Why so dramatic, OBB?

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Why did I worry about these 6 "risky" wedding decisions?
http://offbeatbride.com/2014/02/risky-wedding-decisions

I don't know what's worse -- the author's insistence on pretending that anything that remotely deviates from a formal white wedding in a hotel ballroom is "risky" and daring ("oh my god, you RENTED your jewellery? I'm surprised your grandmother didn't disown you!!!") or the OBB trademark hand-wringing about the author's feminist values that are apparently deep and abiding yet always seem to be easily discarded in favor of having a wedding... as long as you wear a short dress and no veil.

Really glad no one shunned them for getting them drunk and giving them food before the ceremony started, though. Can you IMAGINE the risk involved in feeding and watering your guests an hour earlier than most people do it?

SpartanCat · July 2015

Those are some really weird things to be so worried about that it necessitated writing a blog post about.

AddieCake · July 2015

Half of those things weren't really even all that "offbeat."

snowywinter · July 2015

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Knottie1434918845 said:

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.

I've seen a lot more people acting defensively when told something they want to do at their wedding is rude to their guests or when encountering someone whose taste differs from theirs than I've ever seen people getting "shouted down" for wanting to take a certain kind picture.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

AddieCake said:

Half of those things weren't really even all that "offbeat."

Being "offbeat" on OBB seems to have a lot more to do with how willing you are to call other people's weddings "cookie cutter" than how actually unique your wedding is.

pinupbride6189 · July 2015

Knottie1434918845 said:

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.

_________SITB______________________

So a lot of people don't like getting ready pics? So what? The main issue with it is making sure the people participating are comfortable with it. A lot of people aren't. I'm in the camp of people who would love to get a robe, but that's because I like wearing them. I recognize that I might be in the minority there. As for the bolded, that's because it does. It's rude. That's just how it is. But ya know, I'm sure everyone loves you and would totally understand why you had to do it.

snowywinter · July 2015

sylveonplath said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.

I've seen a lot more people acting defensively when told something they want to do at their wedding is rude to their guests or when encountering someone whose taste differs from theirs than I've ever seen people getting "shouted down" for wanting to take a certain kind picture.

I don't know, I haven't seen too many posts where people offered constructive advice in a mature way where people were particularly defensive. I've seen just the opposite. Usually, the most defensive posts are in response to either unsolicited advice given in a snarky, condescending way and/or solicited advice given with the tone that the OP is an idiot. I've seen replies from posters that starts with something like "no one fucking does that." I mean, really, if you can't phrase your opinion in a tactful manner, don't be shocked when you get a defensive post in response.

snowywinter · July 2015

pinupbride6189 said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.

_________SITB______________________

So a lot of people don't like getting ready pics? So what? The main issue with it is making sure the people participating are comfortable with it. A lot of people aren't. I'm in the camp of people who would love to get a robe, but that's because I like wearing them. I recognize that I might be in the minority there. As for the bolded, that's because it does. It's rude. That's just how it is. But ya know, I'm sure everyone loves you and would totally understand why you had to do it.

Again, I'm not talking about the CONTENT of what's said. You're right, a lot of people don't want a robe or getting-ready photo. And that's fine. It's perfectly fine to say "I wouldn't want that" or "People don't usually like that." It's the way the responses are phrased that cause the arguments, in my opinion.

I'm just saying from what I've seen, it's usually not the original poster setting the tone of the conversation. It's the people who respond with such aggressiveness and passion.

snowywinter · July 2015

scribe95 said:

We are passionate about etiquette. And we won't encourage bad hosting just because you want us to. Good luck with your wedding.

Your kind of passionate isn't the same as others. Going by the posts I've seen from you, you're not aggressive and you tend to express your opinion without making people feel like idiots. My posts weren't aimed at you.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

Knottie1434918845 said:
In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.

That's because robe pictures are pointless and stupid and partially hosting anything IS bad hosting.

The general vibe here is actually very off beat IMO. However, the sticking point is always treating guests well.

I think a lot of couples seem to think that a wedding gives them carte blanche to do whatever they want because...wedding. That's fine if they don't invite anyone. But if they ask people to come and witness their vows, they should treat them well.

People here could not care less if the bride wears a hot pink dress with a feather head dress. But they DO care if the couple provides chairs so guests can sit down.

snowywinter · July 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.
That's because robe pictures are pointless and stupid and partially hosting anything IS bad hosting. The general vibe here is actually very off beat IMO. However, the sticking point is always treating guests well. I think a lot of couples seem to think that a wedding gives them carte blanche to do whatever they want because...wedding. That's fine if they don't invite anyone. But if they ask people to come and witness their vows, they should treat them well. People here could not care less if the bride wears a hot pink dress with a feather head dress. But they DO care if the couple provides chairs so guests can sit down.

And I agree with every word you just said. Phrasing it like that is perfectly fine. I'm arguing execution, not content. Guests should be treated well. But by the same token, posters who may be ignorant to their breach in etiquette shouldn't be treated like trash just because they don't know that robe pictures are old.

mrscomposer · July 2015

Knottie1434918845 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.
That's because robe pictures are pointless and stupid and partially hosting anything IS bad hosting. The general vibe here is actually very off beat IMO. However, the sticking point is always treating guests well. I think a lot of couples seem to think that a wedding gives them carte blanche to do whatever they want because...wedding. That's fine if they don't invite anyone. But if they ask people to come and witness their vows, they should treat them well. People here could not care less if the bride wears a hot pink dress with a feather head dress. But they DO care if the couple provides chairs so guests can sit down.

And I agree with every word you just said. Phrasing it like that is perfectly fine. I'm arguing execution, not content. Guests should be treated well. But by the same token, posters who may be ignorant to their breach in etiquette shouldn't be treated like trash just because they don't know that robe pictures are old.

This is why a lot of times you'll see people cautioning newbies to lurk before they start posting. You wouldn't walk into a room of strangers and loudly start talking about whatever was on your mind - you'd listen around a bit, see what the topic of conversation was, and slowly work your way in. Same thing here. If people lurk a bit, they'll find that this board is heavy on the sarcasm and snark, and very heavy on the 'treat your people right'. Quite often, what is perceived as a heavy-handed answer comes as a result of people asking the same question over and over again without looking to see if it's already been asked fourteen times that day. People who are on here often get tired of answering the same thing and sometimes come up a little short.

snowywinter · July 2015

mrscomposer said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.
That's because robe pictures are pointless and stupid and partially hosting anything IS bad hosting. The general vibe here is actually very off beat IMO. However, the sticking point is always treating guests well. I think a lot of couples seem to think that a wedding gives them carte blanche to do whatever they want because...wedding. That's fine if they don't invite anyone. But if they ask people to come and witness their vows, they should treat them well. People here could not care less if the bride wears a hot pink dress with a feather head dress. But they DO care if the couple provides chairs so guests can sit down.

And I agree with every word you just said. Phrasing it like that is perfectly fine. I'm arguing execution, not content. Guests should be treated well. But by the same token, posters who may be ignorant to their breach in etiquette shouldn't be treated like trash just because they don't know that robe pictures are old.

This is why a lot of times you'll see people cautioning newbies to lurk before they start posting. You wouldn't walk into a room of strangers and loudly start talking about whatever was on your mind - you'd listen around a bit, see what the topic of conversation was, and slowly work your way in. Same thing here. If people lurk a bit, they'll find that this board is heavy on the sarcasm and snark, and very heavy on the 'treat your people right'. Quite often, what is perceived as a heavy-handed answer comes as a result of people asking the same question over and over again without looking to see if it's already been asked fourteen times that day. People who are on here often get tired of answering the same thing and sometimes come up a little short.

That doesn't make it okay. If you're sick of the same question, ignore the thread or post. There's no law stating you have to answer every post. If you're incapable of answering a sincere question like an adult, then maybe it's time to put away that thread and play elsewhere. Likewise, if I walked into a room full of strangers, I'd probably start mingling and introduce myself and I wouldn't expect to have my head bitten off for asking a question, even if 10 people asked it before I entered the room. If that did happen, you better believe I'd walk away thinking the person doing the biting is seriously unstable or just a major witch who doesn't know how to behave in a civilized manner.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

mrscomposer said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Knottie1434918845 said:
In fairness, people are very judgmental when it comes to weddings. Just read posts here. If someone wants to do a robe photo with BMs, they're shouted down immediately or if they want to only serve alcohol for one hour, they're horrible hosts who don't deserve friends. Same if someone has a destination wedding and doesn't host a welcome dinner. Granted, the judgment doesn't cross over into personal wedding dress style, etc. from what I've seen, but I don't think it's out of line to assume some will judge that even.
That's because robe pictures are pointless and stupid and partially hosting anything IS bad hosting.

The general vibe here is actually very off beat IMO. However, the sticking point is always treating guests well.

I think a lot of couples seem to think that a wedding gives them carte blanche to do whatever they want because...wedding. That's fine if they don't invite anyone. But if they ask people to come and witness their vows, they should treat them well.

People here could not care less if the bride wears a hot pink dress with a feather head dress. But they DO care if the couple provides chairs so guests can sit down.

And I agree with every word you just said. Phrasing it like that is perfectly fine. I'm arguing execution, not content. Guests should be treated well. But by the same token, posters who may be ignorant to their breach in etiquette shouldn't be treated like trash just because they don't know that robe pictures are old.

This is why a lot of times you'll see people cautioning newbies to lurk before they start posting. You wouldn't walk into a room of strangers and loudly start talking about whatever was on your mind - you'd listen around a bit, see what the topic of conversation was, and slowly work your way in. Same thing here. If people lurk a bit, they'll find that this board is heavy on the sarcasm and snark, and very heavy on the 'treat your people right'. Quite often, what is perceived as a heavy-handed answer comes as a result of people asking the same question over and over again without looking to see if it's already been asked fourteen times that day. People who are on here often get tired of answering the same thing and sometimes come up a little short.

I don't disagree with that. I think it's easy for someone who knows etiquette to take that knowledge for granted and forget that they were a newb once too.

However, like anything on the internet, people can read/consider the things they like and disregard the things they don't like, while taking each side with a grain if salt. If someone is like "wow, she said that in a really bitchy way but the message is right.." Then that someone can decide to 1) engage in a "you hurt my feelings" debate with a total internet stranger, or 2) move on.

thisismynickname2 · July 2015

scribe95 said:

We are passionate about etiquette. And we won't encourage bad hosting just because you want us to. Good luck with your wedding.

QFT and @scribe95 I freaking love your panda signature.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

snowywinter · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

The bolded is kind of funny because all of your posts that I have read so far seem completely opposite of that.

snowywinter · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

The bolded is kind of funny because all of your posts that I have read so far seem completely opposite of that.

Maybe read more?

BouxRadley · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

For real though. You can't just go around on every thread you deem worthy and call everyone out.

PamBeesly524 · July 2015

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

The bolded is kind of funny because all of your posts that I have read so far seem completely opposite of that.

Maybe read more?

I feel like I opened 6 or 7 threads this morning. You were in all of them, and you complained about us in all of them. So I don't think I need to read any more to know that you hate it here.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

The bolded is kind of funny because all of your posts that I have read so far seem completely opposite of that.

Maybe read more?

I would rather not. I haven't really enjoyed what I have read so far.

justsuzie · July 2015

Do any of you realize that you are perpetuating all of this nonsense by responding? Just ignore people causing drama and it will go away.

snowywinter · July 2015

kikilamp said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

The bolded is kind of funny because all of your posts that I have read so far seem completely opposite of that.

Maybe read more?

I feel like I opened 6 or 7 threads this morning. You were in all of them, and you complained about us in all of them. So I don't think I need to read any more to know that you hate it here.

This is absolutely not true.

snowywinter · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

The bolded is kind of funny because all of your posts that I have read so far seem completely opposite of that.

Maybe read more?

I would rather not. I haven't really enjoyed what I have read so far.

Pretty sure someone mentioned an ignore function here. Look into it.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

snowywinter said:

Maggie0829 said:

@snowywinter - are you deliberately trying to start an argument with everyone on this forum? It seems like you don't like the atmosphere here so why not find another forum that fits more in with what you want? Wedding Bee would be a great place for you. They are full of sugar and rainbows and "It's your day" advice.

Quite the contrary, as I've stated numerous times. I like and appreciate many posters here. But I'm not going to act like everyone here is a peach. Some are far from it. The atmosphere would be fine without a few who think everything wedding starts and ends with their opinion. A little dose of reality and maturity is much needed for a few, but that doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the overall atmosphere.

The bolded is kind of funny because all of your posts that I have read so far seem completely opposite of that.

Maybe read more?

I would rather not. I haven't really enjoyed what I have read so far.

Pretty sure someone mentioned an ignore function here. Look into it.

One can say the same to you.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

@snowywinter - do you know what trolling is? You may want to look into it (and the TOS) before you keep soapboxing your "everyone's delivery is not what I'd like to it to be" on every thread.

I'll be honest. I listened for a little bit, but the insistent bitching is annoying and is for no other reason than to stir shit. If you don't like the way certain people post, put them on ignore. No offense, but you are not special enough to change the culture of this site by being part of it for less than a month and then trying to tell people who have been here for 10+ years how to post. Not going to happen.

snowywinter · July 2015

Nothing I have done is trolling. I have contributed to ONGOING threads about the site. I have not posted new threads to bitch nor have I hijacked threads to bitch. I have replied to what was already here. Again, if you don't like my posts, use ignore. I certainly am.

BouxRadley · July 2015

snowywinter said:

Nothing I have done is trolling. I have contributed to ONGOING threads about the site. I have not posted new threads to bitch nor have I hijacked threads to bitch. I have replied to what was already here. Again, if you don't like my posts, use ignore. I certainly am.

you just hijacked this one.

snowywinter · July 2015

No, I didn't. I replied to the OP with my opinion of why this blogger may feel that people are judging her. A lot of people DO judge others weddings, not just here, but just in general, out in the world. That was my point.

Why so dramatic, OBB?

Re: Why so dramatic, OBB?

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