out for needing to pay an extra $200 and for having to hire someone who's so much more expensive than the person the Houston bridesmaids found. Again, new city? tax season? NYC pricing?

And to top that off, I needed, but didn't have time to get, new contact lenses and my mom kicked such a stupid fuss about my wearing glasses that I ended up not wearing them and not being able to see well.

So all this shit about "closer together" and "getting to know each other" didn't work for me and doesn't work for everyone. Don't generalize that it does or that siblings should automatically be in each other's wedding parties. For reasons in addition to the ones listed above, I will not be asking my SIL to be in my wedding party. We aren't close.

Ok, overreaction. I said it was an "opportunity" to get to know someone. Sorry you got to know someone for the worse. I didn't say anyone HAD to, I said it's a nice idea, because the OP asked "is it expected." It's not expected, it's not etiquette, I said that, but I said in MY experience most people DO.

JFC.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

huskypuppy14 said:

littlepep said:

NoraMark said:
littlepep adk19 adk19 good point, they might not want to wear the same kind of dress since the rest of my BMs are my age.
If they are that much older than you, they really may not want to be in the wedding, but like @adk19 said, if they do accept, please let them pick their own dress. I don't think asking them to be in the wedding will bring you closer. It's mostly just the day of that you would spend time with them. Obviously if someone offers to host a shower, you can invite them to that, but otherwise, there wouldn't be other times when you'd be doing wedding stuff with them.
How the hell is 29 or 32 old? I was 29 when I was in my 23 year old sister's wedding. I'm 32 now and will be when in my other sister's wedding. I'm not seeing how the age has anything to do with it.

I agree the easiest for everyone is to pick a color, length, and maybe designer and let everyone choose their own dresses. But age has nothing to do with it.

Never said they were Old, just oldER. Sometimes (not always, but sometimes) a 23 year old straight out of college where life is about fashion and exercising might not consider that someone who is 32 years old maybe with a kid or two might not want to wear a mid-thigh length, form-fitting dress in the same style as the 23 year olds in the wedding party. It's just something to get her to think about when choosing dresses.

MyNameIsNot · March 2015

Traditionally siblings were in the wedding party because traditionally, your siblings were your closest friends. Think about it, if you grew up 50 years ago, you probably had 5-6 siblings who were very close in age, you spent 24/7 together during your formative years, and you got married at about 19. Of course they would be your best friends.

If you are close to your siblings, you should ask them. If you aren't close to your siblings, having them be in your WP is not going to change that. The same goes for FSILs. If you haven't gotten close to them by the time you are engaged, having them stand up is not going to create that relationship.

Jen4948 · March 2015

MyNameIsNot said:
Traditionally siblings were in the wedding party because traditionally, your siblings were your closest friends. Think about it, if you grew up 50 years ago, you probably had 5-6 siblings who were very close in age, you spent 24/7 together during your formative years, and you got married at about 19. Of course they would be your best friends.

If you are close to your siblings, you should ask them. If you aren't close to your siblings, having them be in your WP is not going to change that. The same goes for FSILs. If you haven't gotten close to them by the time you are engaged, having them stand up is not going to create that relationship.

BS. Siblings are not always best friends. Sometimes growing up together brings the worst, not the best, out in people. There's no "of course" about it.

It is also not "traditional" that siblings or siblings-in-law are in each other's wedding party.

This is not to say that when siblings or siblings-in-law are that close, they shouldn't choose each other. But it is situational. I can think of at least 5 people I would ask to be in my wedding party, none of whom are my SIL. And while I actually might ask my brother to be in my wedding party on my side, I do not expect my FI (currently hypothetical) to ask my brother to be a groomsman. It's his decision.

MyNameIsNot · March 2015

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:
Traditionally siblings were in the wedding party because traditionally, your siblings were your closest friends. Think about it, if you grew up 50 years ago, you probably had 5-6 siblings who were very close in age, you spent 24/7 together during your formative years, and you got married at about 19. Of course they would be your best friends.

If you are close to your siblings, you should ask them. If you aren't close to your siblings, having them be in your WP is not going to change that. The same goes for FSILs. If you haven't gotten close to them by the time you are engaged, having them stand up is not going to create that relationship.
BS. Siblings are not always best friends. Sometimes growing up together brings the worst, not the best, out in people. There's no "of course" about it.

It is also not "traditional" that siblings or siblings-in-law are in each other's wedding party.

This is not to say that when siblings or siblings-in-law are that close, they shouldn't choose each other. But it is situational. I can think of at least 5 people I would ask to be in my wedding party, none of whom are my SIL. And while I actually might ask my brother to be in my wedding party on my side, I do not expect my FI (currently hypothetical) to ask my brother to be a groomsman. It's his decision.

Obviously siblings aren't all close now. Traditionally they were because big families, lack of communication, and relative seclusion meant you didn't get to spend much time with anyone else your own age. If you read, you'd see that I'm talking about traditionally, many years ago. We live in a different world today.

Sure, there were probably some terrible people in the mix, but if you asked a bunch of people in our grandparents' and great-grandparents' generation who they were closest to at 18, the overwhelming majority would include their siblings.

Jen4948 · April 2015

MyNameIsNot said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:
Traditionally siblings were in the wedding party because traditionally, your siblings were your closest friends. Think about it, if you grew up 50 years ago, you probably had 5-6 siblings who were very close in age, you spent 24/7 together during your formative years, and you got married at about 19. Of course they would be your best friends.

If you are close to your siblings, you should ask them. If you aren't close to your siblings, having them be in your WP is not going to change that. The same goes for FSILs. If you haven't gotten close to them by the time you are engaged, having them stand up is not going to create that relationship.
BS. Siblings are not always best friends. Sometimes growing up together brings the worst, not the best, out in people. There's no "of course" about it.

It is also not "traditional" that siblings or siblings-in-law are in each other's wedding party.

This is not to say that when siblings or siblings-in-law are that close, they shouldn't choose each other. But it is situational. I can think of at least 5 people I would ask to be in my wedding party, none of whom are my SIL. And while I actually might ask my brother to be in my wedding party on my side, I do not expect my FI (currently hypothetical) to ask my brother to be a groomsman. It's his decision.
Obviously siblings aren't all close now. Traditionally they were because big families, lack of communication, and relative seclusion meant you didn't get to spend much time with anyone else your own age. If you read, you'd see that I'm talking about traditionally, many years ago. We live in a different world today.

Sure, there were probably some terrible people in the mix, but if you asked a bunch of people in our grandparents' and great-grandparents' generation who they were closest to at 18, the overwhelming majority would include their siblings.

It was never "traditional" that siblings have ever been close or that they choose each other as wedding party members. Sometimes it happens; sometimes it does not. Every sibling relationship is, and always has been, different. As many siblings have not been close at all as have been very close. Some siblings choose each other while others do not. In those respects, the world has always been like that so all this "different world" shit is nonsense.

Bubblegum5586 · April 2015

Hard to relate because I have 1 sister and 3 stepsisters and H has 2 brothers so we asked our siblings to stand on our side. One of H's Brothers was married and I didn't ask her. I wasn't super close with her but was starting to get closer so I had considered it but I already had 6 BMs who I was closer with. I wasn't in her wedding the year before so it took the pressure off of feeling like I had to ask her.

I almost wish I had... long story short there was unnecessary drama and I feel like it came back to her not being a BM (based on some of her comments). She didn't even talk to me at the wedding and it took almost a year to feel like we are "friends" again. H's family is close and we all enjoy spending time together so sometimes I think it would just be easier if I had just asked her...

Unless you have reasons for NOT asking someone I think it is better to be inclusive then exclusive. I don't see the harm in asking his sisters (besides the added costs of gifts flowers etc)

Jen4948 · April 2015

bubblegum1309 said:
Hard to relate because I have 1 sister and 3 stepsisters and H has 2 brothers so we asked our siblings to stand on our side. One of H's Brothers was married and I didn't ask her. I wasn't super close with her but was starting to get closer so I had considered it but I already had 6 BMs who I was closer with. I wasn't in her wedding the year before so it took the pressure off of feeling like I had to ask her.

I almost wish I had... long story short there was unnecessary drama and I feel like it came back to her not being a BM (based on some of her comments). She didn't even talk to me at the wedding and it took almost a year to feel like we are "friends" again. H's family is close and we all enjoy spending time together so sometimes I think it would just be easier if I had just asked her...

Unless you have reasons for NOT asking someone I think it is better to be inclusive then exclusive. I don't see the harm in asking his sisters (besides the added costs of gifts flowers etc)

I guess it's situational. Me, I'd just stick with asking the people closest to you. If one's siblings or FSILs don't already fall in that category, then I don't think not asking them is rude or wrong.

HappyinLove56 · April 2015

Etiquette is one thing. And these girls are right. You are not required to have any person or group of people (even siblings) in your wedding party. You are not even required to have a wedding party. But if you do, you're free to ask who you want.

My FI and I both have an older brother. My FI is super close to my older brother. Both bros are going to be groomsman. I have an almost SIL (brother and her have been togheter 10 years, are getting married soon) and she is my one of my MOH. But we're also close. If you're close, it's an easy decision because close + family = obvious.

Honestly, I'm not sure there is anything wrong with including siblings for the sake of including them. They're VIPs. If you want your FI to include your brother, you should include his sisters. The chances of them being bridesmaids "ruining" your wedding are very slim. If it means a great deal to you (with regards to your bro) or your fiance, then it might be worth it. But that's just one gals opinion.

lildropofsunshine · July 2015

My FI is including my brothers, but mainly because he has no siblings and not many close guy friends. I don't think it's necessary, but it's nice. I'm going to be a bridesmaid for my brother's wedding, but again, mainly because his fiancee doesn't have any sisters, though also because she wants us all to feel included.

Siblings in the wedding party questions

Re: Siblings in the wedding party questions

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