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Wedding 911

So Overwhelmed I Want To Puke

So this I guess is more of a vent than anything else, but I just don't know what to do.  Firstly I feel like an ass, a year ago when my fiance and I talked about what we wanted from our wedding I was the one who opted for a more traditional celebration (in lou of his elopement idea), but now we're half way through planning, nothing seems to be going right, we're way past any kind of a reasonable budget and I just want to scream. ): I've been regretting my choice for something more traditional and now all I wish we could do is fly off to Vegas and get it over with already.  I've organized myself to the bone, I've got lists for my lists and it doesnt make a difference I still feel sick and panicky about the planning. 
I feel totally out of control, his mothers been terrific, very supportive, but I feel like I have no say in anything, everyone says I do and that if theres something I don't like I just need to speak up, but when I say it's too much all I hear is that I'm over reacting and I need to just relax, it'll all work out (I just want to stab the next person who says that).
I'm DIYing as much as possible to keep expenses down but they still keep piling up. Please someone tell me I'm not crazy.  I love my fiance completely, I'm so excited to be married to him, but I'm just not looking forward to the wedding.
On top of everything I'm not really a social person and with a guest list nearing the 200's I want to puke just thinking about standing in front of so many people and then having to talk to them all after.

Re: So Overwhelmed I Want To Puke

  • You said you feel like you have no say, but if you aren't planning your wedding, who is? Who is paying for it? Where is your FI in all of this? Those are great places to start. Finally, if you want a traditional wedding that's small and managable, that's fine too.

    To have a beautiful, traditional wedding, you don't need a huge budget. You don't need a 200 person guest list. You don't need a million details that make you feel overwhelmed. But, it sounds like you are letting this all happen. I'm not going to tell you to relax, I'm going to tell you to grow a backbone, start saying "no", and plan and pay for the wedding you want.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    lc07
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    brettnabi said:

    So this I guess is more of a vent than anything else, but I just don't know what to do.  Firstly I feel like an ass, a year ago when my fiance and I talked about what we wanted from our wedding I was the one who opted for a more traditional celebration (in lou of his elopement idea), but now we're half way through planning, nothing seems to be going right, we're way past any kind of a reasonable budget and I just want to scream. ): I've been regretting my choice for something more traditional and now all I wish we could do is fly off to Vegas and get it over with already.  I've organized myself to the bone, I've got lists for my lists and it doesnt make a difference I still feel sick and panicky about the planning. 
    I feel totally out of control, his mothers been terrific, very supportive, but I feel like I have no say in anything, everyone says I do and that if theres something I don't like I just need to speak up, but when I say it's too much all I hear is that I'm over reacting and I need to just relax, it'll all work out (I just want to stab the next person who says that).
    I'm DIYing as much as possible to keep expenses down but they still keep piling up. Please someone tell me I'm not crazy.  I love my fiance completely, I'm so excited to be married to him, but I'm just not looking forward to the wedding.
    On top of everything I'm not really a social person and with a guest list nearing the 200's I want to puke just thinking about standing in front of so many people and then having to talk to them all after.

    Sounds like you need to take control back and your FI needs to be helping out, not his mother. You are in control here. You and your FI should compromise on the wedding that you both want. If the large guest list causes anxiety, pare it down. You don't have to invite everybody that you know, because yes, that's tons more work. Plenty of ladies on here can give you ideas on how to plan the perfectly small wedding. 

    If you're going to stick to the large wedding, start small. Looking at the huge picture *IS* overwhelming. Break it down into manageable chunks. Enlist your FI to help you out. It's his wedding too. 

    image
  • What exactly is overwhelming you? Maybe we can help. I dont know the type of wedding you are planning, but cutting back may help. I would get overwhelmed thinking of "decor" and themes, and kind of just let that go. The day is about me getting married, I want nice pictures of me and FI, not of centerpieces/cutesy Pinterest ideas.. So I bought random vases from Goodwill, when the florist delivers the bouquets, she will drop a single rose in each. Boom, done, and I don't have to have meetings with the florist anymore, or worry about cost.

    Also, DIY does not necessarily save money. I have learned this. You may be better off just spending the money on whatever, and being done with it. Then you don't have to stress about things turning out a certain way, redoing them, extra trips to Hobby Lobby for more supplies, etc.

    I guess just try to look at the big picture. You're getting married. You need a dress, suit, photographer, some food. I think Pinterest has actually made wedding planning more stressful. I know I see all this stuff that is really cute, and I want it too, but I also know that I am working full time in a brand new job, don't have family here, and at the end of the day I don't need that stuff..I would rather have some time to lay on the couch and watch TV.
    lc07
  • cgss11 said:

    What exactly is overwhelming you? Maybe we can help. I dont know the type of wedding you are planning, but cutting back may help. I would get overwhelmed thinking of "decor" and themes, and kind of just let that go. The day is about me getting married, I want nice pictures of me and FI, not of centerpieces/cutesy Pinterest ideas.. So I bought random vases from Goodwill, when the florist delivers the bouquets, she will drop a single rose in each. Boom, done, and I don't have to have meetings with the florist anymore, or worry about cost.

    Also, DIY does not necessarily save money. I have learned this. You may be better off just spending the money on whatever, and being done with it. Then you don't have to stress about things turning out a certain way, redoing them, extra trips to Hobby Lobby for more supplies, etc.

    I guess just try to look at the big picture. You're getting married. You need a dress, suit, photographer, some food. I think Pinterest has actually made wedding planning more stressful. I know I see all this stuff that is really cute, and I want it too, but I also know that I am working full time in a brand new job, don't have family here, and at the end of the day I don't need that stuff..I would rather have some time to lay on the couch and watch TV.

    OP, take a breath and do what the nice lady says above.  Take everything on your To Do list and cross off everything that doesn't have to do with food, drink, a chair for each butt, and legality issues (license, officiant, etc.)  Just don't do them.  So what if napkin color doesn't match your theme, or if you don't have cellophane bags and glitter ribbon for your jellybean favors.  Have a margarita, talk to your FI, and decide what you really want.

    Personally, my decor will likely be beer bottles with pink flowers in them.  My florist will either love me or hate me; What kind of flowers do you want?  Pink.  Pink is a color not kind of flower.  Okay, what ever is in season that is pink.  What shade of pink?  The pink shade of pink, all shades of pink.  As long as I get married to the man I love, my best friends and closest family are there to witness it, and we have some amazing food and drink afterwards to celebrate, everything else is just gravy.
    Dreamergirl8812haleyk620lyndausvi
  • brettnabibrettnabi member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited March 2015
    Thanks girls, I know you're all right.  I am well known by my friends and family for being very non confrontational.  My really struggling with the fact that my FIs mom is footing a large chunk of the bill and a majority of the guest list his her side of the family.  He's her oldest child and the first to get married, more often than not I just feel caught between a rock and a hard spot where im in the constant loop of zen and full throttle panic (zero to sixty on a weekly basis).
    Overall our wedding is super simple in theory, very minimal decorations.  Were getting married in the fall, which in vermont is its own decoration, but we've been hitting speed bump after speed bump. 
  • Decline her money. Plan what you/FI can afford.
    image
    esstee33
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015

    Decline her money. Plan what you/FI can afford.

    This, exactly. It sounds like your FMIL is planning the wedding SHE wants, which is not cool, especially if it's causing you this much anxiety. 
    image
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015
    brettnabi said:


    I'm DIYing as much as possible to keep expenses down but they still keep piling up. Please someone tell me I'm not crazy.  I love my fiance completely, I'm so excited to be married to him, but I'm just not looking forward to the wedding.
    On top of everything I'm not really a social person and with a guest list nearing the 200's I want to puke just thinking about standing in front of so many people and then having to talk to them all after.



    Sorry - you're acting um, what's the word...  jk ... o.k. you need a little "come to Jesus" from the "Hindsight 20/20 department"...  DIY IS NOT saving you a penny!  It may in fact be costing you far more than hiring it out on a budget you can afford, especially in the value of your time and sanity/stress.  I was a pure DIY bride to the point that I spent the wedding working instead of enjoying myself and the company of our guests.  Did I save anything, looking back, no, What I spent on DIY I could have hired most things I did out.  There were a few things I saved money on (like elaborate pew flowers), but what was the value of my time and the loss of the enjoyment that a wedding day is suppose to be.  Remember, people plan funerals in the span of 3-7 days using many of the same vendors.  Stop allowing yourself to stress out over details that really don't matter at the end of the day.  No one cares if you have color coordinated drink napkins.  No one cares if the chairs match, they care if they have a chair to sit on.  No one cares if they're served hot dogs as long as all of your guests are served the same thing, it's kosher, and it tastes great (they will however get peeved if one guest gets served a better meal than someone else or one person gets a large filled slice of cake and they get an unfilled half-portion of cake or cupcake instead of the same)...  At the end of the day, the only other person in the room you're really going to be concerned about is your FI (walking down the aisle, you'll be focused on FI more than anyone else), everyone else sort of melts and you're simply overjoyed to have your friends/family there to share in the moment with you and take it in. 

    RELAX and DELEGATE!!!!  For the $50 you could have spent to hire it out, you'll spend $85 more than that on supplies/materials to DIY.  One day this whole notion of DIY being cheaper is going to come to an end!!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    One thing I can add to this discussion (and hopefully not too late for the OP) is that the above post regarding DIY not being good is only good advice for people who want a cookie-cutter wedding. If that's what you're after, then yes, I would agree with her. But if trite, over-played, cookie-cutter everything is not your style, then perhaps do hire out those things that are just background (like tablecloths) to save stress and time, and then still plan a little well-timed DIY for those things that money cannot buy because they are simply not available for purchase or hire - such as that custom dress, invitation, or centerpiece. 

    Unlike the previous poster, I don't believe the DIY movement is simply about cutting costs - because as she explained, it can cost the same or more - it's about having things that are personalized and one-of-a-kind. If individuality is very important to you, then DIY could set your wedding apart from being just another ho-hum cookie-cutter wedding, and being truly the wedding of your dreams. 


    image
  • Zombie thread.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEwe
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    closed as a zombie thread

     







    MesmrEwe
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