*Sorry this is so long.
Some background. My FI lived with his Mother, brother, and sister when I met him. All three kids were fully grown and all had full time jobs. My FI is the only one that did anything; he cleaned, bought groceries for everyone, took out the trash, and cooked. My MIL and her two other children never did anything. My MIL sat on the couch watching tv all day and all night. Her two children would "borrow" money from my FI every week and never return it. My FI made less money that his brother and sister did combined. My MIL got $2000 a month from SSA. Everyone used my FI and since I have been dating and even living with him, they have not included me in anything or made me feel like a part of the family.
From the first time I met my future mother in law, I didn't like her. She is only concerned about herself, she lies, talks bad about people, and is very mean. For the sake of my FI, I treated my MIL with respect and kindness. After FI and I had been together for awhile, some things happened and I was homeless. My FI lived with his mother, brother(25), and sister(27). My FI asked his mom if I could move in with them. Everyone contributed to rent (they lived in an apartment) and she said that he paid rent and it was his room, so if I wanted to move in it was ok. I moved in early December. At this time, I didn't have a job. In late January I got a job and felt that I should also contribute to the rent. I was making minimum wage working 35hrs a week (which is considered full time). Since I was never asked to contribute to rent, I decided to give $50 a month (all the siblings paid $100/month).
FI and I got engaged in early March. However, I was estranged from my family and FI and I really wanted to live on our own before we told people we were engaged. My MIL said she couldn't afford rent if we moved out before the lease was up (which was not true). At the end of October, we decided it was the right time to tell people because I had made plans for our elopement and I was on speaking terms with my family. My FI told my MIL that we were going to elope and she was ok with that. Said she was happy for us and everything. I told my family that we were going to elope and they were disappointed. After talking to my FI, we decided to elope but bring our immediate family, so people would still feel included. This was the very beginning of November, my FI and I had just gotten home from work and dinner. I went to our room to shower and retire for the night while my FI talked to his mom about being included in the elopement.
Side note: We are eloping in another state, but it is only two hours away from where MIL lives.
She did not like this at all. While I was in the shower I hear my MIL yelling at my FI. I couldn't make out what she was saying. I get dressed for bed and I hear her saying mean things about me and my family. This lasted for TWO hours. I was upset and hurt because she had never met my family and I had been nothing but kind to her. I thought she may have misunderstood what was happening, so I went downstairs to where my MIL and FI were. I started to tell my MIL that I wanted her at the wedding and she very rudely cut me off. After listening to her talk bad about me again, I tried to tell her again that I wanted her to be there. And she cut me off again and started yelling at me. I raised my voice and told her I was just trying to say I wanted her to be there. But she was yelling at me, so I went outside to cool off.
After about 15 minutes I go back inside and she was STILL yelling at my FI about me. When I came inside, the first thing I did was apologize for raising my voice. She keeps yelling and just ignores me. I had been inside for less than a minute when my FI's brother comes downstairs and starts yelling at me. Saying I was ungrateful and disrespectful to their mom, I never contributed to rent, I was using my FI for his money, etc. etc.
I was so furious that I didn't even say anything and left. I came back 4 hours later and met my FI outside. The whole time I was gone he had been fighting with his mom and brother defending me. It was in the middle of the night, I was tired and upset, so when I went inside I started to go to my room. My MIL says "So what. You're just not going to talk to me anymore?" I was beyond furious and knew anything I said would turn back into yelling, so I said, "I'm upset and don't feel comfortable talking right now." Well, that was the wrong thing to say and she started flipping out again. I didn't want to deal with it so I just went to my room. FI and I moved out two days later.
My FI was on talking terms with his family, but I needed time to get over what had happened, so I only went around for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays. In March, I had FI's family over to see the apartment and I cooked lunch. MIL was a total jerk, but I just kept my mouth shut and smiled. MIL and FI's brother have never apologized to me.
FI and I are getting married on August 8, 2015. Because we are eloping, we have to pay for each guest to come to the wedding individually ($75 per person) and we have to pay individually for dinner. We also bought the brother a tie to match FI.
In March, FI asked his family if they were going to come. They said yes, so we paid for the three of them to be there and eat dinner. Since then, they've been hinting that they weren't going to go.
FI confronted them about it last week (JULY), and they're excuse was they don't have a car to get there. They have TWO cars that run just fine and can easily make a two hour trip. But, I looked up multiple rental car companies near them where they could get a car. FI tells them the information and they say they'll look into it.
This week my FI's brother says the mom's health is bad and that if they don't go not to start a fight because her health is bad. My MIL's health is not bad! Her back has pain, but that's it. My FI's brother just doesn't want MIL's errors to be pointed out.
Basically, my FI's family is not going to our intimate wedding ceremony. My MIL made a huge deal about it when we told her the plans and talked horribly about me and my family whom she's never met. She then acted like it never happened and she never apologized. My FI's family doesn't want us to say anything to them about not going to the wedding or about what my MIL did to me last year.
Since this happened with my MIL, I have been very stressed out. I have wanted to cancel the entire wedding, and just elope with my FI like I originally planned. It's caused a lot of sleepless nights and I want nothing to do with my FI's brother and mom, but my FI does. I am extremely upset at them for what they did and confirming that they would be there and now not coming. I can't stand being around them and don't want to just act like their behavior is ok. After the wedding, do I continue to visit them, or do I just let FI go by himself? It's going to cause more issues with his family if I don't go, but it causes me stress and anger when I do see them. Is it wrong of me to not want to be around them?