Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is this okay??

Hello, all!

I am sending out STDs for our April 2016 wedding this weekend and I just found out (via Facebook) that my cousin and his girlfriend of 10 years have broken up for good (according to her). It looks like it's a really messy break up and there are talks on her part about a restraining order, etc.

Is it okay to not send them a STD and just wait until it's time to send out invites and see where they are in their relationship? I will keep both of them on the guest list and see how it plays out? Obviously, if they have restraining orders against each other, one or neither will get an invite.  

Re: Is this okay??

  • kvrunskvruns member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Hello, all!

    I am sending out STDs for our April 2016 wedding this weekend and I just found out (via Facebook) that my cousin and his girlfriend of 10 years have broken up for good (according to her). It looks like it's a really messy break up and there are talks on her part about a restraining order, etc.

    Is it okay to not send them a STD and just wait until it's time to send out invites and see where they are in their relationship? I will keep both of them on the guest list and see how it plays out? Obviously, if they have restraining orders against each other, one or neither will get an invite.  

    You don't have to send a STD to everyone.  If you're not sure if you will invite someone don't send an STD.  We sent them to about 60% or so but didn't send to some friends since we weren't sure on the guest list that early.

    Is this a DW or OOT wedding? 9 months seems really far in advance to me

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    STDs can be sent anywhere between 6 and 12 months from the wedding date, so no OP is not sending them too early.

    As for OPs question, no you don't have to send either of them a STD.  You don't have to send STDs to everyone.  You could just send them to your VIPs.  Or you could just nix STDs all together.  We didn't send STDs at all and still managed to have a the majority of our guests attend (130 out of 135) without months and months of advance notice.

    huskypuppy14
  • About 50% of our guests will be coming in from out of town.

    We won't be sending out invites until March 2016.

  • You could just send one addressed only to your cousin, assuming he'd still be invited if single/dating someone else by the time the wedding rolls around. You wouldn't have to identify a guest.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    OliveOilsMomlc07SP29Fosmoh
  • You could just send one addressed only to your cousin, assuming he'd still be invited if single/dating someone else by the time the wedding rolls around. You wouldn't have to identify a guest.
    I would second this. I would assume that if they are no longer a unit by the time invites go out, it would be your cousin that you would invite as he is family.
    image
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto msuprincess.  STDs are more informal and you don't need to identify if the person will be having a guest or not.  So address the STD to just your cousin, then when you send the wedding invite add in his gf's name or give him an "and guest".
  • You are fine not sending them a save the date, you are fine with not sending anyone a save the date or just a subset of people.

    We only sent them to out of state people so plane travel could be arranged if they wanted to come. We sent a few to immediate family, like our moms, so they had one to keep as a memory item.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Ditto msuprincess.  STDs are more informal and you don't need to identify if the person will be having a guest or not.  So address the STD to just your cousin, then when you send the wedding invite add in his gf's name or give him an "and guest".
    Yep what msu et al said.
    If you don't send him one, but send one to his siblings or parents, he might assume he is not invited. If they are broken up, just send one with his name only to his address. I would verify where he lives, if they were living together.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited July 2015
    Ditto msuprincess.  STDs are more informal and you don't need to identify if the person will be having a guest or not.  So address the STD to just your cousin, then when you send the wedding invite add in his gf's name or give him an "and guest".
    Yep what msu et al said.
    If you don't send him one, but send one to his siblings or parents, he might assume he is not invited. If they are broken up, just send one with his name only to his address. I would verify where he lives, if they were living together.
    This is what I was thinking. Odds are, he will know STDs were sent and will wonder why he didn't get one. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Another vote for sending one addressed to just him. Then see where things stand when it's time to send out the invites if you do cousin, or cousin + SO (who knows, he could be back with her by then or even with someone new), or cousin + guest.
  • Great!

    Thanks everyone! Since she has been very vocal about kicking him out of her house, I will have to track down his new address. Thankfully I can ask his sisters.

    I love how helpful everyone is :)

    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMomSP29photokitty
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